It was my first day working in the hotel. Maintenance. Supposedly Mr. Twill was going to take me under his wing, show me the ropes, etc., but he had to leave early for some reason, so I was manning the shop by myself when the call came in. Miss Stanhope at the front desk. “Apparently there’s a rhinoceros in room 504,” she told me. “Please take care of it.”

Not sure what to do, I took a mop and a screwdriver with me. I was thinking maybe rhinoceros was hotel code for something else. Some kind of spill or short circuit or something. I got to room 504, knocked, and when a woman’s voice said “come in,” I used my master key card and went in. The rhinoceros was standing by the bed facing the woman. She was quite a beautiful woman, and she was naked except for her shoes. She held a paperback book in front of her. The book didn’t seem suitable for fending off a rhinoceros. She said, “I was going to take a shower when there was this.” She gestured toward the creature, the rhinoceros. It wasn’t a very big one, but it wasn’t small. Maybe a teenager, if there is such a thing as a rhino teen. I’d estimate him at two tons. His hide showed some wear. His horns looked exceedingly sharp. I knew it was a he because of his cock and balls. Big. Getting bigger.

“What do you think we should do?” I asked the woman.

“I have the instruction manual,” she said.

“What does it say?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she said. “It seems to be written in Swedish.”

The beast turned its head toward me and grunted. I brandished my mop. He took a step towards me. I backed out the door and closed it. I went back to the shop and called the front desk. “Did you take care of it?” Miss Stanhope asked. “Yes,” I told her.