Chapter 6: Only Ever Dreamed About

‘Take as long as you need,’ Lewis told her, ‘We’ve all the time in the world.’ Eventually her sobs started to fade. Sandra became aware that she was now in the arms of a man. A man that was holding her closer than anyone had done for many years.

What amazed her most was the feeling she had of being so safe. It should be terrifying her and making her struggle to be free. But instead, she wanted to stay where she was for ever.

She stopped crying and Lewis kissed the side of her head. ‘Why don’t you go to the bathroom and swill your face,’ he suggested. ‘Then we’ll carry on if you feel up to it.’ ‘Thank you,’ she said not really wanting to move.

Lewis sensed her reluctance and didn’t rush her, just held her patiently. She lifted her head off his shoulder and said, ‘You’re so patient.’ he just smiled at her, leaned forward and kissed both eyelids.

‘Apart from Jeff and now Jack,’ she told him, ‘You’re the first man to have kissed me for as far back as I can remember.’ ‘Go and wash your face,’ Lewis told her, ‘Then when you come back, if you want me to, I’ll give you a proper kiss.’

Sandra felt her heartbeat double and realised she was feeling excited at the idea. She got up and went to the bathroom.

When she returned shortly, she found Lewis standing up waiting. As she moved towards him, he opened his arms. As if in a dream she moved towards him. As she felt his gentle arms enfold her, their lips met, and she experienced a kiss she would remember until her dying day.

As they broke for air, she looked at him feeling dazed. ‘Wow,’ she said, ‘That was unbelievably lovely, thank you’ ‘It was a pleasure.’ Lewis told her. ‘Now, if you feel up to it, lie back down as you were. If you don’t there’s always tomorrow night.’

Sandra lay back down feeling strangely different inside. Lewis smiled down at her and told her, ‘I’m going to massage the same on your front now. With of course more questions.’

It wasn’t until Lewis started massaging the front of her head that Sandra realised that meant he would be massaging over her breasts. Yet far from the panic she should have felt, she was nervous but recognised her main feeling was excitement.

Then as Lewis said, ‘Say ‘Go’ when you’re ready.’ He moved his hands onto her temples. The feeling that flowed through her head and on down her body made her cry out in ecstasy. She had never ever felt anything so lovely.

Lewis realised and kept his hands there for ages. Then deciding she would let him stay there forever, he moved his hands back up onto her head.

It still took a while before she managed to say, ‘Go.’ As Lewis passed round her temples and down onto her shoulders he said, ‘Thank you for feeling able to answer the last question. We’re not going to deal with that just yet, but can you answer this question with just a yes or no before we move on. ‘Did you lose your virginity voluntarily?’ ‘No.’ came a very quiet answer.

‘Thank you,’ Lewis told her as he moved up onto the front of her breasts. ‘It’s a good sign that you feel able to tell me that.’ He had felt her tense up at his touch, then almost immediately start to relax. Sandra had started to panic at being touched there. Then she felt a lovely sensation going through her, as Lewis’s gentle hands massaged over them.

‘How did you get on with the girls at school?’ Lewis asked as he moved off her breasts and down over her stomach. ‘Fairly well,’ Sandra said, ‘I had lots of friends actually at school. But I only had one, Verta, who I was close to out of school. Probably because by the time I went to secondary school, dad was being even more difficult. I never wanted to risk him being at home when I had any friends round.’

As he reached the top of her jeans, Sandra continued, ‘Verta had lost her mum a few years earlier and looked after everything in the house. Her dad was really lovely, I enjoyed spending time there with him. But although I believe he had quite a responsible job, Verta was very definitely the one in charge of things at home.’

As she spoke, evidently with happy memories, she hadn’t noticed Lewis’s hands but had become aware of a growing sensation that felt lovely. Suddenly looking down her front she saw his hands actually massaging directly over her hairs.

Freezing in amazement rather than fear, she watched his hands and concentrated on the feelings going through her. As he moved on down her jeans over the front of her thighs, she gave a happy sigh.

‘That was amazing,’ she said. ‘Not just how beautiful the sensation was that I felt, but that I didn’t even notice at first what you were doing. Then when I did, I didn’t panic.’

Lewis smiled at her, ‘Have you ever heard the saying, ‘It’s not what you do, but the way that you do it.’ he asked. She thought for a moment then answered, ‘It sounds vaguely familiar.’

‘Imagine that you were in a room, and a man came in and attacked you so that you suffered distress and pain.’ he told her. ‘Whatever you have just imagined he did to you, next imagine that I came into the room and did exactly the same things to you. What do you think the difference would be?’

Sandra struggled to even consider that Lewis could possibly do to her what she had experienced. Then when she gave it some more thought, she said, ‘Well to start with I wouldn’t be scared, because I’d be sure you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Or anyone else.’ she added giving him a smile.

‘Then I suppose you would be doing it because I wanted you to. Because again, I can’t imagine you forcing anyone. Finally, whatever you did I’m sure you would be careful and considerate, so it wouldn’t hurt me.’

‘Exactly,’ Lewis said, ‘Because you have decided that about me, you are accepting my touch for what it is. A gentle and pleasant massage, rather than trying to match it to your bad memories. That you have done that without realising it, shows how much you are relaxing with me. That suggests that we will succeed in solving your problem.’

By then he had been down to her feet and was back up past the middle of her thighs. As he moved on up, he told her to continue her answer.

‘I think that Verta’s confidence, and a few comments she had made to my dad early on, made him wary of her. As a result, he always seemed to keep out of her way if she came round when he was at home. Mum was very fond of her. It’s never occurred to me until now,’ she suddenly added, ‘But I wonder if it was because she could stand up to dad.’

Lewis had massaged over the front of her jeans once more as she had been speaking. This time she had watched his hands and enjoyed the feelings even more. It briefly crossed her mind that without her jeans it would feel even nicer. She was amazed to be having such a thought.

Lewis moved off her jeans, much to Sandra’s disappointment, and massaged her stomach. ‘Did you ever discuss your problem with Verta?’

‘Not the main one,’ Sandra said. ‘She noticed right away how my dad was with me and commented about it.’

‘One thing with Verta was that you always knew exactly where you stood with her. She’d never hold back on telling you what she thought.’ ‘I reckon he always wanted a son,’ she told me. ‘He’s probably resenting you for being a girl.’

She stopped speaking and watched in excitement as Lewis’s hands moved slowly and gently up over her breasts. She couldn’t stop herself making some not too quiet happy noises.

As he moved off and up onto her shoulders, she added, ‘That would explain a lot,’ I told her. The more I thought about it afterwards, the more it seemed to fit.’

As Lewis massaged her head and took his hands off, he told her to sit up. He held his arms open, and she went into them so happily. Resting her head on his shoulder there were a lot of thoughts going through her head. Mainly the lovely safe feeling him holding her was giving her. But she was also wondering if this was how nice it would feel to have a boyfriend and no fear.

‘You’re doing really well,’ Lewis told her. ‘I’m sure you realise that a lot of that is the massage relaxing you. In a moment I need to pop to the toilet. Whilst I’m out of the room, I want you to lie back down and turn over again for another massage on your back and more questions.’