The Coming Apocalypse

Eulalie threw a rock in the air and watched in delight as the enchanted mace zoomed through the sky to swat the stone into the forest behind the house. The rock ricocheted off a tree and vanished into the weeds, startling a pair of birds and a rabbit out into the open.

“Twenty points,” she declared, then threw another rock in a different direction. The mace spiraled through the air and hit it hard enough that the rock broke in two. One piece bounced off the house while another passed through Naia’s watery body and splashed into the fountain.

“Maybe it’s time we tone it down a little.” Naia held out her hand and the rock reappeared in her palm. She tossed the offending stone out of the fountain. “For so many reasons.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Eulalie whistled, and the mace flew down by her side. “We’ll play later,” she told it while wiping some dust off of its head.

It was late afternoon. Eulalie had left Murray’s home shortly after the police had come by to perform a wellness check. She had hidden away from the windows as they circled the house, then put away everything she could before they entered. Lucky for her, she had been keeping the place clean and their cursory sweep was for Murray or his body, not for the magical portal she had hidden by pulling the couch against the wall as she backed through it.

Once the police were gone, she and the rats moved everything back into the Library. The mace had become restless indoors, so she had brought it over to the house to let it fly around the backyard. The sky was overcast with the potential for storms, so she figured that the mace was unlikely to be spotted.

The back door banged open and Suly came walking into the backyard with Cyrus in tow. “Company,” he declared while leading the mage over to the fountain. Cyrus had a much nicer bag on his head, one that Zel had brought yesterday from her village.

“This is a surprise.” Eulalie frowned at Sofia, who was soaking her feet in the fountain. “I didn’t expect you until tonight.”

Cyrus shrugged. “I found out that the local police stopped by your neighbor’s house and came to see if I could be of any help.”

“Ah.” As helpful as Cyrus had been the last few days, it didn’t surprise her. On the one hand, she wanted to be suspicious of his motives. On the other hand, maybe he really was just trying to help, do some good for others with his golden years. “We should have that sorted, but thank you.”

“Not quite,” Cyrus replied, then turned his head vaguely toward Suly.

“This one jus’ spent the last hour scrubbin’ yer prints out of yer rental.” Suly winked at Eulalie. “Had me come with ‘cause I be thinkin’ he wants a trophy fer it.”

Eulalie slapped her forehead. She hadn’t even considered potential forensic investigations of Murray’s home. If he never returned to his job, they would definitely do more than just drop by and knock. It wasn’t like her actual prints were on file, but the last thing they needed was a police investigation right next door.

“I don’t want a trophy,” Cyrus declared from inside his hood. “However, I do think I’ve demonstrated that I am an ally and can be trusted.”

Eulalie narrowed her eyes. “You want us to take the hood off, don’t you?”

Cyrus nodded. “I’ve already seen plenty. To be honest, I’ve noticed that the only one I have to wear it around is you and I want to know why.”

Eulalie looked at Naia, who just shrugged. Amymone was no help. She had her nose buried in a book.

Cyrus had proven himself several times over, but it was still a big gamble. Other then tossing a fireball at Sofia, he hadn’t reacted poorly to any of the others. Maybe now that he knew everyone better, it would be okay.

Sofia looked dubious, but said nothing as Eulalie reached out to undo the drawstrings holding the bag shut at the bottom.

Deciding to just rip off the bandaid, she tensed her arm to yank the bag free, but was stopped at the last moment by Sofia. The cyclops had grabbed Eulalie’s wrist with both of her hands, her purple iris ablaze with magic. Eulalie had questioned the cyclops at length about her unique precognitive ability, and was under the impression that seeing such a thing meant that personal injury was in Sofia’s immediate future.

Eulalie arched an eyebrow and looked at Sofia.

Seriously? she mouthed.

Sofia nodded. Very bad idea, she mouthed back.

Eulalie made a mental note to ask Sofia later what she had seen. It was concerning to know that Cyrus, despite all his talk, would freak out bad enough to harm the others.

“Um, is everything okay?” Cyrus reached for the rim of his bag, but Eulalie deftly re-tied it before he could even touch the hem,

“I had a change of heart,” she declared. “Queen’s prerogative. I’m like an internet troll. Prefer to remain anonymous.”

