Chapter 28

Ten minutes later we were sitting in a very nice coffee shop, I had a mug of good strong coffee and a piece of caramel shortbread, I was happy.

Kelly patted the thick manilla envelope, “so, do we read them first, or let Pixie read them.”

I took a sip of my coffee, Mexican if I’m not mistaken, and thought about it for a moment. We could read them then put them back, and let Pixie think she was the first to read them, but that would be dishonest.

“No, we can’t read them, not until Pixie has read them. This is all before we knew her, it’s not our business.”

“Thank you, that’s what I think too.”

With that decision made, she pulled the protective tape off the flap and sealed the envelope.

“Do you think there’s any major stuff we don’t know yet,” Kelly asked as she started on her second cup of Earl Grey.

“I think there is. For a start, it’s an absolute miracle if the only time she was abused was the time Jenna told us about. A small child in an unlocked room with two drug addicts and Jenna’s customers! Having said that, I don’t think there’s anything to be achieved by trying to drag those memories out.”

“I think you’re right. What about her time at Ruth’s.”

“I very much doubt she was physically abused there, but emotional abuse, yes, she was downtrodden, Ruth made her feel worthless, and that’s an absolute crime, because she’s a very bright and strong girl, she’s just lacking confidence.”

“The year she missed in school worries me,” Kelly said, “the bullying, that’s got to have lasting repercussions, I hope she’s able to talk to Danni about it, because she can be a great help there.”

“Mmm, I’ve a couple of ideas about that, neither are nice, but one is worse, and will have a more lasting impact than the other.”

“Do I want to know?”

“The first one is simply that someone found out about what Jenna did and ran with it. Teenagers can be horrendously cruel.”

“Tell me about it, especially girls. Ok, what’s the other idea?”

“She made advances on one of the girls.”

“Oh yes, she said she’d been looking at my photos since she moved to Ruth’s, so even back then when she was like 9 or 10 she was thinking she was gay. The poor love, how confused she must have been. It breaks my heart that there’s so many girls, and boys, let’s not forget them, who are growing up gay in households that refuse to accept them.”

Kelly’s phone vibrated silently on the table, she looked at the screen, “oh, they’re done, we can meet them at the top of Main Street and walk over to the pub for dinner.”

I quickly finished my drink and we left to meet the girls; I wonder how they got on.

They were smiling as they approached, which was a good sign. As they reached our side of the road Pixie dropped Naomi’s hand as she hugged us both, first Kelly, then me.

“I’m so sorry for what I said earlier, it was wrong of me to doubt your motives, I know you only mean well. Thank you, thank you so much for all you’ve done for me.”

“It’s ok,” Kelly said, “I’m sure anyone who’s been picked up and thrust into the middle of a strange family would feel pretty confused.”

“All the same, I am genuinely sorry for everything I’ve said and done these last couple of days to make your lives difficult.”

“How did your meeting with Danni go?”

“Very well, I only made her go pale once, we’re going to meet every Wednesday afternoon between sports and the evening meal, she wants to work out why I don’t feel worthy, I’m going to stop the sessions if she tries to dig into what happened at Jenna’s, because right now I don’t want to think about it. That’s a door that’s staying firmly closed.”

Kelly pulled her into a tight hug, “oh sweetheart, be as open as you can with Danni, keep that door shut as long as you need to, but one day we might have to open it to let all the badness out, but only when you feel ready.”

“Not now though, ok.”

“Definitely. Now, let’s get food.”

“Food is always good,” Pixie said as she took Kelly’s hand.

Naomi smiled at me, “she did good in there, I’m so proud of her.”

“We all are, she’s a trooper for sure.”

“I love her so much Tom, she makes my heart smile,” and with that Naomi took my hand as we followed Kelly to the pub at the other end of Market Street.

As discussed earlier, it’s 22 years since I’ve visited the school, and therefore it’s also 22 years since I’ve been through the doors of the Lamb and Flag, and those 22 years have definitely been kind to the pub, because it’s recently had a very expensive makeover, gone were the old copper topped tables and in their place were dark wood benches and tables, with cosy booths along the side walls, there was a big wood burner in the middle of the floor, not that we needed it today, but it would be nice in winter.

