Chapter 33

Bella cowered inside her bathroom, locking the man she loved out of her life. The glimmer of hope for the marriage she had known, had longed for, and thought she had regained, vanished in a flash. In one stupid moment. She sat on the floor with her back pressed to the locked door.

The doorknob jiggled from the other side. She leaned against the door harder. Then there was pounding.

“Open the door,” Manuel shouted. “Bella, open the door.”

She kept crying. Sobbing harder now. She couldn’t stop. Tears poured from her eyes.

The doorknob jiggled again.

“Bella, let me in.”

“Go away!”

“What’s the matter?” Manuel said.

“Go away!”

“Talk to me. What did I do? Tell me what I did.”

“I’m ruined. Just go away.”

“Please open the door.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Not until you tell me what I’ve done.”

“I’m not a good wife.”

“What! You are the best wife I could ever have. I know that now.”

“But I’m a whore.”

There was silence on the other side of the door and then Manuel said in a softer voice, “I shouldn’t have called you that. I’m sorry. I was mad and didn’t understand. I was stupid back then and said it out of anger. I thought you understood that now.”

“But you just thought it.”

“Now? I don’t think it now.”

“You did! In the living room.”

A longer silence.

“We were making love,” Manuel said. “That’s what married people do.”

“But when I— You— When I did what I did, you—” Bella buried her face in her hands and shook her head. “Oh god! I heard it in your voice.”

“Bella, what are you talking about? Please come out.”

“I can’t. I’m so ashamed.”

“I’ll break the door down.”

Bella’s hands slid off her face and she looked straight ahead. Her eyes were wide, but didn’t seeing anything in front of her. Only what played inside her thoughts. Would he really break the door down? She climbed to her feet and wrapped a bath towel around her naked body and unlocked the door with a click. The doorknob turned and then the door swung inward. She jumped back and stood with her eyes downcast.

Manuel walked up to Bella and placed a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off. He reached around her and, with a hand on her upper back, pulled her to him. She struggled to break free but relented when he held her tight.

“Whatever I did, I’m sorry,” Manuel said. “Please forgive me.”

Bella tilted her head back to look up. Her eyes were red. Tears glistened both cheeks. “For what?”

“For whatever I did.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why are you mad at me?”

“It’s me. I’m not worthy. I’ve changed.”

“You’re the same woman I married.” Manuel stroked Bella’s cheek with the back of his hand. “I love you. Don’t you know that?”

“I’m not the same.”

“You’re right. You’re better. Smarter. And a great mother.”

“And a whore.”

“Stop saying that. I didn’t mean it. I was angry back then. But now I understand. That was ages ago.”

“But I heard it in your voice in the living room.”

Manuel jumped back. “What! What are you talking about?”

“When I acted the way I did.”

“We sort of got carried away, but we haven’t made love in a long time. I was excited, too.”

“I put your thing in my mouth!” she shouted. “And you yelled at me because it disgusted you.”

Manuel gaped at his wife with an open mouth. He stepped up to her and placed his hand on her cheek. She swatted it away and turned away from him.

“I wasn’t mad at you,” Manuel said.

Bella stared at him. “You yelled at me.”

“I may have yelled, but I wasn’t yelling at you. I was surprised. I was excited and it was something I always wanted you to do so I guess I yelled. I don’t even remember yelling. What did I say?”

“You called my name.”

Manuel’s eyebrows rose. “That’s all?”

Bella’s chin dropped to her chest. She raised her eyes without lifting her head and looked at him through her long, fluttering eyelashes. She said in a soft voice, “I guess.”

Bella lifted her head and looked into her husband’s eyes. “What do you mean you always wanted me to do it?”

“It was something I always wanted, but I thought you didn’t,” Manuel said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed. I thought you’d think less of me if I asked.”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to do it.”

Manuel cupped Bella’s face in his hands and leaned down. He kissed her lips. No tongue, just a loving kiss.

“You are not supposed to do anything you don’t want to. But if you want to and I want you to, that’s what husbands and wives do.”

“So all these years I wasn’t being a wife?”

“You are the best wife I could ever have. I love you.”

Bella’s bottom lip stuck out and quivered. Tears streamed down both cheeks.

“Why are you crying now?” Manuel said.

“Because I love you so much.”