Chapter 5

I collected a bottle of 25 year old Glenmorangie from my “Man Cave”. I have cheaper malts in the cupboard, but I suspected this story demanded something robust.

Kelly sat opposite me at the kitchen table, she cradled her tumbler, breathing in the rich aroma of the highland malt.

“So yes, Naomi was 15 years and 200 days old yesterday, when I was that exact age I’d been modelling for a while. My mum pushed me into it, she was a pushy mum, which is why I’ve tried to be more relaxed. I’d been doing catalogue shoots, girlswear, ladieswear, even swimsuit shots. You’ve seen the photos, I had a good figure, not as impressive as Naomi, but still decent boobs, so they had me modelling swimsuits and bikinis.”

Kelly took a swallow of her whisky, “mmm, this is nice.”

I topped up her glass as Kelly settled herself in to tell me her story.

“So, on the day I was 15 years and 200 days old, a Saturday, it was the middle of December, so naturally I had been modelling bikinis for a summer catalogue. I was quite naive, I didn’t have boyfriends, I didn’t have time, when I wasn’t at school I was working, either in my dad’s shop or in a photo studio. So that day, we’d been shooting a set for a glamour catalogue, something like Ann Summers, sexy costumes for the beach or by a pool rather than actual swimming, some of the bikinis were little more than small triangles of fabric and string. I thought I looked slutty rather than sexy, Phil, the photographer clearly liked the show, he had a bulging hardon, but at the time I really didn’t notice, although I remember I was uncomfortable all afternoon, he’d been paying very close attention, touching me to adjust my costumes rather than telling me how to adjust them.

“He’d turned the heating down, to make my nipples show, we wouldn’t do that for a high street catalogue, but this being a sexy catalogue he thought this would give the images a bit of extra pop.

“So, after the last bikini, I remember, it was a Union Jack one, I thought it was tacky, the material was cheap and it made my boobs itch, so as soon as he’d taken the last photos I took it off to rub some talc into my boobs to stop the itching, and Phil carried on taking photos!

“I was pissed off, really angry, but he comes on all, ‘you’re so beautiful ... it’s OK ... I won’t use the photos for anything ... why don’t we do a few other poses... ‘ all the usual bullshit. He turns on the charm, flatters me, and carries on shooting. Those are the photos he sold to the papers after I became famous, he either didn’t tell the papers I was only 15, or the papers didn’t care. I wanted to complain, but mum told me it would be a bad idea, harm my image if people thought I was the kind of slut who posed topless while still at school, like it was my choice.

“Anyway, he became all touchy, posing me, speaking in a low voice, flattering me more and more, and I started to respond. My only saving grace is that all the time he had the camera I kept the bikini briefs on, otherwise he’d have got some proper top shelf photos, and I never did those, I only did glamour, Page 3 topless stuff, lads mags, I did some nude, but I never showed my pussy to camera, just teasing.

“This was in the days before most professionals were using digital cameras, he was using film, this is important, because what happened next would have been so much worse if he had a digital camera that he could set to movie mode.

“With the film exhausted he sat the camera aside and told me to sit on the sofa, we normally did this, we’d go through some of the Polaroids he took as samples, get an idea of how all the outfits looked.

“Today I was all flustered and annoyed because of the unwanted topless photos, I wasn’t thinking straight, I should have got dressed and gone, but then I wouldn’t have got paid, he always paid me on the way out. So I sit on the sofa and he sits next to me, too close, but my angry brain was still too fogged to realise what was about to happen.

“He had no polaroids, I finally cottoned on, too late, he grabs the back of my head, pulls me to him and he kisses me, it was horrible, cigarettes, coffee and putrid food, I was nearly sick in his mouth. I should have been sick, then maybe he would have just slapped me round a little and not done what came next.

“He pawed me, played with my boobs, just the opposite of foreplay, enjoying himself, not doing anything to pleasure me.

