06: A Hopefully Minor Indiscretion

III: Flittering Minds

Serenity is when you get above all this,
when it doesn’t matter what they think, say or want,
but when you do as you are, and see God and Devil as one.

Henry Miller

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

Anaïs Nin

Theo was conflicted. Despite his ‘strong moral-compass’ claims, what he was considering was questionable. Still, given what he’d learned, he needed to determine what worked before he and Alli progressed any further.

Waking, he grasped the small foil packet he’d picked up before turning in. In spite of understanding what was required, Theo wanted to clear his mind of the doubts plaguing him. And what better way than doing good, like he did with Tracy and Vivian.

Comforted by how the selfless act resolved his worries, he sought some troubled, tormented soul. And once more, found himself in a dream where a naked woman hunched over an unclothed man. Realizing this was how he’d first encountered Tracy, he turned. But as he did, the woman did too.

Theo snorted. “Natalie?”

She bolted upright, the nameless young man sporting an erection disappearing. “Theo? What ... what are you doing here?”

“Uh ... nothing. Sorry, wrong dream. I ... took a wrong turn somewhere. Return to where you ... pardon me.”

Sitting up and gasping, he realized his error, amazed he hadn’t grasped his mistake sooner. Whenever he went searching for someone’s dreams without specifying his search criteria, he always ended up with the closest female experiencing a sexual fantasy. That wouldn’t ease his conscience at all. Targeted searches for specific people were fairly straightforward, but he needed to focus on who he wanted to avoid, rather than defaulting to the nearest dreamer. Moreover, to be safe, he had to concentrate on those farther away to bypass these embarrassing situations in the future.

Feeling no better about his plans, he decided to bite the bullet. Ripping open the seal, he rolled the condom over his erection–undissipated by how long he’d been asleep. He knew the troubles with his task, but didn’t know how else to resolve the conflict. The problem was he didn’t think he could successfully transfer physical substances from his own dream. With the questions still unsettled, he lay back and drifted off.

Trying again, he specifically sought women experiencing sexual dreams–rather than stumbling across them by accident. Preferably one far from his present location. He found himself in a restaurant, where a beautiful waitress was flirting with one particular patron. Unsure of the wisdom of his assumed task–Theo created a table, and sitting alone, raised his hand. “Miss?”

Turning, her customer vanished as she froze. Theo realized he’d been in the establishment before. Many times!

“Uh, okay,” she said, hesitantly approaching. She stopped by the table, taking a formal pose. “Can I help you?”

She paused, tilting her head. “Dr. Müller?”

Theo had to think, searching for who she was. “Stacy? Imagine meeting you here?”

“I ... work here,” she said, relaxing and grinning at him.

“I know,” he fudged, smiling as the tabletop hid his naked stiffy. “But you aren’t normally here when I get off.”

“Well, I’m here now. What can I get you?”

Biting his lip, he took a chance he wouldn’t normally, given her apparent interest in him. “What I’d like,” he said, sliding his napkin towards her, “is your phone number. Maybe we could get together sometime, like dinner tonight?”

She blushed, glancing around, despite there being no one else in the restaurant.

“I don’t usually do this,” she demurred, before grinning and writing her information. The cleavage revealed by her low-cut top which was now unbuttoned more than a moment ago. Apparently, modifying one’s dream wasn’t restricted to specific people.

“Perfect,” he said, quickly glancing at it before slipping it in his breast pocket. “I guess I’ll see you tonight. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”

“So am I,” she said, before Theo disappeared, dissolving the scene, to see where she took the dream. Since he knew Stacy well, this threw all his previous calculations out the window. But her ready acceptance convinced him to continue, despite the semi-close personal connection. Hoping he wasn’t making a horrid mistake, his plan all along was to end it before he compromised himself. Avoiding the seduction, though his intentions didn’t absolve his troubled conscience!

It took her a moment, likely confused when the dream didn’t unfold as expected, but she appeared alone, glancing around. Theo entered, holding a filled chilled-crystal champagne flute, offering her another. “To us,” he proposed. They were both dressed. Him in a jacket with his shirt partially open, highlighting his sparse chest hair. Her in a low-cut semi-formal scarlet dress–though their bodies ended at their waists. She glanced at herself, thrown once more.

“For me? This is so unexpected.” She sipped it and paused, staring at the glass. “It’s ... wonderful!”

“Nothing but the best for you,” he said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

She still seemed confused, taking a moment to sniff and sip her drink. She then held it up, considering the detailed individual bubbles drifting towards the top, magnified by the crystal.

“I take it not many dates bring their own champagne?” He pulled her forward so their chests and legs touched, wrapping his arm around hers, hoping to get past this initial awkward stage. They took another drink, her watching him guardedly, swirling the effervescent liquid in her mouth.

Placing his glass on a non-existent table, both vanished as he set them aside before leaning in and kissing her. The kiss lasted a few seconds, and she pulled back, surprised.

“Damn! I can taste the champagne as our tongues touch!” She stepping back. “This ... this isn’t really a dream, is it?”

