Chapter 19

Aunt Maeve voiced her worry, “You are sure you haven’t jumped in without looking where you are going, girls?”

Lily told her, “We are sure, aunt Maeve; very sure. Jimmy was worried for a while that his wives might get upset if he did anything to encourage us, so he talked it over with them, and they pushed him back at us for a mutual decision; but he insisted to us that if it was to happen, it had to be OUR decision, not his. We had to ask him to marry us, after careful consideration of what was involved. That shows that we were not pressured to take this step. We were both certain what we wanted for the future, for OUR future, so we asked him to marry us without the legal formalities. He then accepted, once he was certain we were clear about what the future would be like. We knew what we were letting ourselves in for.

That is why we can now confirm to you that we are both married to Jimmy, but without a legal certificate of marriage. All of his wives are in the same position: no marriage certificate, as only one woman can legally marry him, and no-one wants that to happen, as it would be to the detriment of the others.

All his wives are equal in his eyes, and equally loved. In the case of his other three wives, also equally pregnant, and we hope to enter that same condition before long.”

Maeve was unsure what to say. She ended up with, “Like father, like daughters? You have taken on a man you love, even without being officially married. That is a brave decision, girls; one I hope you never have reason to regret.”

Flora pushed back, “Did you ever regret what you did, aunt Maeve?”

Maeve was positive.

“Never for one minute. Bob has always been my wonderful husband in every way except legally. I registered the births of my children under the Yeats surname, and called myself Mrs Yeats to all my neighbours and relevant officials such as school staff, and never had any trouble. Even the church calls me Mrs Yeats: they have never asked for proof of my status; why should they? They know me as a happily married woman, and that is enough for them.”

She held up her left hand to show us her gold wedding ring.

“Bob gave me this to show everyone that I was married to him. Wasn’t it so very considerate of him? I still love that lovely man after so many years with him.”

Lily was quick to take that idea on.

“Jimmy? Are you going to give us all wedding rings?”

It was Sharl who replied for me, by waving her left hand at the twins.

“He gave all three of us wedding rings, Lily. I am sure you will get the same. We opted for a plain gold band. Does that suit you two?”

Flora came out with, “Bloody hell! Any gold ring will suit me! It is the symbol that counts, the sign that we are married to Jimmy.”

I ended with, “I think you all should wear identical rings, ladies, to show your equal status in my eyes: a sign of our love.”

Maeve looked me over with new eyes; as the new husband of her nieces.

Her face took on a new, odd, look as she now asked me, speaking slowly and clearly, “Jimmy Hargreaves, do you promise me, before God, that you will be a loving husband to Lily Yeats and Flora Yeats for all of your lives, and be a good and loving father to any children they may have?”

I treated this as it sounded; something akin to a wedding declaration and responded accordingly, “Yes, Maeve; before God I swear: I promise this and will abide by my promise for ever.”

She repeated this demand for a binding promise, this time from Flora and Lily, each in turn. They wide-eyed made these promises, and then Maeve made a declaration, “Then I now declare you: husband and wives.”

Maeve next spoke to the wide-eyed girls, “Lily and Flora, you may now kiss your husband, to seal the bond.”

They did so, confusion mixed with joy as they did so.

Maeve now revealed to me a vital new secret. “Jimmy, I have important information for you and the girls: I am a deacon in my church; a church that authorises deacons to perform sacraments like weddings and baptisms in emergency situations where the minister is not available to do so, such as a disaster scenario where lives are at risk. Your wedding ceremony, just now performed, is valid in the eyes of my church, as I viewed it as an emergency, a unique occasion requiring immediate attention. Congratulations!”

She may not have thought that far ahead, but my three existing wives quickly latched on, and Cherry made an immediate demand of Maeve.

“Maeve? You could marry us three to Jimmy? Now?”

Maeve blinked as she took in this request, but realised the implications of her earlier ceremony and then nodded with a small smile.

“Yes, that is so.” She paused then went on, “Yes, I can, if that is the carefully thought out desire of all three of you, and Jimmy declares the same commitment to you three. Our church has no specific stipulation about number of spouses, for the founding ministers never imagined there might be more than one spouse. That which is not proscribed, by default is permitted, in my mind. I should have mentioned that to Lily and Flora.”

The three sisters clustered round her, chorusing, “Yes, please, reverend Maeve!” It mattered not to them whether Maeve was officially a reverend or not, as long as she could validly perform the ceremony.

I accepted the inevitable and participated in my second wedding of the evening.

Once the ceremony was successfully completed and declared, Maeve got out a notebook and demanded the full names of all of us, so that her celebration of the two marriage ceremonies at this date and place could be formally recorded in her church’s record books.

