Chapter 4

I sat at my desk in my room, looking over my returned test paper to see what I’d missed. I was reasonably satisfied with my score of 98, but each student in the Anatomy and Physiology class was required to turn in a short report on their errors, saying what the correct answers should have been. On my paper there was a red mark against the name I’d written next to one of the muscles on a diagram of the chest and lungs. I smiled and shook my head. I’d remembered not feeling sure about that one.

I didn’t know most of the other students’ scores, but I’d seen Grant, sitting two seats ahead in the row to my right, put his paper into his notebook with a smirk—not before I’d seen “100” written at the top. I’d been able to see some other scores for nearby students, a couple in the low 90’s, a few more in the 80’s. I sighed with relief. I was used to scores like this in school, but had been worried that I was entering a different level of competition.

I looked up as Susan came into the room. By the look on Susan’s face, something was wrong. “Susan? Okay?”

Susan sat abruptly on his bed and pulled out her own test paper. I’d seen Susan color slightly when the paper had been handed back, but didn’t know her well enough to be able to tell quite what the reaction meant. Her feelings were more on the surface now.

Susan handed the paper to me, and brushed at her eye. She seemed to be fighting to keep from tearing up. “I’ve never got scores in school like that before.”

A large number of red marks jumped out at my eye as I looked at the paper. The score at the top, 72, didn’t seem that bad, but then a lot of the questions, especially the multiple choice part, had seemed fairly easy. At least to me. “Most kids I knew in high school would be happy with a score like that.”

“I’m not most students! I always got A’s! High school was always just easy stuff. I hardly even had to study for it! I read all the material for this, but it’s not sticking.” A tear did manage to escape Susan’s brushing finger and dribble down her cheek.

I’d been wondering if something like this was coming. Susan did indeed spend time studying, but I never saw her marking up the book or taking down notes while reading. Or flipping back and forth to try to connect ideas together. I suspected high school might have so easy for Susan that she hadn’t learned to study. Studying came naturally to me, but one thing clear about Susan was that she had a hard time making herself do things her heart wasn’t in. “Well, look, it’s just one test. It’s kind of a new environment here. You’ll get used to it.”

Susan looked really unhappy. “We’ve got that Chemistry test tomorrow. I’m just not getting that at all.” She took the test paper back and threw it down on the bed. “I don’t get why we need to take Chemistry anyway! We’re supposed to learn to hang, not do experiments in a chem lab!”

“Well, I guess the way I’m seeing it is, our lives depend on chemicals. Especially when we’re hanging. I think we can probably get a lot out of learning what oxygen is and how it works in our bodies.” I stopped as Susan shot me a sour look.

I thought a moment about how to word the offer. I didn’t want to just say “Want me to help you?” because I didn’t want to sound superior. And Susan couldn’t be used to needing that sort of help. “Ummm ... I’m kind of confused about those last chem assignments, too. If we worked together we could help each other.”

Susan looked up and brushed her eyes again. “That ... yeah. That would be good.” She looked yearningly at the rope hanging down from the ceiling ring. “Could we practice hanging first? I’d feel better after I do that.”

That would relax Susan. It did seem to be the only thing that really made her happy.

I closed the door of the room—most of the students did that when they practiced hanging—and hunted for the handcuffs while Susan discarded her uniform. Susan looked really attractive when she was naked, but I certainly wasn’t going to force myself on her. I hooked the platform out from under the TV with my foot, and centered it under the rope.

I followed Susan up onto the platform and put the rope around her neck. “We only get to do it for sixty seconds,” I reminded her.

Susan nodded that she understood.

I felt my own arousal moments later, as Susan lost contact with the platform and began to kick. I did my best to ignore it. I’d practice hanging later. I’ve got to help Susan first. She needs that a lot more than I need to have some fun.

There was a knock at the door. “Hold on!” I called out, keeping my eyes on Susan. I wondered if Susan had seen Grant hang yet. I decided to wait until later to tell her about the things Grant had been able to do.

