Chapter 3: Friendship Matters

Monday morning, and Larissa was meeting with Sal at the café – at the new table down the back with Sal and Kat’s name on it.

“Hey, Larissa, how are you going?”

For the first time in a long time, Larissa felt like she was doing well. She’d done her homework, and spent the weekend exercising, and chilling. Only one party, and she tried to drink less – recording her alcohol had made her realise how much she was drinking. And how much she was spending on it.

“OK, so how did you go with your homework? Let’s start with your goals. What’s your one-year goal?”

Larissa looked at the sheet of paper and read it out. “I’d like to have finished my subjects this year with good marks, and have two or three good girlfriends, and have a stable relationship with boy who I can trust.”

Sal nodded. “What are you studying?”

“Animal medicine – I want to be a vet.”

“Awesome. Sounds great. And how’s that going generally?”

“Yeah, good. I like it, and I’m getting OK marks, and I get the work done.”

Sal smiled. “OK, and how are you financially?”

“OK, I think. I work Wednesday and Thursday evenings at a restaurant and that’s a good place to work – he’s a good boss. He’s been great through the whole Covid thing, though I have to wear a mask – yuck. I’m working mornings at a vet during February, filling in for one of her staff. I’m expecting to still have some money at the end of the year. Unless everything goes to hell again with Covid.”

“Well,” said Sal, “we can’t do much about that if it does. So I’m not going to focus on those things, but you need to tell me if either of them becomes a problem or is impacted by anything else. OK?”

Larissa nodded – sure.

“OK, there’s nothing here about your family. And I know that’s a difficult subject for you. What do you want with them?”

Larissa frowned. “I’m not sure.” Then she made a snap decision. “I know I don’t want anything to do with my dad ever again. Bastard. But my mum ... maybe?”

“Is that a feeling about your dad? Something that might change over time? You depend on your parents for financial support?”

“No. Never. Nothing. Any definition of success for me means never having anything to do with the bastard. He wrecked my mum, and me.” Yeah, she felt good about that decision.

Sal nodded, sympathetically. “Sure. Never your dad. That makes total sense. OK, so maybe your mum, but never your dad. We’ll talk about that another time. What about your brother?”

Larissa thought about that. She would’ve said no, but over Christmas he’d been sympathetic and protected her a bit. “Maybe, yeah.”

“OK, any other family? Are there any younger girls you’d like to keep your rapist cousins away from?”

Actually, there were. Shit, why hadn’t she thought of that?!

Sal nodded, and wrote that down. “OK, I have a goal I’d like you to have for yourself. I’d like you to have a goal that you can say ‘I know what I did to help other people this year’.”

Larissa agreed completely. What a convincing goal. Why hadn’t she thought about that either?

“OK, what about the five-year goals?”

“Well, I’d like to be working as a vet, or at a vet, at least. And I think I would be living with a man, and happy with him for long term.”

“Kids? Or that’s for later?”

“Yeah, later. Eventually, yeah. For sure.”

Sal nodded. “What about religion?”

Larissa looked at her blankly. “That’s a question?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think you should look into it and figure out what you think about it. I have my own opinions, but you shouldn’t just adopt mine. But I think it matters for you. What’s your big picture? Are you just here to screw a guy, bang out some kids, and buy stuff? If there’s more to things than that, why?”

Larissa thought about that. Yeah, Why?

“I’m going to add ‘thinking about the big picture’ as a one-year goal. You OK with that?” Larissa nodded.

“OK, what do you do to stay fit?”

“Well, I run, and swim. Running is cheap, and so’s swimming during summer.”

Sal nodded. “That works. And it’s clearly working for you. You haven’t said anything about what you do for hobbies and interests, or entertainment?”

“Well, not much, really. I learnt to play violin and played on the school netball team but stopped at the end of school. I used to watch a bit of TV, but now ... I follow a few Youtubers.”

“And that’s OK?”

Larissa nodded. No goals, but maybe she’d think about it later in the year.

“OK,” Sal said, “just a couple of more things. What are your living arrangements?”

“Well, I share a flat with Fiona, a friend from home, in Frankston. It’s small and cheap but we’ve got a bedroom each, and enough space in the lounge for a party.”

“Alright. Do you like having a schedule? Do you want to be highly organised, or is that strangling for you? And are you a busy person, or do you need breaks between stuff?”