“I’ll drive to the cottage if you want a couple of pints Tom.” Kelly said as she walked to the bar.

“You just want to drive my car,” I laughed.

“Fair enough, you ok with a coke then?”

“No, beer’s fine. Here, have my keys.”

“What would you like?”

I looked along the bar, 8 manual beer pumps, all beers from decent breweries, “anything, they all look good, you pick.”

“Ok, go find a table with the girls, I’ll bring some menus with the drinks.”

Kelly handed me the envelope as I walked with the girls to a table by the window, as we took our seats I slid the envelope over to Pixie.

“What’s this,” she asked.

“Those are your reports, as promised.”

“Have you read them?”

“Nope, they’re your reports, you read them first, and if you’re ok with it, we’ll read them afterwards. Your reports from this school will be emailed to Kelly and myself, so we’ll read those without your permission, but the contents of these reports are, strictly speaking, nothing to do with Kelly and I, so you can keep them secret if you wish, in fact, you can go and put them straight into the wood burner over there and set fire to them, but don’t you want to know what your teachers really thought about you, rather than the lies Ruth told you to grind you down.”

Pixie thought for a moment, then she tore the top off the envelope and slid the stack of reports out.

“They’re in order,” she said as she riffled through them, “Year 7 will be shit, I really wasn’t well. Can you read that one Naomi and tell me what it says.”

Naomi took it from Pixie and started to read it to herself, then after reading the front and back she summarised it, “Maths, you’re graded as A, which means ‘Ahead of expectations’ apparently, your teacher says ‘Jean is at least a year ahead of the rest of the class, she has already completed the year 8 section of the textbook. She seems bored in class and sometimes her neighbours have to wake her, I’ve raised this with her guardian who didn’t seem concerned. Will speak to Pastoral Support.’ Ahh, just a second this is from your file, it’s not the report sent home, here we go, the next sheet is the one sent home, he doesn’t mention the bit about you falling asleep. But you see, your teacher really did think you were clever, just a bit sleepy.”

Pixie took the report back and read it to herself, she smiled and frowned and put it to one side and read the next sheet.

“They’ve printed out my whole school file, look at this Kelly,” she said as Kelly put the tray of drinks down.

Kelly sat and took the sheet off Pixie as I passed the drinks around, I took a sip of my beer as Kelly read the sheet Pixie had given her, she’d chosen well, a lovely dark coffee porter from Fell Brewery if I’m not mistaken.

“Oh wow, Tom, listen to this.”

Notes of meeting held on 30th March 2017 between Judith Peters, Year 7 Pastoral Officer, Carol Morgan of Children’s Services and Ruth Byrne, Jean Turner’s legal guardian.

The purpose of this meeting was to address the school’s concerns over Jean Turner’s behaviour, her inattention in lessons, her tiredness, especially in the afternoons, and her unexplained bruising.

We presented Mrs Byrne with the points above and she left the room.

I made several phone calls in the afternoon but there was no answer.’

“Then the next page,” Pixie said.

Kelly read this sheet.

2nd April 2017, following our unsuccessful meeting with Mrs Ruth Bryne regarding her ward Jean Turner.

Carol Morgan, along with two other officers from Children’s Services, attended Mrs Byrne’s home to further address the question of Jean’s care, Mrs Byrne refused to allow them access.

Ms Morgan says that she will escalate the case.

Pixie flipped through the pages, “there’s nothing else, what does that mean?”

“I’m sorry honey, that probably means Children’s Services got no further, if Ruth refused them access, they’d need to get a warrant to enter, and many times the courts just don’t grant them without strong evidence.”

“They said bruises, why did I have bruises.”

“Don’t you remember?”

“No I don’t, oh shit.”

Pixie put her head down, deep in thought. After a moment or two she raised her head, a frown spoiling her pretty face.

“I need to take a walk outside for a minute, you know what I like to eat, Naomi, choose something please. Tom, you were so nice yesterday, can you come with me, just to make sure I don’t do anything silly.”

I stood, Pixie took my hand, “err, can you pick something for me please,” I said as Pixie led us outside.