Cyrus groaned, then took a step back. “Can someone at least help me sit, then?” he asked. “My knees hurt from scrubbing rat prints off the baseboards.”

Suly guided the mage over to the fountain where Naia helped him sit and then started massaging his shoulders. Cyrus let out a sigh, but sat like a scorned child.

“So what now?” he asked. “I’m already here, may as well stay. I’m happy to assist with keeping the police away for another couple of days, or maybe you need a night watchman?”

“Yer too eager,” Suly said.

“I’ll do whatever if it means I don’t have to wear this hood,” Cyrus replied.

“I can find other stuff to do so that the others can let you out to play,” Eulalie offered. If nothing else, she could look at some of the research in the Library and see if she could learn more about the magical mace she had found. Or maybe even try to find more info on dimensional rifts. She already had dozens of books set aside for when the current crisis was over; the Library was an absolute treasure trove of information.

Naia froze in place, her hands squeezing Cyrus’ shoulders. Her blue eyes flashed brightly as she turned her head toward the house. Amymone nearly dropped her book in a similar reaction, and Sofia gasped, her hand going to her belly.

“Is that him?” asked the cyclops.

Naia smiled and nodded.

Moments later, they heard the sound of a car shrieking to a halt out in front of the house. Eulalie desperately wanted to climb on the roof and see what was happening, but that was a great way to scare the shit out of anyone who might be looking.

“Hello?” Mike’s voice carried over the house.

“We’re back here!” Amymone tucked her book into a nook in her tree and stood, her hands clasped to her chest. “Do you feel that?” she asked her sister.

“I do.” Naia frowned. “But there’s something else.”

Moments later, Mike appeared through the back door. His hair was wild and somehow noticeably longer than when he had left. Stubble had formed along his chin, and he tossed his bag on the ground as he ran across the yard and nearly knocked Cyrus into the water as he stepped into the fountain and threw himself into Naia’s arms.

Naia squeezed him, tears filling her eyes. Eulalie noticed that one of Mike’s arms was in a splint, his fingers discolored like they had been bruised.

“Oh, Mike, I’m so sorry,” she said as she squeezed him.

“What’s happening?” asked Cyrus, turning his head uselessly. “Is it him? The caretaker guy?”

“Cyrus?” Dana stood on the back porch, a look of disbelief on her face. “Is that you? Why are you wearing that bag on your head?”

“Dana!” Relief filled Cyrus’ voice. “I honestly don’t know!”

Dana looked at Eulalie, then back at Cyrus. Understanding crossed her features, and she stepped off of the porch as Yuki followed her.

“Damn, this is weird,” Yuki said as she turned to look back at the house. “This is the one from the Underworld, isn’t it?”

“We have so much to tell you,” Sofia added, but Mike held up his good hand and just sobbed into Naia’s shoulders for a minute longer.

Sheesh, what happened to this guy? Eulalie paced while Mike had his breakdown. Impatient, she pulled out a piece of webbing and twisted it around in her hands like a piece of string.

“Sorry, sorry everyone.” Mike took a deep breath and surveyed the scene. “A lot has happened and there’s still plenty to do. I’ve been in contact with the house and ... who the fuck are you?” He was looking at Cyrus.

Mike’s body language shifted dramatically, and Eulalie felt the wind shift around her. Naia put a calming hand on his shoulder, and the wind died down.

“That’s Cyrus,” Dana replied. “He’s the guy Lily and I met when we were in Hawaii.”

“Yes, pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Cyrus stood and offered his right hand for Mike to shake. “I’ve been looking forward to this meeting for some time.”

“Not to be rude, but I can’t shake hands right now. I have an injury.” Mike looked from the hood to Eulalie, then nodded knowingly. “Are you aware of our situation?”

“That the house behind us isn’t your actual house and members of your family are trapped there, including Lily? Yes, I am.” Cyrus lowered his hand. “I came to investigate and kind of fell in with this crowd.”

“Then we’re glad to have you.” Mike pulled away from Naia. “There’s a lot we have to discuss, but there’s something that can’t wait.” He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. “Eulalie, I ... um...”

