Chapter 28

After bathing her two children, Bella Cano buttoned her son’s pajama top while her daughter donned her nightgown and climbed into bed. The two had separate single beds in the bedroom they shared. Bella used to fret over how they were going to afford a bigger house with a third bedroom. Soon her six-year-old daughter would blossom into womanhood and require privacy. But lately those worries seemed trivial compared to what she faced each day. Would their family even survive?

She helped her son into his bed, waited for him to get comfortable on his back, and then pulled the cover over him and swept his hair out of his eyes. He smiled at her with the naivety of the four-year-old he was. She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

“Good night, my young man,” Bella said.

“Good night, Mama.”

Bella turned to the adjacent bed. Her daughter was already covered.

“And you, my little princess,” Bella said, “you’re getting so big.”

“Because I can get dressed myself?”

“Because you are. You’re a big girl now.”

“Am I too big for Daddy?”

“You’ll never be too big for Daddy. You’ll always be his little girl.”

“Then why doesn’t he hold me like he used to?”

The words were like a knife thrust into Bella’s heart. She couldn’t breathe.

Holding back the tears, Bella said, “Honey, Daddy loves you like he always has. He just has a lot on his mind. It has nothing to do with you.”

“He’s not mad at me?”

“No, of course not. He loves you.”

“Is he mad at you?”

That was like a punch to the gut.

“Grownups sometimes fight,” Bella said. “Don’t worry about it. Everything will be okay.”

“You fight a lot. And you don’t talk or laugh anymore.”

“We are having grownup problems, but we’ll work them out. What’s important is that Daddy and I love you and your brother very much. Now go to sleep, my darling.”

Bella gave her daughter a quick kiss on the forehead and fled the room before the young girl could see the tears fall from her eyes.

Bella found her husband in the living room sitting in his favorite chair, the one he brought to the marriage that she hated. It was old and worn with an ugly Aztec pattern and colors that didn’t go with anything else in the room. Turquoise, purple, green, and gold. Manuel believed his ancestors were Aztecs so she was glad to have it in her house. He was reading a newspaper with his right ankle resting on his left knee. The newspaper was spread out in front of him like a curtain.

“Manuel, we need to talk,” Bella said.

From behind the newspaper, her husband said, “There’s nothing more to say.”

“It’s affecting the children.”

Her husband tilted the newspaper down and peered over the top. “What do you mean?”

“Your daughter thinks you don’t love her anymore.”

“That’s stupid.”

“She just told me.”

Manuel bunched the newspaper on his lap, crushing it between his two calloused hands. “What did you say to her about me that made her say that?”

“I didn’t say anything. She brought it up out of the blue.”

“You must have said something.”

“So it’s my fault. It’s always my fault.”

“Well, something happened.”

“Of course something happened. Look in the mirror. That’s what she sees. She sees that you hate me. That you yell at me. When you talk to me, that is. That we fight. That you don’t hold me. And she says you don’t hold her like you used to. You’re ruining our marriage and destroying our family.”

“Me? What about you?”

“I’m trying to protect us. You keep blaming me, but I don’t have a choice. Do you think I like doing what I have to? I hate it.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“So you and the children will live. If it wasn’t for the children, I’d hang myself.”

“If you hung yourself they’d leave us alone.”

Bella’s legs weakened. She grabbed the side of the couch when her knees buckled.

“You fucking coward!” Bella shouted.

Manuel flung the newspaper across the room. It separated in mid-air and the pages flew in all directions, floating down all over the carpeted floor. “What did you say to me?”

“You heard me. What would you do if it was you instead of me who they told to do something?”

“I wouldn’t do it. I have my pride.”

Bella couldn’t speak. Her face turned red. Her fingers clenched into two fists. A knot formed in her stomach. She glared at her husband. She wanted to pounce on him. Punch him. Rip his eyes out. She stormed out of the living room, out the front door, and ran and ran and ran. A neighbor called out to her. She didn’t hear. She ran like a madwoman. Until her legs wouldn’t carry her any farther. Her heart pounded. Her lungs burned. She had to stop. Gasping for air, she dropped to her knees on the pavement with her face cupped in both hands and sobbed.