Chapter 8

Helen was sitting on the front doorstep as we arrived home, “didn’t you get my message?” I asked as I pulled to a stop.

“Yeah, but I was ready, so I just came round anyway.”

Naomi dashed around to Helen, they hugged as Naomi started telling Helen all about her day and the exciting book we were going to write together.

As soon as Naomi paused for breath I told Helen we had a table booked at the Royal Arms for 6 o’clock, so we might as well wander over now and have a couple of drinks first.

The Royal Arms is the main pub in the village, it’s large, friendly and has ample indoor and outdoor seating. It was a fine, warm evening so we chose an outside table, I went to the bar while Naomi continued to regale Helen of the day’s activities.

Helen and Naomi wanted white wine spritzers, I ordered a pint of one of their guest ales, a coffee milk stout that looked amazing.

As I returned to the table Naomi was whispering something to Helen, who had a very naughty look on her face, they stopped talking as soon as I put the tray down, clearly making plans for their night of fun later.

“I’m so pleased you’re going to start writing properly again,” Helen said after taking a sip of her drink, “you’ve been at a loose end for months. I know you were frustrated with the whole publishing process, but your talent is in writing fiction, not being some talking head on Sky Arts review shows.”

“I think Naomi and I will make a good team, she’s got some good plot ideas, I’ll just find the words to string them together.”

“Still, it’s what you’re best at. You’ll be happier with a book or two to work on. I know you hated the promotional work, so maybe you insist on stepping back a bit. Everyone will be interested in your new writing partner, so you use Naomi’s GCSE exam year as an excuse to do a minimum of promotional work, maybe insisting on a single press conference, or a syndicated interview, you could even do the whole lot via Zoom or something.”

“Helen, I don’t have an agent right now, how would you like to be my agent?”

“I’ve no idea what an agent does?”

“This book won’t be ready for months, I can give you an outline of what Janine used to do before she retired, if fact I’m sure she’d be happy to help you out. It’ll be a few weeks work a year, what do you think?”

“I guess I could give it a go, there’ll be people at work who could help me as well.”

“Perfect, I might even pay you.”

“I’ll be checking with Janine to see what you paid her.”

“That won’t help you, she worked for an agency, I paid them a fee for their services, she won’t have seen half of it. I’ll pay you the same as I paid the agency.”

“Cool, a bit of extra cash will come in handy if I’ve got a new girlfriend to take out on dates when she’s home from school.”

Naomi blushed as she asked, “is that me?”

“Of course it’s you.”

“That sounds so weird, I’ve never really been anyone’s girlfriend, especially not someone as pretty and mature as you.”

“I’m feeling much the same about you.”

“Anyway,” I interrupted, “shall we choose what we’re having to eat now while we wait for our table?”

“Awww, don’t you like watching us flirt?”

“I’m choosing not to answer that for my own safety.”

As we looked at the menu, Naomi told Helen all about school. It had still been a boys only school when Helen was Naomi’s age, so she’d attended a girl’s school about 10 miles away from my school.

“So, the weirdest thing is I’m in the same boarding house as Tom, it’s been extended a lot since it was converted to a girls’ house, and I’m in a new bit. I don’t know where Tom’s room was, maybe you could find it when you take me back to school in September, I bet they’d love having you visit, being such a famous ex-student.”

“I’ve never been back since I left, the possibility that we’re working together on a book would be a good opportunity to go back, maybe give a talk to the literary society.”

“Oh please Tom, I don’t think anyone at school has had their dad round to give a talk.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be embarrassed about your parents coming to school.”

“That’s only if your parents aren’t cool, with some of their books in the library and some of the films they’ve written in the house DVD libraries.”

“You’ve seen the films I’ve written?”

“Oh yeah, I told you, I take an interest in my friends’ work. I especially liked the one with Russell Crowe and Scarlett Johansson, if truth be told, all the DVDs of your films were ordered at my request, I got some puzzled looks when requesting them, but they went down really well in the boys’ houses.”

At 6pm on the dot a waitress came out to take our order, Helen and I ordered the full three-meat carvery with roast beef, lamb and gammon, you usually end up with enough meat to make sandwiches for lunch the next day. Naomi was a bit sad they didn’t have chicken or turkey on the carvery this week, so she chose poached salmon with salsa verde and Jersey royal new potatoes.