Theo groaned under his breath, but continued smiling. “I’m here, finally alone with you in your apartment, and you’re arguing over how pleasant it is?” He leaned in, kissing her again. “Don’t stress yourself and let what happens, happen.”

She returned his kiss, her eyes open a moment before closing them, losing herself in the mutual moment. Reopening them, they were naked, their bodies fully visible, though she didn’t seem to notice their lower limbs.

“I’m not most men!” He drew her towards her bed, littered with pillows and shimmering silk sheets, unaware how it looked beforehand.

“I’ve dreamed of this moment many times,” she said, her voice almost a solemn chant, “but never like this.” She paused, wanting to get this off her chest. “I’ve always found you cute and sexy, and you treated me like a real person, not a nameless waitress you could flirt with.” She glanced around. “Yet this is ... completely new.”

“No, it isn’t like the others,” he agreed, pulling her into his lap as he sat on the bed, his erection pressed between them. “I don’t ape other men. I go my own way and treat women as they deserve.”

She looked down for several moments.

“You don’t behave like you do in my other dreams. You smell wonderfully, your skin is textured. I can even see your pores.” She leaned back, grasping his erection before freezing. “You’re wearing a condom?”

“It’s my responsibility, not yours,” he assured her, pulling her forward and kissing her again. “I’m so glad to spend this intimate moment with you, I don’t mind in the least.”

She grinned. “You don’t speak like you did before,” she said, slowly stroking it while dealing with the latex. “You’re bigger and ... it was never this detailed, as I never really focused on it before.”

Theo chuckled, relieved to be past the immediate crisis. “You’re noticing it now, and I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” He reached up, caressing her breast as they kissed. “Simply accept that it’s right this time and don’t peer beneath the hood. Live in the moment and next time, it’ll be even better.”

She hesitated, then leaned in, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him, her mouth and hands never stationary. Rolling them over so he was above her, pressing her into the bed as she moaned.

“Whatever’s happening, I’m all in,” she promised, pausing though her hands and legs never stilled. “I’ll worry later–though I’ll likely never comprehend it, but I’ve dreamed of this too long to toss it aside now.”

Their brief, naked romantic encounter unfolded quickly, as they moved naturally, responding to each other. Theo focused on her, while her eyes glazed, reflecting emotions foreign to his own.

Things proceeded rapidly, so swiftly Theo was swept along helplessly, merely observing where it went. He was no longer controlling the dream. She led it now, whatever he wanted having little effect on her responses, as she carried him forward, willingly or not.

After going down on her–refusing her offer to fellate him and hoping for a reprieve–he was overwhelmed. He was afraid to stop as he’d planned, terrified of crushing her after building her expectations so relentlessly. He’d urged her to commit while fearing what the commitment implied. Practically dragged up by his ears, her arms constantly moving, he lay atop her, facing perhaps the biggest crisis of his life.

Yet, unable to think of a graceful exit, he again went along. He prepared to enter but hesitated, realizing what he was about to do. The full impact suddenly broke over his conscience like a tsunami, but he was already committed. This wasn’t how he’d imagined this playing out, as it violated his every instinct. Pressing forward, urged on by her hands, arms and legs, he slid into her, moaning and grasping his back as he began slow measured thrusts. His face was an odd mix of trepidation and regret, matching her own contorted features, also swept along by events.

Despite his previous fantasy experiences, he didn’t last long, erupting as he hadn’t for some time. The sensations were too intense, sweeping his doubts and fears aside. Each pulse seeming to draw sperm from deep within his balls, leaving him drained. After cuming, he awoke in a cold, damp sweat. Laying his arm over his eyes, calming his panting breath, he reached down, ensuring he hadn’t damaged anything.

He bolted upright, his eyes fully open and heart hammering. The rubber was gone, his penis slick and red, sticky with semen, stretching the supersensitive flesh as it dried. It continued throbbing, no less firm than moments before.

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed. “This is worse than I feared!”

Before closing his eyes, the following night, Theo stared into the unseen heavens, chewing another magic mushroom morsel.

“Lord,” he whispered, focusing intently on the universe beyond the ceiling blocking his view. “I screwed up. You laid a path before me, and rather than follow, my hubris misled me. So, I’m here on proverbial bended knees, requesting your guidance again.

“I now know better than to ignore your chosen path, and I’ll ask before veering off again, but ... if you could point me in the right direction, I’d appreciate it.”

Of course, God didn’t say anything. Although they’d never spoken directly, Theo felt his presence guiding him, but now ... a deafening spiritual silence drowned everything else out. A gap in his newfound awareness of the universe surrounding him rang louder than a hundred tolling bells, despite his straining to hear.

“You’re right, Lord. I’m unworthy of your guidance. Neither you nor I appreciate whether my words mean anything. To prove my pleas valid, I need to make amends. But time is running out. So, as I ponder how to resolve my blighted soul, I must take a temporary detour. While not skirting my duty, I need to stay ahead of those pursuing me.

If ... If I’m killed, going my own way once again, I accept it as my due. But please, even if you aren’t guiding me, at least keep Alli and Wendy safe in my absence. They’re not responsible for my choosing the wrong path at this critical juncture. Whatever they think of me going forward, I’ll bear my shame proudly, recognizing I brought it on myself.”

