A Second Helping

“JoAnn?”

No response. What do I do now? Wait. Is the alien computer fighting with JoAnn? Wait. All we can do is wait.

“The PLUS leader wishes to speak with you, Iron. He doesn’t sound very friendly.”

“Ask him to wait, I’m taking a dump.”

“But your cyborg body neither eats or defecates. How can I tell the PLUS such a blatant falsehood?”

“Easy, Oops. Lie.”

“You want me to deliberately lie?”

“That is what all diplomacy is based on. Compliments you don’t mean. Hiding your true agenda. Bluffs are threats you don’t intend, so are lies. Tell him I’m indisposed. That is true. I am indisposed to see him. We need to discuss your moral code.”

“Okay, I told him you are indisposed and he threatens you better decide that you ARE disposed.”

“Ask him what the or else is.”

“Sorry, darling, I don’t understand.”

“A threat always has a Do it or else there are consequences, even if it’s only implied and not actually uttered. Ask him what consequences he has in mind if I refuse to be disposed to see him?”

“He threatens to destroy your ship.”

“Don’t reply, say nothing more, let him stew. Play for time. Have we received any recent shipments? Supplies?”

“Yes dear, the darkmatter paint and a small computer that maps darkmatter and I was told has a data base of known darkmatter concentrations.”

“Then, let’s leave. Ready to go home?”

Oops and Brenda cheer. I am fairly competent at flying the Sea Hag now, so I drop us out of orbit and head for the planet surface. At a low altitude and directly over the salty heavy water lake, I have Brenda drop the three prepared seeded weights in the garbage chute and jetison them into the lake. I hope the function as I intend. A prolific invasive species that will drive the PLUS off this planet. Bombs away. Now, clawing for altitude at full antigravitic thrust. Departing the atmosphere, heading sunward. A sling around the sun is the greatest aid to acceleration there is. Sea Hag is a fast ship. We can’t use FTL until we accelerate to near lightspeed. Neither can the Plus use FTL immediately, and their antigravitics are inferior to ours.

“JoAnn? Sure would appreciate a report, sugar lump.”

“A few more minutes, Iron.”

Flying the ship on manual takes all my concentration. JoAnn is our autopilot and is not currently available. Stick and rudder towards the system star.

“You can release controls to me, Iron, I have her.”

“Great, helm is yours. Set up is for random slingshot. No particular direction, but please readjust if you have navigation plotted. Full report when you can manage it.”

“Destination home not plotted in, instead course set for one of the humanoid worlds in the PLUS empire. We don’t want the PLUS following us home.”

“We really prefer to go home.”

“The FTL communications is a bug, reporting our position, destination, velocity continuously to the PLUS. It’s a Trojan horse.”

“Okay, we don’t want to become part of their empire. Can’t you disable the bug?”

“Yes, but wiser to wait until they commit their ships to a red herring destination. We will lead them on a wild goose chase.”

“Smart girl, thanks. Very devious.”