“I need an open space where I can scream, it really worked yesterday to clear my head.”

I pointed behind the pub, at the end of their beer garden is a little stream, “if we follow that stream it’ll take us into those woods there, the trees will hide us.”

“Good plan.”

In the clearing Pixie told me to stand back, then she fell to her knees beneath the thick tree cover, she threw her head back and screamed, a blood curdling wail, it took all my strength not to run to her side, to offer some comfort, but I was under strict instruction not to intervene unless it looked like she’d hurt herself.

She screamed until her throat was dry, the wail becoming a hoarse whisper, then she fell forward, motioning me to come over as she rested her head on the ground.

“I’ve remembered, help me up and I’ll tell you all later,” she panted, her voice raspy from the screaming.

“I think we’ll stop at the chemist, get you something for your throat.”

“Thanks, take your time, I want to get my breath back before we go back to the pub.”

I helped her brush the leaves and soil off her trousers and out of her hair, then we walked slowly back to the street, a quick trip to the chemist for throat sweets then we were back in the pub.

I checked my watch, a little over 20 minutes had passed, it seemed longer.

“Where’s the ladies?” Pixie asked as we walked through the door.

I pointed to the side of the bar, “just there.”

She walked towards them and I started to follow, “it’s ok, I’m better now, go back to the table, they’ll be worried.”

Naomi looked anxious as I walked back to the table, “where’s Pixie?” she asked, obvious concern on her face, I realised they won’t have seen us enter.

“She’s just gone to the ladies, to wash her face.”

Naomi dashed off before I’d even finished speaking.

“Is she ok?” Kelly asked.

“She’s better, this was much quicker than yesterday. I think she needs to let off steam like that before she can think clearly.”

“So what has she remembered?”

“I don’t know, she said she’d tell us later, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to tell us in public.”

“Ahh, makes sense. Anyway, we’ve been naughty, Naomi and I read every word of the reports while you were out. She’s well ahead of the rest of the class in every subject apart from French.”

“She said she was struggling in English and Science as well.”

“Not according to her teachers.”

“You know, if I ever find Ruth. Shit, what would I do? It’s not worth the energy, let’s concentrate on boosting Pixie’s confidence.”

Our food arrived just then, perfectly timed as Naomi and Pixie slid back onto their bench.

“Oooh, what’s this?” Pixie asked, looking at her plate.

“Pea, mushroom and truffle risotto,” Naomi said, “I thought you’d like truffle.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had truffles before, this is exciting.”

My plate held a Philly cheese-steak sandwich and chunky chips, Naomi had a fish-finger sandwich and chips, Kelly a Caesar salad.

“Excellent choice,” I said before taking a bite of my sandwich.

“Oh wow,” Pixie said after tasting a forkful of her risotto, “now that’s amazing, who do I have to kiss to get this recipe?”

“Don’t offer to kiss the chef again,” Naomi laughed.

“Well, it worked last time.”

It was good to see Pixie smiling, and I was glad to see the smile reached all the way to her eyes.

“Thanks Tom,” Pixie said when she caught me watching her eat, “you’re a life-saver you know.”

“Yours is a life worth saving.”

As we finished our food Kelly checked her phone for the time, “great, nearly time for us to check into the cottage, before we go, we need to decide about meals, because the cottage is quite a way from civilisation.”

“Cool,” Pixie said, her face aglow with the news, “that sounds amazing.”

“It does mean we’ll have to cook for ourselves.”

“When has that been a problem,” Pixie said, still smiling, “you stay here, I’m going shopping.”

Naomi stood with Pixie, “sit down, I’ve got this,” she checked her phone for the time, “great, so we want something for tea, maybe supper, and breakfast. Give me 30 minutes, then meet me back at the car. If I get lost I’ll phone for help.”

She almost ran for the door as she left on her errand, “will she be ok?” Kelly asked.

“She’ll be fine, this is her way to pay back our kindness, she enjoys being useful.”

“How will she know where to go?”

“Ahh, that’s easy, we went to the chemist for some Soothers for her throat, she was hoarse after the screaming. She had a look at the organic food shop next to the chemist, I think that’s where she’ll be shopping.”

