Chapter 41: Tour De Force

The first to recover and recuperate very rapidly from the cross country trek, were the boys, Mike and Rafe, and young Elena. Elena arising managed to disturb Teresa, who decided she might as well get up too. I was taking a much needed afternoon siesta in my horse trailer when their voices recalled me to consciousness, repeatedly calling my name. They were only discussing me, not calling for me, I realized, but too late.

“When do you think Uncle Joey will wake up? Why does Uncle Joey want to live out here in the stupid Stix anyway?”

“Nobody but yucky girls around here. Tony called it a petticoat ranch. Why would Uncle Joey breed petticoats? What’s a petticoat?”

“Another name for mosquitoes is my guess. There’s nothing to do here, it’s boring. I hope Uncle Joey is getting up soon, I’m hungry.”

“Uncle Joey hungry now! Yum for noisy little childrun! Fie Fye Foe Fum! Rub a tum tum. Disturbing a sleeping monster is really dumb.”

Popping out my door suddenly while grumbling this nursery threat, startled all four to take flight, but my nieces quickly returned.

“Do you really intend to eat us, Uncle Joey? Hmmmpf!”

Elena is silenced. Teresa seized her in a hug and with one hand clapped her mouth shut from behind. I’ll ignore the temptation.

“Don’t tempt me, I’ll drag you off into my cave.”

“Do you really have a cave, Uncle Joey, or are you teasing?”

“Come on in, and I’ll show you. Through here. This! Is the cheese cave. We make cheeses everyday, and we cure them is this room.”

“Can we try some?”

“These need to cure some more, but let’s raid the icebox, shall we?”

The chill box is discovered to contain a number of tasty tidbits. In particular, left over cold fried chicken from breakfast entices the nieces. Lauren had planned a big breakfast for their arrival. Sophia’s brood was still stuffed from recently eating their fill at the truck-stop restaurant. Lauren’s fine breakfast was forgivably ignored and the family went straight to bed the instant the beds were made ready. The uneaten breakfast is stored in the walk-in and available to everyone as good snacks. Mike and Rafe entered following our voices and each now has two pieces of chicken, one in each hand.

“I’ve never seen so much food in one place except in super markets. But I feel silly saying that, because farms and ranches obviously produce the food sold in the markets and of course you’ll keep plenty for your own use.”

“We’re going to get fat!”

“Why do you think you’ll grow fat, Rafe?”

“Nothing around here to do but eat.”

“Have you already explored the entire ranch? If you have, I’m curious what you base your opinion upon, there’s nothing to do?”

“Nah, we woke up and gathered by your door hoping to see you.”

“Well, then! Seems to me, we need to take the grand tour first thing. Can any f you ride?”

“Ride what? Do you mean, you have horses here? Live ones?”

Deliberately, wishing to avoid mentioning Elaine’s obscene carousel across the river, I refuse to admit non-alive horse as well as living ones are available. Calling Dallas, I request the loan of four saddled horses and two saddled ponies and a grandfatherly wrangler to assist in basic training. The kids took to it like ducks to water. One horse, I led down to Tony and Cindy’s motor home residence under the trees. Nobody home. We found wet haired Cindy emerging from the bathhouse. She had only recently awakened too. Anybody need to go, as long as we’re at the bathhouses? Stimulated by my suggestion, all promptly dismounted and took care of their business before proceeding. We next proceeded to the milking parlour and watched sheep being milked, but seeing Bubba and Sistah working the sheep fascinated the kids more.

“Can we pet them?”

“That’s entirely up to Bubba and Sistah. You can try, if you’re brave enough. Don’t complain to me if they use your hand for a chew toy!”

Mean ain’t I? Nope, practical. Bubbah and Sistah are working dogs and I don’t want pets made of them. I’ll offer the kids pets of their own. Riding them down to the boat launch, I point out a small three foot long gator sunning on the other bank across the river.

“You can pet him if you’re brave. Anybody want to go swimming?”

No taker’s for either activity. Again, I’m deliberately inhibiting them. I don’t want them playing near or in the river for safety reasons. We can’t possibly keep our eyes on them all the time.

Likewise, I find several snakes to show them. Water moccasins and a copperhead. I also know where a coral snake hangs out, but it’s hiding and not seen. Neither are any of our resident rattlers seen but I caution the kids they really are around here.

“Why ae you trying to scare us, Uncle Joey?”

“If we were in town or in a city, wouldn’t you watch for cars before crossing the street? We have creepy crawly traffic that you need to be aware of and watch out for. Watch out for each other, too. I’m not frightening you to thrill you, I’m teaching you. Would you prefer to remain ignorant of the dangers here? This is an alien environment where you’re concerned. Consider yourselves explorers on a new planet. Learn from the natives. Us older hands can teach you plenty.”

“What can we do for fun?”

“Anyone like movies?” Everyone does.

“What kinds of movies? Adventure, mysteries, cowboy westerns? All you need to do is open your eyes! This is a real life adventure, and you are the star players. You’re already riding horses aren’t you? Want t see some wild cows? They’re hiding in the jungle. Some call jungle the bush. We call it brush. There are thousands of animals living their mysterious lives within sound of my voice, but they’re hard to see. You have to look hard to see them. Look there. Something flushed that covey of quail that just exploded into the air. Maybe a predator was stalking them, crouched low, sneaking, slinking through the brush licking it’s chops, anticipating a tasty morsel or two. Are you having fun yet?”

“Besides the nature show and riding horses, what else can we do?”

“There’s the beach. Sometimes we paddle kayaks, canoes to town.”

‘Where’s the canoes? That sounds like fun!”

“It is, but not today, it will be dark soon. We don’t want to be returning on the river in the dark. Does anyone like gardening? Planting things and watching them grow? You’ll each be given your own garden spot, to design and decide what you want to plant and grow in it. Anybody like fishing? How about hunting? Did you ever shoot a bow and arrow? I’ll teach you. Do you like baby animals? Ever pet a little lamb? They’re very soft. Let me introduce you to some. Better yet, here’s an opportunity for you to make new friends. Meet Virginia and Georgia. They’re twin girlfriends of mine, but I choose to think of them as dual natures. Hi sweet darlings, sidle a bit closer. Meet the family! You’re the first real cowgirls they’ve met.”

The twins rode up to us and promptly usurped command of the tour after short introductions. Reluctant to follow me, my nieces and nephews instantly trust the impish twins. The elderly wrangler Xavier, accompanying us, continued on with the young people’s group, to maintain a watchful eye over them, and as a warning to the twins, not to play practical jokes on the greenhorns. I escape back to my horse trailer, feeling worn out by the constant questions barrage. Intent on tethering my horse, a tap on my shoulder startles me. Sophia has just returned from the bathhouse and is brushing her long dark wet hair dry. She looks refreshed. Happy. Her eyes adore me.

“Did you sleep well? I hope. Sorry you house isn’t fancier, we had to build it on very short notice. We can improve and build on to it, if you care to provide suggestions.”

“The house is fine for now, Joey, thank you. It’s nice and cool inside. Feels delicious after that miserable trip in the hot RV. I’m much refreshed and very happy to be here. Come here!”

Sophia hugged me fiercely then kissed me soundly. On my mouth. Didn’t expect that kiss. It isn’t the desire sort of passion you might interpret my description implies. It WAS spontaneously passionate, but in a grateful surfeit of relief, an unwound, stress relieved complicated sort of emotion, hard to explain. Surprised both of us, because for both of us, it felt wonderful and not at all awkward.