Sharl announced to us all, “Jimmy Hargreaves, you are now officially married by a cleric to me, Cherry, Charlotte, Lily and Flora. As our new married husband, you must now go around and kiss us all, one after the other. Later, you can do your marital duty by fucking us and giving each one of us your seed, however long that takes: probably a couple of days so that each of us can get some of your sperm as your physical seal of the marriage. Lily and Flora will have a chance to get pregnant – if they have not already caught.”

I tried to look surprised, but I was not, for this was what I expected after the declaration of marriage. My three always took every opportunity for sex, and were now adding Lily and Flora to the rota. I took up the daunting challenge that evening, but it took me three days in all, allowing a decent pause to fully recharge between each injection. Perhaps I am not as physically able as I had once assumed. It was enjoyable nonetheless.

Back at paid work on Monday, what did surprise me was the lack of any feedback from Mr Emerson. He said not a word to me about the overcharging we had uncovered. I did not push him, as I knew I would hear from him when the time was right for him.

I also thought there might be some news from aunt Maeve about the twins’ father and his reaction to the wedding ceremony, but again nothing.

On the Tuesday I walked into my office, and got a message from my secretary. I was to go to Mr Emerson and join him in visiting Chairman Yeats in the boardroom.

This was new. I had not received a summons of this dual nature before now.

Getting to Mr Emerson’s office, he welcomed me in and spoke to me.

“Jimmy, Chairman Yeats apparently has information for both of us, regarding that overcharging on invoices. I discovered it had been going on for a number of years without anyone noticing. What the Chairman proposes to do about it, I do not know, but I handed the data to him as I found it. Presumably this is the denouement day.”

We made our way to the boardroom, announced ourselves, and entered.

Chairman Yeats was alone and waiting.

“Gentlemen, come in and have a seat. This may take a while, and please note it is entirely confidential; not to be spoken of outside this room. I have instructed that we are not to be disturbed for any reason short of a fire or similar emergency.”

We nodded our surprised acceptance of this restriction.

Once we were seated at the hallowed table, he started, speaking formally as Chairman of the company.

“Mr Emerson, when your story about overcharged invoices came to me, along with a query raised by Mr Hargreaves as to the possibility of a secret plan to take over Copies, the company that deals with our adverts, I had to sit down and have a long think. I phoned a friend who has connections to that company, and asked him who would be issuing these invoices.

It seems to be a member of the accounting staff, who would prepare the invoice, send it off to us, and when the payment was received, he would handle that payment. While we could not know the details of that transaction, I presume that the accountant would siphon off the excess amount and place it in another bank account, and probably substitute another lesser invoice for the overcharged one, before stamping that new one as paid. It suggests that their accounts are not computerised, which surprises me. Most companies computerised their accounts long ago.

The individual amount is rather trifling in one invoice, but over several years of our business it would mount up. I got the name of this accountant, and surprise! It is the same surname as our head of Sales: Markov.

With that surname being uncommon, they are no doubt fairly closely related and must have set up this scam years back. I don’t know which one set it up at the beginning, but that matters not.

I initially did nothing about it, but instead applied Mr Hargreaves’ ingenious assumption to reality. I made tentative steps towards acquiring that company, Copies, for our group.

My first step was to clarify what the company did overall. It turns out that it has a surprising range of operations related to the term ‘Copies’. As well as their printing and publishing arm, they sell spares for old cars and other vehicles that ceased production years ago, as well as many other unusual spares, such as those for restoration building projects,, the kind of materials you find in an an antiques and restoration yard. My investigations revealed that they take every opportunity to buy up spares at knock-down prices from companies closing down or simply ceasing production of these items. They restrict their buying to good quality and good condition products on the whole, with a few exceptions for extreme rarities.

Accordingly, they have warehouses full of such spares that they sell to collectors of old vehicles at inflated prices due to shortage of supplies. I reckoned there was a potential for increasing profit there, so I set about buying up shares in the company. They were readily available at a fairly cheap price. This indicated a low value to that company’s business, so I made further enquiries as to the reason. At the same time I spread rumours that the company was failing. That kept their share price low and dropping, and I was able to amass thirty per cent of the company in a couple of days careful buying in small amounts.

I then approached their Chairman and informed him that there were rumours of mischief inside his company; that I had investigated and discovered we were being overcharged for preparation of ads to be placed in newspapers. Instead of publicly revealing this chicanery, I indicated to him my concern over his company being a business connection of ours and what such a revelation would do to both our businesses if it came out.

As he recovered from the shock of that indication of business dishonesty, I hit him with my true intent. I suggested that the best way for both companies to avoid fraud, theft and embezzlement charges would be for our group to absorb his company into our group, allowing us to sort out the culprits in-house and clear up the problem without any public knowledge of his company’s theft from us.

Clear so far, Mr Emerson?”

“Indeed so, Chairman. This was a masterstroke of yours; taking a few facts and a supposition, and turning them into a takeover bid! Can I assume it has succeeded?”

“It has. Their Chairman, who is the major shareholder at forty per cent, agreed to our group absorbing his company into our little empire, with one proviso: that he joins our board but none of his other directors do.”

