Chapter 50

We got to my house, and I was not surprised that she asked for a drink. I looked at her and remembered the house rule when my friends and I were underage and nodded. “OK, but only one, Amber. You’re not yet 21, but one beer is fine.” She smiled as I brought us each a drink, and we sat next to each other on the couch. She then thanked me for how gentle I was with Heather that weekend. “She told me about being here with you, and I’m glad. She seemed to regain a little of her old self back, and I thank you for that.”

She then looked into my eyes, and admitted that she was EnVogue. I nodded and said I had figured that out a few weeks ago. She looked at me in surprise, and I said that her friendship with Pat as well as myself had me suspecting it. As well as that she lived in the Santa Clarita area, and there were surely not a large number of 19 year old black lesbians with computers up there. She actually laughed, and admitted that was true. “In fact, if there’s another one I’ve yet to meet her. And trust me, I’ve been looking.”

She seemed to relax a bit more, and then admitted that the weekend encounter had surprised her. “You really do make love in there like another woman. Very descriptive, and trying to pay as much attention to the small tender things as you do to the purely physical things. That’s why I enjoy playing with you, you have shown to me that you are not like most guys in there.”

“Well Amber, I for one know it is all a game. And remember, I like games. You might say I am a professional at games. The difference is that I remember each person I interact with is a real person. With real emotions, real feelings. That is why I had to tell you, I knew who you were already, and it felt a bit like I was lying to you or using you. And if you were to find that out somehow, you would probably hate me.”

“You know, you’re probably right there. I’ve been with guys pretending to be girls before, but none were as good as you were. In fact, few girls were as good as you were, you really made me sense you were enjoying it.”

“I was, but not actually in a sexual way. I have absolutely no interest in foot sex, although I have been known to lick and nibble on toes. But as a part of foreplay, not as the actual act in itself.” Amber grinned and nodded, and said that the guy that had made that dare was a real freak about feet. She had even picked me because I was new, and she was curious about this Jenny. “Not a lot of new people come in there, and it was soon obvious that was not your first time at hotchat. And I’ll admit, I was really getting into it, but it also seemed familiar. And once you told me that you were a guy, I did check your IP. I then did a few things to you in the room, and I realized that it was you. And remember, I do not mean you as Idaho, I had known for months you were the person behind Idaho. When did you know it was me?”

I told her it was a few weeks before, and she nodded. “That’s what I thought. I have used other names on occasion. But one thing I did notice is that each time, you were in there, you behaved largely the same. You never tried to force me or anybody, and all of the other gals have a real high opinion of you. Even Pat, and I know she knows who you are, she and you both admitted that was how you met. But she also told me she had never really been with you, only in chat.”

I admitted that had only happened that weekend. And yes she had been with me when I was in the room as Jenny. I even said that she told me she had known who Amber was for a while, and only confirmed what I already knew. “In fact, she was a little nervous about my telling you I was a guy, but I had to do it. I like to think of myself as your friend, and that would have been the same as lying to you. And that, I would never do Amber.”

I was not really surprised when she leaned in and gave me a soft kiss, she often did that. But her cuddling up against me was a bit of a surprise. We continued to talk, and she admitted that she had been loving the rooms, and especially Apple and myself. “I don’t know what it is, maybe because both of you are a bit older. Or that you are both sexy and articulate. But more than once I have, well, pleased myself during or after playing with one or the other of you.”

I squeezed her and said I had imagined she had. “Your typing did get a little rough the other night when we both had to do it with Pat.”

“Oh god, I know! I admit, she kind of surprised me with that. I have tried toys, even that one. But never really like them, only on occasion do I want anything like that. And normally used on me, only a few times did I try it myself. But I got excited when she had me get onto my back and Pat got on top. Then when she called your name, I got even more excited. I admit, I always love watching the two of you play, it is so sexy and you both get so into it. I expected at that point to just be a spectator, but then you described how you looked over her shoulder and into my eyes and reached to hold my hand and I got even more excited. Even when you said you could feel ‘my cock’ through the thin wall of flesh between us, I almost wished I really had one so I could have felt it also. Have you ever actually done that before?”

