Chapter 2: Charlene Makes Progress

John jumped to his feet and stepped back immediately. Charlene stood up and was shaking. John told her, ‘I would dearly like to hold you tight and comfort you, but I have to leave it to you to come to me if you want to.’

They stood there unmoving, apart from Charlene shaking. Then it was too much for her, she threw herself into Johns arms. He held her gently and stood still with his hands stationary. Charlene held him tight as she shook. Then gradually her shaking eased until it stopped altogether.

John risked holding her a little tighter and when that didn’t produce any adverse reaction, he gently kissed the top of her head. Charlene burst into tears. ‘You’re so kind and gentle,’ she said between sobs, ‘Why do I react like this.’

‘Only you know what you’ve suffered,’ John told her quietly, ‘But whatever it is has caused the suffering you are going through. You have a chance now to overcome it. Just keep trying. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, as long as you don’t give up, I’ll be here to support you.’

‘Let’s see if we can try a different position,’ John said. ‘Stay there a moment.’ He broke away and went and sat at the end of the settee. ‘If you can, come and lie down with your head on my lap,’ he told her. ‘Then there’s nothing stopping you jumping to your feet if you need to.’

She stood looking down at him. She so wanted to be close to him, but she had a terrible inner fear. John just sat there patiently saying, ‘In your own time and if you can’t don’t worry. We can always try again on another day.’

He was clearly not going to press her and a few minutes later she plucked up courage to try. She sat down on the settee, then swinging her feet round up onto the settee she lay back.

As her head rested on John’s lap, a wave of comfort ran through her. John didn’t move. Then he said, ‘I’d like to put one arm over your waist and my other hand on your head,’ he told her. ‘But neither of them will move until you say it’s ok.’

‘If it helps, just say ‘go left’ if I can put my arm over your waist and ‘go right’ if I can rest my hand on your head. Or if you feel really brave, say ‘go both.’ Remember what we are trying to do is to get you feeling relaxed with my touch. That can’t happen until you convince yourself that I’d never do anything to hurt you.’

‘If you find you can’t do either, don’t worry. That you are lying there even considering it, is a big step forward. I will wait as long as you want until you decided to try or decide that you’ve done enough for today. In which case, just get up and put your shoes on.’

‘On this settee,’ John told her, ‘Have laid men and women of all ages who have had terrible things done to them. They have all arrived thinking what happened to them was so awful that they couldn’t possibly tell anyone else about it.’

‘Eventually, everyone has relaxed enough to tell their tale. Then a solution has been found for them and they have been able to start a new and happy life.’ As he finished speaking, John smiled at her then just sat looking down at her, a slight smile on his face.

After several minutes, Charlene said, ‘Go right.’ John remained still for a moment or two, then he slowly moved his right hand off the arm of the settee and rested his open palm on the top of Charlene’s head.

He felt her stiffen up a little, but he just held it still. Then as she started to relax, he began moving it around in small slow circles pressing very, very, lightly on her head.

Charlene started to enjoy the feeling and she felt herself relaxing. ‘Go left,’ she said surprising herself. John had his left arm stretched out along the back of the settee. He moved it slowly and rested his arm across Charlene’s waist, holding some of its weight off her.

His hand rested on her right hip bone. That contact made her tense slightly, but again she soon relaxed. As they sat there, John gradually let all the weight of his arm rest on her. At the same time, he increased slightly the massaging movement of his hand on her head.

Either she didn’t notice, or it didn’t bother her, for she remained lying relaxed. ‘You have done well to be able to lie like this and feel relaxed,’ John told her. ‘But I think we are going to need more than one session to succeed.’

‘The length of each session is for you to choose, not me. Just know that it doesn’t matter how many, or how long it takes. All that matters is that sooner or later we succeed.’

‘So, stay as you are for as long as you like, then sit up. When you sit up, I will stand up. Then you decide whether to get up and finish for today. Or lie back down and try again with the massage on your back.’

‘It’s necessary that you can feel able to do that, otherwise you will never be able to tell me about your problem. Whilst you decide I’m going to very, very, gradually increase the massage I’m doing now. Just remember there is no need to feel afraid. The moment you call out ‘Stop’ I’ll take my hands away immediately.’

As he continued to massage her head, he started to massage the hip joint that his hand was resting on very gently and over a very small area. Charlene was thinking of everything he had said. The gentle massage she was feeling was relaxing her, much to her surprise.

Whether she could return to lying on her front she didn’t know, but she was almost convinced that John would indeed stop whatever he was doing anytime that she said stop. Just coming to that conclusion made her feel so much more at ease.

She lay there enjoying the massage on her head particularly, and not minding the massage on her hip. After a while she realised that John was now massaging a bigger area of her head as well as a slightly larger area around her hip.

To her great surprise, she was thinking how nice it felt. ‘When someone does something to you without your agreement,’ John told her, ‘Something that you don’t want to do, you are immediately frightened. That makes whatever they are doing to you feel ten times worse than it actually is.’

‘Most bad things that happen to you,’ he told her, ‘Wouldn’t feel half as bad, indeed might even be enjoyable, if they were done by someone else that you felt safe with.’

Charlene thought about some of the things she had suffered, then tried to imagine if John was doing them to her. She found that difficult because she just couldn’t imagine John ever doing anything so terrible. But when she fixed her mind on one event and imagined John was doing it to her, she realised that he would be so considerate of her feelings that it wouldn’t be painful or frightening. She still didn’t think she would like it, but at least it would be bearable.

John could almost hear her brain cogs turning as she thought it through. ‘I will never deliberately touch you anywhere without asking you first,’ he told her, ‘But it’s essential that we reach a stage where my touch does nothing to alarm you at all.’

Charlene lay there feeling more and more relaxed as Johns gentle massage on her head and her hip soothed her. Quite surprised at herself feeling so much at ease, she called out, ‘Stop.’

John immediately removed his hands, and she sat up. John stood up and stepped away from the settee. Charlene smiled at him and lay down on her back. John returned her smile and asked, ‘May I sit down?’

Charlene nodded. He sat at her side and said, ‘Don’t try and force yourself. As long as you keep trying, it’ll come eventually. Turn over if and when you can. When you do, I’ll rest my hands on the back of your head and massage like I’ve just been doing.’

‘But until you say ‘Go,’ I won’t move down off your head, or start asking any questions. When you do say go, I’ll massage down your back to your feet and back to your head. If you say stop at any time, I’ll take my hands away immediately.’

‘If I ask you anything you have any difficulty in answering for any reason, just say ‘Pass,’ and we’ll leave that question until another time and move on.’