“R” Rated Version

After I moved to The Philippines, all sorts of interesting things started happening to me. I married a great girl within six months. Unfortunately for both of us, she was like a lot of Filipinos and self-medicated with black market medicines rather than go to the doctor. The words, “diet” and “exercise” were not in her vocabulary as weight loss strategies. Pills, coffees, teas, and injections were the answer as far as she was concerned. I tried to curb her intake of dangerous or questionable substances, but over the years, fighting daily battles wore me down and I stopped trying to keep her from experimenting with the newest diet magic bullet.

Maybe it was the Bangkok Pills, or maybe it was the Fen Phen. Who knows? Something destroyed her kidneys. She didn’t do well on dialysis, and she left me wearing that nonsensical label, “widower.”

In the Philippines middle class people are very polite. Kids don’t call adults by their first names without an Auntie or Uncle prefix. I was “Uncle George” to lots of kids. Some were children of business associates others were kids or siblings of people who worked in our house as personal assistants or house helpers. These children were more like family. I helped with their school tuition or gave them my old MacBook when I got a new one. We were good to our people and most of them were with us for years. Sometimes I actually got to see a kid grow up. The parents were always grateful, but some of the kids actually realized we had made a positive impact on their lives. I wasn’t helping because I wanted recognition or praise. For the most part, they were good kids, well raised by good parents, and I liked them. I wanted to make sure the odds were in their favor.

It is possible for an American man to live on his own in the Philippines, but there are some situations where having a family can be a life or death issue. For example, people with family get better care from hospital nurses.

My immigration status was tied to being married to a Filipina. I had a short time to sort that out. It’s not like I was going to rush out and marry a woman because I was helpless. The cook, house helper, and driver were all staying with me.

We were living on the top floor of the building where May had her salon. The business license was in her name, so I had to close the salon. The rent for a commercial building was too high, so I needed to move anyway.

My second wife had asked me what I’d do if she died before I did. I knew enough not to say, “throw a party,” which was actually the truth. My answer was mostly true, but it pissed her off. I had never seen Leena so angry. I said I’d be sad for a couple years, then start to get over the grief. My big mistake was that when she asked if I’d remarry, I said, “Probably.”

Now May was my fourth wife, and I’d learned a few things over the years, so when she asked me the same question, I said, “I’ll be so sad, I’ll just wander around. I wouldn’t notice other women. I’ll start smoking a pipe again because without you, I won’t care if I die of cancer.” Apparently, that was the right answer. May loved me and treated me as the love of her life the whole time we were together. The “line” I’d given her was turning out to be truer than I thought it was.

I bought a house in Baguio, a small city in the mountains, about 275 km north of Manila. I had a builder add a wing with properly sized rooms for my staff, including a private bathroom for each person. Typical “Maid’s Rooms” were really closets. I couldn’t treat people I trusted to take care of me as if they were livestock.

Between school terms, one or more of the kids I’d helped stayed in one of the guest rooms and kept me company for a day or a week, depending on how close we’d become.

I have to confess that I was always more generous with cute girls who talked to me. The three prettiest were all over eighteen now. I’m a bad man, and I’ve had fantasies about each of these young ladies crushing on me, falling in love with me, and becoming addicted to making love with me. I know it’s stupid. I’m over seventy, and I never was what you’d call a “handsome man.”

I’ve had a crush on one of them since the first time I met her. She was nine. I would have paid any price to have her fall in love with me. I never acted on my lustful feelings. If she’d asked me to make love to her, I would have given her what she wanted. Does that make me a pedophile? Does it make me a bad man?

She talked to me on Messenger a lot and asked me questions about her crushes. When I wasn’t judgmental about her first girl crush, she started asking me questions about sex. I didn’t draw any stupid conclusions because sex education is nonexistent in the Philippines, so she probably was just curious.

Jana was a little heavier than my dream girl. She didn’t have the self-discipline to eat in moderation, so her weight yo-yoed. When her mom was unemployed, Jana stopped looking chubby. When her mom was making good money, the calories from Mc Donald’s piled up around her waist, on her butt, and on her thighs. She was ethically challenged and liked to stir up shit with gossip about staff members, whispered behind their backs. Her ability to tell the truth was tenuous. She had stolen money several times from various members of the staff and she stole from me by withdrawing more than I asked for with my ATM card, then keeping the extra.

I’d like to tell you that I was smart enough to not even consider her for the “Lady of the Manor” position May had vacated, but if Jana had turned up wearing this form fitting grey knit dress she had, kissed me on the lips and said, “Take me to bed or lose me forever,” I would have taken her to bed and soon thereafter endowed her with all my worldly goods.

The second “niece,” Kasey, graduated from college with an IT degree. She definitely wasn’t dumb. However, she was more interested in dance and pageants than what was happening in the real world. She deserved to be in the top five of all the pageants she ever entered, but her skin is darker than what people in the Philippines consider “classy,” so she had never done better than runner-up.

