Chapter 27: Peepers

Social Services tried pulling a fast one, by showing up two days early ahead of the scheduled inspection, accompanied by a ringer, a Health Department Inspector. As is my right, I refused them admittance to the property at impromptu times according to their whims, insisting they return on the appointed day. Unless! I enjoyed teasing them, they have a warrant with them. They pushed the Health Inspector forward, who produced the damn thing. I allowed them in, I had no choice in the matter.

The inspection is now a formal public safety health inspection, and the Health Inspector is in charge, and quick to take charge. The social worker’s predatory grins soured on their faces. Relegated to riding drag, they can determine nothing. Not even what’s inspected.

First stop? Cold storage. Our walk-ins, freezer and chill box, have clean and shiny stainless steel clad interiors (recently clad) maintained at proper temperatures. Products separated for adequate air circulation ... Passed with five stars.

The Inspector was delighted with the climate controlled cheese safe. Gave her a just cured round of our own invention, a unique signature cheese, Baa-baa-ti. Our best seller. Closely resembles Havaarti in the making process, texture and taste, but even butterier in flavor. Sheep milk has far greater fat content than the cows milk real Havaarti is made from. She protested she isn’t allowed to accept such “samples”. Departmental prohibition was apparently soon forgotten.

After a small taste, it managed to disappear into her huge purse- satchel despite official policy. The social workers blatantly demanded their own samples, and I chased them out of the cheese safe empty handed. They were displeased at being refused.

I allowed a little of my contempt for them to show in my expression. It shocked them that anyone would despise them. They’re the good guys and gals. Saviors. They protect children from horrid parents! They wear shining armor and wield swords of truth and justice! They’re above reproach!. They derive satisfaction from performing a valuable service to the public. Public appreciation is well deserved.

Entitled to? Scorn only, in my book. Parental authority usurpers. Family disrupters. They believe the state should raise the children.

Next, inspecting the kitchen and dining hall. Sparkling clean, and the breakfast diners happy and enjoying the food. The Inspector chose taste samples from the steam table. Social workers were denied.

“Fried chicken for breakfast? Wonderful idea. Is that normal fare?”

“Around here, a daily breakfast menu item. Calories are needed.”

“Well, I heartily congratulate your staff. A well run dining facility.”

“This is Lauren. Our boss of everything concerning feeding the ladies. First and foremost in her heart, she’s a loving parent and grandparent. Her eldest daughter and first grandchild are why you are here today. Social Services have unjustly decided to keep their family apart without cause, reason, rationale, rhyme, or reason. We’re suing them for damages and regulation reform, on behalf of Lauren and her family. Our advocate has offered pro bono services.”

“Reform? Can an individual actually sue for government reform? Has it ever been tried before?”

“Maybe it’s the first case of it’s kind. How would I know? Maybe that’s why our famous lawyer is anxious to bring it to judgment. For the headlines. Votes. My only interest is Lauren’s family et al.”

“I’m no lawyer, but judges can’t dictate changes in law I think. They can set aside law, if it conflicts with other laws or the Constitution.”

“Our strategy, is simply to impress state law makers our chances are predicted to win such a huge monetary award, they’ll anxiously offer to settle for a finite amount without the BINGO factor. We’ll demand as part of that settlement, public oversight of Social Services policies and actions, similar to an elected Board of Education, with real teeth. Authority to fire any overreaching social workers and their supervisors. We’ll get the concession, never fear. We’re practically assured a win by our attorney. Afterwards, litigants in communities elsewhere will follow suit, emulate our success. Not just oversight of Social Services only, but over all bureaucratic agencies at all levels”

The social workers are horrified at the specter of the general public could hold them accountable. They’ve had enough and want to leave. Anxious to escape. Too much freedom in the air here. The Health Inspector has more to inspect. Toilet rooms and baths next.

“There certainly is fixtures enough, nobody should be standing in line. You’ve passed all criterion, with flying colors. These temporary certificates are for posting in dining and elimination facilities. Engraved certificate with affixed seals, should arrive in the mails within the week. Lovely facility, just lovely. A pleasure to see it.”

“Thank you and Goodbye. See you other ladies day after tomorrow. Suggest you wear hipboots. A thorough inspection of every feature of camp life is planned, including spelunking in the sewers. Careful ladies. Suppose your faces get stuck wearing those expressions?”

Good to see the backsides of them. Seriously. From the rear, they’re attractive, with a nice sway of skirts when they walk. Bada-Boom! The Health Inspector looked back over her shoulder, caught me staring, smiled and enhanced the exaggerated swing of her hips. I smiled back. She grinned even broader, eyes sparkling. What’s her name? Her signature is on the certificates but illegible to decipher. Oh, nice. She paper-clipped her business card to one document. Inspector General Karina Strenzki. On the back, she scrawled her private phone number. Was she wearing a ring? Can’t recall. Worth recruiting her to our side and I’m curious what she looks like more casually dressed without the Navy blue pants or power suit. Nice wriggle to her shapely tush. I’ll call this weekend. No, sooner is better, enough before to make plans with me rather than with others.

The twins are loose, on the prowl. They’re Empress’ new clothes aren’t clothing enough of anything! Nude would be less provocative.

“Hi babies!”

“We’re not babies, Joey. Don’t you remember? We’re women now. You made women of us. Maybe one of those re-enactments would aid restoring your memory? Just follow our directions. We insist!”