Chapter 20: Adjustments

I gently rocked Holly as I held her in my arms. She’d been up most of the night worrying about her imagined crumbling relationship with her fiancé Michael, and especially his new girlfriend Jill. Jill was a ‘hot’ looking woman that turned out to be a porn star, as well as a technology entrepreneur with her own business in a complex and highly profitable market niche.

Holly eventually woke after a half-hour nap in my lap. I felt her stir and kissed her forehead. “Holly, you are loved. I’m sure we all have advice to give, and I know you know what that is.”

Holly sniffed and sat up. She’d been crying before she fell asleep exhausted from lack of sleep and her anxiety. She said, “I know. I’m making up problems where none probably exist.”

“And, if they do, you are a strong woman who will cope.”

Tears filled her eyes, “I just don’t feel very strong at the moment. Watching Michael and Jill on the TV screen last night as we all fucked was probably not a good thing to do. I knew they were doing it, but to actually see it...”

I stroked her bikini clad body and teased, “And what were you doing?”

Holly actually blushed suddenly, “I was fucking you in the reverse cowgirl position so that Michael and Jill could see your cock pumping love into my body.”

“That’s right,” I said. “I was loving you ... and I love you this morning, too.”

She sighed and then leaned up and kissed me on the lips. “Thank you. I do love you.”

I posed, “Holly, do you know what a ‘hot wife’ is?”

Holly thought a moment and responded. “A wife who has sex with other people with the knowledge and encouragement of her husband. He wants her to have those relationships.”

I spoke, “Being engaged, I suspect that you think of yourself as Michael’s ‘hot wife’ due to the circumstances with him being on the west coast. You two agreed to be open, but I guess that now that you’ve seen his side of ‘open’ and you’re having buyer’s regret. Just think that he might be having the same thoughts about you and me – or all the others that you’ve told him about here. You made it quite clear that you were having sex with everyone in the house. For him, that might be a tall order to overcome.

“What I suggest is that you see if either of you need to renegotiate your contract. You need to clarify what you’re feeling, learn what Michael is feeling and for whom, ensure he knows that you love him, and then figure out what your boundaries and rules are now that you have each seen the other in action, so to speak.”

Holly said, “The feelings I understand, but boundaries and rules?”

“Boundaries are what you have for yourself, like no anal sex, no sex when I have a buzz on or am with strangers, no emotional entanglements with men that don’t understand their sense of self, and so on. You might set financial boundaries for yourself, intellectual boundaries, sexual boundaries, emotional boundaries, or physical boundaries. I know you had some, because you turned down dates with just about every man at work that asked you out.

“Some examples in each area might be I need both joint and personal bank accounts, I will always respect another’s political viewpoints, I will tolerate dirty talk providing it is not derogatory, I will avoid feeling guilty by anything that I do, and I will not have intercourse until a third date.

“Rules are restrictions and behavior that you put on another person or persons, but often you negotiate those with them. They can sound like a boundary, too, but they involve restrictions on others. To be effective, they have to agree to abide by them. An example might be no flirting with opposite sex, or no sex with the opposite sex – or same sex, for that matter. The penalties for broken rules should be kind of clear, too – like breaking up, doghouse for a year, divorce, or more. Some people enshrine the more important rules in a relationship with prenuptial agreement.”

I paused and said, “Do you have the right boundaries and rules with Michael? Do you mind being a ‘hot’ fiancée? Do you mind his having an emotional and sexual connection with Jill or anybody else? What would you change? What if he got even more serious about Jill but still wanted to be with you?”

Holly was obviously trying to keep up with my line of thinking, so I stopped prattling on about things.

She said, “Wow! I need to do some serious thinking about all this.”

I urged, “Involve Michael after you get part of your head mostly clear about those things. Just so you know, maybe nothing changes, but the context in which everything is happening changes and becomes more solid.

“One more thing, in polyamorous relationships the boundaries and rules are a little harder to define and negotiate. Often, a couple will define their rules just fine, without regard for the third, fourth, or more individuals in the midst. In our relationships around here, we’ve been floating along without many rules until there is a ‘situation’ where we needed one – in the past tense. Further, a rule that works for a couple of us might impact others and we’ve ignored that.

“If you recall, we had a crisis a few months ago when Wendy and Garth fucked in his car in the university parking lot one afternoon, and Tracy caught them and went ape shit. We had a discussion about what kind of rules we needed so that the drama didn’t happen again, and ultimately decided we didn’t need a rule, but we needed understanding about what we’d all just agreed.”

Holly asked for another example.

“Wendy and I both realized that we were drifting apart and that bothered us. She suggested a rule that we sleep together most of the time, and I agreed. Around here, that’ll mean I only have one free and open side to offer. I’m just realizing that, and for me that’s okay. For a couple of others that want my body beside them at night, the rule is a burden.

“If you’re making a new rule, ask yourself three questions: What is its purpose? Does the rule really serve the purpose intended? Is this the only way to serve the purpose? Think about what a particular rule does for you and for the other person. Talk about them. Rules that are in your head and unspoken don’t do much good.

“Wendy and I might agree to break the rule occasionally, perhaps around a party where some new people want some intimacy with either or both of us. That’s okay, but our base for decision-making will be that rule.”