When he spoke, the words became so much buzzing in her ears as he handed over her father’s dog tags. Each word was like a drop of rain on hot steel, sizzling loudly before evaporating into the air to be forgotten. The world dropped out from beneath Eulalie, and she stood in silence for several moments, contemplating the cold metal in her hands.

Without a word, she turned from the group and fled into the house.

Mike watched Eulalie as she disappeared, then let out a sigh. He had spent the last several hours trying to figure out what to say, how to break the news to someone that a loved one had died.

In the end, he stumbled over his words, eventually spitting out that Velvet was gone. He wasn’t even entirely sure what all he had said as his brain had rushed to fill the silence with words that had garnered no reaction. It could have gone way better, and he hoped that Eulalie wouldn’t hate him for it. As bad as he felt about Velvet’s death, it paled in comparison to what she must be feeling.

Both Sofia and Dana went into the house together, presumably to find Eulalie.

“I’m sorry, someone died?” Cyrus shifted back and forth on the fountain as if uncomfortable. “I would excuse myself, but...”

“One of our own crossed over.” Suly put a hand on Mike’s shoulder. “I’m not as sensitive as this lot, but I can feel yer grief. Ye have me condolences.”

“Thank you.” Mike sighed again. “I wish I had time for condolences, but we simply don’t.”

He spent several minutes explaining what had happened to the house, only to be interrupted by the surprise arrival of Asterion carrying Ratu. The naga greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and declared that she had sensed his arrival and wanted him to tell her everything. He helped her sit on the edge of the fountain as he started over from the beginning. He told them about the horsemen, the angel, and then Nesferisfet.

When he finished, he looked over at Ratu. “So I need to know what we can do to find the house and take out this priestess and the angel. And potentially the horsemen, if that’s even possible.”

The naga laughed. “To think I’ve spent the last few days lounging when the end times have been upon us. I would have worn something prettier.” She waved her hand and summoned a silver goblet. “The answer to your question is that we’ve been busy here, trying to account for all possibilities. Our guest here has been a big help.”

“Even with this damned bag on my head,” Cyrus grumbled. “Your rat queen has insisted I wear it to protect sensitive information, but I know she’s just doing it to hide her identity.”

“Sorry.” Mike looked at Naia, who gave him a nod. He reached over and undid the straps and removed the hood.

The old man beneath had a scarred face, his mouth falling open upon seeing Mike.

“Better?” Mike asked.

Cyrus looked like a fish out of water, his mouth opening and closing rapidly. He cleared his throat and sat up straight.

“I apologize for asking, but ... you are a human, right?”

Mike nodded. “I’m supposed to be, but it’s very complicated.”

“What happened to your arm? That looks bad.”

“Got into a fight with the Jersey Devil.” Mike frowned. Dana claimed Cyrus was okay, but he wasn’t about to go into more detail about Oregon with a stranger.

“Leeds, huh?” Cyrus shook his head. “That one is a real bastard. Hope you gave him hell, he’s slippery. We’ve been trying to pin that one down for a bit, but he’s been far too quiet lately, so fell to the bottom of our list.”

Mike set his jaw. “Chances are good you’ll never hear from him again. Ratu says you can help us?”

Cyrus waggled his hand. “I’m afraid I am of limited use in what you need to accomplish. I determined some time ago that your home was taken by stretching a dimensional gateway over it.” He turned and pointed at the back gate. “Wherever that goes is where you will find your house and your people.”

“That’s easy enough. Naia? Gonna need that key in a minute.” He turned his attention back to Ratu. “That’s one problem down. What else do you have for me?”

The naga grinned. “I’ve got a magic sword that will cut through almost anything. That will be of some use.”

Mike held up his broken arm. “I’m right handed,” he said. “Afraid someone else will have to use it.”

“Oh.” The smile on Ratu’s face faded. “I’m sure someone else can use it.”

“Probably. Speaking of, I need to know who’s going with me. If this fails...” Mike sighed. It wasn’t just about the house anymore. The whole world was at stake, and all because some crusty bitch in a sarcophagus tattled on Death.

“We also have this.” Ratu pointed to the spot near where Eulalie had been sitting. A large mace lifted off the ground and came to hover in front of them.

“Wait, I recognize this.” Mike moved closer and held out his hand to touch it. The mace moved away from his fingers. “This was in the tower, right?”