Emerson came to an immediate conclusion, “He doesn’t trust them?”

“Not quite that strong, Archie; I mean, Mr Emerson. He regarded them as mostly dead wood and wanted to lose them, so our takeover achieves that. He reckons Copies could do better under our guidance. Ergo, he exchanged his shareholding for a set of shares in our group, of equivalent value. Along with the shareholding I purchased, that gave us 70 per cent; a commanding percentage of his company and the move to our group went through this morning on that basis. The other directors were notified of it as a done deal, and informed that their participation was now at an end. We can buy them out if they want their shares taken on by us, at a price to suit us.”

Emerson added to the Chairman’s remarks, “And that is how you can now reveal it to us, Chairman?”

“That is correct, Mr Emerson. You two were the only ones to have any part in the initial manoeuvering, so I can pass it to you to deal, as you think fit, with our Sales head and his accountant accomplice within Copies.”

“Sir, do I have a free hand in this?” asked Emerson.

“What is your thinking, Mr Emerson?”

“Sir, if we present them both with the discovered facts, they can choose to recompense the company for our losses and promise never to cheat again, and they can keep their jobs for a minimum of a year; their continuance thereafter depending on performance of course. That gives them time to find a post elsewhere without any fault showing; but they might prefer the familiar.

Alternatively, they can choose for us to bring in the police and have them charged with several criminal offences, and lose their jobs as well. I would rather leave us with control over them both and make them watch for financial irregularities by others in future. Apply the old principle of set a thief to catch a thief.”

“A very sensible and practical suggestion, Archie; Mr Emerson. The practicalities mean that you must speak to them both at the same time, so I recommend that you two take our Sales head to the new company and assemble in the boardroom. I will clear that shortly for you. Arrange for the other culprit to join you there, and present the facts to them as a pair of defendants, with the options as you suggest. You can take it from there as you see fit. They might decide to reveal other fraudsters in the process, if they see it is in their interest.”

I interrupted, “If I may add something, Chairman?”

“Go ahead, son. Sorry, I should say, Mr Hargreaves. It would be a lot easier with first names, but this is an official meeting. Please go on.”

“As a member of our accounting staff was instrumental in locating the offending invoices, perhaps recognition of finding that ... irregularity...”

Yeats frowned and said in rebuttal, “He did, as I understand, but you were the one who told him what to look for? It was your investigative work. Is that correct?”

“Yes, sir, but if we give a lot of credit to the accounting division, that will make them feel pleased with their efforts, spur them to more comprehensive examination of future invoices, and ultimately benefit the company.”

“Such perspicacity at your age! A useful contribution, Mr Hargreaves. Emerson, add that to your plan.”

“Yes, sir. Is that all sir?”

“All of our company business, but I have a personal matter to discuss with you both.”

I looked up in surprise, and Emerson looked somewhat worried. He had guessed the subject matter.

“Mr Emerson; I shall now call you Archie throughout this personal discussion. You have three daughters, and somehow they have ended up as wives to Jimmy here. Correct?”

Emerson, lost for words, finally just admitted, “Yes, sir.”

“Are they happy with their new status? No complaints of any kind?”

Archie regained some of his composure.

“From what they have told me, Chairman, they are very happy; very very happy indeed, I understand, despite all three of them being in the family way.”

“Already? Archie, Jimmy appears to have achieved the impossible, for I had heard unfortunate stories about the behaviour of these women in the last couple of years.”

Emerson was shocked that his problem was seemingly common knowledge, but I inserted my own positivity.

“They are much changed, sir. They are loving wives to me, and I have nothing but positive words to say about them in our new situation.”

“Amazing. Now, to bring us all up to date, I have been given a report by Maeve – my wife’s sister – about my own daughters. You are willing to have this revealed here, Jimmy?”

I assented, “Maeve is a remarkable woman, Chairman. She surprised us all with what she told us of some family history, and asked to speak to you about our latest family arrangements. We agreed that she should take on the task, and accept what came of it.”

Chairman Yeats took up the story, “Archie, what Jimmy is skating around gently is that my twin daughters liked what they saw with Jimmy and your daughters. Reflecting on their own home circumstances, and how they felt about Jimmy, they asked to become his wives as well.”

Emerson’s head whipped round to stare at me.

I shrugged, and declared, “Gentlemen, when I heard what was being planned by my wives and the twins, I objected at first to the suggestion, despite my exceedingly strong admiration for them. I was concerned at their youth and inexperience with men, and didn’t want them to commit without much more thought and time.

I refused to initiate such a request for marriage, and demanded that it be entirely the twins’ own decision, made of their own volition and without pressure from my wives. When this was passed on to them, they responded, almost at once, by asking me to marry them, saying that they knew no legal marriage was in prospect. They put that statement in these exact words, so they knew what they were letting themselves in for. It seems they had agreed with my wives’ assessment of me.