Chapter 3: Lies Flies

My home is assembled and hidden out of sight in a small cove. Grounded on a soft oozy mudbank and tied off to sturdy trees, it isn’t going anywhere unless I arrange to move it. My only neighbors are the birds and wildlife in the nature preserve that the river I’m in, passes through. The small inexpensive marina my Chris Craft floating office is moored in, is only a few miles distant. Normally, I use a plastic kayak for commuting between home and office.

Already, I am hard at work, everyday, or evening, for several hours of Internet trolling and instigation. Fake news. Rumor mongering.

Claiming responsibility for mysterious events, I falsely represent my claim as from various groups I want under a microscope. These groups do a lot of nefarious stuff and deserve any troubles that descend on them. I just assist in their infamy.

A recent rumor I started has gone viral! I claimed to possess computer controlled bugs. Really! Natural stinging and biting insects, that I have equipped with a teeny tiny cameras, miniature control servos, and toxic or infective venoms. Falsely claiming these imaginary assassin bugs are flying about targeting VIPS, has many of the super rich elite ducking and hiding.

A modest request, in jest, for financial contributions from bugspray manufacturers, has actually and surprisingly enriched my coffers by thousands of dollars in “private” donations. Suggestions which areas across the country to attack to boost lagging sales, was included.

Posting supposed attacks in the suggested areas increased the donations enormously, and different areas were suggested for the bugs to invade next. Fortunately, I managed commonsense to set up a non-profit charitable foundation in advance for these incomes.

Wildlife preservation is a popular theme in this country. My foundation is called BEEKEEPERS! There was a scare many decades ago about an invasion of killer bees, so I can’t take credit for originating the idea. My version is co opted insects, directed and targeting officials and celebrities. Great idea regardless of where I swiped it from, even if I do say so myself.

The BEEKEEPERS foundation doesn’t pay me a salary, only provides me an expense account. The debit card is never used to buy anything, but only extracts cash from ATMs. Never the same ATM twice, and I’m always disguised for the sake of the security camera.

Not only does the income pay my slip rental and electric bill, it allows dining out. A nearby roadside restaurant has an all you can eat fishfry on Fridays. Young Christine is my regular very attentive waitress. The fish dinner only costs eight bucks. Cristine is tipped twenty dollars every meal she serves me. Need I mention, I’m a preferred customer? Lately, Christine has been flirting with me outrageously. The income has allowed me to begin to renovate the interior of my floating village. Part of it anyway. Just a small part, one cabin is arranged as a fantasy boudoir. Looks like a movie set for a palace love scene. Christine wants to see it. She is off work today, and we are en-route to the raft motoring aboard “STIR STICK”. That’s the name I painted on my Cris Craft office boat.