Chapter 1: Was I Raped

Lewis held her tight as she burst into tears once more. He kissed her head a couple of times and just let her cry. As she came to a stop, Lewis said, ‘Very well done. I’ll bet you have never told that to another living soul. That means today is the day you say goodbye to your problem.’

‘Lie down.’ he told her. He went and fetched a damp flannel and a towel. Wiping her eyes and face gently, then drying it, he smiled at her. ‘If you compare getting rid of a problem with climbing a mountain,’ he told her, ‘You have just climbed the last hard rock face and reached the summit. You can relax for a bit now and enjoy the view, then it’s downhill all the way.’

‘Although you have told me a little bit about what the problem is,’ he said, ‘You are still not relaxed enough for me to deal with it yet. We are going to carry on with the massage and questions until we reach that point. Then we will solve the problem between us. But from this point forward, you are no longer worrying about me finding out what happened. That means you will be feeling a lot more at ease.’

‘I can also tell you that a lot of the people I have counselled were raped. Like you they were attacked, so it is not your fault. Keep that in mind, you have no need to feel any blame.’

‘Sit up again,’ he said. As he hugged her and she returned his hug, Lewis said, ‘In a moment we will carry on where we left off. Remember as before you say stop the moment anything upsets you. Also, if at any time you feel you need a hug, just sit up and have one, ok?’

‘Ok, thank you,’ she said, feeling so happy to have got it off her chest. ‘You’re so kind.’ she said as she kissed his cheek. ‘Lie down when you feel ready.’ he told her. Erica kept hold of him for a while enjoying feeling so safe. Then she lay down.

Massaging her head and then her temples, Lewis felt her relaxing. Then she said, ‘Go.’ As he moved down onto her shoulders he asked, ‘Did you think of Richard just as a friend or as a boyfriend?’

As he massaged over her breasts without any reaction, Erica replied, ‘Just as a friend until a few weeks before he left.’ Massaging over her flat stomach, Lewis asked, ‘Up to that point, had you ever had any erotic dreams about Richard?’ ‘No, never.’ she answered.

Reaching the bottom of her stomach he asked, ‘Did you ever kiss Richard on the lips?’ ‘Only once,’ Erica replied as Lewis moved up onto the front of her jeans. ‘Can you tell me where it happened and how?’ Lewis asked. As she concentrated on her memories, there was no reaction as Lewis moved down the front of her jeans.

‘We were at a friend’s birthday party,’ she said. ‘Richard didn’t mix well either, so we had spent most of the party together, on our own. When it was time to go, Richard escorted me home. Up until then we had just been good friends. I don’t think either of us had ever thought of us as girlfriend or boyfriend.’

‘When we got to my front gate, we chatted for a few moments then as I was about to turn to go in the gate, Richard took hold of me and kissed me on the lips. It was so lovely, and I kissed him back. We held each other tight, and I don’t think either of us wanted to part.’

‘Then we parted, and I went in. I felt wonderful, he was the first boy that I had ever kissed and from that night on I did have erotic dreams about him. The next day at school he told me I was the first girl he had ever kissed, and he had felt wonderful too. But a fortnight later he had gone.’

Erica suddenly realised that Lewis was on his way up her legs. She had been oblivious to him going down over her most sensitive parts. She was amazed. Lewis deliberately paused his questions as he came up to the front of her jeans.

Erica watched his hands as they moved over them. She felt both frightened and excited at the same time. Then by the time he had reached her waist, all she was feeling was excitement. Lewis is going to sort it all out, she told herself feeling certain about it and so happy.

As he moved on up her stomach, Lewis asked, ‘Did you ever hear from Richard again after he left?’ ‘No, never,’ she said. ‘I did think of trying to find his address and contacting him myself, but then I thought, he knows my address and hasn’t been in touch, plus he didn’t even tell me he was going. So, I still dreamt about him for a short time, then I stopped.’

‘A few weeks later the problem arose so I gave up those sorts of dreams altogether.’

Lewis had massaged on up over her breasts without any reaction and reached her head. ‘You’re doing really well,’ Lewis told her as he took his hands away. ‘Now, in a moment I’d like you to turn over again. I will then massage down your back again, with of course some more questions.’

‘If you feel relaxed enough, I would like you to take your top off first, so that when I massage your back, I can do it on the skin. Massage direct on the skin is always at least twice as relaxing as on your clothes.’ He explained about the body and mind link then said, ‘Take as long as you like to decide, then turn over when you’re ready.’

Since her bad experience, Erica had thought she could never get close to another man. The idea of having sex or even being touched by a man had been a thought of terror for over two years. Yet here she was lying down being massaged all over by a man she had only met less than an hour ago.

She thought about how she felt right now. Much happier, more relaxed and to her surprise, thoroughly enjoying the massage, she concluded. Even so, taking clothes off had been a lead up to her terrible experience which she definitely wasn’t going to repeat. But I go swimming in a bikini she thought, what’s the difference.

‘Lewis,’ she asked, ‘If I take my top off, can I put it back on again if I panic?’ ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Unless you are relaxing it would defeat the object. Just jump up and put it back on anytime you feel the need to. Whilst you think about it, I’ll just pop to the bathroom.’ He got up and took a while to have a wee.

When he returned, Erica was lying on her front with just her bra on her top. Sitting back down at her side, Lewis told her, ‘You’re being very brave. Thank you for trusting me.’ He placed his hands on her head and started massaging. After a while, Erica realised he was waiting for her to speak. ‘Go.’ she said.

As Lewis moved his hands down onto her bare shoulders, she shivered. Lewis immediately returned his hands to her head. ‘It’s ok,’ she told him, ‘There was a little bit of fear in that shiver, but most of it was pleasure.’ Lewis put his hands back, then as he massaged the bare skin of her shoulders, he asked, ‘Can you tell me something of your dreams about Richard?’

As he massaged down her bare back and over her bra strap, Erica told him, ‘I dreamt we had become very close, and we made love together.’ Lewis could see the sides of her neck go red and realised she was blushing. ‘That’s a perfectly natural thing for a young girl who had just had her first proper kiss to dream about,’ Lewis told her.

‘All teenage boys and girls dream about sex and if you hadn’t started by then, a first kiss would be bound to bring it on.’ Then he added, ‘I can still remember my first kiss.’

Moving down over her cheeks with no reaction, Lewis asked, ‘Earlier you said that you only thought that you had been raped. I don’t want to go into that just yet, but can you answer me this. Are you a virgin?’

As he moved down the back of her legs, Erica answered a definite, ‘No.’ ‘Can you explain to me how you know that?’ Lewis asked. ‘How do you mean?’ she queried. ‘Can you tell me what happened that changed you from being a virgin, to not being a virgin?’ Lewis said as he started back up her legs.

Erica went quiet for a moment, then she answered, ‘I had an erect penis pushed up into my vagina.’ ‘Well done on two counts,’ Lewis told her. ‘First on feeling able to actually tell me what you just did, for I sense you find sex an embarrassing subject. Second on such a perfect description. You’d be surprised how many even older than you would have difficulty in answering that question.’