Chapter 5 _mysteries of the past

In that moment, my life exploded.

I’d never felt so much happiness and yet so much anger at the same time.

I was never one for emotions.

Hell, I grew up without a father or anything resembling a family. It wasn’t until Candace came into my life that I actually felt ANYTHING for another human being.

So here I was, face to face with my long lost mother, stuck, trying to figure out what to feel.

How to feel.

Tired, confused and overwhelmed, I fell onto the floor next to her.

She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder.

That’s when my tears started to flow.

Questions.

So.

Many.

Questions.

After an eternity the emotional tidal wave finally ran dry, my mother and I picked ourselves up off the floor and made our way to the torn, dirty couch.

Kayla sat in a chair close by, playing on her phone as if to tune out the confusing show of emotions.

“Kayla sweetie, go to your room please. Let me and Carter talk for a while.” Mom said in a tone that was both gentle and firm at the same time.

Kayla blew out a sign of frustration and then stomped off to her room like a child.

“Sorry. She’s not real bright if you can’t tell. I’ll figure out how to explain this all to her later.” Mom said.

I nodded.

“Sure. So can you explain it to me now?” I asked, coming off more angry than I’d wanted to.

Mom nodded.

“What do you know? How did you find me?” She asked.

I pulled the letter out of my bag and held it up to her.

“Something about a home insurance policy. It’s in Dad’s name, but I didn’t know the address.”

“So did he send you here to kick me out so he can sell the place?” She asked with a lot of attitude.

“He’s dead.” I said evenly.

Instantly, Mom’s body collapsed again. Her shoulders dropped as her mouth fell open.

“How? What? When?” She mumbled.

“A year ago. Car accident.” I said softly.

Mom sniffled a little as her tears began to fall again.

“Where have you been all this time?” She finally asked.

“I should ask you the same question. But since you asked first, California.”

Mom nodded.

“That big house on the hill?”

“Yeah, how did you...” I began to ask, when my eyes fell onto her left hand.

She was missing part of her finger.

“Kate?” I asked, my voice curious.

Mom nodded.

“How did you know?” She asked.

“You used to have pierced tits?” I asked, only feeling slightly odd about such a question.

“A long time ago. How could you know that?”

“Uhm, you remember the sex room in the basement of the house?” I asked.

Mom nodded.

“Yeah well, that wall of mirrors. That was one way glass. Dad had a camera on the other side.” I said sheepishly.

Mom stared at me for several long seconds and I watched her face go from confused to shocked to angry to something else.

Finally, a smile cracked her face and she began to laugh a little.

“That fucking bastard. Well I bet that makes watching that home movie a little fucking awkward now that you know who it is, huh?” She laughed.

I thought about it for a second and began to laugh.

“You know, it’s not going to make things any better, but that’s probably the time that we fucked that you were conceived. How about that for a mind fuck? You watched a video of us making you.” She laughed.

I laughed harder at that, for lack of any other better emotion to express.

It felt good to laugh, but as I caught my breath, my other emotions caught up.

“So how the hell did you end up here? Why did you dump me off on him?” I asked bluntly.

“Dump you huh? So, what do you know?” She asked, her voice getting serious.

“Dad and Claudia were married. Claudia got pregnant with Candace. Dad fucked you. You got pregnant with me. Claudia found out and broke up with Dad. You freaked out and dumped me on Dad and then disappeared. That about right?” I said.

Mom stared at me and I could see the wheels turning. Her face was an interesting blend of things, mostly anger.

“Well, you got the big parts mostly right. But, as they say, the devil is in the details. To answer your question, I came home. I got scared and I came home. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Home?”

“Here. I’m from here. I was born in this fucking town. It’s all I’ve ever known. Claudia gets the rich California guy and I was here. So yeah, when I got knocked up with you, I came home. I didn’t know what else to do. No where else to go. No money. No rich husband to support me. Not any options but to be another pregnant 19 year old sleeping in her childhood bedroom while her mom tells her what a worthless slut she is. Yeah, that was me.” Mom said, her voice thick with emotions.

I softened a little, attempting to put myself in her position.

“So why give me up?” I asked quietly.

“Look around. This place is a shit hole. I knew I was going to end up working at Dairy Queen like everyone else. At least with your Dad you’d have something resembling a life. Taking a quick look at you I don’t think that you’re hurting much.”

I nodded a little.

“Did you ever think to look for me?” I asked, choking back tears.

