Chapter 1: Tanya Reveals Her Terrors

Danny held her as she burst into tears once more. ‘Let it all out,’ he said quietly as he stroked her head. ‘You’ve had seven years going down. Today you start going back up.’

After a while, her tears stopped, and her shaking ended. Danny said, ‘It may be that you need several sessions to fully recover. It doesn’t matter, all that counts is that you are now on the road to recovery. You will have to relive all of your experiences to get rid of them. That won’t be easy, but as you relive each one, you’ll know that’s the end of it.’

‘Your experiences have frightened you away from sex and close contact. We have to overcome that. You have already made great strides in that direction, just look at you relaxed here in my arms.’

‘You feel let down by your mother. From the sound of it, rightly so, but we need to examine that and understand why it happened. It might not enable you to forgive her but knowing why will help you get over it.’

‘When we continue, be it now or next week, I will ask you a few questions about what you have just told me. Then we will carry on from where we left off. However, now I will not be working on relaxing you to get you to reveal your problem I will be working on solving all of your problems.’

‘There’s no rush, when you’re ready, go upstairs and freshen up, then when you come down you can decide if you want to carry on now or take a break to another day.’ Tanya sat still a little longer, amazed at feeling so much at ease and safe in Danny’s arms. It made her think about all the love she had missed and all the suffering she had gone through.’

‘I’ll go upstairs,’ she said, ‘But I want to continue, I have never felt so relaxed as far back as I can remember.’ She got up and padded out of the room in her bare feet. Ten minutes later she was back, looking fresh and much happier.

Danny stood up as she came into the room. ‘Lie down again if you really feel able to continue.’ he said. She smiled at him and lay down. Danny sat back on the edge of the settee. ‘In a moment, providing you say go, I’m going to massage down your front again. Now when I did it before, you tensed up when I went over your breasts and panicked when I went over your abdomen.’

‘Now I know why. But as those areas are a major part of your problem, that is something we need to get over. So, we need to work on them both. I will of course be asking you more questions. Many will be questions you have never ever been asked before. Many of the answers will be things that you would feel too embarrassed to tell a soul. But to succeed you will need to get to the stage of being able to tell me without any concern.’

‘As I go down and up this time, I will also give you more details of what I want to achieve in the next stage and why. Over to you now.’ He sat still waiting. After a very short wait, Tanya said, ‘Go,’ then closed her eyes.

Danny put his hands on her head, massaged her forehead then her temples. Going down over her face onto her shoulders he asked. ‘How did you get on with your mum before she remarried?’ As Tanya answered he went over her breasts, covering every inch. This time she tensed, but only slightly. As he moved on down, she said, ‘I always thought we got on well, although looking back I’m not so sure. But then what happened could be influencing my memory.’

As she finished speaking, Danny passed her waist. Massaging over her hips and abdomen he deliberately didn’t ask a question so she could concentrate on where his hands were.

Moving down a little, he massaged down the top of the thigh furthest away from him, then massaged across to the nearest thigh covering every inch over her hairs as he came across. He felt her go very tense, but she didn’t cry out. As his hands reached the nearest thigh and started down her legs Danny asked, ‘Before your stepfather’s first rape, were you a virgin?’

As he passed down her legs, Tanya said, ‘Yes.’ ‘Had you ever had any contact with a boy kissing you on the lips or touching your body?’ Danny asked as he reached her feet and started back up her legs. ‘When I was about twelve and a half, a boy at school kissed me once,’ Tanya told him. ‘But he never touched me anywhere else.’ ‘After that kiss, did you ever dream you might have sex with him?’ Danny asked as he moved across the front of her jeans.

Tanta blushed, ‘Yes,’ she said very quietly. ‘Don’t be embarrassed,’ Danny told her, ‘That’s perfectly natural.’ As he finished speaking, he had reached her waist without any noticeable tensing. As he went up her front, he explained about uncovering your body and your mind. Going over her breasts without any problem, Danny explained that the next stage was for her to feel able to take her top off.

As he massaged her head, Danny said, ‘When I tell you to turn over. If you feel ready to move forward, take your top off, then turn over. If you want to stand still for a while longer, just turn over as you are. In that case I’ll just repeat what we have just done with some more questions.’

‘Remember,’ he told her, ‘Move on only when you feel ready. Turn over when you’ve decided.’ Tanya didn’t move right away which was a good sign, it showed she was seriously considering taking her top off. In the end she couldn’t do it, so she turned over as she was. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said as she turned over.

‘Don’t be,’ Danny said as he massaged the back of her head. ‘It’s a big step. It’s no use forcing yourself. You’ll relax in your own good time.’ As he finished speaking, he had reached her waist. As he went over her cheeks, Tanya suddenly called out, ‘Can you stop for a moment please.’ Danny lifted his hands right away and waited.

Tanya turned over and sat up. She gave him a hug. ‘Thank you for being so patient.’ she told him. Letting go, she pulled her top off, threw it aside, lay down and turned over. ‘Well done,’ Danny said. ‘That’s real good progress, I’m going to start at your head again.’

Massaging her head briefly, he moved on down her bare back. As his hands touched her bare shoulders, he felt her tense slightly, then quickly relax. As he went on down over her bra strap, he asked, ‘Before it happened, how had you got on with your stepfather?’ As she answered, he moved on down her back. ‘He seemed ok,’ she told him. ‘I didn’t take to him especially, but I didn’t dislike him either. He seemed ok with me, he gave me a hug and a kiss occasionally. Even looking back now, I can’t say there was anything untoward about how he did that, or indeed any of his behaviour.’

Danny moved over her cheeks and on down her legs as he asked, ‘How long after he moved in with your mum, did he first attack you?’ Reaching her feet, he started back up again. Tanya answered, ‘It was about six months, I hadn’t long had my fourteenth birthday.’ As Danny passed over her cheeks once more, he asked, ‘Can you remember anything particular that occurred in the few days before it happened?’ Tanya was silent, evidently trying to remember. As he came up her bare back she answered, ‘No, I can’t think of anything.’

Danny massaged her head and told her to turn over. Once she was settled, he could see that she had small firm breasts. She didn’t show any embarrassment as he looked at her. ‘You’re doing very well,’ he told her.

‘We’re going to continue relaxing you,’ he told her as he massaged her head, ‘And I’ll keep asking you questions. But I want you think about telling me everything that happened the first time he attacked you. When you feel at ease enough to do that, I just want you to say, ‘Yes’ Ok?’

‘Ok,’ she answered as he massaged down over her face and onto her shoulders. ‘Did every attack happen in your bedroom?’ Danny asked as he moved down over her breasts. He watched her face as his hands moved gently over her bra and the bare skin around the edges. There was no tension noticeable. Tanya had her eyes closed and looked to be at ease.

‘Yes,’ she replied as he moved on down her stomach. ‘On average, how often each week would he come to you?’ As he moved over the front of her Jeans, he made sure that he massaged every inch. He noticed the slightest bit of tension, but it passed almost immediately. As he massaged, she told him, ‘It was around twice a week.’ As he went down her legs, he asked, ‘Why did you wait until you were sixteen to leave home?’ I had nowhere else to go.’ she told him, as he came back up her legs.