Her mom watches her like a hawk, and I’ve never gotten any indication she might be interested in sex with anyone, let alone with me. She was naïve and had very limited life experience. I’d done a few things to help her out and many times I said complimentary things about her where she could hear. Several times I took the role of “troll slayer” when people wrote nasty comments on one of her online posts. I don’t believe she ever thought much about me. I imagined that while Kasey would be a pleasant companion and a woman I wanted badly because of her beauty and perfect figure, the chances of us getting to a point where she would be eager for a sexual relationship with me were very small.

The third girl is the sister of my personal assistant. He was my wife’s assistant and salon manager. We treated him like family, and he decided to stay on with me. Their father gave her some obscure, unpronounceable biblical name. Their mom said her youngest daughter was her “Pearl of Great Price.” Somehow that was translated into “Gem,” and in my eyes, the young lady was indeed a jewel.

For some unknown reason I acted totally differently around Gem than I did when my other “nieces” visited. I flirted with her pretty blatantly. When she graduated from High School at age sixteen, which is the norm in the Philippines, she thanked me for coming to her party. I grinned and said, “Thank you for the invitation. Being here, seeing you all dressed up and looking beautiful, and putting your arm around me is the most excitement I’ve had in years!”

When Gem graduated from Senior High School at age eighteen, I gave her a second-hand laptop to help her do her college work. I’m sure I had a flirty comment for her then too, but I don’t remember exactly what I said.

She went into a medical laboratory technician program. I made some comment about how attractive her white uniform was, every time I saw her. After she didn’t complain, I said, “You make that uniform look good. Of course, you’d make a paper bag look good.”

Once she told me a story about how difficult it was to visit a hospital on the other side of Manila when one of her classes required the trip. I commiserated with her about the difficulties of traveling around Manila wearing a white skirt. I went on to say something about how difficult it must be to keep the hem at a modest length. I wasn’t really trying to throw out sexual innuendos, but now that I’ve had time to think about it, I realize I was leading her brain to think of me in sexual terms.

Gem is a nice girl, and has never, ever done a single slutty thing in her life. However, the official length of her uniform skirt was designed for a girl five feet tall, and Gem is five feet, eight inches tall. The skirt hem lies high enough above her knees to give a wonderful view of her lovely, slender thighs and makes occasional panty shots inevitable. It’s difficult for Gem to maintain her modesty when she gets in to or out of a car or climbs a flight of stairs. I can’t help myself; I ALWAYS look. Gem knows I’m looking, but she never frowns at me, avoids me, or shows a negative attitude toward me.

Soon after May’s funeral I took Gem and her family to a fancy buffet restaurant for Gem’s birthday. She was sitting across the table from me, wearing a white, long-sleeved, cotton sweater that came to just above her waist but did not tuck in to her filmy, forest green, crepe trousers. That gave a tantalizing glimpse of her tiny waist and flat tummy every time she moved. Gem is thin, but she doesn’t look unhealthy. When she went back to the buffet line, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her bottom. The crepe clung to her butt cheeks. The seam going down from the waist band and between her legs created a definite demarcation between tight, left and right ass cheeks. The firm hemispheres looked like they would barely make a handful. Gem didn’t have an exaggerated walk, but her slim hips swayed gently, in a womanly way.

When she came back to the table, I said, “I’ve noticed something about you.”

Her dad was a minister who had been so harsh with all of his kids that they each left home as soon as they possibly could. I saw the dread that I was going to say something critical in the expression on her pretty face.

I continued, “You always put together unusual outfits that look classy and fashion forward. If a medical career isn’t going to work out for you, I think you could be very successful as a personal stylist for an ‘A-List’ celebrity.”

I could see the relief on her face. She smiled at me and said, “I really want to design and sew my own fashion line, but medical careers are more financially secure.”

I said, “I think your line would be successful because you have a good eye for what makes a girl look classy and elegant, never trashy.”

Gem said, “If I designed my line within the limits of what I would wear, I doubt that I’d sell anything. Slutty is in right now, so I’d need to design for what girls are buying. I’m not sure I could do that.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl who feels, dresses, or acts slutty in private, especially if she enjoys sharing that side of herself with her partner. I think excess skin displayed in public is a sign that a girl doesn’t have pride in herself. I’m guessing that when she was growing up, someone convinced her she wasn’t worth anything and destroyed her self-respect. Because she doesn’t believe in herself, she feels that she needs to advertise by showing a lot of epidermis,” I said.

Gem frowned, took a deep breath, and said, “How about me? Should I advertise? I feel really lonely most of the time. It makes me feel sad. I want a partner who thinks I’m beautiful and can’t keep his eyes off me. If I fell in love with him, I hope he couldn’t keep his hands off me either.”

I said, “The kind of guy you get from advertising on the street generally isn’t worth having. He usually let’s a girl down and she ends up feeling used and even more lonely. My money is on the man who shows you he cares, especially by staying around for a long time.”

“I’ve noticed something about you, Uncle George. You can’t keep your eyes off me. You try to look at my face, but your eyes caress my breasts a lot. I can’t see why, because my boobs are so small. You have a hungry look in your eyes and your gaze lingers on my tits like you want to devour at least my breasts and when I wear a short skirt I think you want to eat me up. The few times you’ve seen me in a swimsuit, your eyes were locked on to me between my legs. Were you looking for stray hairs or wondering if I shaved my pubic area? If you had me alone and naked, what would you do to me?” Gem asked.

