Mia 2

My brother changed a lot after he’d traveled the world. He’s still a scumbag, but he seems a lot more confident, more tranquil. He even walks with a different energy, a swagger almost.

But me, I’ve never been that confident. I don’t know why. It probably has something to do with my looks.

I’m insecure. I am. Probably my biggest insecurity has to be my chest size. They’re B-cup, not mosquito bites or anything, but I’ve always been self-conscious about them. I’ve thought of having an enhancement done. I’ve, like, forever dreamed of having beautiful breasts, perfectly shaped and round, perky. The kind of tits that make men drool.

My mom has a body like that. Even at her age. She’s a knockout. I don’t know why I didn’t end up looking like her. It’s unfair. Aren’t daughters supposed to be younger versions of their mother? I didn’t get her hourglass body, big breasts, or her fashion model face...

She was an NFL cheerleader AND a Playboy Playmate! I am so neither...

Like, I’m tall, which I inherited from Dad, and her, but I’m wiry with a somewhat flat chest. My face, ugh, my face, it’s just so blah ... It’s so meh ... My face is as unremarkable as they come. People often comment that I look like someone they know, but they can never place who, exactly. I’m totally Plain Jane. Basic face bitch. No guy ever stops to stare at me. No guy has ever hit on me in the street or tried to randomly pick me up.

Come to think of it, I should probably be grateful for that. My friend, Lisa, she is super-hot. Like my mom. That hot. Lisa’s like a living Barbie Doll. Seriously. She’s got a golden halo of probably the most perfectly blond hair ever, an hourglass figure, mesmerizing sapphire blue eyes, pouty lips and a pointy nose. Oh, not to mention her creamy complexion, her practically flawless skin, and the natural scarlet blush on her dimpled cheeks. My God, she really is almost like a living Barbie Doll...

And so of course she has endless streams of guys hitting on her. She’s even had a couple of her professors trying to date her.

Like, how embarrassing, our creepy, bald, old guy English Lit professor, with his cheap, wrinkly suits and ugly brown loafers and his stinky garlic breath. Our teacher like two or three times her age, and he’s sending her flirty emails. She didn’t even know how to respond and just ignored him. Now she’s worried about what grade she’ll wind up with on her term paper. It’s like super cringey.

And guys, all the time, honk at her when she’s walking down the street. Why do guys do that? Honk at a random chick on the street? Does that ever work? Does any girl ever hear a guy driving by, honking and catcalling, and she just tears off her clothes and dives in through his car window and starts wildly having sex with him? Has that ever happened?

I bet any guy who honks at a girl from a car doesn’t have the balls to go up and talk to her.

Maybe the honkers aren’t as obnoxious as all those PUA creeps, though, and their stupid “pick up” attempts, their lines. Lisa hears those every day. Every day. Does that work for guys, those “pick up” lines? I think the best line that’d work on me is probably, “Hello,” followed by an honest attempt at a stimulating conversation. Those PUA creeps hit on Lisa ad nauseum. She says she can sniff them out at this point. She’s had enough experience with guys coming on to her. It’s been happening to her since she was 12 or 13, she said.

The scariest she told me about was a fat, hairy friend of her father who tried to fuck her when she was a teen. She thought the perv was gonna fucking rape her. He had her pinned up against a wall, running his hands on her hips, before she slipped away. She never told her father, or anyone about it; she was so ashamed, she said, like it was her fault. She still gets worked up and antsy talking about it...

She said it’s as if there’s a sign on top of her head saying: “HEY! Every Guy! Please try to fuck me!” She told me she wished that she had more of the girl-next-door-look, like me. Like, I can have boyfriends, I’m cute, but I’m not walking around, looking like a piece of meat to be thrown to starving lions.

That’s how she feels. She’s only 5’4, and so these pervy guys look down at her, literally, like she’s this walking piece of food. She says she can see the sex in their eyes. She can feel them wanting to fuck her. She can feel them eye-fucking her.

She thinks every guy, on some level is a perv. She’s only 21 and she already absolutely hates men. Whatever the female version of a misogynist is, a woman who hates men, a, um, misandry, a, oh, a, uh, a ... a misandrist, that’s it, that’s her. She’s a total misandrist bitch...