Chapter 14: Jewels of the Sea

This morning I’m having my fifth session with my therapist, Natalie.

I’ve told her as much as I can about Emerald, Ruby and Sapphire, my imaginary jewels of the sea. Their adventures haunt my dreams day and night. Three people whom I both love and hate at the same time. I love them because I can relate to their feelings and tribulations. To me, they are the sisters I never had. They keep my mind active during the deadly dull days that even my burgeoning affair with Sally can’t entirely eliminate. But I also hate the trio for highlighting my own life’s shortcomings. I feel trapped on a course that I neither want nor can handle. I know next to nothing about running a huge ranch, and I can’t raise any enthusiasm to learn.

“Let’s recap,” says Natalie as I settle on the comfy couch. “At our last meeting you said that Emerald, Ruby and Sapphire were all on board the Red Hawk, which had travelled to Tessal. Sapphire was about to go ashore on a reconnaissance mission. What happened next?”

“I don’t know,” I reply. “I haven’t had any further daydreams involving them. It’s as though they are stuck waiting for me to tell them what to do. Only I don’t know how to help them. I was hoping their choices would help me decide what I should do with my life.”

“Interesting,” muses Natalie. “Then let’s examine each of them in turn and see if we can work out what they might choose to do. Let’s start with Ruby. What part of you do you think she represents?”

“Huh? I don’t think she represents any part of me. I don’t like sailing and I’ve never been naked in public.”

“You are taking my meaning too literally. You told me that you briefly worked in a tavern like Ruby. And that you suffered corporal punishment at school. So there are some similarities.”

“Yeah. But when I worked at the Golden Eagle Tavern, I didn’t service the patron’s sexual needs.”

“Hmm. But did you secretly want to do that?”

“Um ... Err ... Do I have to answer that question?” I reply evasively. Natalie’s question is uncomfortably close to the truth. “And at school, we were only ever caned on our arse. Fully clothed. And before you ask, I didn’t have fantasies of being naked in front of the headmaster as he delivered a punishment.”

“And were you punished often?” probes Natalie.

“No more than some of the other girls,” I reply.

“What about Sally. Was she punished as often as you?”

“No. She was cleverer than me at not getting caught.”

“Cleverer, or did she have someone looking out for her and taking the blame on her behalf?”

Ouch! That was an uncomfortably accurate observation that I refuse to acknowledge.

“So the punishments didn’t deter you from misbehaving,” continues Natalie. “Why do you think that was so?”

“What else was there for us to do at the Rod and Whip. Life was regimented. Close friendships frowned on. None of the staff treated us as individuals. If a few nights with a sore arse is the price of some personal attention then so be it.”

“Which leads me to believe that you and Ruby share a common past, albeit in different surroundings. Ruby reflects your attitudes, desires and experiences from your time at school which you have translated into your fantasy world.”

“If that’s so ... and I’m not conceding that you are right ... then what about Emerald and Sapphire.”

“Sapphire is your recent past and current day. I think her desire for near-death experiences echo your emotions at surviving when your parents and brother died.”

“You mean that I have a death wish?” I say in alarm.

“No. Not at all. Far from it. The fact that Sapphire survives despite everything, means she wants to live regardless of everything thrown in her path.”

I’m willing to concede that Sapphire mimics my recent thoughts and emotions. More so than I feel able to accept Ruby as a reflection of my time at school. Somehow Ruby seems to be an incomplete model of my school-life experiences. Something about her story is missing.

“So where does that leave Emerald in this analysis?” I ask.

“Hmm. She is the key to your dilemma. Find a future for her and you may well discover your own onward path.”

“Yeah, right! And how do I do that? And where do Helene, Captain Jack and everyone else fit into any of this?”

“That’s harder for me to determine. I think Helene may be your interpretation of Sally in your daydreams. As for Captain Jack and the others, then Jack is possibly there to simply guide your daydreams along a coherent path. It’s Emerald who is the important character we need to understand. Let’s compare her to you.”

“Well there are some obvious similarities,” I say. “Emerald is the daughter of a king, and I had wealthy parents. Our parents are dead. We both have a brother but no sister. Two brothers in Emerald’s case. She and I grew up in an environment where we were regarded as nothing more than a good marriage prospect for some man.”

“Yes. That’s a good start,” picks up Natalie. “Both of you left your home. You to work overseas, while Emerald was taken to Puskin.”

“Hmm. But not in the same circumstances. Emerald left Tessal unwillingly, whereas I went overseas by choice. Perhaps a better analogy is when I was sent to boarding school.”

“Possibly, but that creates some duplication with Ruby,” says Natalie, unhappy that her theory is showing a few flaws.

“Ah! Not so!” I exclaim, realising why Ruby’s correlation to my school life seems incomplete. “Sally was an important part of my life at the Rod and Whip. She must be the missing component. Helene only interacts with Sapphire, so if your theory is correct, then another character must represent Sally when my daydreams centre on Ruby. But who?”

“Hmmm. That’s a good question,” says Natalie. “Of the other characters, only Captain Jack seems to be present often enough to take on a major role in your daydreams. When did Helene enter your daydreams?”

“When Sapphire and Helene met in Effendi Saleem’s warehouse,” I reply.

“Ah! Sorry. I meant when in real time did you start daydreaming of Helene? Was it before or after you started coming to see me?”

“After,” I reply after a few moments thought.

“Then I think I have an explanation for the role Captain Jack plays in your daydreams. He’s your representation of Sally throughout your daydreams.”

“That’s what I first thought, but I discarded the idea when Helene appeared on the scene. If Captain Jack is my imaginary Sally, then who does Helene represent in real life?”

“Me,” replies Natalie.

I go several shades of red when I realise that Natalie may be right. I can’t deny a certain sexual yearning when I’m here alone with Natalie. But Sapphire’s feelings for Helene are completely inappropriate when transcribed into my relationship with Natalie. Involving my therapist in fantasies as sexually perverted as mine is really embarrassing. Fortunately, Natalie is professional enough not to push the issue.

“If that’s so, then I owe you a major apology,” I stammer.

“No, you don’t. It’s all part of you discovering your true feelings. You should look on your daydreams as a journey towards facing the major decisions that will affect your life. Can you see how your jewels of the sea are steering you towards making those decisions?”