My watch beeped, and I raised the platform. Susan sighed yearningly as I loosened the noose. She’d want to do it again before we went to sleep. More than once, probably. I intended to take at least one turn, but studying came first.

I went to see who was at the door. It was Larry. “Amy, want to come watch ‘Headhunters’?” It was one of our favorite TV series.

I ducked out into the hallway with Larry and pulled the door closed. “I’ll try to get with you guys later, but I need to help Susan study. She’s kind of worried about her grades,” I whispered.

Larry nodded. He whispered back, “See you in awhile.” He kissed me and trotted back up the hall.

I went back into the room, smiling. “Feel like a little fun with chemistry?”

Susan laughed. Hanging had really done her a lot of good. “Okay. Let’s use my book.” She sat at her own rarely-used desk, waiting as I pulled my desk chair over. “I’m really not getting the stuff about electron shells in the atoms. I mean, what are the shells supposed to be made of? I thought atoms themselves were what everything was made out of.”

I sat down. “Well, they don’t mean the shells are something physical. It’s just a way of thinking of it that helps explain what the electrons are doing...”

I started carrying my tray toward the table Larry and Laney were sitting at in the caf, but stopped when I spotted Grant sitting by himself. I sighed heavily. It’s worth a try.

Grant looked up as I reached the table. He didn’t look too welcoming, but I was resolved. “Mind if I sit with you?”

Grant shrugged, and pulled his tray back slightly to make room for mine on the other side.

I looked for an opening. “How are the eggs?”

Grant looked down as if actually examining them. “Scrambled.”

Okay, enough of that. “I can tell you’re not big on small talk, so I’ll just say it. Could you go a little easier on some of the other students in class?”

Grant looked surprised. “Me? What did I do?”

“It’s ... Oh, you know what I’m talking about. Those little snorts and shaking your head when somebody asks a question in class. I know it hurts Susan, and I’m sure it makes the others feel bad too.”

Grant gave a short laugh. “Well, when they ask stuff like ‘If the protons all repel each other, why do they stick to each other in the nucleus?’ what am I supposed to do?”

“You know that’s not a dumb question!”

“Yeah, if somebody hasn’t read the assignment. It talks about that right in there.”

I shook my head. “You know everybody’s working hard. We’re all trying to learn a lot of new things all at once. You just don’t have to be ... nasty. If you’re not happy with somebody’s question, just let it go.”

Grant put a forkful of eggs in his mouth. “I could tell you that you don’t need to keep being nice to everybody all the time.”

“That’s not something I do because I feel like I have to. I’m just being the way I am.”

Grant nodded. “Well, there you go. So am I.”

I searched for some way to get through. “You know how hard the school works to try to make sure everybody learns something from everybody else. You’re so good at all of this—all of this. You could raise all of us to a higher level if you’d try to help. Laughing at everybody just pushes them down.”

He took a bite of a sweet roll. “You’re not as bad as the rest. You’ve got some good moves when you’re hanging. Why don’t you help them?”

I tried not to react to the compliment. “That’s the point! I do! At least I try to.”

Grant smiled. “Guess they don’t need me then.” He finished the sweet roll.

I stared at him for a minute, then gave up. He stood and picked up his tray. “See you in class.” Grant gave me a vague wave.

I went over to sit next to Larry. I felt soiled, like I did after talking to Andrew.

Before I could say anything to Larry, I noticed Jackie had come up and squatted next to me. She put her hand on my shoulder. “Thanks for trying, Amy.”

“For the record, it didn’t accomplish anything.”

“Some things need to be done anyway.” Jackie patted my shoulder and went back to her own table.

I stood beside my mailbox and pulled my one-month report card out of its envelope. I couldn’t help feeling a little nervous, even though I knew my grades would be good.

The card showed my grades for the first month of classes, including hanging practice, as well as a score based on the time spent on my exercise program at the gym. At the bottom was an overall average, and a class rank. Wow!! I was number two in the class! I felt elated that all my work was paying off.