“Your Dad and I kept in touch. He’d tell me what was going on with you. He knew that he had fucked up, but he wasn’t any more ready to be a dad than I was ready to be a mom. Him and Claudia breaking up wasn’t entirely my fault. We’d talked about him introducing you to me after he had fixed his relationship with you.”

“Really?” I asked with a shock.

Mom nodded.

“When you were about to graduate High School, he knew that it was likely you’d run off into the world so his time was about to run short. So yeah, he was going to make an attempt to be better. Did he make it to your graduation at least?” Mom asked.

“Died on the way to the airport.” I replied, choking back tears.

Mom leaned back in her seat, tears in her eyes as the flood gates in mine broke free again.

“He was really going to try?” I asked, gasping for air.

Mom nodded. She reached out and rubbed my arm in the single most soothing feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.

After I caught my breath, I cleared my throat.

“So, fill me in on the rest.”

“Well, after I contacted your Dad about you, he met me here. Likely that he felt bad for how he’d fucked up with Claudia and me, so he bought this house. It was the lease he could do I suppose. We kept it all off the books. He paid for it all except the bills. I guess it was time for the home owners insurance to get renewed so you got the bill.”

“Is it in your name?” I asked.

“No, his. For the property taxes.”

“Can you pay them now?”

“Yeah probably. Why?”

“You want the house? I’ll sign it over to you.”

Mom’s eyes got big.

“You sure?”

“You’ve lived here for 20 years. I don’t want it. It should be yours, legally, if you want it. I’ll send you some bucks for the bills too if you want.”

“That would be really sweet. Sweetest thing that anyone’s done for me in a long time.”

“I’ll have my man get in touch with you. Brad, he’s a good guy.” I said, reaching for my phone.

“Brad? Brad? He’s still around?” Mom stiffened, her voice immediately angry.

“Yeah, do you know him?” I asked, putting my phone down.

“Oh yeah. Brad and I go way back. Yeah, I don’t want to talk to that cock sucker. No thanks.” Mom said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“OK, I’ll take care of it on my own.” I stammered.

“Off the books?” Mom asked.

“I’ll keep it quiet.”

“Does Brad know about me? About this place?” Mom asked.

I shook my head.

“I called and asked him about it. He didn’t know.”

Mom let out a sigh of relief.

“Good. Thanks. It will be a cold day in hell before I talk to that bastard again. 20 years isn’t long enough.”

“Uhm, why?”

“I think that’s a story for another time. Speaking of, you mentioned Claudia and Candace. How’s them?”

“You know them?” I asked, a bit shocked.

Mom cracked a smile.

“Yeah. I know them.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” I said. It was a statement, not a question.

“Carter, there’s 20 years worth of shit that you’ve just begun to shovel your way into. I’m just trying to help you pace yourself so you don’t have a fucking heart attack.”

Part of me was angry. I wanted the whole, deep, dark story and I wanted it now.

But part of me was already overwhelmed and I’d only been here a few minutes. I didn’t know how to process emotions and I didn’t know how I was going to process this shit storm.

I nodded my head a little.

“Candace lives with me, and Cassie. Claudia is in Hawaii now. She’s, uhm, got a boyfriend.”

“Hawaii huh? Her boyfriend rich? How the hell did the girls end up living with you?”

“Yeah, she’s living in one of my houses. Her boyfriend does OK, but it’s my place. She helped me sell it to him. Candace came to me to get out of Florida. Cassie came after to go to college and be with her sister.”

“Yeah your Dad mentioned that might be happening a few years ago. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea, but your Dad always knew best, right?”

“Why didn’t you think it was a good idea?”

“Tell me, how was it adjusting to knowing you had a sister?”

“About the same as learning my mother was alive and knew where I was all this time?” I shot back.

Mom recoiled.

“Ouch. I guess I deserved that. Oh yeah, you have another sister too.” Mom said, motioning towards the back hallway.

I pondered that for a moment.

“Yeah, I do. Imagine that. I’m guessing we have different fathers?” I asked cautiously.

Mom nodded.

“I only saw your dad a handful of times after you were born. Kayla had been born already, so she’s not his.”

“Where is he?”

“Don’t know. Not really sure who it is.” Mom said, looking away from me and at the floor.

That was a rabbit hole I’m pretty sure I didn’t want to go down.

“So, how do you know Claudia?” I asked slowly in an attempt to change the subject.

It was a bad move.

