11: Final Goodbyes

IV: Confrontations

Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground.

Anonymous*

To begin depriving death
of its greatest advantage over us,
... let us deprive death of its strangeness,
let us frequent it, let us get used to it...
We do not know where death awaits us:
so let us wait for it everywhere.
To practice death is to practice freedom.
A man who has learned how to die
has unlearned how to be a slave.

Michel de Montaigne

“Theo!” Wendy exclaimed, running to him as soon as he appeared. “Today was so exciting. Stacy and Lia visited, and Dr. Phisher and her wife, Fran, came by to discuss my treatment.”

“Sorry, kid, but I bear bad news, and while it will take time to work through, I have several other visits scheduled.” Taking Alli in his arms, he addressed them both. “I’m afraid this is likely my final goodbye.”

She pushed away and glared at him. “Is this because of last night?”

“No. Well, partially. After discussing everything with Natalie, I’ve decided hiding out indefinitely is the wrong approach. Instead, I’m going to confront those chasing me in the morning.”

“Are you insane?” she demanded, as Wendy clutched his side, holding him tight.

“No. I’ve considered this extensively. After her boyfriend threw a fit, threatening to inform the police where we were, we ran once again, only ... he was murdered yesterday. I can’t keep running and I’ve made my peace with my fate.”

“Theo, this is heartbreaking! Aren’t there any other options?”

“Well, Leslie, the woman who initiated this, has some ideas. But realistically, I’m assuming there’s a forty percent chance she’ll kill me herself, and another forty she’ll tell those tracking me where I am and not show up. Even if everything works, it leaves my odds of survival at a mere twenty-percent, and even less I won’t end up bleeding out in an empty warehouse.”

“So why do it at all?” she challenged. “If you continue running, you’ll figure out some way—”

Theo shook his head. “No. Hopefully, if I turn myself in, they’ll forget about everyone else, especially if I assure them no one else knows anything.”

“Still,” she argued, not as strenuously.

Theo stepped back, holding her at arms’ distance while keeping Wendy by his side. “There are several other factors, but it gets complicated.

“I always worried I was unduly influencing others in my dreams, but it’s more widespread than that. It appears my overall attitude affects everyone to an unnatural degree, including while they’re awake. Moreover, it’s clouded my thinking, bringing out the worst in me. I’d rather go out on my own terms, than stoop to their level.

“You have to admit, Alli, you’ve never been this sexually aggressive before, which is what initially threw me. Most of those I encounter in those dreams seemingly accept whatever I say, without questioning it. Those I’m probing for information seem to adopt my own skepticism, doubting my disguises. Yet when I reveal myself, they believe anything I tell them.”

Turning to Wendy, he continued. “Finally, kiddo, I’m afraid you’ve also been influenced by me. So, I suggest you postpone your plans until you’re better able to evaluate your decision. Just like your mom’s, it seemingly came out of the blue, and mirrors my approach in many ways.”

She put her hands on her hips, leaning into him. “How so? You’ve never considered what I am, and though I never discussed it, I’ve always known I’m not really a girl!”

“I would never suggest you’re mistaken, but it’s complicated. You’ve never demonstrated any mannish behaviors or rejected feminine things. Instead, you were influenced by my pursuing women, including your mother. If I wasn’t seeking sexual relationships, I would have avoided them once their intentions were clear.”

“That’s...”

“Consider this,” he said, indicating his khakis.

“What’s that got to ... Wait, you never wore pants in dreams before!”

“After you dream-visited Lia, I lost my perpetual erection, but regained it when your mother started pushing me to act inappropriately. These were more than a simple delusion, they’re a sign my thinking is clouded by my baser instincts. It’s what got me to examine everything I’ve done, casting it in an entirely new light.

“Rather than realizing what you’ve long denied, you appear to be emulating my desires, including wanting to screw women like me. Though, in my case, I keep catching myself before proceeding, but my attitudes seem to infect everyone I encounter.”

“I’ll admit,” Alli confessed. “I never acted like this with Conner, or anyone else. Yet, as soon as he entered my dreams, it was all I thought of.”

“But you’ve always been attracted to him,” Wendy contended.