“Nope, never.”

“So never been in a threesome?”

“Well, not really. I have been there as my girlfriend at the time made love to another girl, but I never did more than fool around with her a bit. And there was a night where I made love to two gals, but they did nothing with each other. But never been with another guy and a girl, no real interest in it to be honest.”

“How about two girls again?”

“Honestly? No, not really. The last time kind of just happened, the times before it was my girlfriend and her girlfriend. It was all for them, they just liked my being there with them.”

“So no real strong desire to watch two girls make love?”

I grinned at her and pulled her tighter against me. “Like I said, already done that before. And I know what you probably want to ask. Yes, what I had Pat do to you that night I had seen myself. After making love to my girlfriend, her girlfriend often got down between her legs and ate her out. One of them had been my first lover, and although we had done many things together, oral was never one of them. We did make up for that though because I had set a rule for myself to make love to nobody other than my girlfriend.”

“Well, sounds a lot like making love to me. That is all we girls really ever do with each other.”

“OK, I can accept that. I would not put my penis into the vagina of another female. Does that make you happy?”

“Uh-huh, I like clarity. Is there anything you would not do?”

“Oh yes, a lot of things I will never do. I will never degrade a lover, or cause her intentional pain. A little light bondage is as far as I go in that area. Light slapping of bottoms, nothing to leave marks or hurt.” I slapped her thigh about as hard as I would have slapped Becky’s bottom. “There, like that.”

“Hell, that’s nothing, Pete. Even Heather has slapped me harder than that. Oops.”

I grinned and squeezed her. “It’s OK. I did not know, but I kind of suspected you and her had been together. You two at skating this weekend seemed much closer than you had before. And remember, I had seen girlfriends skate together. It’s hard to explain, but it reminded me a lot of Peggy and her girlfriend back in the day.”

“You mentioned that, but I have not seen Mandy in a few years. Do you have a recent picture of her?”

I stood up and reached down and helped her to stand also, and took her to the picture on the wall. “OK, this was taken at the Pantages theater. From left to right is Becky, Holly, Mandy, Frannie, and Jacki. Mandy is the one in the middle, she and Peggy were lovers for over a year.”

“Wow, they are all pretty. In fact, they are all pretty hot. Why did you have that taken, may I ask?”

I chuckled softly and rested my hand on her shoulder. “Well, that was kind of a joke. We were taking a break from rehearsals, and the director pointed that out to me and asked if it was what she thought it was. I called over the guy photographing the event and had them take it. What do you think it is?”

“Your, lovers?”

“Uh-huh. I joked that I was probably the only man that got to see something like that. Four past lovers and my current lover, all talking and laughing. And it was not at my funeral. I was living with Becky at the time, and all of them got along wonderfully.” I used my finger to point each one out in turn. “Holly there is still my best friend, we talk all the time. And she is getting married next year. Her and Mandy were the other threesome I had, it was during a month when I was home from Japan, and both of them decided to be my girlfriends. We had agreed on only things we had done in the past, like kissing. But each of them pushed those limits until in the end we all made love. Frannie was near the end of our time in Japan, a four day weekend at a cabin at the beach. Jacki, she is always going to be special to me.”

I sighed, and she turned and rested her hand on my face for a moment. “In fact, you remind me a lot of her, and not because you are black. We became friends when I was with Linda, and she was trying to help me keep with her. I could tell Linda and I were growing apart, and Jacki there tried to help me resolve that. Of course, neither of us had known Linda had been cheating on me for months by then. First a boyfriend, then prostitution and porn. Discovering that destroyed me, and she helped to put me back together again afterward. And that shows her character, she had been attracted to me for months, yet buried all that to try and help me when I needed it.”

“I actually get that. I had been attracted to Heather for years. I helped her when things were rough with Tony, and especially afterward. In fact, she is the one that made the first move on me. I tried to refuse her, but she insisted that it had nothing to do with Tony, but because she wanted to. Apparently, she had been attracted to me also, but she would never get between my ex and me.”