“It was. The story about how and why it’s here doesn’t matter, but it is sentient and, I think, wishes to help.” She tried to touch it, but it dodged away from her fingertips. “Hey, look, I’m sorry I didn’t set you free last year. I didn’t know.”

“Ah, shit, that’s right. I’m sorry, too.” Mike held his palm out as if waiting for a dog to sniff it. “Do you wanna come with me and smash up some bad guys? Maybe save the world, rescue the princess? Princesses?” He just hoped there would be somebody to save once they got there.

The mace tilted forward and pressed its head into his hands, like a cat rubbing against its owner. He liked how the metal felt in his hands, and he gave it a squeeze.

“I think it likes you,” Suly said. “I’m with ye, by the by. Can’t have me favorite girl wonderin’ why ye’ve come alone.”

“I wish to come as well.” Asterion’s rumbling voice surprised Mike. Despite the minotaur’s imposing size, it was easy to forget that he was there.

“I would assist as well, but am far from mobile.” Ratu shook her head. “And if you are all passing through the Underworld, small and fast will be better. Those demons are likely to still be hanging around.”

“Excuse me, demons? Underworld?” Cyrus looked gobsmacked. “What the hell have you gotten yourselves into?”

“You coming?” Mike asked. “Sounds like you know some things. You could be the Merlin to my Arthur.”

Cyrus shook his head vehemently. “I lack the proper preparations to simply tag along where you plan to go. And if you must travel some distance, my stamina is not what it used to be and I may become a burden.”

“Oh.” Mike shrugged. “No big deal. It’s just the end of the world is all.”

“If I could do anything to help, I would,” Cyrus protested. “But a large-scale battle against an angel is beyond me.”

“How about dealing with a stolen car?” Mike pulled some keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Cyrus. “Won’t bore you with the details, but our shortcut ran out of juice about twenty miles from here. Nobody plants the right trees in this neighborhood.”

“Trees?” Cyrus looked confused, but Yuki stood behind him now, her hand on his shoulder.

“It would be immensely helpful if you could drop that car off somewhere else,” she told him as she walked him toward the back door. “You do know how to drive, right?”

“I do,” he replied. “But I’m sure that—”

“Oh, and you know how to remove fingerprints,” Amymone added. “That means you can remove the evidence!”

“Yes, but—”

“Cyrus.” Mike stared at the man. “Do this for me and I’ll be happy to sit down with you sometime and we can just talk. I’m sure you have questions, and maybe I have answers to give.”

Cyrus paused, conflict in his eyes. Finally, he nodded and held up the keys.

“It’s a deal,” he said. He turned to Yuki and gave her a small bow. “I know my way out, thank you.”

With that, he disappeared into the house. Mike waited until he heard the car being started before letting out a sigh of relief. He half expected screams of fright followed by lightning or fire. Even in grieving, Eulalie had made sure to hide herself away.

“Didn’t want him around?” asked Ratu. “He seems friendly enough.”

“He’s not family.” Mike looked at the others. “He’s an ally, but he’s not one of us. I know it sounds strange to say it like that, but I feel it in my gut.”

His feelings about Cyrus were severely mixed, as if his own senses were ambivalent on what he should do. The last thing he needed right now was another complication, so had erred on the side of caution.

They spoke at length, comparing notes on what they knew. Naia seemed to think that Mike would be able to use his connection with the house to open the gate to the Underworld. Sofia eventually returned, then sat and listened as Mike detailed what they would be facing if they could get back to the house.

“Apophis, really?” Sofia shook her head in disgust at the mention of the priestess. “Doomsday cults are a dime a dozen, but this one was backed by an actual deity.”

Ratu nodded. “The Great Serpent was infamous among my people, for obvious reasons. His fights with Ra were the stuff of legend, but his followers were the absolute worst. Their desire for chaos was largely what led to their own demise as a religion. Pretty much self-destructed right after Apophis was killed, but it sounds like one of them actually had long term plans.”

“And a magic cock, apparently.” Mike shifted his arm and winced. It was throbbing now.

“Ah, yes. The phallus of Osiris. I won’t bore you with the details, but it was lost a long time ago. If Isis was still around, she would probably grant you a huge boon if you could return it to her.”

Mike lifted an eyebrow. “Why would Isis care?”

