Chapter 7: John Has a Panic

‘A couple of the girls invited me to their birthday parties,’ John told him, ‘But apart from welcoming me and saying goodbye never seemed to want to stay with me.’

As he moved over Johns flat stomach, Lewis asked, ‘Would I be correct to say that when you were near them you went quiet and hardly spoke?’ ‘Yes,’ John said, ‘How did you guess?’ ‘You’re not the first and you won’t be the last,’ Lewis said. ‘With your present job, that shyness is going to leave you. That’s because you now have a lot more confidence than you had. But perhaps you haven’t realised that yet.’

John looked surprised. ‘Really?’ he asked. As he moved on over the front of his trousers Lewis told him, ‘By the time we’re through, it’s very likely you will find your confidence has considerably increased.’ ‘That would be marvellous.’ John said smiling.

He suddenly became aware of where Lewis’s hands were and where they were heading. ‘Stop!’ he cried out in horror. Lewis removed his hands immediately and returned them to his head.

He massaged briefly, then moved onto his temples. He felt John relaxing straight away. After a few moments he opened his eyes which he had closed when Lewis moved back to his head. Looking at him he said, ‘Sorry, I panicked.’ ‘Don’t worry about it,’ Lewis said. ‘That’s what stop is for.’

‘I’ll stay on your head until you say go, then try again. Can you tell me whether you panicked because of bad memories, or because of your shyness about your body.’

‘How could he have guessed that?’ John thought to himself. Then after a moment or two’s silence he said quietly, ‘The second one.’ ‘Thank you for telling me that,’ Lewis said, ‘That you were able to do so shows that we are making really good progress.’

‘See if you can answer this one. Did you panic because I might have discovered something that embarrasses you?’ ‘He can’t possibly know what that is.’ John thought so he answered, ‘Yes.’ ‘I’m pretty sure I know what is worrying you,’ Lewis told him, ‘Although of course I could be wrong. But if I’m right I can assure you it would not stop you making a girlfriend very happy. Neither would it be unusual. But we won’t go any further into that for now.’

‘When you feel able to try again, just say go. Take as long as you like.’ Lewis continued to massage his temples. Whilst he massaged, he decided that John was around five foot eleven inches in height.

John was struggling to say go. He felt foolish for panicking and didn’t want to repeat it. Also, he was really enjoying the massage on his temples and finding it exceptionally relaxing. Then he thought to himself, ‘If Lewis has already guessed, it doesn’t matter. But he might be wrong.’ he thought, ‘After all, how could he possibly know about that?’

After a bit more indecision, John said, ‘Go.’ ‘Well done,’ Lewis said as he moved to his shoulders. As he massaged, he asked, ‘Who would you consider your best mate at secondary school?’ ‘Roland,’ John replied right away.

As Lewis massaged down his chest he asked, ‘When did you become friends with Roland?’ ‘The day we started at secondary school,’ John said, ‘Whilst everyone else was milling around talking to each other, we were both standing apart and alone.’

‘We spotted each other and drifted together. We stood together in silence for a while.’ As he massaged over his stomach Lewis asked, ‘Who spoke first?’ ‘I did,’ John told him, ‘I said quietly, ‘Hi, I’m John.’ ‘What happened then?’ Lewis asked as he reached his waist.

‘He said, ‘I’m Roland.’ then after a few moments we turned to face each other and shook hands. That seemed to break the ice,’ John said, ‘So we told each other a bit about ourselves. It turned out he only lived a few streets away from me, so we became not only best friends for the rest of school, but out of school too.’

‘Apart from you both being quiet and shy, what other things did you share?’ Lewis asked as he finished massaging over the front of his trousers and moved onto the front of his thighs. ‘We both found getting changed for sports in a big group very traumatic,’ John said. ‘Neither of us were particularly sporty either, although we both liked watching football, swimming and rugby.’

‘Apart from at school, did you ever actually do any of those three?’ Lewis asked as he moved further down his legs. ‘We kicked a football around occasionally with a few other boys in the roads where we lived,’ John said. ‘And on holidays together we went swimming sometimes.’

As Lewis reached his feet he said, ‘John I’m at your feet. Can you tell me what that means?’ John looked down and saw his hands on his ankles. It took him a moment to realise what Lewis meant.

‘You didn’t?’ he asked amazed. ‘Yes,’ Lewis said, ‘Over every single inch and you were so busy with your story that you didn’t bat an eyelid. That is a big jump forward.’

‘I’m going back up again. This time keep your attention on where my hands are. I want you to feel just as relaxed about it when you know it’s happening as you just did just then when you didn’t notice.’

John couldn’t believe it had actually happened without him noticing. He was amazed and determined to be alert as Lewis came back up. As Lewis massaged up his legs he asked, ‘How often did you go on holiday together?’

‘Only very occasionally,’ John said. ‘Rolands parents weren’t very well off, so their holidays were few and far between. When they had one, they were usually limited to a weekend. Because he was an only child, they always invited me to go with them.’

‘We didn’t go away often either, because of difficulties with dad. It tended to be on the spur of the moment when he was having a good spell. We would also invite Roland, and again because dad tired quickly it would be a weekend.’

As Lewis reached his waist, he said, ‘John.’ firmly. John looked at Lewis then at his hands. ‘I didn’t stop you because you were in full flow,’ he said, ‘But I’ve just done it again without you noticing.’

‘I’m going to return to your ankles now and massage back to your waist without asking any questions. I want you to concentrate entirely on where my hands are.’

Lewis rested his hands on his ankles and started massaging up. John fixed his eyes on his hands and wondered how on earth it could have happened twice without him realising. ‘It must be because I feel so at ease with Lewis.’ he thought.

As he watched Lewis’s hands move onto the front of his trousers, he tensed up. But before he could panic and call out stop, a lovely sensation flowed through him. He relaxed, enjoying it too much to worry about it.

As Lewis reached his waist he said, ‘Very well done, I’ll carry on now and questions will resume.’ As he moved onto Johns stomach, Lewis asked, ‘Tell me about all the different places you stayed at when you were away with Roland.’

‘In early and late season, we usually stayed in a caravan on a site,’ John said. ‘Occasionally we stayed in a bed and breakfast, and twice we stayed with relatives, one of mine and one of Rolands.’

As he moved up onto his shoulders, Lewis asked, ‘What were the sleeping arrangements in the caravans?’ ‘Parents had the main bedroom, and we shared the other one, a tiny bedroom with two bunk beds.’ John told him, ‘Roland being shorter than me always took the top one because he could get up into it easier than I could.’

Lewis reached his head, gave it a brief massage then took his hands away. ‘You are doing really well,’ he said. ‘In a moment I want you to turn over so I can go down your back again. I’ve got lots more questions too.’

‘But before you do, I want you to think how much the massage has helped you to relax. Then consider taking your top off before you turn over. Then I can massage your back directly on the skin. Not only will that be so much nicer, but it will also help you relax even more.’

‘I’m just popping to the bathroom,’ Lewis said, ‘Take as long as you like to decide, then turn over ready.’ He got up and went for a wee. He washed his hands very slowly then came back out.

John had taken his top of and had turned over. As Lewis sat back at his side he told him, ‘That’s very good progress. I’m very pleased you felt able to do that with me. Now I’m going to massage just like I did last time. Say go when you’re ready.’