Theo considered his self-consigned plight as the room spun and colorful lights arched over him, feeling himself drawn down into the bed.

Theo blinked rapidly, as tears trickled through his hair. The next thing, he was face down, under the bed, completely nude with barbed tendrils snapping at him as a somber dirge played.

“Okay. That’s clear enough, even for me,” he acknowledged. “Forgive me for what I might do, as it surly violates several commandants, but I’m making this up as I go.” Hoping for the best, Theo focused on the faces he remembered.

“I’m taking Kyle to his mother,” the easily recognizable man’s wife said as he leaned in to kiss her, still buttoning his shirt. Theo frowned, trying not to stare as the baby reached for him. Squeezing the baby’s tiny fist as they departed, the two left him alone.

The second killer continued, fastening his cufflinks, before opening his personal gun safe and removing a leather knife sheath. Securing it under his pressed trousers, he slipped his pistol into his holster before covering it with his jacket. Done, he checked his tie one last time, whistling a popular toddler-cartoon theme, and headed downstairs.

Entering the kitchen, an older girl, around eleven or twelve, glanced up.

“Do you have to work again, Papa? I hoped you could take me fishing.”

“Sorry, Pumpkin, duty calls. I’ve got an assignment which wasn’t finished on time, so I’m working overtime.”

“Ahh,” the girl sighed, frowning, leaning back and crossing her arms.

“Don’t worry, Susie, I’ll take you,” his wife said from behind the counter.”

Theo knelt beside the small girl, creating a small gnome who appeared before her, out of sight of her parents.

“Hi, little girl. What’s your name?” he asked, in a Scottish accent.

“It’s Sue.” She giggled, leaning over and sheltering the fantasy character from her parent’s gaze.

“Susie who?” the short, squat creature prodded, scratching his beard as a large beetle, nearly half his size popped out and scurried away, eliciting more giggles.

“Carval-ho,” she said, pronouncing it slowly, as the tiny figure scratched his head.

“And your papa’s? I need to sprinkle ferry dust in his ear tonight, so he can perform magic tricks for you.”

“Will you be home at a normal hour?” his wife pressed.

“I’ll try, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she struggled to recall her father’s name. “It’s Aman ... Amancio,” she said, grinning broadly when she recalled it.

“Thanks,” he said, winking at her. “I’ll ensure he comes back soon,” he promised, disappearing as Theo hurried towards the man he was interested in.

“Well, don’t stay out too late. You know the kids worry when you aren’t here.”

He leaned in, kissing her again. “Take care, Allison, and if I am, I’ll make up for it when I get back.”

With no clue where the dream was going, Theo stuck by his target. Approaching his car, Theo awoke, jotting the license number on a nearby notepad along with everyone’s names, before reclosing his eyes.

Amancio was now dressed in non-standard fatigues, careening down a muddy dirt road extremely fast through an overgrown tropical jungle. As Theo–undetectable by the driver–clutched the dashboard, wondered how he’d gotten here from Amancio’s driveway. Turning, he saw another man in the same camouflaged uniform, huddled over another covered in blood. Staring out the rear window he saw two older military jeeps, bullets rippling past, threatening them as they did his confidence.

Twisting forward, there was a bright flash and their SUV flipped, everyone–including Theo–tumbling inside the vehicle. When it stopped, Theo found himself outside the smoldering, crumpled wreck as Amancio crawled out, dragging the other man behind him.

“Where’s Juan?”

“He didn’t make it. There isn’t much time. They’ll be on us any moment.”

Scrambling to their feet, they fled unsteadily into the brush as gunfire, nearer now, erupted behind them.

The scene changed again, as the two men, in worn, torn and stained uniforms, snuck up on a modest shack. Amancio surveyed the area near the house, while his companion checked for anyone following.

“We’re set,” he assured the other man.

“Who lives here?”

“My wife, Luanne,” he answered, walking calmly to the house. Partway there, a woman shouted, rushing towards him, dropping her laundry basket.

“Amancio! You’re home!”

He ran to her, meeting they threw their arms around each other as he spun her around.

“Papa!” a small boy cried, running from the house.

“Alarico,” he called, extending an arm for him too, as his colleague approached cautiously.

“Jacob needs help. He’s pretty cut up.”

“Come,” Luanne said, not shocked at his uniformed, mud-splattered, bleeding companion. “We fix you up.”

Meanwhile, Amancio picked the young boy up and twirled him in the air, as he giggled hysterically. Stepping back, Theo frowned. Despite his seemingly being a loving father, Theo wouldn’t hesitate doing whatever was necessary to stop him. He was clearly dangerous and more than willing to sacrifice friend, foe or loved ones at a moment’s notice. Though the idea it would impact his innocent family disturbed Theo, adding another weight on his already overburdened soul. But at least he had more information on those after him.

The next agent’s dreams were just as innocent–surprising for men who murdered and presumably tortured someone in cold blood with hundreds of witnesses nearby. This time, the man was cleaning his gun, polishing and examining the barrel, removing anything which might affect its performance.