Chapter 146

Opal peered into the handkerchief embroidered with Lord Wranvyre’s insignia. Inside were a number of bone fragments that rattled and clattered against each other as she moved the cloth side to side.

“Should we really be doing this?” whisper hissed Red.

The kobold was watching her nervously, rubbing his claws together like a person wringing their hands.

“Well yeah, I owe Boner for doing what he did, and it’s not like Rain is going to be eager to bring him back.” She shrugged, “Getting chopped into little bits probably deserves this much right?”

The kobold frowned but shook the bowl they had prepared. Inside the bowl were a number of vanta black gems, clicking and clacking against each other with the motion.

The bowl wasn’t really a bowl, mostly because bowls weren’t exactly common in libraries. Instead they had found something that Opal figured was made out of really thick paper. Yes the library didn’t have bowls but it did have lots of big balls with pretty colours and a large dark stain on each of them. It hadn’t been hard to find one that had been broken open and discarded and the Goblin and Kobold had repurposed a part for their ceremony.

“It’s still not a ceremony,” muttered Opal.

“Magic gems, a skull, a bowl, and all done sneaky and furtive. That’s exactly like the weird cults of my old tribe.”

“Hmm. Were you ever part of that?”

“No.” He looked down at the bowl of gems and grimaced. “Until now apparently.”

“Well good, because I know exactly what you are talking about.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, where do you think those cults of yours got their live sacrifices from? That really heated up the Gobbo Kobold grudge, it was so much more than just killing us.”

“Er, right...” He seemed to think on this for a moment, “Not mine though, those glowing mushroom eating loons are their own thing. It was funny how the hottest Kobold girls always seemed to fall into that stuff, I think it was the pretty body painting.”

Opal held the handkerchief over the bottom-third-section-of-a-globe bowl then let it fall open. Skull fragments danced and rolled as they landed amongst the gems, the bone white standing out amongst the sheer black.

After a moment Red shook the bowl and the gems and skulls bits sifted together.

The pair stared at the mix.

Nothing happened.

“How does this work exactly?”

“Sheepy said there was squatting involved.”

“Squatting?”

“Yeah, you know, like squatting to poop.”

“I don’t think he can poop without a body Opal.”

Opal considered this. It was a fair point. The necromancer no longer had a body, or even a head, so he clearly couldn’t squat or poop.

“Okay you’re going to have to squat poop in his stead.”

Red gave her a blank look but let the Goblin take the bowl from his claws and place it on the ground. She took hold of his shoulders and spun him on the spot. She then pressed down and the Kobold found himself squatting over the bowl.

Opal stepped back and examined her handiwork, tapping her chin in thought. She nodded thoughtfully, coming to a conclusion.

“We might need to take this to the next level.”

“I’m not pooping on the necromancer!!”

The Kobold scowled up at her from where he awkwardly squatted, tail and rear lifted.

“Oh come on, it’s just some bones.”

“Yeah, and what if he actually comes back? I don’t want to be on the very scary necromancer’s bad side, you saw how scary he could be in the dungeon.”

“I think he would be grateful for being brought back to life more than anything.” She paused as a thought struck her. “But maybe we should prepare rags to wipe the poop stains off his skull.”

“I’m still not doing it.”

“If you don’t I’ll lock you in a cupboard with Bean for an entire night.”

“D-don’t even joke about that,” gasped the Kobold.

“You think I’m joking? My shadow teleportation lets me teleport anyone I want with me. It would only take me a second to grab Bean and teleport him to a locked cupboard and then teleport you in with him. You wouldn’t be able to do a thing Red, you would be trapped in there with him, just think of that long black tongue all over your face, under your eyeli-

“Okay!” half screamed Red, looking on the verge of a panic attack. “I’ll d-do it!”

The Kobold drew in a breath and began to strain, his claws forming fists on his thighs, his tail liting behind him.

The Kobold let out a long groan and looked on the verge of succeeding with the job when the bowl suddenly reacted.

A flare of green surged from the gems and bones, a conflagration of emerald, a spear of fire that went vertically straight up into the unfortunately placed Kobold’s rear end in the absolute worst position.

Red howled as he leapt into the air, claws clutching at his undercarriage before he came crashing back down, whimpering and whining as he rolled around on the floor, tail wrapped protectively between his legs.

“Huh, I was correct. That really was the trick to make it work,” said Opal.

“I can’t feel my anus,” whispered Red.

“And I can’t teleport people. My evolution doesn’t work like that so I wasn’t really going to put you in a cupboard with Bean. You should pay more attention to what others can and can’t do.”

“I can’t feel my anus,” repeated Red, horrified.

Opal turned from the unfortunate Kobold and examined the green bonfire in the bowl.

The bowl wasn’t doing very well, which was maybe to be expected as it was made of paper. It quickly caught fire, forming ash as the green fire slowly burned down and down until it was nothing, just a few scattered green flames amongst a pile of ash and bone.

Interestingly the black gems were missing.

Opal watched as one by one the green flames winked out until there were only two left placed randomly on the pile.

She eyed them.

“I know you’re there Boner, you’re not fooling anyone.”

The green flames seemed to look up at her with annoyance, but then the fragments started to move, the angular shapes pulling together, pieces slotting and then merging as a dome shape appeared from the ash, then a nose cavity then jaws and teeth. Last of all was a pair of horns which drew up and socketed into the skull’s forehead.

The two green flames took their rightful place in the eyesockets.

“Welcome back Boner.”

The skull sniffed. “Is this my welcome party after I sacrificed everything for you? Why the brute and the dumb sheep aren’t even here.”

Opal shrugged. “Red is.”

A faint murmur about ‘anus’ came from the gently weeping kobold.

“Plus we have the Inkerchange.” She jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at a book left open on a table.

“Hmph. It’s not the same.” He seemed to study the Goblin. “I suppose that it was you who revived me earlier than I would have otherwise naturally, but the question is, why?”

“Because you saved me. Does there need to be another reason?”

“With you, yes.”

“Well I do want to know why you want to help us so much lately and I do kinda want to know why you saved me, you didn’t have to do that, that’s not just something a necromancer who hates the living does on a whim.”