“I don’t care momma! What he’s doing is totally unacceptable. What would the children think if they found out?”

“Oh, come on poppa. Don’t get so dramatic. Besides, how could the children find out? It’s not like what he’s doing can be seen by kids.”

“But still. Don’t you think he’s being at least a little unethical?”

“Unethical? Is that where you’re going with it now? He’s not part of a union ya know and we don’t have any rules against it. He only works for us part time and even then it’s a pretty rigid schedule and he’s never failed us, so can’t you find it in yourself and cut him a little slack?”

“OK. OK. I know what you’re gonna say and part of me agrees with you. He saved our butts years ago and we owe him a lot. I’m just having trouble wrapping my head around with what he’s doing. Even though he hasn’t mentioned it, I can’t help but believe he is calling in that marker so I won’t fire his ass. The worst part is, based on the latest reports, I’m going to need him again this year.”

“Poppa, he’s not being that bad. You know you’ve always been a bit of a prude. Look how long it took you to hold my hand in public, let alone actually giving me a kiss.”

“Momma! You know the reputation we have to present. People were so narrow-minded back then so we had to be careful. Even now with people being more liberal with public affection, we still have to present a clean wholesome family friendly persona. We are loved all over the world and can’t afford even a hint of scandal.

“All that being said, you know I’m no prude. Who do you think taught you the Kama Sutra? It sure as hell wasn’t that good for nothing first boyfriend of yours. You know it’s true so don’t go blushing on me now. You love it as much as I do and we do pretty good for being a couple of old farts.

“But we have our fun behind closed doors. But no, not him! He’s got his stuff for sale on the internet and back alley shelves. All we need is for some moron to get careless and let some kid get a hold of one of his self described “gifts to mankind.” It could ruin us all.

“You know how many we have working here? Hundreds and it’s not enough. We need more because of the high demand for our products, but we can’t get enough applicants to relocate and it’s not just because of the weather.

“Could you imagine how much harder it would be if something like this came out? And now we’re subject to that stupid court order to hire a more diverse workforce. Who knew that having only elves working for you was discrimination? Fucking asshole lawyers!”

“Calm down poppa. Remember your blood pressure. Have you given any thought that if people did find out what he’s doing, they would realize we don’t have a stick up our collective asses and we actually had fun around here. Honey, our staffing issues would disappear by next season.

“Close your mouth honey, your attracting flies, and up here that’s not easy. Now listen to me. We don’t have to make that kind of thing part of our benefits package. We just need to let people know this is a good place to work. We would have happier employees, production would increase and our operating costs would go down. It is a win win for all of us, especially for the kids.”

“But momma, we already offer one of the best benefits packages in the world. It’s just that when you are the most exclusive toy maker in the world, applicants are a little intimidated.

“All that is neither here nor there. What I’m talking about is a blatant disregard for our heritage and reputation. You’ve heard the talk on the production floor. Some are saying I’ve known all along what he’s been up to and have condoned it just because of who he is. It is starting to cause trouble in the ranks.

“You called me a prude but you know I’m as liberal as anyone. Why do you think I started that adult line a few decades back. Why should only the good kids get toys? Why not the good adults?”

“Yes Poppa, that line of product is one of our most successful. But you know those complainers think we should stick to making wooded trains for the boys and dolls for the girls. They think if it has batteries it’s evil. Hell, you and I stressed tested our newest vibrator line last night and it was anything but evil. You can’t cum like that with a wind up toy, believe me!”

“But Momma! Rudolph is making stag films! It’s just not right.”

“Oh, stop it! He’s not hurting anyone so just let it go. Now it is time for Santa to come over here and give Mrs. Clause some more Christmas cheer.”