Chapter 48: Colony Bachelor Party

Late Evening

Wednesday July 16, 2008

The King Philip II Hall

The barn was dark as I took the stage. I knew there were people in the wings, people backstage, and people in the audience, but walking out on a stage, in a large dark room, always gives an actor a few special moments with his thoughts.

Jacki and I were on a silent count, when it got to zero I heard a faint muffled drum, a snare, start a quiet cadence in one corner. Over the next few moments the steady beat slowly ramped up in volume until it filled the room. The drum was expected to be heard giving orders in mid-battle, so at full voice the rata-tat-tat filled the room, the echoes overlapping. Suddenly it ended with a loud cymbal smash.

Let there be light ... as the sound stopped a single spotlight lit me perfectly. Cue the Prince to be princely.

“Special Guests, Ladies and Gentleman, friends and lovers and brother-in-arms, we are gathered tonight to give special recognition to our fellow comrade, our friend, as he is about to depart on his detached tour from our ranks of single men into the tricky territory of married life. Please, give a hearty hand to our brother, Tango!”

On cue a second spotlight lit Tango where he was seated, Stage Left, wearing a top hat with a T-shirt and shorts that was printed to look like a tuxedo - this was the tropics after all, and we did not know how hot it would get. The barn had no AC.

Of course the room exploded with sincere applause, Tango was very popular plus the majority of the males in the crowd were former or current military who were aware of how Tango’s skills and judgement were critical in a half dozen operations.

I waited until the applause died down before I resumed my introduction.

“We know that Tango does not depart of this important patrol alone. Joining him on his journey exploring damp and dark places will be a worthy companion, the first woman descended from our German arrivals to be worthy of this great honor, a woman who will be sorely missed by many - with four legs or two - who depend on her intelligence, her judgement, her constant attention, and her most excellent service to our Patron ... the lovely Bente!”

Bente was wearing white - specifically a man’s T-shirt and boxer shorts. The garments were dazzling white like something had been done to make then shine. (A UV light was involved.) On the waistband of the shorts and the back of the Tee were small letters in black - laundry marks used by the military - saying “Tango.”

After the applause died down the spots on the side’s died and I stated talking again. I moved as the spot followed me until I reached my mark on stage left.

“You all got the invitations so you know the special rules that apply for tonight. This is far from a typical LA bachelor party that is fodder for so many hollywood attempted farces and the wildest imaginings in penthouse letters...” this was a laugh line and it hit big. “ ... so there will be no police raids, no ugly actresses moonlighting as strippers who ‘want to preserve the mystery’ and no condoms.” This got a more sincere laugh. “We are here to share the fun that we know is best between two people. The drinks will be plentiful and strong if that is desired. The ladies will absolutely be attractive. We will have some musical bits to take things off, to set the mood, and as the night goes on you can be assured, if you are willing ... to quote the great Dangerfield in the one of Hollywood’s greatest cinematic masterpieces, Caddyshack, ‘we’re all going to get laid’.”

With that the spot on me switched off and a spot on center stage went on as the curtain parted.

(Dangerfield was a great comedian, but his work has a crazy disproportionate appeal to the men of the Colony. I would say his MTV Video “Rappin’ Rodney” was the single strongest motivator for the Colony population to learn English. He was regarded as a comedic genius and the overwhelming star of both “Caddyshack” and “Back To School” which were among the most requested movies for public screenings in the colony. Most men could quote every line he spoke from the movies. It seemed like every man in the colony had to use one of his one-liners at least weekly, if not more often. I don’t claim this is a good thing. But knowing your audience is part of every MCs bag of tricks.)

Dinner at the Hacienda was early tonight to allow people to get to the after-hours engagement of Tango’s second bachelor party. Roughly 20 men were invited as guests, seated on the main floor. They would be entertained by a handful of women, 6 from the Colony and 3 (Resha, Estella and Frida) from LA. Thus the male-female mix went the other direction from what we enjoyed in LA. There would also be some guests - essentially my women, including Gracie and Kwool but not Mer and Pur - watching from the balcony. The Patron and the Chief had also been invited, they plus Marta and Cynthia were incognito in the balcony box on stage right, which had a private door for a discrete exit if needed.

This Royal Performance Hall had originally been built as a barn and was rebuilt with a stage, backstage and balcony over 100 years ago. The balcony had steel supports, an early advance. In fact the building was far more solid than needed, but at the time the members of the colony were conservative in designing the place. When it was a half century old the Germans examined the building and predicted that it would stand longer than any other building in the colony at the time.

It had been modernized several times. The last time, when the new spotlights were added, a few HD cameras were also added, all designed for remote or automated control - like tracking the spotlights. The performance would be recorded for select participants.

For tonight’s party/show there were several fixed features on the very wide stage. On stage left a canopied bed was set up where the men present would seek to contribute to Estella’s first child.

Estella had a mental impairment, there was no way she could get a good man in LA. But she and her mother really wanted a child to raise together and they were hoping for somebody from their community. They were financially secure. Rather than a random choice and an expensive procedure such as purchased sperm or a sperm donor, they suggested that the father might come from the ranks of the men at this party, men of her expanded family.

I was not a fan of the idea, but several doctors and the women of 49 endorsed the plan as a one-time thing because of how Estella came to be.

Like me, Estella was conceived by rape, so I admit that part of me was sympathetic. The Patron, Toad and Marta agreed that Frida’s suggestion for a solution put a potential good ending on a bad story, so here she was. Estella would be in the canopied bed, on stage, expecting a close encounter with the men. The men knew what was expected.