Amber then grinned at me and winked. “And I even asked her yesterday after class which of us was the better lover, you or me. She actually said both. We were both fantastic but in different ways. What was it you told me last year, about Peggy and Mandy’s relationship?”

I thought for a moment, then smiled. “Oh, that Mandy was likely bisexual, and Peggy was mostly straight but had a ‘girl crush’. And Peggy has never been with another girl since, and Mandy told me she had only been with a few. Even she considers herself mostly straight now, but that the right girl might get her interested if she met her.”

“Yeah, Heather is probably like Peggy then. I would not be surprised if I am the only girl she is ever with. But I also know we will never have a real relationship either. Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” I watched her go in and sat on the couch to wait. And when she came back out a few minutes later, I stood and decided to do the same myself.

When I came back she was sitting on the couch again, and I sat next to her. We continued to chat, and I was kind of surprised when she admitted she had only been with four girls. I thought a moment and said that actually kind of makes sense, as like most men, most females are straight.

“Well, for the most part. I have only had two girlfriends, the other two were basically straight girls experimenting. One was my first, we got to fooling around during sleepovers, but she stopped it and decided she really did not like me in that way. Then a brief fling last year when Stacy and I had broken up for like the eighth time. And that is the entirety of my experience, not counting just kissing.”

“Fair enough, I will not ask how many girls you had kissed.”

Amber giggled and wrinkled her nose. “Oh, those I did not mention. Maybe three or four. Oh, and about the same number of guys. I did have a few boyfriends in school. Never went beyond making out though. I did not like how they touched me.”

I removed my arm from her shoulders and leaned away, but she quickly grabbed it and put it back in place, and leaned against me. “No, you do not understand. It was not that they touched me, it was how. Here, like this.” Amber put her hand on my chest, and squeezed, almost painfully, and very rough. “That is how they would do it, not like this.” She then was more gentle, lightly caressing and simply grasping. “That is what I mean. If they had been more gentle, things might have gone farther.”

I again apologized, for all of the men that were assholes out there. But I noticed as we continued to talk, she still had her hand on my chest. Then she released finally and reached for the bottle on the table and took a deep drink. And I then counted three bottles.

“Amber, I thought I said only one drink.”

“Oops, you got me. Yeah, I got another when you were in the bathroom.” I sighed and looked at the clock on the face of the VCR. Almost midnight. I tried to take the bottle from her, and she shook her head and actually finished it. I told her to get ready, I would drive her home. “Sorry, but a big rule in my house. Have more than a single drink, you do not drive.”

“Fine, but I was not planning on going anywhere tonight. Pete, I want to stay right here.”

I sighed and said that was acceptable, I had two guest rooms upstairs. She giggled and shook her head. “You don’t get it, do you? Both Heather and Pat said you would be like this. No, I want to sleep with you tonight.”

She turned to face me, and I saw her smile. “I told you the other day that I trusted you, and wanted to know what it was like to sleep with a man I could trust. Oh, and not just those two, your friend BoneGirl told me the exact same thing. It took a while to get her confidence, and what she told me actually did not surprise me. As the stories you two wrote said, you two cuddled and held each other all night long, and you never took liberties. And yes, she told me you were Chaos. And that most of the stories you wrote were kinda based on things the three of you had done, but written from the aspect of your old girlfriend and putting the male character down. And even though you two had previously done almost everything but fuck, you treated her like a princess. I want to experience that.”

I took a long deep sigh and shook my head. “Amber, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Well, I do. You told me that with Heather, she set all the rules. I ask the same thing. I want to kiss you, I want to hold you and be held by you. Yes, I know I’m a lesbian and not bisexual, but you know that I like men just fine. Just not sexually. But my only experience is with rough clumsy kids. I think I would at least enjoy being kissed by a real man. One who is gentle and kind, and would not push me. Can you do that for me, please?”

I wanted to refuse, but the almost pleading look in her eyes prevented that. And I knew it would be torture for me, but I nodded. She hugged me again and gave me a soft kiss, then said she would be right back. She went out to her car and returned with an overnight bag. I told her I would be upstairs in a few minutes, and started the dishwasher, and locked everything up before heading up the stairs.