Holly nodded. “I think I get it. Let me think. I’m left brain enough that I want a pencil and paper, too. I make lists like Ben Franklin did.”

I hugged Holly. She was obviously feeling better and she had something to bite into that had some meat and could help her feel better in the longer term. She got up and went off.

I sighed and hoped that she would feel better about herself. I thought there might be a hidden inferiority complex going on there, especially with the equally hot-looking and sexually-skilled Jill occupying her boyfriend’s time and attention.

Call me stupid, but I got busy with work on Monday and that carried over the rest of the week. There’d been a power surge on the grid in Tampa and it knocked out store after store in their central retail district and at one of the city malls. Lots of unprotected equipment got damaged by the power surge. Retail Solutions threw three of us into the district, and we were working twelve-hour days to try to get everyone back online. Our competitors weren’t as responsive, and Retail Solutions marketing guys took full advantage of that fact to score some new clients.

Since Holly worked in marketing, I saw her a few times during work hours as we flew past each other in the downtown area. I knew she was still working at what her future would be like.

Holly was still hanging around the house all the time and usually sleeping there, even in my bed, but the coveted spots (I thought) next to me were usually taken up by Wendy, Tracy, and Misty on the nights that she slept over. Lauren got a slot, too, when she seemed to want time with me. Wendy was content to be in the bed, especially after we’d made love.

Friday, we seemed to finish up the replacement of equipment or the reprogramming of the contaminated systems in the city. I got home at a reasonable hour for dinner and was met by all of ‘my’ girls – except Alice. I realized that I hadn’t seen her for over a week – maybe longer.

I asked to no one in particular, “Where’s Alice? I haven’t seen her for over a week.”

There were some furtive looks between the four women, and I picked up a strange vibe from them, like I’d asked a really embarrassing question and no one wanted to answer.

Wendy finally said, “She’s been staying with Steve Dunham this past week or so. She’s moved in with him.”

I felt hurt that no one had told me. I wondered if we’d said or done something to slight her and make her leave us.

I muttered, “Oh. Will we see her again?”

Wendy said, “I’m not sure. The two of them came by here last Monday and she got some clothes that she’d left here. She barely said a word except to load him up with stuff that he put in his back seat. They looked like a serious couple the way they acted.”

I just nodded. I loved Alice and would miss her if she went off and joined another family or created her own.

I turned to the four women and spoke. I sighed. “I don’t control any of you and I sure try not to be manipulative. I think except for work, I get more manipulated by you all than the other way around. That said, I do love each of you. I miss Alice and hope she’s not irreconcilably gone.”

I caught Wendy’s eyes and knew that she knew more but wasn’t talking.

I moped around the rest of the night and Saturday, and then got my head out of my ass on Sunday. I went to the beach and took a long, meditative walk. During the walk, since no one was near me, I talked to myself about the many blessings in my life with and without Alice.

I also talked about how joyful I should be about Alice finding ‘true love’ with Steve, if indeed, that is what she has found. I reinvigorated myself and resolved to be cheerful about the Alice situation – at least, what I knew of it.

I redefined the Alice ‘problem’ so that it wasn’t a problem. Alice had come into our lives as Penny got ill and died, and then she helped all of us weather through our grief. She helped sell some of our properties and found us the wonderful house we lived in. She’d poured out love to each of us in every way possible. How could I deny her the same happiness and joy in her life? I couldn’t.

I headed home in a more upbeat mood, and as I prepared breakfast for the household, I tried to pass on my uplifted spirit to the others. They, too, were missing our friend, but I shared my thinking with them and gradually the mood of the house improved.

Misty came by me at one point and asked, “Are you faking it until you make it?”

I shook my head. “No, I really have turned the corner on her. I love her enough to want for her happiness. I hope that she’s found it.”

She confessed, “I know a little bit more.”

I said, “If you’re not breaking a confidence, please share with me.”

“Well, Alice got a promotion – kind of. She actually got offered a post as the new head realtor and manager in the Tarpon Springs office. She’ll be handling the high-end properties and get first dibs on what she can take on as listings under her name. Steve got reassigned about the same time to the Palm Harbor office only a few miles away from her new office. His condo is right in that area, so it’s very close to both their work.”

I gave an affirmative nod but I hurt a little about not hearing this news from Alice. “I’m glad she got some recognition for her accomplishments. The competition in the local office seemed a little heavy. Heck, if she tried to commute from here, she’d spend two or three hours a day in her car without being productive.” I was rationalizing for her.

I pulled Misty into my arms and kissed her. “Besides, I can focus more on you.”

Misty kissed me back with a forced laugh, “Great idea.”

The next Friday afternoon when I got home from work, I discovered Alice’s car parked on the street in front of my house. I steeled myself for some kind of confrontation as I pulled into the garage. I noted that Wendy and Tracy were home, and that Misty was also at the house. A further scan of the street indicated that Scott and Lauren were also present along with Garth, most likely. I still hadn’t gotten used to the idea that Alice had tossed us all aside. I admit I have a fragile ego.

I strolled into the house, trying to act super casual and without a care in the world. Immediately, I had two teenagers in my arms giving me kisses and pledging their love until the end of time. They were big ego boosters for me, and I hope the words I said in return gave them a boost, too. I noted that they were still dressed up in their upscale school clothes and looked really sharp and chic.