“Let’s just say that Claudia and I go way, way back. Old friends.” She said in a slow, dark voice. There was definitely some history there that I really needed to unpack.

“So how did you meet my dad?”

“I came to visit Claudia in California when she got married to him. I stuck around a while.” Mom said.

There was more to that story and we both knew it.

“Did Claudia know about you and Dad?” I asked slowly.

A grin split across Mom’s face.

“Oh yeah, she knew. She knew ALL about it.”

“Yeah? So no problems there?”

“No, it was fine. The only problem was you.” Mom said.

“Ouch.” I replied.

“Sorry kid, tact has never been my best feature. You wanted the truth? You wanted the story? I’m trying to give it to you. Things were all going OK until that little tester I pissed on turned blue. Things went to hell real fast after that.”

“Sorry to fuck up your life.” I shot back.

“Hey, easy. This isn’t easy on me either. I’m trying to give you the story here. I’m just telling it how it is.”

“Great, thanks.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over us and finally Mom yelled for Kayla.

“Kay, get your ass in here!”

A minute later Kayla came walking down the hallway.

“Uhm, hey.” She said in a confused tone.

“Kay, sit your butt down. This is your brother Carter.”

“Brother? I don’t have a brother.” Kayla said as she dropped onto the couch.

“Yeah you do. He came out of my cooch so I know he’s mine. That makes him your brother.”

“Uhm, OK. Where’s he been all this time?”

“California.” I replied.

Kayla turned towards me, her eyes big.

“Really? I’m about to move there!” She exclaimed.

“Really? College?” I asked.

“HAH!” Mom laughed.

Kayla stuck out her tongue at her mom.

“Meanie pants!” She said then turned towards me.

“I’m gonna be a porn star!” Kayla exclaimed.

I looked at Mom, who shrugged.

“She’s 18. She can do what she wants. Better than Dairy Queen.” She said.

I shrugged a little and then turned to Kayla.

“You have a plan?” I asked.

“I have a manager!” She said excitedly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah this guy came into town a couple of weeks ago and told me that if I could make there to California to look him up and he would hook me up with everything. I just need enough money to buy a car to get there.” Kayla said.

I pondered for a moment and then pulled out my wallet. As Kayla watched, I removed a stack of bills.

“This is what I have on me.” I said, handing it to her.

“Holy shit!” Kayla exclaimed as she flipped through it.

“I’ll get you mo...” I started as Kayla launched herself on top of me in a tight hug.

“I don’t know who you are but you’re the best brother ever!” She yelled.

I laughed a little at that and looked over Kayla’s shoulder at Mom, who was staring at the stack of cash on the couch.

“Uhm, don’t tell mom we fucked, OK?” Kayla whispered in my ear.

I nodded.

“So where in California?” I asked.

Kayla pulled out her phone and read off the address.

“That’s actually in the next city over from me. It’s pretty close.” I said.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. If you need a place to crash or anything, hit me up.” I said.

“REALLY!” Kayla gasped.

I nodded.

“Give me your number.”

Kayla had to repeat her number five times she spoke so fast. But I got her details and texted her my address.

“Well kids, this has been real fun, but I got to go to work.” Mom said, standing up.

“Are you fucking serious? You’re leaving?” I exclaimed.

“Not all of us can be porn stars.” She said bluntly.

“I can! I’m gonna be a porn star!” Kayla giggled, bouncing wildly on the couch.

Mom rolled her eyes.

“So now what?” I asked.

Mom shrugged.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I’ve learned to take life one day at a time.” She said.

“That’s it?”

“That’s all I got for today son.” She replied.

“I’ll mail you a check or something. I’ll get the house moved over.” I said, struggling to find something else to talk about.

“That would be great. Thanks.” She replied, rubbing my shoulder as she walked past me.

“I’m gonna move to California! I’m gonna be a porn star! I’m gonna be a porn star!” Kayla sang.

I pushed the door open and walked inside the house, bone tired both physically and emotionally. I barely remember the drive from Mom’s house to the airport and have no memory of the flight home.

I’m surprised I didn’t crash my car driving home.

“Hey stud! How was Kansas?” Cassie yelled out.

“Flat. Where’s Candace?” I asked.

“In her room.”

“Good.” I said, dropping my bag on the floor.

“Are you gonna go fuck her? Can I watch?” Cassie asked.

I didn’t answer as I made my way up the stairs.

I walked down the hall and turned into Candace’s room. I paused for a moment to admire her tight, panty covered ass as she lay in bed, kicking her feet.