I saw Amber lying in bed under the covers when I got into my bedroom, and simply got undressed to my underwear as I usually would and slipped in next to her. Amber rolled onto her side and smiled at me, and cuddled against my chest. We kissed for several minutes, no tongues and just our lips pressed together, and she sighed and rested her head on my chest, thanking me.

“Amber, there is no reason to thank me, thank you. It does mean a lot to me that you trust me this way.”

We talked for about 30 minutes or so until she started to drift off. I kissed her again softly, and soon we were both asleep. I woke up early in the morning, and I was not even surprised at how I woke up. Amber was lying on her side in front of me, and I was curled up like a spoon behind her. And my hand was on her breast. But I know she was aware of it, because her hand was on mine, and caressing the back of my hand softly.

I lightly kissed her cheek, and she actually wiggled against me. We wished each other good morning, and I apologized for where my hand was. “It’s OK Pete, it was there when I woke up a bit ago, and I do not mind. As I told you long ago, the touch of a man does not bother me, it simply does nothing for me. And it feels nice, comforting in a way. It is so unlike how guys had tried to grab me before, it’s more like you are cuddling my breast as you cuddle me.”

“Hmm, good way to put it, and actually pretty much how I see it. I admit, I’m a guy and I like breasts. But I see them as part of you, not just a part to be felt. And when laying like this, it is kind of a natural place for my hand to rest.”

“Oh, I know. I have woken up in the same way more than once with another girl. Or had her hand on my breast even. Something about laying like this with somebody else just calls the hand of the person in the back to the breast of the girl in front.”

I chuckled and kissed her cheek again, and she rolled over and smiled at me. “Hi,” she said, then slid her hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss. Once again, we kissed for several minutes and then parted. I saw a smile on her face, and she grinned when I said “Hi” in return.

“You really are a fun bed partner, even if all we do is talk and cuddle. And I’m going to have to tell Pat tonight that she lost her bet.” I raised my eyebrow at her, and she grinned. “Pat and I talk, a lot. In fact, I think she expects me to try and seduce her tonight, but I’m not. For one, her son will be there. I would not even try something with him there. And I’m not sure if I would even want to. She is in many ways like the big sister or Aunt I never had. But one I do dirty things with on the Internet. And you are like the white older brother, which I also do dirty things with, but only on the Internet.”

I chuckled, and she actually raised her eyebrow when I pointed out my background was European and Indian, but the Indian genetics in many ways were dominant. She looked more closely at my arm, then shook her head. “How did I never see that before?”

“Don’t worry, nobody ever does. I have dark brown hair, and I think that affects how others see me. They ignore the darker skin tone and facial features and just assume I’m an Anglo. I bet more would notice it if I had straight black hair. Interestingly enough, it is really only other Indians that see it, as we are used to this. But true fact, even before Columbus arrived, blonde, brown, and red hair was not unheard of among tribes. It was just rare, as it is in say China. Genetics are weird things. They can skip generations, and what may be regressive gene may become dominant between generations. We still do not understand how they really work.”

“You really do not care about race, do you?” Her voice had just a tint of awe as she said that.

“Not in the slightest. My first lover was also an Indian, almost full-blooded Shoshone. I have had blonde hair and blue-eyed lovers, black, Mexican, Asian, and everything in between. I was raised with Dr. King as a hero, and judge people by the ‘content of their character’. Nothing else matters.”

I took her hand in mine and raised it in front of our faces. My lighter fingers intertwined with hers, our palms pressed together. “Me, I see just the hands of two people who like and care about each other. I often call myself ‘color blind’, because such does not matter worth a damn. There is really only one thing that would probably ultimately come between us actually being lovers.”

“The face I’m a lesbian?” Amber said with a smile.

I chuckled. “OK, two things. That, and the same thing that would be an issue with Heather and I. The age difference. You are almost a decade younger than I am, just like her. I could talk about the awe of watching man land on the moon, or playing with Major Matt Mason, and you would not have any idea of what I am talking about, right?” She shook her head no. “I remember going camping with my folks near a ghost town in Idaho, and being upset I missed the Bicentennial fireworks on TV. I was almost 12, but you probably barely remember the Bicentennial, if you remember it at all. Tell me, what is the first thing you remember that you can put an actual date on?”

