Chapter 4: Families Can Hurt

On Wednesday, she met her mum for lunch at that pub. They sat out in the garden in a quiet spot where they could have a good chat. Once they’d got through normal catch up, Larissa dropped the bomb. No point wasting time.

“So, Mum, back before Christmas, I saw a couple on the beach. The woman was beautiful, and tied up, and stripped naked, and he was playing with her pussy. She was super-hot! The man got me to take a photo of them, and I got his phone number while he was busy with her. I made myself come right there on the beach I was so hot. I thought about it for a few weeks, and then I sent him a message asking to for him to do that for me.”

The look on her mum’s face ... pretty much what she expected.

“We met in a café, and I went there expecting ... to get tied up and fucked bad, I guess. Instead, I was met by the woman and his sister. I didn’t know what to think. Anyway, they told me I was obviously fucked up, and his sister Sal offered to coach me – she’s a life coach. And yeah, I am really fucked up. She’s coaching me to a better life, and she’s amazing. And she was sitting there coaching me when I called you.”

She stopped, to let her mum talk, but her mum just cried.

“Sal asked me what I wanted from my family, and I said, I never want to see or talk to Dad again. But you, maybe. You love me, and you did what you could for me. And it cost you dearly, I know. So, Mum, that’s it. I’m done with Dad. But I’m worried about you. He’s never looked after you properly, has he?”

Her mum sat there for a while, in silence, and then suddenly got up and walked out. Larissa sat there, shocked. Really? Then she ran after her. “Stop, Mum. So that’s it? We’re done? I’m not worth anything?”

Her mum turned around, and the tortured expression on her face shocked Larissa. She didn’t say anything, couldn’t. Larissa watched in despair as she got in her car and drove away.

Fuck that. Larissa went back to her table and got herself plastered.

It was about dinner time that Larissa finally admitted to herself that she was in deep trouble. Out in the country, with her car, but smashed out of her brain. And alone, in a pub. And sad and mad. Though not as mad as she had been. There were men, watching her. And she was drinking alone.

Carefully, knowing she was smashed, she focused when the bar girl asked if she was OK and she asked the bar girl to send Sal a message on her phone – too hard for her to do herself. Sal had been clear – emergencies only. But this was a fucking emergency.

“Help me. Mum walked out. Still here. Smashed out of my brain. (really needs help badly – bar staff, Country Hotel, Drouin)”

She waited. She was sitting at her table, wondering what to do. She had wet herself, maybe? Someone finally approached her. It was a man she didn’t know, a very big one, along with a girl she did. Maria? The girl tried talking to her. She looked at the girl. What? Then the man just picked her up and carried her out. He gently put her in a car. Yep, she was fucked up all right. Or just fucked, whatever. Unless this was Maria’s car?

She woke up in her own bed. Maria was there and nursed her through the worst hangover she’d ever had. She lay there and cried into Maria’s arms. So much for her family. So much for life coaching. So much for life. This was the worst misery she’d ever had.

Maria dragged her out of bed and held her up in the shower. After, Larissa hugged her best friend and cried some more. And then she was asleep again.

When she woke up again, Sal was there, sitting on the bed. So were Maria and Fiona. They were all naked, like she was. Maria helped her up, and then she sat in the middle of the three of them, leaning back against Sal, who hugged her tightly. It was like her own little coven.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Sal asked her gently.

Larissa told them. When she told them, she could see that she could have handled it differently. Would it have made any difference? She didn’t know. But she didn’t feel so wretched, and sitting like this with her best friends, and Sal ... it was sweet, and loving.

She agreed that the way she dumped it on her mum showed them that Larissa was very angry with her. But maybe not as much Larissa loved her. They talked about it for a while, and Larissa realised how fucked up she was, but she knew that her friends were there for her whatever happened. And they’d blown off their work to look after her today ... amazing. She leaned forward and hugged them deeply. Then she turned around and looked at Sal. “Coach, what did I do wrong?”

Sal pursed her lips. “It’s hard to say. You could’ve and should’ve been more gentle. But perhaps falling out with your mum would have happened whatever you did. Your mum has to think about it, and process it, and decide what she wants. It’ll take time, though there’s a good chance she’ll come back to you. But perhaps I should be there if she does?” Larissa was sure that she needed to be. “But Larissa, we also need to talk about how you reacted. Sure, your mum walking out like that – deeply upsetting. So you sat there and got smashed. Was that better than just calling one or all of us? Wouldn’t a hug be better than that awful dangerous mess you were in, drunk and alone in the pub?”

Yeah. “Why do I keep doing such dangerous things? At least you knew where I was this time.”

“Yes, that was lucky. I’m wondering whether you should set up a little family on your phone with your friends, so you can always see where you all are?”

Oh her friends wanted to do that. Amazing. A little family of her own, and she cried.

“But, Larissa, the really dangerous thing wasn’t your location. It was your drinking. It’s a really fucked up way to respond to being hurt. What other options do you have to deal with your emotions? Fiona and Maria, how do you do it?”

They made a list of ways to deal with it. Some of them were actually very bad ideas, like fucking the first person they saw. Others were very good – talking to friends, writing a diary entry, using a voice record app and howling, finding somewhere to scream, or doing intense exercise. Larissa realised just how badly she handled it. She could blame her mother, and she did at first, but Sal gently talked her through her choice process, and she accepted that she made her own bad choices, irrespective of what her mother did. Planning, Sal said. Have a plan for what you’re going to do if it all goes to hell, so that it’s not an unmanageable emotional disaster.

Eventually, they’d talked through everything Sal wanted to talk about, and what Larissa wanted to talk about. And Larissa had thanked her friends for what had to be the hundredth time. Eventually, Larissa turned to Sal. “You know, I can’t help thinking that you here on my bed naked with us is above and beyond the call of duty?”

Sal smiled at her. “Well, probably. I kind of felt guilty, though. When you sent me that message, and then you didn’t answer after that, I realised that I should have thought it through and helped you do more preparation. So once Maria had rescued you, and brought you here, I decided that I had to come to you. And when they told me you were naked, we decided to strip and create this wonderful intimate environment. I’m not shy about my body – you know that. But your friends ... they’re really good ones, you know? And I’m glad I did it, but yes, I don’t want to make a habit of this.”

“Well, you do look sensational, really. I hope I look that good when I’m your age.”

“Thanks, I hope you do too. Lots of exercise, and ditch the alcohol, and you can look like this. I didn’t drink for long, or I wouldn’t still look good, but I did drink a lot when I did. Are you ready to stop drinking for real this time?”

Yeah, she sure as hell was. Thinking about herself, smashed out of her brain in that pub with all those men around ... fuck, that was a bad place to be. Most of them would probably have rescued her if she asked, but any one of them could also have been a very horrible end to her life. But there was one man ... that big one. Oh. That’d be ... Lem?

“That was Lem, last night, right?”

“Yes, he didn’t know you, but he saw I was worried and upset, and so he just dropped everything, and drove to Maria, and then drove your car back here. Like I told you, he’s a really good man.”

Maria smirked. “He’s more than just a very good man. Whoa.”

Sal smiled. “Yes, I’m very blessed.”

The video message that night wasn’t a review of the day. It was a very passionate thank you to her rescuing angel and coach, and she asked Sal to show it to Lem too. It was the luckiest day in her life that she met Sal. Sure, talking to Sal triggered what happened, but it was probably going to happen anyway.