Chapter 27: Can We Talk

Alice repeated, “Can we talk?” She sounded serious, yet her voice was strong. She wore a towel around her body; however, it barely did the job she wanted.

“Absolutely,” Joe replied. He could guess the topic.

Alice moved to a chaise and sat on the side of it facing another chaise where Joe decided to sit after putting on his swimsuit. Many of the others on the patio had disappeared.

Alice said, “I’m worried and confused.”

“About the sex?”

She nodded intensely. “I guess it has to do with what I was taught as I grew up. No one told me, but it seemed to be all right to engage in sex with someone you loved before you got married. Once you got married, you were supposed to spend all your time focusing on that one person. But then, we get here, and there are other married people around – you and Marjorie, for one – and you’re both having sex with others, yet I saw you both kissing each other in the middle of the evening.”

Joe said, “What’d you do tonight?”

“Steve and I stayed together, but I could tell he especially wanted to have sex with some of the other women. We sure watched, and even made love off to one side.”

“And you weren’t tempted?”

Alice looked down, “I was, but we didn’t do anything with any others.”

Joe thought about what to say and started his speech, much like he’d had with Karol that morning. “First, what you did or didn’t do is just fine. There are no set expectations here. You make your own rules about life and the situations it presents you as you see fit. We will talk about this kind of stuff in our discussion groups; you should be there for those even though they’re slanted at the MBA students.

“Next, I want you to know that I now live with five women, and I do enjoy others. I formally and legally married Marjorie over two decades ago, but I now think of Morgan and Tiffany as my wives. Marjorie does, too – as her sister wives. Beth and Alisha also life with us, along with three of the guys.

“Ask yourself, what was the magic in that piece of paper called a marriage license. You kept the State of Massachusetts or wherever happy and gave them some money for the privilege. People used to jump over a broomstick to get married – some still do, or just declare they were married in order to make it so. They could end it just as easily, but they usually don’t.

“There is no magic in any marriage, except what you as a couple make for yourselves. Standing before somebody who declares you’re married is nice, but I’ve come to see that you need to live your love every day with the people you love. The certificate has little to do with it. That paper doesn’t force the interaction.

“If you loved multiple people before you were married, why stop? Commitment? To what? If you allow yourself to be open to other people, you again open yourself to being loved by them. You can love them in return.

“If the issue is jealousy, think about the opposite – compersion. Instead of feeling pissed off if Steve looks at or romances some other female, think about how glad you are he’s awash in love for that person and what they feel for him. He will afford you that same privilege.”

Alice said, “But we just met these people. We barely know anything about them?”

“Everyone in Colburn House will spend the next two years together. While they’re just getting to know each other now, they will know everything there is to know by the end of that time. They will have an intimacy with each other that outsiders will never understand. It will be forged under heat by deadlines, impossible assignments, and demanding professors that push them to their limits. I know; I’m one of them. They will be like soldiers in a war environment – man and woman alike. They will all survive; that’s also my job – to be sure they do.

“I WANT them and YOU also to have that level of intimacy with each other. You will be lifelong friends who will always know that you can depend on each other, because you have this common past forged in the caldron of Harbridge College and Colburn House. BUT, that intimacy doesn’t necessarily require sex.

“Doesn’t the sex contribute to that?”

“Yes, I’m certain that it does, but there are other kinds of intimacy. The graduating class proved that everyone can survive and prosper under extreme stress – including their spouses.

“Do you love your family members, perhaps a brother or sister?”

“Yes, all of them. Yes, I have a brother and younger sister.”

“Does Steve think the lesser of you for loving them?”

“No, but there’s no sex involved.”

“But you have a great intimacy with them to varying degrees, I expect. Perhaps you and your sister share things that would make Steve blush or even anger. You have loving intimate relationships. When you add sex, it’s like putting icing on cupcakes; they’re so much better.”

“I kind of see what you’re saying.”

“Perhaps why I miss your concern as much as I do is that I see things as shades of gray and even colorful hues, rather than black and white. Marjorie and I have come to see that our vows needed to be in flux as our life situation changed. We may change ten more times in the next decade; who knows? Whatever happens, we’re not irrevocably locking ourselves onto one model of marital behavior. We wanted to innovate, so we re-thought our marriage and relationships with people we liked. What we do is make sure we talk to each other about what and how we’re thinking. We don’t hold back information.”

Alice pondered, “So, you don’t think of the sex as a ‘big thing’?”