“Osiris was her husband. He was the god of fertility, agriculture, the underworld...” Ratu waved her hand dismissively. “So not just any magic cock. Divine magical cock. And right now, with them being in the Underworld, that thing has what you would call the home court advantage. It would also explain how this priestess was able to subjugate an angel. By combining her soul with Murray, it allowed her a direct connection to the angel. The cock of Osiris would give her the strength to control it. However, if you take away the artifact, you may weaken or break that connection.”

As they continued to discuss options, the skies up above darkened. Looking up at the sky, he was filled with an inexplicable dread.

“Naia? Can I get that key?” He held out his hand and Naia handed it over. Everyone stopped talking as he walked over to the wrought-iron gate at the back of the property.

When he slipped the key in and turned it, the gate opened, only revealing the forest behind his house. There was no sign of Cerberus or the Underworld.

“Figured it wouldn’t be so easy,” he muttered, then closed the gate again. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, summoning the magic. It manifested weakly at first, as if reluctant.

He put his hand on the gate and closed his eyes. The world around him went quiet as he spread his consciousness wide, hoping to grab onto a thread of magic. There were whispers of it shifting around beneath the soil, and it took a few tries before he was able to latch onto one.

A jolt of power raced through him, and he opened his eyes to gaze upon a beautiful garden. His hand was wrapped around an iron pole with an unlit lamp up above.

“This ... is not what I expected.” He looked down at his feet and realized that he was in his own body. A quick survey of the place revealed that this was definitely the magical gardens where he often met the house. He had only ever been there in her body, and he was all alone.

“Hello?” He walked around, curious if his body was still in the real world. If he had teleported here, it had probably scared the shit out of everyone. The most likely idea was that it was just his consciousness that had made the trip.

I see you’ve met my sister. The voice was coy and carried by the breeze. You carry her scent.

“I have,” he replied, recognizing the house’s voice. “I’m trying to open up the Underworld so I can come find you. Well, your Earth body. My house. Any advice on that?”

The voice laughed, and he felt a soft breeze caress his body.

I’m never more than a thought away, Caretaker. The presence tickled the back of his neck and tousled his hair. They say that home is where your heart is. So come find me.

“That’s very cryptic, thanks for your...” he was suddenly back in his yard. “Help,” he finished.

It was frustrating never being given a direct answer, but he knew that the house, in her own way, had somehow given him the answer without violating whatever rules had been set forth. Now he just needed to dissect the words and figure out how much was metaphor and how much was literal.

“Mike? Is everything okay?” Naia’s voice was filled with concern. “It looked like you passed out for a second there.”

“Might have,” he replied, then turned to look at her.

Naia. She smiled at him, her thick locks being tugged by the stormy weather that had formed overhead. Though he had loved Velvet fiercely, Naia had been the first love of his new life, the woman who had captured his heart and bound him to this place. He had missed her, but those emotions had been set aside by his short, passionate affair with Velvet.

Why was that? The attraction had been intense, but mutual. Had his magic reacted to Velvet’s own desires? Or had it been something else?

Velvet. He touched the envelope in his pocket and let out a groan. Eulalie had run off so fast that he had forgotten about Abella’s letter!

“Excuse me, I have to take care of something important.” He looked up at the sky and grimaced. “Will just take me a few minutes, then we can try to figure out what to do next.”

Naia shrugged, her whole body rippling. It was a familiar gesture that brought a small smile to his face.

When he walked inside the house, he paused. When he had first come home, he had practically run through here without a second glance. Now that he had a moment, he could tell that this was definitely the version of the house that usually resided in the Underworld. Meant to be a placeholder for when the true house rested, this building was much smaller.

That made it easier to find Eulalie and Dana sitting in what was normally his room. The Arachne was sitting on the bed, her legs sprawled out around her. Her cheeks were flushed, and she stared helplessly at the floor.

“She isn’t saying anything,” Dana told him. Her face was shining with tears, but her features were placid, as if watching a boring video. He wondered if she was even aware of the tears. “I don’t know that she wants to talk to anyone right now.”

“None of us have the luxury of time, but I’m the one who will be doing all the talking anyway.” He walked over to the bed and sat next to Dana. “Also, I wanted to tell you that when I go into the Underworld, you have to stay here. If something happens to Beth and me...”

