Chapter 107

Hesitantly Rain took hold of the tent flap and pushed his head through.

The interior was large, as was to be expected, less unexpected was that it was full of furniture, like a proper room. Clearly Tamriel had liked her comforts.

One side held an enormous bed, a huge blocky thing built sturdy for an Orc. The sheets were ruffled, unset, and a number of suspicious leather straps and whips lay scattered across it. At first he thought he was seeing the tools of a torturer, but then he spotted a dildo, a green dildo. He blinked as he recognised the style, it was the same kind that Opal had stolen from Ola in the dungeon, albeit with some additional bumps and spikes.

He turned away from that sight to see something that made his brow rise and a wolfish grin break across his face. A huge copper tub was set out at one end, an Orc sized tub, meaning that the thing was enormous. Lyra had the dimensional bag out and was awkwardly pouring water from it into the tub, steam rising into the air as the shallow ashy fire below and around the tub heated the water.

The original contents that had been emptied from the dimensional bag weren’t hard to spot, a pile of treasure heaped on the ground, surrounded by ... a lot more treasure. As he watched Red tipped open a sack he had apparently found somewhere and added to one of the many other piles of glittering gold, trinkets and baubles, gems and jewellery, crystal encrusted daggers, fat rings stacked with rubies and sapphires, heavy crowns and dusty ornamental blades that looked as though they had been looted from some ancient kingdom’s barrows. All of this was being looked down upon by an irritated Vash who had been placed on a table ... his irritation may partly have been because of his proximity to another set of green orcish dildos piled up next to him.

Safe to say Red looked like he was about to die from a happiness heart attack. Rain felt obliged to check the Kobold wasn’t being levitated on clouds such was the way he drifted from treasure to treasure with a blissful expression.

It occurred to him that a clan of hundreds of Orcs might have ... A rather staggering amount of wealth if it was all collected together in one spot, an astronomical amount even. He wondered what they were going to do about it all, there was precisely zero chance that it was all going to fit inside the dimensional bag. They were suddenly rich beyond belief, an entire clans wealth made theirs alone in one singular stroke.

He wasn’t quite sure how to even begin to address that. But for the moment he had other more pressing priorities.

He turned back to the bath and pushed into the tent.

Lyra glanced up and then did a full on double take as she found the enormous wolf monster pushing inside, barely fitting through the flap.

“Wh-why are you s-so much bigger!?” she squeaked out, nearly dropping the dimensional bag and having to scramble to catch it as a bucket’s worth of water spilt free.

“Orcs. Lots and lots of Orcs.”

“O-oh, well, erm I didn’t expect that mu- I mean I, uh, made a bath, t-to clean in, for us, we have, er, already b-bathed.”

Rain approached and found the bath to be ... a lot smaller than he had first thought, even built for a seven foot tall Orc it was small for his size. Well, that wasn’t going to stop him, he eagerly lifted a foot and stepped inside. Displaced water immediately sloshed over the rim and extinguished the shallow fire leaving the tent dimly lit by a single brazier at one end. Then twice as much water sloshed free as he put his other foot in, then multiple times that as he lowered himself in an awkward crouch, a tsunami of hot bath water washed across the floor of the tent from end to end causing Lyra to dance about on her hooves yelping and for Red to complain loudly as water splashed up and washed around his many islands of treasure.

Rain peered down at his now honestly rather forlorn bath. The tub was more full of him squeezing into it now than it was full of bathwater, the copper sides bulging out with his mass, water only just filling the gaps, in fact, it was mostly empty.

He made an unhappy face.

“Hey this is your fault! You got nearly a whole foot taller, and w-way w-w-way b-bigger-” the sheep girl had to pause and swallow as her eyes drifted down to the tub where his lower body was, imagination running wild.

“Lyra.”

She snapped back up. “Ah-ahaha-” she laughed awkwardly, mouth dry. “Well th-the answer is simple! I just, uh, splash water at you? On you?” she lifted the dimensional bag and waved it vaguely at him.

“It’s not really the same thing,” he said gloomily.

“No no, it’ll be fine! Opal come here, look, just use some shampoo and-”

She dragged a chair over and placed it behind Rain. Hopping up on top she tipped the dimensional bag and water started to spill out of the opening. Below Opal grabbed up a bottle full of a gooey blue liquid and poured it on his back, having to get up on tiptoes to reach high. Together they splashed water and shampoo and made an enthusiastic if completely ineffective effort to wash him.

After a moment Opal ran out of shampoo.

“I’m out of the shampoo goo sheepy, this is the last we got from the ranker’s mansion! look what you’ve done!”

“What do you mean what have I done? This isn’t my fault.”

“Mhmm, and you weren’t upending bottle after bottle of the shampoo over your fluff. I saw everything you know.”

“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to clean blood out of white fluff like mine?! I needed that shampoo, I didn’t have a choice as a half woolie!”

“Well I hope it was worth it, cause it’s all gone now,” scowled Opal tossing the empty bottle aside with a tinkle of broken glass.

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong! Where do you find shampoo in an Orcish camp? Nowhere because Orcs don’t seem to be aware the stuff exists, BUT! A certain half dwarf travelling merchant trader who goes places not full of clueless Orcs?”

The sheep girl skittered over to a large crate and flipped open the lid. After a moment of rustling around in the hay inside she lifted out a round glass bottle of clear fluid with a long neck and held it up triumphantly.

“That’s a bottle of water sheepy. Water isn’t going to do anything for this mess.”

“No, it’s not water, see,” she jabbed a finger at the writing on the side of the crate and gave Opal a confident smile. After a moment of Opal staring at the writing blankly she recalled that the Goblin still couldn’t actually read and snatched her finger back irritably. “It says luxury cleaning potions!”

“Oh.”

“Look just give it a try, I’m sure this stuff will work just like the shampoo.”

She tossed Opal the bottle who struggled with the cork for a moment before popping it off. The liquid inside fizzled and burbled.

“Alright,” said Lyra climbing back atop her stool. “On one, tw-”

Opal ignored her and tossed the contents of the bottle over Rain’s back.

“Hey! You should have ... should have...

Lyra’s voice petered off as with a fwoosh! The clear liquid bubbled and fizzed and rolled outward from where it had landed, a spreading wave of liquid that turned every bit of dirt and filth and gore it touched into a white mist that drifted up to the tent’s ceiling, clean glossy black fur left behind in its wake.

Rain lifted his paw and watched round eyed as the fluid rolled up to his claw tips leaving only sparkling clean Rain behind, as though he had just been through a dozen scrubs and shampoos, immaculate perfect cleanliness, not even a speck of dust.