“It is what you make it. For some, I suppose, it’s fun and illicit. For others, it’s romantic, loving, tender, compassionate, fun, and long-term. For some, it’s pure monogamy with no forgiveness for other extracurricular behavior. I happen to like the more forgiving, permissive, and loving model.”

Alice nodded, “So, if you and I made love... ?”

“I’d want to be sure that Steve wasn’t blown out of the water, but I wouldn’t hesitate. I think we’d start a very loving relationship. A relationship that has nothing to do with grades or passing courses; it just is.”

“So, I should allow my husband to have sex with others?”

“Do you own him? Does he ‘allow’ you to have sex with others, the way he ‘allows’ a pet to run loose in the backyard? That implies a level of control and ownership. Are you his chattel? Is that what you both want? THIS is where you talk about what a marriage is really like and what it really means. Is APPROVAL for you to do something necessary and what does that imply?”

She shook her head, “No, neither of us wants to own the other. I’m sure.”

“Then talk to each other – like this. Share your comforts, worries, and talk about scenarios – situations in which you do ‘things’ with other people. Reach a comfortable consensus about each of your acceptable behaviors based on what you hear. Although I stress equality, your resultant behaviors won’t have to match one another’s.”

“Scenarios?”

“How will he feel when you make love with me or Mark or Noah? What if you want to go off for a long weekend with one of them – or two of them, and everyone knows it’ll be a sex-filled time? What if Tiffany wants to make love to you or both of you? What if you make love to two men in one night – or three – or five? Think of all the possibilities and be sure you mention them to each other to invoke some realistic thinking. How do you each feel? How will you feel when you see Emma and Stacy making love to Steve? Turn things around.” Joe laughed, “How will he feel if he sees you making love with your sister or brother?”

“You’ve done this?”

“Talked, yes. Done all those things – mostly. Watched Marjorie do them – mostly. Neither of us have siblings, by the way.”

Joe said, “One other thing you want to talk about openly with Steve is when one of you invokes the nuclear option.”

“What’s that?”

“It varies from couple to couple, but it might be separation or divorce, or complete disappearance and avoidance. It may mean a cessation of all love and affection. You’ll have to decide, but do you invoke that or does he if you have sex and make love to another man or woman? What if someone other than Steve gets you pregnant?”

“Wow! We never talked about any of this stuff.”

Alice was pensive and Joe waited for whatever would happen next.

Alice stood and let the towel unfurl and drop to the patio, “Thank you – really heavy stuff for me. I appreciate your time. You’re very special.”

Joe held his arms out to the pretty young wife. Her naked body flowed into his arms and they hugged and shared a meaningful kiss. Joe didn’t push further and neither did Alice. She picked up her towel, and they went separate directions inside the house.

When Joe was up to handle breakfast duty from the caterers, he saw Steve and Alice sitting beside the pool talking. He noted the coffee urn was full and that they each had mugs with them. He could guess the content of the discussion underway. They both looked well into their discussion. He’d hail them after breakfast was ready.

Justin and Marcia came down a few minutes later. They saw the Wallace’s talking and gave Joe a questioning look. Joe speculated, “I think they’re having a discussion about their marriage, the extracurricular sex, and life in general. You might share your thoughts with them, since you seem to have come out the other end of that discussion.”

They both looked at each other and nodded. Marcia filled a carafe with coffee, got mugs for herself and Justin, and led him outside to join the Steve and Alice. Joe could see the relieved look on their faces, especially as the discussion got underway with the new participants.

The last of the new residents moved into the house three days before classes started. Everyone was hanging around, but with no homework. Most knew their class schedule. A few professors, like Joe, had posted their syllabus online, so initial assignments were known. Some in the house had acquired the books and were already reading ahead in the material. He heard two of them talking about one of his case studies one day.

One result over those three days, was the relaxed atmosphere in Colburn House. People were hanging out in public spaces rather than disappearing, getting to know each other, and talking about the program and how they expected classes would go.

After lunches, the pool became THE favorite place to hang out. There were even a few friendly card games. A few people tried the nearby Jacuzzi, but given the warm temperatures, it wasn’t as popular as the large pool.

Also, given the sexual nature of the impromptu evening parties, some semi-nudity became the standard mode of dress by the women around the pool, even in the daytime. Soon, there were no exceptions. Every woman at the pool’s edge, was clad in only their bikini bottoms, and sometimes those were barely worth mentioning since they were so brief or transparent.