“Well, I had a good schedule while I was at school. Nice and organised. And I had one before lockdown, it was good, yeah. And I liked to be busy. But it all collapsed last year, and I never got back on it.”

Sal smiled at her. “OK, done with the fact finding. Now, you got lots of things to sort out, but so does everyone. Tell me, you saw Kat tied up and forced to be naked on the beach. And that undid you, to the point where you made yourself come on the beach in public next to your friend. So which of those things really did it for you? Sure you’re horny, but it’s more than that, right? She’s beautiful, yeah. She’s all but naked. She’s tied up.”

Larissa drew in her breath. “Fuck. I don’t know.”

Sal smiled at her. “It’s really important that you get to know yourself and be honest about who you are. You don’t need to tell anyone else. Well, you need to tell me, you need to be honest with me. I’m not going to judge you. How can I? You know that after my husband raped and strangled me, I moved back into his bed so I could get more of the same. But if you want stable relationships, you need to at least know yourself. So we’re going to push on this. Other than that bastard, anyone ever tied you up?”

Larissa shook her head. “Not that I remember.”

“What about being naked. You ever been naked in public before? You go skinny-dipping? You told me your parents made you strip for them, but anyone else?”

“Never in public. I mean, what the fuck? Not even topless. Well, I went skinny-dipping with Ian back in school. But never when anyone else was around.”

Sal nodded. “What about at home now in your flat with your friend? You ever see her naked? And your lovers?”

“Never at home. No way. Though actually, I’ve seen Fiona a few times, walking from the bathroom to her bedroom, hang her towel up first, and then getting dressed in her room. Neat freak. And when I’m having sex, yes.”

Sal nodded and smiled. “But you could, right. I mean you look pretty good. Which bits of your body do you hate?”

“Well, I wish I had bigger tits, of course. Doesn’t everybody? And my bum’s too flat.”

“Show me your tits,” Sal said. Larissa looked at her, totally shocked. “Go on, right now. It’s just us girls. No one will see down the back here.”

What the fuck? Here, in a public café? She was speechless. But Sal was looking at her, expecting her to. And she promised. Fuck. She pulled her t-shirt and sports bra up, and showed them to Sal.

“You OK if I touch them?” Larissa nodded. Sal leaned forward and did the bounce test and weighed them in her hand. “OK, thanks. You can put them away now.”

Larissa pulled her top down. “Umm, why did I do that?”

“You mean, why did I ask you, or why did you do it? Without looking around first, and without asking why? Tell me, are you turned on right now? By the way, they look great – just the right size. I love them and Dave and Lem would rate them perfect size, and I bet your nipples get lots of attention.”

Larissa smiled, and nodded, thrilled with the praise. And it was certainly true that her nipples got lots of attention. And it was nice to hear they were Dave’s favourite size. But she had not looked around. Or even asked why. “Yes. I mean, yes I’m a little wet.”

Sal nodded, and smiled at her. “Yeah. Don’t worry, it’s pretty common. Society tells us we’re valued if we’re desired, so stripping in public is really linked to how we see our own value. Almost everyone gets off on it if they feel safe. I sure do – you saw my dress; one of the highlights of my life. And that’s a key question for you – what’s your image of yourself? I’m the same. Common rape victim thing. As is another thing, by the way, which is to see sex transactionally. That was why I moved back into bed after getting raped to get more of it. Quantity over quality to the max there for sure. For now, you and I aren’t going to bother with boys. Don’t go chasing them. I mean, if one drops into your lap, don’t necessarily turn him down, but I really think you should figure out some things about yourself before getting into bed with a boy. Or another girl. For instance, when you came here expecting to meet Dave, you didn’t tell anyone where you were, right? Even though you knew he was into bondage, and that’s why you wanted to meet him. He could have tied you up and found out that no one knew where you were. Bingo, you’re a slave for the rest of your life, and it probably wouldn’t be long. That was a seriously unsafe thing to do, Larissa.”

Larissa looked at her, shocked. But she had done exactly that.

“Yes, you see what I mean. I really think that you need to be in a better headspace about yourself first. You have toys, right? They’ll hold you over?” Larissa nodded. Yeah, for a while. “OK, let’s talk about your friends. Tell me about your relationship with Fiona.”

