Chapter 5: Getting to Know You

EMERGENCY, EMERGENCY EVACUATION!

These seem to be occurring more frequently. If they occur everyday, I will be happier and richer. My mission is aborted, my six passengers will be returned to the surface without earning a dime rent on their bodies. Their houses pay me for the round trip regardless. It’s one of the hazards of their whoring profession. They’re engaged in piece work. My profession is also piece work in a manner of speaking. I’m paid by the head ferried. Head work. Today, there is an emergency deployment of all the tugs in orbit, to save the planet from a possible asteroid collision. All their, ahem, female guests have to get off the tugs immediately.

A windfall for me. COI restrictions on number of passengers carried are ignored in emergency evacuations. As many girls as can be physically crammed on board is my new temporary limit. Rendezvousing, docking, and loading a girl aboard at each, I extract twenty girls from twenty tugs in forty minutes.

Fast work and used up a lot of fuel in fast braking and high speed docking maneuvers. My passenger compartment has room for a few more but I only have enough fuel for braking for re-entry and landing. Time to go.

“Hang on girls, to somebody close who’s strapped in. Wedge yourselves together. Everybody! One big group hug. Going down!”

“Yee-hawww!” “Watch this JoAnn! Hang onto your marbles.“

On the ground I hire yarders to hose out and pine fragrance refresh the puke filled passenger compartment. Meanwhile I’m taking on full loads of kerosene and LOX. There maybe another load of evacuees remaining in orbit for me to save. I’m risking an empty trip up top just on the chances of filling my hold with good luck again.

These near miss asteroid flybys terrify the news media and they panic the public, and the citizenry demands government send every asteroid-tug available to herd the malignant rock safely past. None come close really. Nowhere near even the distance to the moon. Twice or thrice the moon’s distance is enough to cause panic. Money flows into my pocket because of these scrambles, and I love it.

It was a wise gamble, I collected twenty eight premium fee paying passengers the second trip, and plan to call it an early day. Twenty thirty hours. Holy Cow is fully fueled and sweet smelling again.

The ship’s ready and now I intend to get tanked up too at the BPQ bar in a bit of a celebration.

“Mark Hest, paging Mark Hest.”

There are lots of people named Joe. The bartender is named Joe, and is not to be confused with my alter-pilot employee. Hic!

“Set me up again, Joe.”

Joe sets a corded landline phone in front of me.

“What’s this Joe? Suggesting I call somebody to take me home? It’s just across the common. I can still walk, but I’m still drinking. Cancel my last order, instead make it a triple this time.”

“Call for you on line three, Mark.”

Impossible, I shut off my pocket phone. Oh, this old phone. Putting the handset to my ear and pushing the blinking button, I respond.

“Yesh, wat d’hell dya wanna bother me for? Ah’m out of launch tonite. Call me when I wake up sometime inna fujure.”

“This is the Tower supervisor, captain. We need you to retrieve strandees left on the moon. Some of the tugs sent their guests to moon base in their haste to depart. A bonus is offered by Moon Corporation for you to collect them and return them here. The uninvited girls are disrupting their mining operations, distracting personnel. It’s quite a handsome bonus offered, captain. If you aren’t interested, well, then we’ll ask someone else.”

“Of course I’m intrested, ma ship’s raring to go, and soons Ah gets a thermos of extra black coffee to go, I’ll go, Hic! Go get em, poor lil things shivrin on da lonely cold moon. My heart bleeds. Burp! Scuse me.”

“Safe trip, captain.”

“Thank you Towerer, Cowed out.”

“Here’s your coffee cap, had it prepared for you in advance. Figured you would need it when they announced who was calling.”

“Thanks Joe, put it on my tab, will ya?”

“You don’t have a tab, but I’ll start one for you. Settle up no later than three days from now, agreed?”

“You bet your sweet patootie. I’m gone, outa here, point me in the right directshun, will ya?”

Suddenly I’m upright like an iron rod is up my butt, walking as straight as any sober judge. JoAnn has assumed control of motor functions. She marches me to Holy Cow, straps me in, and I here my voice saying without slurring the words.

“Holy Cow lifting off now, Control.”

“Safe flight captain, and who made your coffee? I want some of that high octane.”

“Ask for Joe the bartender in BPQ. Tell him I recommended him. See you next down side, Cow out.”

“WHOOSH FLYEN THISH THING? Anyway? Sorry ah yelled.”

“Mejo. Just relax, everything is under control. Anything you can do, I can do. Better.”

‘Tha’sh bullshit.”

“Go to sleep.”

I don’t remember anything else until after we landed at base again.

“Seems you did everything, Mark and there’s no work left to do.”

“Refuel and have the ship cleaned, will you Joe. There will be plenty of passengers once the threat is over and the fleet returns. Take a break, but don’t get drunk. I’m bushed and heading for bed. See you at noon.”

I hear my voice sternly say. Ish she talkin to me? Whoosh she tink she ish?

My aching head. Noon already? Nearly. Got to clean up and dress and report for flight duty. Anybody got an aspirin? Or several?

“There’s no rush Mark. I fixed you a high protein breakfast. You need to eat. Joe called an hour ago. The only offer of a flight he’s had all shift, he took it. Won’t be back for at least another hour. Here’s your coffee.”

Sue Lee set the mug before me. I grip it in two unsteady hands. Remind me not to do this again. Tne day after isn’t worth it.