“He pulls his zip down and out flopped his cock, I didn’t see it, I had my eyes shut, I felt it on my leg. He flips me over, then he raped me, there’s no other word for it, I didn’t want it, I didn’t enjoy it, I was in great pain and he left me a mess of blood, bruises and tears.

“I cried for days. I don’t even know how I got home. Mum was no help, she was just saying it was all my fault, I led him on. Dad wouldn’t talk to me, ashamed of me.

“I phoned my best friend, Stella, she got her brother to drive her round to my house, then she got him to drive us both to the hospital, where they patched me up, they offered me the morning after pill, just in case. I took it although even in my distressed state I knew I couldn’t be pregnant because he came in my arse.”

“It was a fortnight before I was comfortable down there, and longer than that before all the bruises cleared, he’d gripped my neck, my shoulders, he’d bitten my boobs, my arse cheeks, he’d punched me a few times. It was horrible.

“I wanted to press charges, but mum wouldn’t let me. I found a policeman who was willing to believe me, he was so nice, I told him about the studio and he drove me round there, but it had been emptied out. I didn’t know Phil’s real name, he always paid me cash, so no cheques with his name. The policeman phoned the catalogue company, but they couldn’t help, they bought the photos from an agency, and the agency said they got the photos from a different agency. The policeman said this was to protect everyone if the shit hit the fan over any dodgy photos. Apart from Stella, he’s the only person who showed the slightest bit of concern for my welfare.

“My relationship with my parents broke down completely. I ended up staying with Stella’s family for about a year, they were so kind and Stella was a tower of strength, helping me through a very stressful time. I went back to modelling, it was all I knew, Stella did some research and found a reputable agency, they got me work and I was soon earning enough money to rent my own place and I moved out of Stella’s house, she continued to support me, and we’ve stayed close friends.

“Mum eventually reconciled with me once I was nationally famous, she tried to become my manager but I wasn’t having that, she wasn’t going to earn a penny of my money after what she put me through, I was over 18 by now and could do what I liked. I’ve still not spoken to dad since that day, I don’t know what he thought about me, he was very middle class and chauvinistic, so probably thought it was all my fault. Even after I talked to mum, he was never around when I went home, and he’s dead now, mum only told me after the funeral.

“So you see, when Naomi was exactly the same age as me when I lost my virginity against my will, I wanted Naomi to give hers to someone she loved and trusted, you also see why I can’t let you do anal with me.”

I held Kelly’s hands in mine, looking into her eyes for the longest time, struggling to gather the words to express my horror for what she’d gone through at such an early age.

“It’s ok, you don’t need to say anything, I can see your reaction in your face.”

I leant across the table and kissed her, a tender kiss to show I loved her, as I pulled away I saw Naomi and Helen in the doorway, Kelly saw me react and looked their way.

“Ahh honey, did you hear all that?”

“Mum, I had no idea, why didn’t you tell me.”

“I didn’t want to upset you, and I guess I have now.”

“I’m only upset because she didn’t tell me, you’ve kept that bottled up for years. Did you tell dad?”

“No, I’ve never told anyone, just my mum and dad, that didn’t go well, Stella and the police. I didn’t think your dad would like to hear about how I was raped, he wasn’t the sensitive type. I told Tom because I want to start our life together with no secrets, and I felt I needed to explain why I allowed you to seduce him.”

“Oh mum, it must have hurt to keep that story bottled up.”

“After a while it became harder to talk about it, I was more nervous about telling you, Tom, than I was about letting you make love to my daughter. It was a long time before I trusted another man, the next person I slept with was Gavin, and the next after Gavin was you, Tom.

“So there you have it, my full sexual history. Oh don’t worry, I have no intentions of asking you about your history, it’s absolutely none of my business.”

Naomi came into the kitchen, she collected a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, handed one to Helen before she slid onto the bench next to Kelly, “mum, I love you so much. I’m glad you’ve told Tom everything, it shows you trust him as much as I do. We’re going to be a great family, I can feel it in my bones.”