Chapter 11: Two Step

Dance lessons! If Betsy will attend Texas Two Step class with Kezia, Faye, and me, and don’t forget the desperate cougars in the class, she would see some of my biggest fans fawning on me and some of my honed social skills on display. If that doesn’t impress her, she’s hopelessly biased against me. I suspect she is.

If I’m on a hopeless quest to seduce Betsy, what’s the solution? It has to be something I decide to do, because it’s unacceptable to delegate it to anyone else. Some advice would be acceptable. Who is most qualified to advise me? Why not Betsy herself. Set a thief to catch a thief, or in this scenario, ask Betsy how best to seduce Betsy. Hypothetically and the lady I desire unnamed, of course.

“Howdy goodlookin. Shore do appreciate you letting me drive your car some. Here’s some moolah for the gas, and I got you this gallon jug of recycled bulk motor oil, for your smoke screen.”

“You’re a riot, Earl. Get in. What’s with the old ranger accent?”

“Setting the ambiance right, to put you in the proper mood.”

“Proper mood for what? You aren’t hitting on me again, are you?”

“Do I have a chance today? I figure sooner or later...”

“Nope, not a snowball’s chance in hell!”

“Well, fortunately for me, I wasn’t really trying, or I’d be shattered by your cavalier rejection.”

“You are good for laughs, Earl, I’ll give you that much.”

“Actually I’m hoping we can talk about you for a change, if you’re in the mood.”

“What about me?”

“Well, only recently I have been thinking about you a lot, and I realized, even though we live next door to each other, nearly my entire life, I actually know very little about you.”

“You’ve been thinking about me? Seriously? Were you playing with yourself at the same time?”

“Whoa! Now you’ve gone too far. Stop this car and let me out. I can’t continue to ... to...”

“Lost for words? I’m sorry if I offended you. Did I? Do you want me to take you to your house? I refuse to dump you off to walk back.”

“How about letting me drive? You know how already.”

“Be patient. Tell me more. What you were thinking about me?”

“In my mind, I was replaying you walking. It occurred to me, what a great sense of rhythm you have and how gracefully you move.”

“Gee, thanks. That’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.”

“It raised questions about you I don’t have answers for, I realized.”

“What sort of questions?”

“Did you take dance lessons when you were little? Do you dance?”

“I never had any dance training. I don’t know anyone who has.”

“Have you ever considered training? I can introduce you to someone who has had quite a bit of training, and can tell you all about it.”

“I just copy what I see other kids doing. Isn’t that enough?”

“What dances do you know?”

“Fast and slow. Is there any other kinds?”

‘Lots, but don’t feel bad. Most kids would answer just as you did.”

“But not you?”

“Well, I’m different only because I’ve been training a long while.”

“You have? I guess I was wrong then, when I said I didn’t know anyone who trains to dance. What kind of dance? I forgot about ballet when I named fast and slow dancing. Do you do ballet?”

“Only a couple of classes in ballet, enough to learn poise and how to lift without causing injury to my back or dropping my partner.”

“That sounds important. Could you lift me?”

“If you knew how to be lifted safely and we practice it a few times.”

“You’re really serious about dancing, aren’t you?”

“Unt hunh, lady! We were talking about you, not me. Back to you!”

“Are lessons expensive?”

“First one is free.”

“Oh, you’re offering me a free lesson if we park somewhere?”

“Nothing so crude. I’m inviting you to join me and my partners at the dance studio, for a free lesson in competition Texas Two Step.”

“Competition? Partners? Other dudes go to dance class with you?”

“Unfortunately, no, there are no other dude dancers in our class. I’m spread pretty thin amongst all the ladies in our class. I have two regular partners. I’m the right age to compete in multiple age categories. My adult partner is named Faye. My soon to be teen partner is named Kezia. Faye and I have already competed once. Kezia will be ready as soon as she turns thirteen. We’re preparing.”

“Is this serious competition, like a sport? With trophies?”

“More like prize fighting with purses to win. Some couples make a handsome living competing in Two Step. There are trophies too.”

“Wow! I never realized such a thing existed. And you think maybe I could do this Texas Two Step competition dancing and win money?”

“With training, a lot of dedication and effort, a will, a drive to win, all you need is talent, and I think you have that already.”

“From watching me walk?”

“From watching you. Yes. Everything you do, every move you make, you exhibit a natural grace. Your body is a dancer’s body.”

“Flatterer! I feel like practicing now. Want to?”

“Practice doing what? I’m game, just name it!”

“Practicing kissing. Want to kiss me?”

“I would love to kiss you Betsy. All over!”

“Let’s not go that far. Any notion of where we can park and smooch some? You definitely put me in the mood. You win the kewpie doll!”

‘Turn right on the next gravel road, then right again on the first dirt road. It will take us to one of my favorite fishing spots and it’s private. Sure you really want to? I want to! I hope you want to, too.”

“Turn here?”

“Yep, and in about five hundred yards, turn right again.”

“Now I think I’m meeting the real silver tongued you, Earl.”

“Let’s hope you enjoy my silvered tongue as much as it enjoys you.”

“What? You lost me.”

“You’re not lost, just disoriented by all the trees. Turn here and stop before we run into the water.”

“Ooh! This is lovely! Have you ever brought any other girls here?”

“Don’t be silly. We’re wasting smooching time with chat.”

“Remember the first time you kissed me? On the ferris wheel?”

“The way I remember it, you kissed me, BB gun girl.”

“Heehee, it’s been a longtime since I was called BB gun girl. I wasn’t really kissing you that first time on the ferris wheel, just testing you to see how you kissed.”

“Kiss me, BB gun girl, and this time try and mean it. I did every time. Kissing, like dancing, is serious business with me.”

“Are you suggesting we could have a serious relationship?”

“Is there any other kind worth having?”

“You better be careful, Earl. I better be careful of you. You just might talk your way into my panties, if we aren’t real careful.”

“Sounds delightful. I promise to be careful of your fragile heart, and treat it with all the tender affection it deserves. Will that be enough?”

‘Perfect. Here I am, all yours, neighbor. Kiss me anytime you want.”

“I have always wanted to kiss your freckles. All of them.”

“Giggle. There is so many, you couldn’t finish them all in one try.”

“I want to try. How about I start with those on your nose?”

“Be careful. It’s snot honey!”

“Juvenile joke, Betsy, but I forgive you. Besides, I don’t mind your mucous. I love it. You have lots of it.”

“You impetuous beast. You went straight for my honey pot, didn’t you? I’ll forgive you only if you don’t stop too soon. Finger me.”

“Yes, my sweet Betsy. I’ll never stop too soon and leave you wanting, I swear it. I’ve finished with all the freckles on your face. Let me proceed next to your knees. I want to look up your skirt.”

“Are you playing with yourself?”

“Would you prefer I fuck you instead?”

‘No, please yourself, I’m saving myself for my wedding night.”

“You’re a nice respectable girl, Betsy, and I adore you.”