I didn’t need to ask around to figure out who was number one.

I was almost floating back to my room. I can handle the Hanging Academy! I’m one of the top students!

I noticed the door to my room was slightly ajar. Hope Susan’s in there, I thought. And I hope she got some good news.

I entered the room and just stopped.

Susan was there, on her bed, pressed back against the corner of the walls, her knees drawn up, gnawing nervously at the back of her hand. Tears were running down her cheeks.

Susan’s report card lay on the bed, out of its envelope.

I closed the door of the room and walked toward her slowly. “Susan? Are you okay?”

Susan seemed to hunch farther into herself, and shook her head.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I nodded toward the card. “Do you want me to look at it? Or not?”

Susan nodded her head briefly, more tears welling from her eyes.

I sat on Susan’s bed and picked up the card carefully, as if it were a snake that might or might not be dead. I knew where to look first.

Susan’s class rank was 55, out of 58. She was in the bottom five.

From the bottom five, this month and every second month from now on, one of the five names would be chosen at random, and the chosen student would be hanged at a class demonstration. This month’s demonstration was scheduled for tomorrow.

I squeezed onto the bed next to Susan and put my arm across her shoulders. She seemed to melt against me. “Susan, it probably won’t be you. You know that. Look, after dinner we’ll figure out what to do to bring your grades up higher. Okay?” I tried to get Susan to look in my direction. “Okay?”

Susan looked at me for an instant and then away. I looked at the card again. “I mean, one thing we could get higher right away is your gym participation. You just need to start logging more time on the equipment. You know you can do that.”

Susan shrugged, sniffling. “S’boring.”

“I know, Suz. I get bored too. But it helps make us what we want to be. Our bodies have to be perfect. We’re NooseGirls!”

“I know, I know.” Susan pounded her fists on her knees.

“And then later we can work on some assignments together. I don’t mind, really. It helps me too.” Long gone was any pretense that Susan and I were at the same level academically. Susan could see through that easily by now.

Susan sighed. “Thanks, Amy.”

I was about to go on when the announcement speaker in the room made a slight crackling sound. We were used to that. It preceded announcements made to all the rooms.

This one seemed strange, though. It was Gil, one of the two “dorm parents,” graduates who acted as immediate supervisors for the First Year students, and he was speaking very softly. “I need to see Susan Fennel in my room, please.” I was pretty sure the announcement hadn’t gone to any of the other rooms.

Susan let out a gasping breath. “Amy? Come with me?”

I reached up and stroked Susan’s hair, the first time I’d done anything remotely like that. “Sure. Look, this probably doesn’t mean anything. They’ll tell you it’s not you. They’d have to tell all the candidates, no matter what. They wouldn’t want four of them worrying all night for nothing.”

Susan managed a smile. “Yeah.” She scooted toward the side of the bed and took my hand. I didn’t think she was going to let go of it anytime soon.

Gil and Bridget were recent graduates helping out as dorm parents. They shared a room just around the corner from the First Year dorm hallway. Gil opened the door when I knocked. Gil looked a little surprised to see me, but nodded slightly when he saw Susan beside me. “Susan, come in. Do you want Amy to come in with you?”

Susan nodded, and squeezed my hand tighter.

The room was larger than a student room, and had a table with chairs around it in addition to the usual dorm furnishings. Bridget was already in one of the chairs, resting her chin on the backs of her hands, her elbows on the table. Susan and I took the seats nearest the door; Gil sat across from us.

I studied both faces before either spoke, and my heart sank. Gil broke the silence. “Susan, I think you already know what I’m going to say.”

Still silent, Susan nodded again. A new tear rolled from her eye, following the tracks of the others.

Gil sighed. “I know it can’t feel very good, being the first. Every student here has dreams of going much farther than this. But I want you to know that you’ll be doing a great service to the Academy. And I promise that your body will be treated with all of the honor and dignity you’ve earned by serving the Academy, and most of your thanerone will be used to keep your fellow students healthy.” He stopped, waiting for a response from Susan.