“How much money does she have on her Tom?”

“I don’t know, she pocketed a couple of hundred that we couldn’t deposit in the bank.”

“She’s been shopping since then though. Can you go and check she’s got enough money, those farm shops are expensive. I’d go myself but she seems to rely on you more than me.”

“That’s only because she’s known me longer.”

“No, it’s more than that Tom, you’re probably the first male she’s ever trusted, she’s formed a bond with you, and you’ve bonded with her, I saw you watching her before, not a lascivious look, you were watching her like a father would watch his favourite daughter.”

“You’re not allowed favourite’s Tom,” Naomi said cheekily.

“There’s no way I can win here, so I will exercise my right to silence and go see if my favourite daughter is ok.”

As I suspected, Pixie was in the farm shop with a pretty full basket, she put it on the floor and hid the contents when I entered the shop.

“What are you doing here? I said to wait for me.”

“It’s ok, Kelly just wanted to make sure you had enough money.”

“I want to pay for the food.”

“And I’m not going to stop you paying, I’ll just cover the difference if you haven’t got enough money.”

“Ahh, ok, but stand outside, I’ll call you if I need money. And no peeking.”

So I stood for ten minutes with my back to the shop window, during that time Kelly and Naomi emerged from the pub, Kelly gave me a look and walked over, “I’m not allowed inside, but I’ve got to hang around in case she needs to borrow some money,” I told her.

“You wouldn’t do that for me,” Naomi pouted.

“He would and you know it,” Kelly scolded her.

“I’m only taking the piss,” she replied.

“I know, and so am I.” Kelly answered as they set off back to the car.

A few minutes later Pixie came out, “can I borrow £5 please, and you need to tell the man the wine is for you and mum.”

She allowed me to enter the shop, but she wouldn’t let me look at the bags, I gave her £20 so she wouldn’t be completely out of money, and told the shopkeeper the wine was for dinner.

“We’re staying in a cottage out of town and Pixie is cooking for us.”

“You’re in for a treat then when she cooks that lot,” he replied, “wouldn’t mind popping round myself, but my wife would have words.”

“If there’s some left over I’ll bring you some round on our way home tomorrow,” Pixie said, gifting the man with her brightest smile.

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

I bent down to pick up the two bags packed with provisions, Pixie slapped my hand, “no way, you’ll peek, and I don’t want you to see what’s for dinner until it’s ready.”

“You can’t carry them both,” I protested.

“I’m stronger than I look, you just watch me,” she replied, her face set in a don’t mess with me glare.

“Fair enough,” I said as I opened the door.

“Kids, who’d have them,” the shopkeeper joked.

“She literally appeared in my life a few weeks ago, and I honestly wouldn’t swap her for all the money in the world.”

“Really?”

“Yep, she’s my partner’s daughter’s girlfriend, and she’s an absolute delight to have around the house, and cooks like a Michelin starred chef. Every home should have one.”

And with that we left, Pixie waddling in front of me under her heavy load.

“Did you mean that?” she asked.

“Every word sweetheart, every single word.”

“Thank you, remind me to hug you when we get to the car.”

“Give me the bags, I won’t look inside them. I like surprises.”

“Ok, eyes front while I put them down.”

I took the bags and resisted the temptation to look down.

“Thank you, they were maybe a bit too heavy after all.”

I’d only had one pint, but I still let Kelly drive us to the cottage, she knew the roads around here much better than I did, and I know how much she enjoys driving my car now she’s got used to the size and power.

She wasn’t kidding about it being remote, it stood on its own on a moor, surrounded by low, wind-blow hedges and hundreds of sheep, and it looked fantastic.

“Ok girls, welcome to the countryside, there’s almost no mobile signal here, so you may as well turn your phones off.”

As we also found out, there was no mains gas either, just a propane tank behind the house and a very well stocked wood pile, and pretty patchy electricity.

Pixie made me shut my eyes as I lifted the bags out of the boot, and she led me slowly into the house and into the kitchen.

As I put the bags down I opened my eyes and had a good look around. The house was cosy, with old but comfortable furnishings, a well stocked bookshelf, a TV with a selection of DVDs and a pile of board games and jigsaws.