“There’s a difference between liking someone and relentlessly pursuing them—especially once it’s clear they’re uninterested. What he’s saying makes sense, and ties all the missing pieces together.”

“Don’t worry,” he assured her. “If I survive, I’ll happily pursue our relationship, but I’d rather do it without this doubt shadowing our decision.

“Yet I’ve struggled with where I’m going and what the purpose of these dream journeys is. I knew what I’m doing is vital, but couldn’t determine what the objective was. It’s now obvious my cravings kept getting in the way. Having stopped, my choice is clear. I need to do this, whatever the outcome.”

“When will you know?”

“I’m heading for my rendezvous well before dawn, so I won’t be easily spotted. I don’t know how long they’ll take to arrive, but after so long, I doubt they’ll dawdle. If you don’t hear from me by noon, at the latest, consider me gone.”

“I can’t stand losing you too,” Wendy said, tears staining her cheek.

“Like your father, I’m not leaving you, but you’ve known my life was in danger for a while. If I can protect you by sacrificing myself, I’ll gladly do it.”

“I know this is hardly reassuring, but when Stacy and I spoke, we spent the whole time commiserating over you. If anything, we’ll help each other heal. The spark remains strong between us, and our mutual loss will only draw us closer.” She stopped, struggling to keep from bawling. “With her assistance, we can comfort ourselves and Wendy, without replacing you.”

“I can’t think of a better tonic than companionable grief. Though she’s a bit on the rambunctious side, she has a good heart. She can also help Wendy adjust, whichever direction she takes.”

“I can hardly imagine your not being here,” Wendy said, her voice breaking. “Despite your temporary visits, you’ve always ... been there for me, encouraging me and spending time with me, at all hours, awake or asleep.” She leaned back. “I’ll tell you what, after this, I’m giving up on fathers altogether. It’s just too painful when they leave!”

“Drew?”

The one-time FBI Special Agent Lynen spun, the mountain he was scaling forgotten. “You again? I convinced myself I’d imagined our earlier meeting.”

“Nope. It was very real, though not so believable. But I’m here to inform you I’m confronting the ALLID agents pursuing me tomorrow. I’d like to detail what I’ve learned, just so someone can potentially put it to use once I’m gone, rather than it being lost.”

He sighed, sounding weary. “After our last discussion, I’ve been considering it. After all these years, the evidence we collected never proved beneficial. The group has too many influential people in their pockets to ever be held accountable.

“At this point, I’d rather not be burdened by even more data I’m powerless to employ. I’m glad you attempted to alter their seemingly inevitable destiny, but as you’re only now realizing, it’s fruitless. I’d have cautioned you earlier, but you seemed so enthusiastic, I hoped you had a new angle, able to achieve what I couldn’t. Alas, it’s not to be.”

“Don’t give up yet,” Theo urged. “I’ve got someone who has a plan, though she wouldn’t reveal what she’s considering.”

“Lynn Daniels?” he guessed. “Trust me, she’s already alerted ALLID. Chances are, when you show up, you’ll be met by a trained sniper, with no witnesses to observe your demise. It’s the cleanest option, and I can’t picture such a cold-blooded killer doing anything else.”

“You’re probably right, but I’ve got a lot riding on surviving. So, I’m hoping it’ll work out, somehow. If people like us become too jaded to do what we can, those responsible for these actions will never be held responsible. All we need is to expose them, and the public outrage will hold them in check.”

“Except, they’ll never allow anything we discover to be released. They’ve been doing this for too long without anyone stepping in. This is an example of utter corruption. Honest men are too moral to stand against those without. It’s a lost cause.”

“Maybe so, but I still need to try.”

“I figured you’d say that

“Hopefully not, but if you don’t hear from me, your bleak worldview will be confirmed. Still ... keep those records handy. I’m hoping—if this works out—to use the data, one way or another.”

“Mom? Dad?” Theo inquired, after dragging each from their individual dreams, recreating his childhood home—more for his benefit than theirs.

“Theo?” his father asked, glancing around. “Something tells me this isn’t my imagination.”

“It’s not,” Theo’s mother assured him, rushing to embrace her son. “It’s been so long since we’ve talked. We felt terrible about what that horrid Jennifer did to you, but why you’d hold it against us wasn’t fair, either.”