“Can I have some little bits of your meat, Helen?”

“Of course you can, only a bit though, the beef might cause you problems, it can be tough to digest.”

Another round of drinks arrived, Helen told Naomi about the library, the sorts of work she’d be doing tomorrow, and how they needed to clear part of the reference section because a singer songwriter was coming in to do a session for the local radio station.

“Wow, that’s exciting, music in a library sounds weird though.”

“Libraries aren’t as quiet as they used to be, the kids’ corner sees to that. The reference library is usually pretty quiet though.”

Our food arrived, the three-meat carvery meal is huge, with roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, veg, Yorkshire pudding, lashings of thick beef gravy, wonderful.

Naomi’s plate looked a bit sad, she took a bite of the salmon and a small piece of asparagus and her smile told me everything I needed to know about her menu choice.

“Amazing, just amazing. When you fill the paperwork in for next term, don’t bother putting a tick in the veggie diet box, I could safely eat this every day.”

Helen cut off some small pieces of her meat, a roastie, some mash and gravy, piled it neatly into a Yorkshire pudding and put it on the side of Naomi’s plate.

“Oh that’s a lovely little meal, thank you. I’ll finish my salmon before I taste that though, so I can savour the meat and gravy properly.”

Naomi and Helen threw around plot ideas for the book as we worked our way through the meal, I jotted notes on my napkin, I’ll put them all into a spreadsheet and work out how they all fit together.

Naomi took her last forkful of salmon, then washed it down with her spritzer, she turned her plate so her mini carvery meal was to the front.

“I’ve been dreaming about this since I started eating the salmon, it smells so good, which bit do I eat first?”

“Have a bit of the mash and gravy, it’s amazing,” Helen suggested.

Naomi ate a forkful of mash, “oh wow, proper meat gravy, mmm, wonderful.”

She finished off the rest of the meat and potatoes, leaving the beef and Yorkshire pudding until last, then she sat back and rubbed her stomach.

“That. Was. Amazing. Best meal ever. Two years, two fucking years I was a vegetarian, all because of Jordan, and he wasn’t interested in me. Why did I do it, and why didn’t Jordan fancy me? What’s wrong with me? Mind you, I didn’t have these boobs two years ago, that may have been a factor, and I wore braces, actually, I was something of a troll at the start of Year 9.”

“As someone who’s had you popping in and out of my house for the past few years, I must say you were never a troll.”

“You’re just being nice, I was all goofy.”

I pulled out my phone and opened Instagram, I found Kelly’s profile and ran back through her photostream.

“Here we go, two years ago, Helen, wouldn’t you say she looks perfectly acceptable in these photos.”

“Hang on, they’ll be all fixed up with filters and stuff,” Naomi protested.

“Nope, these look natural, they’re on your mum’s stream,” Helen said, “you look fine, I’d say you were just starting to get really pretty here. Whoever Jordan is, he’s clearly an idiot.”

“Thank you, I’m not sure I believe you, but it’s nice you to say I looked pretty.”

“Do we want dessert?” Helen asked later as we finished our drinks.

“I’m too stuffed,” Naomi said.

“I’ve got a few different Ben & Jerry’s tubs in the freezer,” I offered.

“There’s no way I’m saying no to that,” Naomi said, “but not for another hour or so.”

When the waitress came to clear the table I asked for the meat to be boxed up, and another round of drinks.

Naomi chatted with Helen about past relationships, Helen was a bit cagey about some details, I know this is a sore point, as she’s been let down so often by past lovers of both genders, and she’s been on her own for a few months now. Her last serious relationship ended in floods of tears and not a few bruises on both sides, she’s never spoken about that last fight, but I know for a fact it wasn’t the first. That woman’s next partner ended up in hospital and the woman ended up in Styal Prison.

“ ... so, as you can see, you’re probably the most normal person I’ve ever dated,” Helen finished as I came back from the gents.

“On that scale, it still doesn’t make me all that normal,” she laughed, “but I still feel special that you like me.”

“And so you should.”

I’d collected our leftovers when I paid the bill inside, so with our drinks finished we walked back home, Naomi in the middle holding our hands like she was a toddler walking home with her parents.

“How many of those spritzers did I have?” she asked.