Pixie had a look around the kitchen, pronounced herself satisfied with what she found then demanded everyone leave her alone for the next few hours.

“Just shout if you want drinks or anything and I’ll bring then, you are not allowed to enter my kitchen without my permission, ok?. I have beer, I have coffee and I have cans of coke.”

“How about I make us all a coffee before you start, then you’re free to do whatever you like.”

“Yes, that would be good,” Pixie replied, before giving me a hard hug.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

“Just because you’re unbelievably lovely to me, and you kept to your word and didn’t look in the bags. There’s a bag of coffee by the hob, there’s no coffee machine or electric kettle, so I’ve filled the gas kettle and popped it on the hob ready. There’s one of those French press thingies over there, and milk in the fridge.”

“How did you do all that while I was looking around the lounge.”

“Organisation is my superpower.”

As I poured coffee a few minutes later I said, “let me know if you need help with the cooking.”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t, it’s all fairly simple I just need to get my timings right. Oh I tell you what, you can peel some potatoes and slice some onions, that will help, and we can chat for a bit longer, I like talking to you.”

“That would be nice, I’ll give Kelly and Naomi their drinks then we can chat.”

Naomi was with Kelly unpacking in the bedrooms, so I left their coffees and returned to the kitchen to help Pixie’s prep, as I peeled and thinly sliced potatoes Pixie spoke.

“So, don’t get angry Tom, but I know why I got the bruises.”

“Why would I be angry?”

“It’s my fault, well I think it is.”

“What happened? I promise I won’t get angry.”

“Well, you know how I said Mel is always angry, he sits in his chair swearing at the TV, that’s all he used to do most days, smoke, drink and swear at the TV.”

“Yes, so what does this have to do with your bruises?”

“Well, imagine you’re an 11-year-old girl, one who’s struggling with her sexuality and identity, one who can’t remember very much of her early life and is in love with a princess on her wall.”

“OK, I’ll try...”

“Now imagine if the person she thinks is her dad is this horrible, smelly foul-mouthed layabout, and then imagine if you’ve just found out he has no penis.”

“OK...”

“Now what would you do, you’d lash out at him, you’d be snide, you’d be cruel, aiming vicious barbs at him, that’s what you’d do, and he’d slap you, he’d grab you by your skinny arms and shake you, maybe he’d punch you sometimes.”

I turned to Pixie and pulled her into my arms, I hugged her as she cried and held her as she screamed and pounded her fists into my back as she remembered the torment of living with the person who turned out to be her abuser.

Kelly came to the doorway, a concerned look on her face, I mouthed it was ok, I had this.

I held Pixie until the sobs stopped and she pulled away.

“Oh fuck, did I hurt you?”

“Not really, and definitely not as much as Mel hurt you. Right Pixie, sit down for a minute and we’ll have a little talk about parental responsibility.”

Pixie sat with her head in her hands, still sobbing quietly, I passed her a few sheets off the roll of kitchen towels.

“So, parents, I’m not terribly experienced in this area, I probably need Kelly’s help really.”

“I like talking to you though, you’re my friend.”

“Even so, can Kelly come and talk to you as well as me?”

“Ok, she’s always nice to me too.”

I waved to Kelly and she sat by my side, leaving Pixie alone opposite, we didn’t want to crowd her.

“Right,” I started, “here’s how adults should behave around children. We should remember how it was to be a child, how fragile our emotions were, but equally how strong our beliefs were. We should react calmly with children, treating them with respect, but also maintain an air of authority. It’s a fine balance to get right, I realise, but what we should never do is resort to violence. Hitting a child does not make them respect you, it makes them fear you, and that is not what you want, because with fear comes resentment, you are less likely to have the child respond favourably to you if they’re afraid.”

“I guess I’m lucky,” Kelly said, “Naomi has always been a pleasant, respectful daughter. Yes, she’s had strops and I’ve had to tell her off, but I’ve never felt the need to raise my hand to her. I think I’m saying I don’t know how I’d react to someone behaving really badly, but I definitely wouldn’t resort to shaking my child or hitting them.”