“I become the new Caretaker and inherit Lily.” Dana’s lip twitched, and then she smiled. “Well, and everything else. But mostly Lily.”

“Not if I can’t find them.”

“Oh. Right.” Dana frowned.

“Do you mind if I speak with her alone for a minute?” Mike glanced at the door. “It won’t be long, I promise.”

“Call if you need me.” Dana put a hand on one of Eulalie’s glossy legs. The Arachne didn’t react. With a nod to Mike, Dana left.

Mike sat next to Eulalie and let out a weary sigh. “I’m not good at this,” he began. “I wish I had words of comfort or something other than the fact that I’m sorry. Did Dana tell you what happened?”

Eulalie stared intently at the wall for several seconds before she nodded.

“She did.” She looked at Mike. “I ... only remember parts of what she said. All I could think about was how I’m all alone now. My mother was the last of her kind until she had us, and now I am the last of my kind. It feels like the whole world is pressing against me and I can’t breathe.”

Mike swallowed the lump in his throat. “I guess I can’t speak to all of that. Your sister and I had something special. It was brief, but devastating. I almost lost myself in my own grief, and I want to make sure you don’t do the same.” He pulled the envelope from his pocket and handed it over. “Abella wrote this. She was with Velvet at the end, and said it couldn’t wait. I wanted to make sure you had it before I go after the others.”

Eulalie took the envelope, but didn’t open it. “I was planning to come with you, but now I don’t know. This will sound dumb, but up until you came back, this whole thing felt like a giant game. Now I realize it isn’t.”

I wouldn’t go that far, Mike thought, but kept that to himself. “You should know that I loved your sister very much. Well, I think I did. I’m still not entirely sure how to define my feelings for her other than that, it’s not something I’ve ever felt so intensely before. I know you feel like you’re all alone, but...” He reached over and took her by the hand. “As long as you have us, you will only be alone as you want to be.”

Tears shimmered in Eulalie’s eyes, and she wiped them away. She squeezed Mike’s hand, then held up the envelope. “Do you mind staying while I read this? I’m not very good with strong emotions and wouldn’t mind a friend.”

“I can make a few minutes. I’m sorry I can’t do more.”

“Appreciated.” Eulalie opened the envelope and scanned the letter. Her face was unreadable, and when she was finished, she folded the letter up and stuck it in her skirt pocket.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“There’s a lot to think about.” She gestured to his arm. “Can I see that?”

“I guess, but I’m not sure—” he froze in place as she opened her mouth and sank her fangs into his forearm. His body hadn’t warned him of an assault, so this had to be something else.

The pressure faded first, followed by the pain. The swelling in his fingers decreased as Eulalie drank his blood and he sighed in relief as he flexed his fingers.

“Did you just heal me?” he asked when she pulled her mouth away.

“Hardly. I drained some of the excess blood and then gave you something for the pain. Your blood didn’t taste very good. You should definitely see a doctor about that arm. My bite also has an anticoagulant, so that helped get your blood flowing again and you won’t have to worry about clots. I thought I was going to help with whatever came next, but this is the best I can do for now.” Her front legs spread wide and she reached under her skirt and pulled out a long silken thread. “Take off that brace, I can make you something better. I’m not a doctor, but you definitely shouldn’t be using that arm for anything.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He waited while she dismantled the makeshift brace and then wrapped his arm in spider silk. She applied it to his arm like a compression bandage, and he could actually make a fist now with that hand. It was fascinating to watch her weave the accompanying sling, and he thanked her as she placed the final loop over his neck.

“I have to go home,” she replied. “There are some things I need to see to right away. Try to make sure you’re still alive when I return.”

“I’ll do my best.” He stood and walked toward the door. “And again ... I’m really sorry.”

“I know.” She stood and gestured to the door. “The others are waiting for you.”

“They are. Now if only I knew what to do next.” He chuckled. “I wanted to speak with you before I left, but I’m not certain how to go about leaving.”

“I thought you just needed to go to the Underworld? Through the gate?”

Mike sighed. “It’s disconnected. This place is a copy of the real one, which gets locked away until a new Caretaker inherits the place and summons it. I thought I could open it by using magic, but it didn’t work.”