Chapter 19

My speech at the UN went down reasonably well, especially considering that I made it in the nude. I received a standing ovation for much of what I said, though that admittedly could have had something to do with fear of me as well as awe of my boldness and my sexual prowess. It wasn’t every day that a man who could breed so many women in one day appeared before them. The activities in the hotel had been captured on viral video, as had the evidence of what I did in Central Park.

It reminded me of the fictitious address given by Superman to the same UN in Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. I chuckled as I considered that I, too, was a superhuman being, albeit not an extraterrestrial. I was at least a demigod and now had a special commission of divine authority granted to me by Basil and The Pantheon. As I delivered my impassioned oratory, I held onto Ursula with one hand and Hannah with the other, the crown of flowers from Naomi Watts still on my head.

“I stand naked before you here today, a man with no secrets and nothing to hide, for I truly am a king and a demigod and such men have no need of secrecy. I have no reason to fear the judgment and scrutiny of other, lesser men and women, who are now my subjects. Today, I charge you with the sacred duty placed before you, that of surrendering the nations of the Earth to my dominion as you should, as you must. It is imperative that you yield to my supremacy and sovereignty today, here and now. The issue must be settled for all time, to secure the peace of the world.

“In front of you stand my brides, my first wife, Hannah, hereafter to be Empress Consort, at my right hand, and my second wife, Ursula Laskaris, hereafter to be my High Priestess, at my left. Yes, polygamy is universally legal from this day by my imperial edict as the new Emperor of Earth. Also legal worldwide are bisexuality, homosexuality, buggery, prostitution, pornography, marijuana, pubic nudity, public sexual congress, toplessness, bottomlessness, flashing, mooning, streaking, incest, bondage, and other such consensual acts.

“As from this moment, every land, nation, and tribe are mine. My dominion is absolute and it will be upheld. It’s going to be my way, as Vin Diesel once said, ‘no highway option.’ If you’re upset with this, too fucking bad! I will rule this world and leave my stamp upon it! This world shall be remade in my image, according to my will! It will be a utopia, a paradise of my making, under my laws and my command.

“All I ask from you is humble reverence and obedience, your abject surrender to my rule. You must all vote to transfer power from sovereign nations and national governments, as well as this institution, to my custody. Your heads of state and government must accept my position as the new Emperor of Earth. The first such Emperor in history. I shall take the regnal name of Sebastian I. My dynasty shall be called the House of Ballard.