Chapter 11: TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch)

Dan sat for his SAT on a Saturday morning. He expected to wait six weeks for his scores to arrive. He had listed several nearby colleges and universities to also receive his test results. All he had to do was wait.

However, the scholarship search wasn’t promising. For one thing, he never received a high school diploma, and he had been too busy working to obtain an equivalency certificate. And, his inpatient time at the clinic left a void in his history that was hard to explain. Consequently, his applications were rejected ab initio, at first look.

Grace was upbeat, though. “We can figure something out. Since Dad has paid off the mortgage, we can live cheaply here in the sex palace. Uncle Hugo is happy with me, and I think I will have another raise soon. You’re going far, mi amor, and soon you will have a path. I know it! Now get your cute little butt to bed; I have big plans!”

Finally, his scores arrived. He had 690 on the verbal (English) test, and 760 on the math test. A combined total of 1450, a very strong score. So he began looking at his local choices. If selected just by his 1450 score, he would have invitations from all six schools. As far as he knew, completing his junior year courses meant that he satisfied the usual entry requirements. So he sent applications out with Grace’s kiss for luck on each envelope.

Next was a true ordeal, the multi-page Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). To complete the form, Dan needed his own income and tax records, and his father’s tax returns for the last few years. Fortunately for Dan, Ed’s income was so low (from his previous employer) that he might qualify for some federal aid.

Following procedure, the submitted FAFSA was copied to his selected colleges. The waiting game continued.

He received a rejection letter from Plum Tree College. No surprise, they were exclusive and only took wealthy students and minority athletes.

Hill Valley Academy accepted him, with a substantial scholarship and exacting work requirements. But, HVA was only for males.

Crestline College accepted Dan. Their aid package was decent and their athletics teams were awful. CC went on the “maybe” list.

Both state universities listed conditions on their acceptance letters. Dan needed his equivalency certificate before enrolling. Both institutions had low tuition and would accept his advanced placement scores for units. There was no campus housing (“Not a problem,” thought Dan). If his grade average fell below C-minus, he would be immediately expelled. It didn’t matter to Dan, but out-of-state students paid an eye-popping $19 thousand annually until they established residency.

It was time to choose. The prime state university had the best reputation, and a committed student could surely graduate in just four years, possibly three. Riverside State University was more deliberate, and had a “party school” reputation. With Grace’s support, Dan accepted a spot at “The U.”

Dan completed and passed the GED easily, which delivered his equivalency certificate. Grace promised a celebratory blowjob. Next, the feds gave him a grant that covered a large share of his costs. Online, Dan saw that his advanced placement credits had been applied, and he needed only one writing class for his degree. He registered Business Finance as his objective and reviewed the required courses list. He was pleased to see “Ethics” on the list, but worried that a PC was required.

Grace reassured him. “WVM has a closet full of older PCs that Uncle Hugo has collected. I will find something that works for you. And then you can search the internet for ‘8 Ways to Pleasure Your Woman.’ I particularly like number 4.”

“We can upgrade our internet service using the TV cable,” Grace continued. “So you can do more than email me love notes. You can write some sexy stories for us, too. By the way, I’m getting an interval service for Chocolate Thunder. Half price, $150.”

Grace returned a few days later with an extra load in her Cherokee. “Dan, go fetch your PC and put it together.” “Thank you, honey.” Dan brought in the pieces, made all the connections and powered up the rig. On top was a huge, heavy “CRT” display with three finches on the bezel. Dan noted with nostalgia the floppy drive and a CD player in the case. And then, the bad news. That pinnacle of user-hostility, Windows 8. Dan shut off the computer with a sigh.

“Sweets, I’m going in to work with you in the morning so I can use the Cherokee. The computer is almost usable but I need to fix some things first. Then we can watch some porn together, OK?” “Sure, you horndog. Now take me to bed and turn me on. Play with my button, too.”