Chapter 1: Suffering After Rape

‘I knew I should drive into town and go to the police,’ she said. ‘But I just couldn’t imagine having to describe to a policeman what had happened. Then perhaps have to stand up in court and repeat it all in public later.’

‘I knew the embarrassment of knowing all my friends knew what had happened would have been something I couldn’t have coped with. Then all the stress must have caught up with me, I fell asleep.’

‘When I woke up it was morning, the sun was streaming in through the windows, and I almost wondered if I had imagined it all. But it was too clear in my mind. Anyway, I was naked in bed, and I never slept like that. Looking on the floor I could see the bits of my torn nightie.’

‘My vagina felt a little tender to the touch as well. I got up and had another shower, then I packed up and left. I posted the key through the door where I was supposed to return it, I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.’

‘When I got home and in the safety of my flat, Elaine was out. I had another good cry followed by another shower. During which I decided that I had survived relatively unscathed, so I was going to do nothing and try to forget it.’

‘I went into town and saw a lady pharmacist in one of the big chemists. I told her I had been attacked and raped by two men last night. I said I was on my way to report it, but I was worried about any delay in stopping getting pregnant. She gave me a morning after pill but advised that I shouldn’t take it until after I’d spoken to the police.’

‘I took it as soon as I left the shop and went shopping for a new nightie. I couldn’t bring myself to continue with learning the role for the show, so I made an excuse and stopped going for a while. However, after a few months I returned. They had had the show I had been rehearsing for, so I was able to start afresh.’

‘So, what was your life like afterwards?’ Lewis asked, still stroking her head and her abdomen. ‘I had a few bad dreams,’ she said, ‘But they soon stopped. I came on a few weeks later so that was a relief. The chemist had advised me to keep a look out for any infection for six months which I did, but none appeared.’

‘By then I thought I had been able to push it out of my mind. My flat mate changed, and Pam came. We got on really well and started doing things together. I was happier than I’d been for ages. I must have been giving off some signs without realizing it, because Pam told me recently that she had guessed I had probably had man problems in the past. Then after she had moved on, Scott appeared at work.’

‘I got excited when Scott first smiled at me, then I suddenly realised that I would never be able to let him get close without it becoming obvious there was something seriously wrong. I knew I couldn’t tell him what it was, so I decided the best thing to do was not to let it get started. It broke my heart to do it, but I started giving him the cold shoulder.’

‘Then when I met Pam the other day, she was so radiantly happy, I just had to come and see the miracle worker she was on about. I’m so glad I did,’ she said giving Lewis a beaming smile.

Lewis smiled at her. ‘When you have dreamt about Scott, as I’m sure you have, what parts of getting close to him, frightened you.’ She gave a shiver, ‘All of it,’ she said. ‘The thought of him feeling my breasts like they all did. Him putting his hand between my legs or even inside me like they all did.’

‘Then of course the idea of him lying on top of me and pushing his cock inside scared me. The thought of going through all that pain again terrified me. But the worst thing of all was the thought that he might realise something was wrong and want me to explain.’

‘So, tell me about the pain that bothers you.’ Lewis asked. ‘Well, I’ve no idea how big Scott is down there,’ she said. ‘But when Ronnie went in it felt like he was tearing me apart. Then Len and Johnny hurt a bit too. Really it was only Jimmy that hardly gave me any pain.’

‘After you had been released by Jimmy,’ Lewis asked, ‘What did you do with the pieces of your nightie, the camera and the food you had bought?’ ‘I packed everything up and took it away with me.’ she told him. ‘The bits of nightie I put in the bin in the car park when I went shopping for a new nightie. I didn’t want to risk my flat mate seeing it in the bin in the flat.’

‘The remaining food I put in the flat and the camera went back in its box.’ ‘Have you used it since?’ Lewis asked. ‘No, I’ve never had any need.’ she said. ‘It’s on the shelf in the cupboard. It had gone flat, and I’ve never even recharged it.’

‘Ok.’ Lewis said, ‘You have done well telling me everything. By doing that you will find it has now become even easier to deal with. But we really want to get rid of it altogether. So, there are a few things I want to do.’

‘First of all, I would like to examine your vagina. It’s very unlikely that there is any lasting damage that hasn’t shown itself after all this time, but if I can confirm that to you it will help you a lot.’

‘The examination would be done very carefully and gently with my finger. Having an examination down there will also show you that it is possible to be touched and have something put inside you without any pain, providing it is done by someone you trust. Someone who is careful and considerate, as I am sure Scott would be.’

‘When we have done that, we will discuss how you can get the whole thing out of your system then have a happy relationship with Scott or another future boyfriend.’

‘Sit up,’ he said. Margery sat up. Lewis came round and sat back at her side. He put his arms around her and hugged her. She returned the same. ‘You have done really well.’ he said. ‘I could never have believed it possible,’ she said. ‘If you had said you would end up examining me, I would have laughed.’

‘And now?’ Lewis asked. ‘The idea is sending shivers through me,’ she said, ‘But they’re shivers of excitement.’ ‘That’s brilliant,’ Lewis said, ‘But I’m sure a lot of that is due to the down to earth way you have dealt with your experiences so far.’

‘When you’re ready, I want you to lie down, then I’ll explain my examination as I go. When that’s done, we’ll discuss everything that happened. But just before you do, have you had any nice dreams since you first lay down on the settee.’

Margery blushed. ‘Ok, so you did.’ Lewis said seeing it. ‘If you tell me what it was, it might just come true.’ Margery had felt completely at ease with Lewis for quite a while now, but even so, could she tell him that she had had thoughts about him?’

But the possibility that it might come true was enough. ‘When you gave me a hug after my bra was off,’ she said avoiding his eye, ‘I couldn’t help thinking how much nicer it would have been if your chest was bare too.’

‘Well, I can’t argue with that,’ Lewis said, ‘I’m sure it would have been nicer too. But the thing is, I couldn’t just take my top off, I might frighten you.’ Margery felt a wave of disappointment. Then Lewis continued, ‘But if we stood up and had a hug, I’d be perfectly happy if you took it off for me.’

It took her a few seconds for what he said to sink in. ‘Really?’ she said excitedly when it did. Lewis stood up and offered her his hand. ‘After what you’ve been through you deserve some pleasure,’ he said. ‘And if you did the taking off, I could be sure you were really happy about it.’

Margery stood up and Lewis hugged her. She hugged him back then kissed him. After a long kiss enjoyed by them both, Lewis ran his hands up and down her bare back. ‘Go ahead,’ he said, ‘Be my guest.’

Her hands were trembling as she took hold of the bottom of his T shirt. Pulling it upwards she watched as he took one step back and raised his hands. As she lifted it higher, and his bare chest came into view she felt excitement running right through her.

Taking it off over his head, she dropped it to one side then put her arms around him. As her bare breasts pressed against Lewis’s chest, she felt wonderful. The sensation of flesh against flesh was so exciting and lovely. But even more was the knowledge that she was skin to skin with a man. Something she had thought could never ever happen.