I saw her face change as she concentrated, and her eyebrows come together. “Something I can put a date on?”

“Not that you remember a date, just that if you had to, you could put into at least a month.”

“Hmm, that’s tough. Probably going to the drive-in and seeing Grease with my parents.”

“OK, that was, summer of 1978 I think. Mine? It was for a fact July 1969, the day Apollo 11 landed on the moon. But I also know I remember a day in 1967, I was 4. I had watched Paul Winchell on the TV, and I was sick. But I loved that show, and Santa Claus came and visited me, and gave me a Santa doll.”

Amber looked at me and raised an eyebrow, and I nodded. “My dad has it, it’s part of our annual Christmas scene every year. I asked my dad about it years later, and he said I was 4, I was very sick that winter. And Santa was a guy he worked with, he came over after doing a party where he worked. I do not remember the day, but I know it was December 1967 I remember Santa coming to visit me.”

“Wow!” she said, and I nodded. “My memories are between 9 and 11 years deeper than yours. And there are other things. What do you think I am, politically?”

“Well, you don’t care about race. You sure as hell don’t care I’m a lesbian. Democrat, right?”

I laughed. “Oh no, I am a good old-fashioned Reagan Republican. Remember, I said Dr. King was a hero. What party do you think he belonged to? Go ahead and look sometime, he was fighting the Democrats who opposed desegregation. The honest truth is, most of us could not give a fuck about who somebody sleeps with, or what color they are. The only thing I ever ask is that such is not shoved in our faces. You and Stacy were lovers, well good for you. Stacy was an ‘in your face’ person, and that grates me no matter what. And notice, have I ever treated you differently than I did Stacy?”

“Well, you have always been nicer to me. Then again, it was almost impossible for any man to be nice with Stacy, she hated all men.”

“OK, fair enough. Did I ever treat you differently than Heather?”

“Nope, not at all. Other than you hugged her more, and I am sure smooched with her.” Amber grinned and smooched me.

“As you grow older, hopefully you will realize that a great many things people tell you to believe in are not true. But one thing about me, I like to hug and smooch my friends. And yes, even the guys. Oh, not the same way of course, but I have no problem kissing a guy I am really close to on the cheek, no more than I have with you. But we have gone out several times now, although this was the first time you spent the night with me.”

“Well, until a couple of months ago, that would have guaranteed a fight. Oh, not with you Pete, with my ex.”

I looked at her and reached up to run my fingers through Amber’s hair. “And that is more telling on her than anything else. Tell me, would she have had a problem with you staying the night with Heather?”

“Nope, of course not.”

“With Pat?”

“Hmm, that’s a bit tricky. I would say no, only because she never knew what all we do in IRC.”

“So it was not jealousy, it was that I am a guy then. You see, that is something I never understood, bigotry. And that is something a lot of people have, and yet are completely blind to it. Me, I can only think of a single person on the planet I could name that I actually hate. And that’s that lunatic in Iraq that caused so much death out of his greed to rule over others. Oh, and that other lunatic in Cambodia who slaughtered millions of his own people. I do not hate people because of their gender, or race, or even politics.”

“Not even Communists?” She said, smiling and cocking her eyebrow.

“Nope, not even then. Oh, I may hate their way of bringing it about, since most believe in armed struggle and class warfare. The ideas, I actually like a lot of their ideas. But how most present them, it’s antagonistic and wrong. I oppose violence.”

“Wait, you were a Marine. How does that even make sense?”

I grinned and gave her a kiss. “That, my dear Amber, is what confuses a lot of people. Is it a contradiction? I will fight to the death to protect others. My dad is like that. He is a fairly mild person. Get a few drinks into him, he will start singing Tom Leherer or Monty Python songs. He literally will give somebody the shirt off of his back, and wears a pocket protector and glasses. Yet, he blew a hole in the belly of a gangbanger with my .45 pistol because he came into my house to do harm to those he loved.”