“Well I had four, so I’m guessing you did too.”

“Are they strong?”

“Well, it’s a small glass of wine mixed with lemonade and ice, so you’ve had about ⅔ of a bottle of wine.”

“Ahh, that’s why I’m just a little bit tipsy then I guess.”

“A nice helping of chocolate ice cream will sort you out,” Helen replied.

“I reckon chocolate ice cream is the cure for most things.”

At home I made Naomi use her new keys to open the door and shut off the alarm, she clearly wasn’t that drunk, she got the key and code right the first time.

In the kitchen I got the coffee brewing while the ladies selected their ice cream from the freezer. Deciding that it wasn’t necessary to dirty a bowl they brought the tub and a couple of spoons to the kitchen table and started to dig in straight from the tub.

“If your mum saw you now, she’d go mental,” I said, shaking my head in mock dismay.

“What!” Helen said through a mouthful of ice cream.

“I have many bowls and a dishwasher.”

“What’s the point, we’ll finish this whole tub between us, won’t we sweetie.”

Naomi looked up and nodded, “this is the correct way to eat ice cream.”

“Fair enough, shall I get mugs for the coffee or do we just drink it straight from the jug.”

Helen looked at Naomi, “he’s just upset because we didn’t get him a spoon.”

“Ahh, Mr Grumpy Trousers...”

They fell about laughing while I poured coffee into three mugs. It’s been an awful long time since I heard laughter like this in the house. It made the whole place feel more like a home than just a house.

After our coffee I suggested it was probably time for bed if they both had to be up early for work in the morning, especially as Helen had to go home first for her work clothes.

“Haha, that’s what you think, I shoved a bag of clothes through the utility room window, I’ll go get them now.”

She returned with a small carry-on suitcase, which now had a slight dent from falling through the window.

“How long are you staying?” I asked.

“A day or two, maybe three. If you prefer I can take Naomi to my house.”

“You can stay as long as you like.”

“I was going to pack for a week, but I figured I couldn’t fit a bigger suitcase through that window.”

“Next time I’ll leave a door open, if it makes your life easier.”

“Awww, he’s still grumpy about the ice cream.”

We moved upstairs, like last time we separated at the top of the stairs, Helen following Naomi to her room, I went to mine alone.

Shit, still not changed the bedding, so I started to strip the bed as I heard a knock on the door and Naomi came in just wearing her bra and panties.

“Don’t bother with the bed at this time of night, you can sleep with us.”

“Err, what do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve got a nice big king-sized bed, and we’re kind of small and so there’s loads of the bed leftover, so we thought you could join us, it’ll be cosy.”

“Ahh, but one of ‘us’ is Helen, my sister, that will be kind of awkward.”

“Helen said she’d just watch if anything happens. Come on, it’ll be fun, and she brought some lube, so we could do anal if we want.”

Ok, at this point I’m going to blame the beer, I had a couple more drinks than the girls, and it was a pretty strong brew, so yeah, I wasn’t sober, and I looked at Naomi in her lacy bra and panties, and, well, what do you think happened.

I found myself following Naomi along the hallway to her bedroom, where Helen was lying naked in the bed. I suddenly noticed she has a great figure, a nice flat tummy with decent hips leading to a very nice bum, and breasts almost as big as Naomi’s.

Coming to my senses, I stammer, “err, I thought Helen was just watching.”

“Does she need clothes to watch.”

“Well it’s not right for me to see her naked, she’s my sister.”

“She’ll be seeing you naked, won’t she, so why should she be special and get to see her brother’s fine body and you don’t get to see her fine body, that just wouldn’t be fair now, would it.”

I’m tongue tied.

“And she does have a fine body doesn’t she, just look at her boobs, aren’t they great?”

“Mmm, yes, they are.”

“See, and without my help you’d never have got to see Helen naked, aren’t you going to thank me?”

I was mesmerised, Naomi’s quiet sexy voice, her perfume, the sight of her in her sexy underwear, and Helen on the bed, naked, her hand between her legs, rhythmically massaging her sex, how could I not thank Naomi for this experience, but I’d lost the power of speech, all I could do was nod, which I did many times before she grabbed my trouser belt and pulled me to her, kissing me passionately whilst she unfastened my pants and dropped them to the floor.