I smiled, trying to look caring, not predatory. I said, “I’d do anything you wanted dear. I would never force a girl to do anything she wasn’t eager to do.”

Gem said, “If a girl was teasing you hard and making lots of sexual innuendos, have you ever considered that she might want you but not be able to tell you due to her upbringing? Have you ever thought she might want you to make the decision for her and just take her?”

I laughed. I said, “You of all people should know my answer. I need clear, verbal permission from a girl before I would do more than look.”

Gem said, “Yes, you are consistent.

“You certainly do like to look at me. I’m going to do something girls never do; I’m going to tell you that knowing you are looking at me makes me happy, and sometimes it makes me hot.

“If I gave you permission would you kiss me? Would you touch me? Would you make love to me?”

I answered, “I want to kiss you all over and keep kissing you in the places you like best for as long as you want to be kissed. I would touch you anyplace that made you feel good. I’m old so sometimes one of my parts doesn’t work very well, but if you need to be loved, I’d use every part of me that does work to love your sexy body until you have a dreamy smile on your lovely face.”

Gem said, “If I asked you to eat me, but told you I wasn’t going to do anything for you, would you still do me?”

I said, “There is a lot you don’t know about me. My third wife saw a thing on TV about the swinger lifestyle. She had never done it with someone her own age, so she wanted to try out swinging. She thought that would keep things strictly recreational and prevent either of us from falling in love with someone else. We did that for three years.

“A lot of the women and even more so their husbands, were surprised by how quickly and easily women came for me. I don’t think I’m being conceited by thinking that if I do a good job giving you what you need, you’ll want to return the favor sooner rather than later. If you didn’t put impossible limits on me that would prevent me from being able to bring you to multiple orgasms, I’d do you today and hope you’d want us to do more tomorrow.”

Gem giggled and said, “Don’t worry about me acting that way. I’m a “quid pro quo” girl. After all, TANSTAAFL[1] is a pretty universal truth. If I decide to play, I’m willing to pay.

“I was actually thinking about a girl who expressed an interest in having you do to her whatever you did to Auntie May so that she made happy noises all night long. That was several years ago, so hopefully she has outgrown her crush on you, because that girl would not be a good match for you.

“We wouldn’t be having this conversation if it wasn’t for Jana. She was the one who told me how good you loved Auntie May. She told me the reason she wanted to seduce you was because the happy noises in your bedroom stopped about five years ago. Jana claims that if a couple stops making love, it’s always the woman’s fault. Jana’s excuse for trying to install herself as your lover was that you deserve to have a woman who will give you all the sex you want.

“I started imagining what it would be like to have you make love to me, and it became clear to me that I am a much more sexual girl than I knew. I need a man who can make me respond strongly every time. When I considered Jana’s evidence of your ability to drive a woman crazy with pleasure when you make love to her, I knew I needed to make you my man, so you need to make me your woman.”

I laughed and said, “I’ve already recognized that Jana’s alleged crush would never go beyond acting. She wants to fool me in order to get whatever she can from me. She’d never give me what I want, let alone what I need.

“You don’t have Jana’s character defects. In fact, you aren’t anything like her.

“I never got the idea you were interested in me. Even tonight when we started talking about sex, I was pretty sure you were just pulling my chain. I think we can work out things in a way that’s best for both of us if you tell me everything that’s on your mind.”

Gem said, “Can I stay in your guest room tonight? We need time, and more privacy than at a restaurant table with my mom and two brothers sitting at the next table.”

I paid the bill, then stood up and thanked everyone for coming. I used my chronic back pain as an excuse, and Gem told everyone she was going to come with me to put a heating pack on my back.

I said, “Earl, I don’t have any plans tomorrow. You could stay over with your brother Jed and take the day off tomorrow. You take the car. I’ll get a Grab car to get home.”

No one thought it was strange that Gem was coming home with me. Her medical studies gave her an unquestionable excuse.

Once we were in the Grab car, Gem frowned and said, “Realizing that you think I’m pretty the way a man responds to a woman instead of the way an uncle sees a child makes me happier than I ever imagined it would. What surprises me more is that knowing you think I’m sexy makes me dewy.”

I said, “I’m glad you feel that way. I didn’t tell you exactly how I feel any sooner because I didn’t want you to think I was your creepy, old, pervy uncle.”

As I closed the door of my house, Gem moved quickly, and we were kissing before I knew what was going on. She flowed into my arms. She was all softness and heat. Her body pressed tightly against mine. My brain caught fire, and I kissed her back as if my life depended on giving Gem the best kiss she could imagine and make our kiss better than the best kiss in her wildest dreams.

She stumbled back a step. Her face was flushed. Her slightly parted lips were turned up toward mine. Her breathing was fast enough to clearly show how excited she was. We opened our eyes at the same instant, and I felt like I was falling into a hole in space and time as her gaze captured mine. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly to keep both of us from falling.

Gem’s pupils got huge, then snapped back to normal size. She gasped, “Damn you Uncle George!”

I laughed and said, “I know. Right?