They talked about that. Fiona had been a pretty good friend back home, but they’d grown apart when they first came to Melbourne. Then lockdown happened, of course, and they spent a lot of time together, so they were good, but still it seemed not like it was. They’d hugged lots back home ... but not here. Fiona had a boyfriend, and he was OK. He stayed over on some Friday nights and she typically didn’t come home Saturday nights.

Then they talked about Maria, who was doing the same course as her. They’d been really close, even if they hadn’t seen much of other in the flesh, until they ran into Kat. Since then, it hadn’t been the same, though Larissa could agree that it was because she was afraid of what Maria knew about her.

Then they talked about the rest of her homework. After looking into it, there was a uni club for Taekwondo, which was cheap, and Larissa wanted to sign up for that. The uni had a gym and she could do yoga there, but Fiona had said something about wanting to do yoga, so maybe they were better to do that at home? Cheaper for sure. And when it came to community service, she hadn’t waited on that. She’d signed up to help at the local woman’s shelter on Friday mornings instead of sleeping in, though there was going to be a long vetting process for that. Larissa was thrilled when Sal loved that.

“Time’s running out,” Sal said. “So here’s what you’re going to do this week. Firstly, every night, when you go to bed, you’re going to sit in bed and record a short video describing what you did in the day, and how you feel about it. Whatever that is, happy, sad, angry. Max five minutes. And then you send it to me, and I’ll watch it. No one else will ever see it unless you show them.”

Sal helped her install an app on her phone to make that easy.

“This week, you’re going to sign up to Taekwondo lessons, right? And I think you should talk to Fiona. She knows about what happened with Kat, yes? OK. So you should tell her about trying to meet with Dave, and about me. You need to, Larissa, to make sure you don’t ever do something like that again. And then, what I want you to do is to start sleeping naked, and at least walking to the bathroom naked. And talk to Fiona about it and tell her that I think you need to get comfortable in your skin, and owning your skin, and that you should do it at home when it’s just you two as much as she’s comfortable with. And tell her you miss the hugs.”

Whoa. Could she do that? Maybe ... she wondered what Fiona would say, but it would be nice to be honest with Fiona.

“And the same with Maria. Tell her that you know how you responded to Dave and Kat was over the top, and you’re getting help, and you’re talking to me, and that you’ve decided to change your life a bit, and that you really want her to support you. Just be honest. And if the worst was to happen, and she was ever to tell anyone about how you reacted to that situation, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. Just tell them you’re connected to your feelings, and they were sexy as hell, and it felt great. Own it, you know. Like, what would a guy say if he rubbed one out on the beach after seeing that? He’d be proud, right? So you can be too. Because honestly, the way Maria said she didn’t like it, but kept bringing it up ... I think she’s got her own problems there. But don’t you go hunting for them - let her bring them up if she wants to.”

“Now, if Fiona and Maria are good friends, they’ll want to meet me. I’m happy to meet them, but only with you there, and only if you want to do that.”

Larissa left Sal, nervous, but determined to do what they agreed.

But ... own it? Really? But a vision of herself, at a party, owning doing herself on the beach ... she could see that in her mind, and it sounded pretty awesome. But it also sounded like someone else, not her.

On Saturday morning, Larissa met with Sal in the same café, again. This time, both Fiona and Maria were there, to meet with Sal. Because what a hell of a difference a week could make.

It started on Monday. Before she even got the car going after talking to Sal, she called Maria, and they agreed to meet at the beach later that day. The same beach, naturally. Larissa got there early, and looked around – it was an OK day, and there were enough people around, so she stripped down to her bikini, just her bottoms. Tits out, and it felt good. Here she was, owning it. She got a bit too comfortable with the way the guys were looking at her, and she forgot to put the top on before Maria turned up. Maria took one look at her, and said “Wow, OK,” and pulled her top off too when she got her clothes off. Then they lay next to each other in the sun, and Larissa told her everything, all the way through to owning it. It was the best conversation they’d ever had, and by the time the sun was down, Maria had admitted to being date raped as well, and felt up as a child by a cousin. Fucking cousins. Fucking men. They bonded in shared hatred of both, and then lusted after the hunk sitting with his girlfriend down the beach a bit. Yeah, he could fuck them for sure. And they laughed at the sheer stupidity of that combination.