Amber actually shuddered, and I held her tight to me. “Even more comical, Kim’s husband is a minister, and he came running over with a shotgun. As my dad was wrapping some sheets around his belly to keep him from bleeding out, Jeff held a shotgun to his head, praying that he would not do anything stupid to make him blow his head off with it.”

“Like oh my god, really?”

“Yep, that’s the kind of person I am. That’s the kind of people in my family, and who I often hang out with. People hear something about us and set this idea in their head of how we must be. Take those protesters earlier this year, protesting the US should not be in Kuwait. Fine, I support their right to protest. It’s in the Constitution and will fight to allow them to have their marches and wave their signs. And do not answer, but think about this. Would they support my right to do so, even though I do not agree with them? Or would they oppose my marching because we do not agree?”

“And what if they were opposing gay rights?”

“Then they are free to march and oppose it. But guess what? I have a right to march to support them also. To me, freedom is being allowed to support your beliefs. But it does not mean suppressing those you do not agree with. Here, roll onto your belly, please.”

Amber looked at me, and did so. I moved and straddled her hips, and started to softly massage her back, even purring as I did. “Hmm, that feels nice.”

“OK, now this is where age tells a bit. Tell me, is Charlton Heston a good guy, or a bad guy? Based on what you hear others say about him.”

“Well, he is a Conservative and a Republican. He supported Reagan and is a leader in the NRA. That makes him the enemy of people like me, right?”

“Does it? And why, because you are black? Or a lesbian? Have you ever heard him speak out against such things?”

“Well, no. But he’s also a strong Christian.”

“And so am I. So was Dr. King. What if I told you that Charlton was also the leader of one of the most powerful unions in the country? And that he actually marched with Dr. King. He campaigned hard for the Civil Rights act, and when Dr. King gave his speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, he was right there with him?” Amber looked over her shoulder at me, and I nodded. I worked slowly down her back, finding a few knots and working on them. “Go and look, there are photos of them together right there on the Lincoln Memorial.

“And what do you think ‘Planet of the Apes’ was? A fun little movie about monkeys? He fought hard to make that movie, and he knew it was about race. Do you know The Omega Man? No? OK, I have it downstairs. Next time we are going to watch that. It’s kind of a horror movie, where he is the last human in a world where these vampires have taken over. The thing is, all the vampires are like this shade of gray, black and white ones alike. You could not tell their races apart. Once again, he was the one that pushed that project. And his love interest in that movie? Rosalind Cash.”

Amber actually pushed up with her hips, and when I lifted up rolled over onto her back to face me. “You’re serious, aren’t you? All of that, everything you just told me.”

“Completely. I have work in a few hours, and you have class. But next week, come on over and we can have a movie night. I have a lot of his movies, I grew up watching them. I will admit, I do not like your ex. But that was because she was a bigot. And myself, I see no difference between her and some Klukker in white robes wanting fire hoses turned on the marchers at Selma. They hated the marchers because they were black, she hated me because I was a man. Hate is hate. I hate nobody, unless they themselves have actually harmed others. Go back to school, use the library and look up all the things Charlton Heston has done. And if somebody tries to tell you he is evil because he is a Republican and Conservative, tell them the truth. He marched with Dr. King. He was a vocal supporter of Civil Rights and was in marches with Doctor King when others told him it would ruin his career. He fought to have a black love interests in a movie 20 years ago, knowing many would protest. He is part of Hollywood, has been for decades. Have you ever heard him say anything against homosexuals? Or blacks? I can guarantee he never has, quite the opposite.”

Amber then reached up and pulled on my hands, and had me lie on top of her. We hugged each other tight, and she said she had a lot to think about. I nodded and ran my fingers through her hair, and said that was a good thing. “Remember, you are in college. The idea is to expand your mind there. Not by just accepting anything you are told, but by challenging things you think you know. Do not block things off, just because others tell you what to think. But listen to others, and ask yourself this. Would they encourage you to challenge them? Me, I encourage it. Do not agree with me, fine. But do not put me in a box just because you think you know what I believe, because you are probably going to be wrong.”