Chapter 7: Light Grey Underpants

Lewis made them a coffee. Having seen Darrens concerned look when he realised how young he was, he assured him that his age didn’t stop him being a successful problem solver. Mike having come in part way through added, ‘He’s too modest, he should have said a very successful problem solver.’ he stressed the ‘very.’

Lewis introduced them and Mike told him he was in good hands. He picked up his coat, wished Darren luck and left. Lewis saw him out as usual then called Darren through to see his key in the lock.

Sitting back at the table, Lewis explained all the ins and outs and assured him that nothing he said in this room would ever be repeated to anyone without his express permission. Darren felt a bit easier about that, although he was still worried about Lewis’s age.

‘You should know,’ Lewis told him, ‘That Tom has told me you might contact me. He also told me how he met you. But he will never know you’ve been to see me, unless you choose to tell him.’

‘I’m sorry about your brother, it must have been very hard for the whole family.’ Lewis told him. ‘Yes, it’s been eating at mum in particular for years.’ he said. ‘She’s still heartbroken, but at least having him back and knowing where he is has made it a lot easier for her to cope. His funeral is next week, I think once that’s over she’ll be able to get back to some sort of normality.’

‘It must have been hard on you too,’ Lewis said. ‘But don’t say anything about that yet.’ He told him about getting him relaxed and finding out more about him first. ‘I know my age is bothering you,’ Lewis told him, ‘But remember you can leave anytime you want.’

‘If you’re prepared to give me a try, please go over to the settee, take your shoes off and lie down. Then I’ll come over and tell you what happens next.’ Darren still looked very nervous, but he went over and lay down.

As Lewis watched him walk over, he was clearly scared. He was about two inches taller than Lewis and quite broad shouldered. He looked slim but although he had quite a well-proportioned figure, he didn’t give the impression of being strong physically or mentally.

Lewis went over and sat on the edge of the settee. ‘You’ve taken the first step, well done.’ he told him. He explained all about nothing hurting him and what came next.

Darren looked even more scared. ‘Just remember,’ Lewis told him, ‘If you do leave, you’ll always be welcome to return another time. Turn over when you’re ready.’ He just sat there patiently. Darrens head was in a turmoil. He had expected Lewis to be middle aged at least.

Yet he admitted to himself that even if he had been, he would still be feeling just as nervous. He had to admit that Lewis seemed nice, and since his brother’s body had been found, his nightmares had got worse.

He looked up at Lewis in despair. Lewis gave him a lovely smile and suddenly Darren found himself turning over. He lay there wondering what had made him turn, then he felt a pair of hands rest on his head. He jumped and the hands disappeared instantly.

‘Are you ok?’ Lewis asked. ‘Yes, sorry,’ Darren said, ‘I’ve always been a bit jumpy.’ ‘I’ll try again,’ Lewis told him. ‘Touching down now.’ he said as his hands made contact. This time Darren was still, but his fear of contact had made his heart start beating like mad.

Then as Lewis massaged the back of his head, he felt surprised at how nice it felt. As a lovely feeling went through him, he suddenly felt as if all his cares had disappeared. It felt so good he just lay there enjoying it. Lewis had to remind him to say go.

As Lewis moved down onto his shoulders, Darrens fears returned, and he cried out in fright. Lewis’s hands returned to his head immediately. As the massage on his head calmed him down, Darren said, ‘Sorry.’

‘No need to be sorry,’ Lewis told him, ‘You must act as you feel. There’s no pressure here. We move at your speed not mine. Say go when you feel ready to try again.’ Darren enjoyed the extra massage on his head then said, ‘Go.’ once more.

‘Moving onto your shoulders now,’ Lewis called out as his hands touched down. Darren remained relaxed. As he massaged his shoulders, Lewis asked, ‘Have you always been jumpy, or did it start around the time your brother disappeared?’ ‘Yes, I suppose it did.’ he said as Lewis’s hands moved down his back.

‘But it hasn’t stopped now that he’s been found?’ Lewis asked as his hands reached Darrens waist. ‘No.’ he said sadly, then as Lewis’s hands moved up onto the back of his trousers, he cried out, ‘No! Stop!’ and turned over. He looked terrified.

‘Sit up.’ Lewis told him with his arms wide open. As he took him into his arms, Darren put his head on Lewis’s shoulder without thinking. As he realised what he had done he was about to panic when he suddenly felt safe. After a moment of surprise, he relaxed against him and put his own arms around Lewis.

Lewis held him gently and stroked the back of his head with one hand. They sat there for a while, then Lewis said in his ear, ‘It doesn’t matter what it is, if we work together, we can sort it out for you.’

Darren still didn’t think he’d be able to do anything for him, but already he felt sure that Lewis would be able to do at least as good as any older man could. ‘Thank you.’ he said. ‘At this stage,’ Lewis told him, ‘It doesn’t matter if you don’t think it’s possible, no matter what you attribute the reason for that is. All that matters is that we keep trying.’

‘When you feel ready, Lewis told him, ‘Lie down as you were, and I’ll start on your head again. When I reach your waist, just remember your reaction is because of past events, not because you think I’m going to hurt you.’

After a while Lewis said, ‘You don’t want to move, do you?’ ‘No.’ came a tiny voice. ‘That’s good,’ Lewis said, ‘Because it shows how safe you feel in my arms. Stay a little longer, then try again.’ After a few minutes, Lewis asked, ‘Are you ready to try again?’ ‘Yes.’ he said sitting up. ‘Thank you.’

Lewis could see he had been crying quietly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I don’t know what made me cry.’ ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Lewis said. ‘Crying is natures relief valve. Do you feel better for it?’ ‘Yes, I do.’ he answered in a surprised voice. ‘Go to the bathroom and swill your face.’ Lewis told him, ‘Then come back and lie down.’

When Darren returned, Lewis was standing up by the settee. As Darren approached, he held his arms out. Darren went into them happily, put his head on his shoulder and his arms around him. As Lewis gave him a hug, he said, ‘Clearly you are enjoying being hugged. Any time you feel you need another one just say, ‘Hug’ and we’ll break off for one, ok?’ ‘Ok, thank you.’ Darren replied, smiling at him and sounding very happy at the idea.

He lay down on the settee and turned over. When he felt Lewis sit at his side, instead of the fear he had felt at first, he was looking forward to the massage on his head. As Lewis’s hands made contact, he gave a happy sigh. He let Lewis massage for a few moments, then said, ‘Go.’

As Lewis moved to his shoulders again, he asked, ‘You were two years older than your brother, how did you get on with each other?’ As he massaged down his back, Darren said, ‘He was a pain at times, I suppose like all little brothers are. But generally speaking, we always got on well and I loved him. We never had any sort of serious falling out.’

Then he suddenly realised that Lewis was massaging his cheeks. Before he could panic, the feeling it was giving him registered as being really nice. He relaxed and concentrated on it. Lewis said nothing until he moved onto the top of his thighs, then he asked, ‘How did the two of you get on with the other boys at school?’

‘Keith was always popular,’ Darren said, ‘He was good at sports and outgoing. Everyone liked him. Whereas I was very quiet and reserved. I quite like watching sports, but I hate taking part.’ As Lewis came back up his legs he asked, ‘Did either of you have any girlfriends? ‘I never did,’ Darren told him. ‘They never seemed interested in me. I’d have been too shy to ask then out anyway.’

‘Keith was too young for a girlfriend as such, but he got on well with the girls at school. A few months before he went missing, he told me he had kissed several girls and felt their bare breasts. I’m sure if he hadn’t disappeared, he probably would have had sex with lots of them by now.’