Chapter 5

I want to learn everything there is to know about the practices performed here. Rolduin could scarcely believe he said that. But Nissa was already leading him away by the hand. She was a tall woman, only about four inches shorter than he was, and he was six foot two. So many thoughts raced through Rolduin’s head. Mostly, he was taking in Nissa’s presence.

He didn’t have a lot of sexual experience, and certainly not with a person like Nissa. She seemed somehow exotic. Maybe it was the shaved head, or maybe it was her impossibly lean frame paired with her height. The whole aesthetic gave her a sense of otherworldliness. As she walked, her body flowed with long, lean muscles that were clearly visible when she moved.

He caught himself wondering how she maintained those muscles and was curious about what she did outside of here. It occurred to him that everyone at The Midnight Apothecary had lives outside this building. They were regular people from the village of Salthill. Looking around, he wanted to know each of their stories, and he wondered if any would be willing to share that with him. They had no reason to trust him yet.

He turned his eyes back to Nissa. Something about her exuded such a strong, feminine presence, despite her bald head, visible muscles, and miniscule curves. He couldn’t figure out what particular features it was. It was almost like her essence just poured forth a delicate, wispy femininity. When she turned back to smile at him, he saw it in her eyes. They were bright blue and shining with energy from within. She also had small, cute ears and though there didn’t appear to be an ounce of fat on her body, her face was soft and round. Again he was struck with the feeling that she didn’t belong on this planet.

Nissa led him to a far corner of the room with an empty space. His eyes trailed down the thin, bare arm reaching behind her to hold his hand, and they stopped at the long, delicate fingers lightly gripping his own. So pretty. He’d never seen a woman like her before.

Nissa had her own blanket laid out. It was cream colored. She stepped onto the blanket and turned to face him. Seeing her face full-on in the candlelight, he noticed that her lips were plump and rosy. It was like everything voluptuous about her went into her face to command your attention there.

She looked down at his boots. “Most of us take our shoes off here. Cara doesn’t really like people tracking dirt in, especially since we tend to go barefoot and barebacked in this space.”

“Oh. I apologize.”

Nissa smiled warmly. “Cara must have forgotten about it in the chaos tonight.”

“Cara? Is that Chaperone Cantrell’s name?”

“Yes.”

“I guess introducing herself to me fully was an oversight, as well.”

“I don’t think she quite trusts you yet. You may be safer calling her by her surname for a while.”

“Do you trust me?”

Nissa looked directly into Rolduin’s eyes. He tried to maintain eye contact with her, but it was making him feel nervous, and he looked down at the ground. When he raised his eyes again, she lifted one corner of her mouth into a cute smirk.

“Yes, I trust you for the most part. Go ahead and take your boots off, and let’s get comfortable together.”

He could already hear that people near him were getting quite comfortable with one another, but he tried to keep his attention focused on Nissa. While he bent down and removed the boots, she folded herself gracefully into a seated position on the blanket. Her legs were so long and smooth. His eyes followed them all the way up, until he caught sight again of that little wisp of hair peeking out from her hip scarf, and then he blushed and turned his eyes back to his boots. He placed them on the rushes next to the blanket.

Rolduin laughed nervously. “So, uh...”

Nissa gave him a warm smile. “Let’s not rush. Let’s get to know one another.”

She reached out and took his hands. Her fingers felt cool and delicate. Talking was good. He could handle that, and he eagerly latched onto the idea of conversation because thinking about anything else she might want to show him would be too much for him to process right now. He was already sitting with a practically naked woman who he had just met.

“Yeah, tell me about yourself. All I know is your name.”

“I’m a monk.”

Rolduin’s eyes bugged out of his head. “You’re a monk? Don’t you all usually take a vow of celibacy?”

Nissa shrugged. “Kind of.”

“How can you kind of make a vow? Isn’t that a thing you either do or don’t?”

“Many vows are taken in the spirit of an idea rather than as the literal idea. For instance, many orders take a vow to live in the spirit of poverty. They’re not actually poor; they simply choose not to overindulge in worldly luxuries like large homes, expensive foods, and lavish clothing. But they are not impoverished in the way the truly poor are; they have everything they need.”

Rolduin was intrigued by this line of thinking. “So then, how does one live in the spirit of celibacy without being celibate? I can’t even imagine that being possible.”

Nissa grinned. “Then your imagination needs a bit of exercise. The way I see it, the need for celibacy in a monastery arises because marriage takes a lot of attention and focus—attention and focus that would take energy away from the work of monastic life. I, however, have no intention of getting married. Additionally, promiscuous sex introduces behavior that can become addictive and again, take energy away from our work. But, what is the work of a monk? We seek to study, gain knowledge, and understand the nature of life and the universe, yes? Because of that, I find my studies in human sexuality absolutely essential to my work as a monk. My sisters and brothers may not agree with me, but I think sexuality holds an important key to understanding life and the universe. To that end, it is my quest to discover ultimate sexual pleasure. I do this for my own enlightenment and that of others. I must simply remember to seek balance in my studies and not let this path overshadow the rest of my life.”

“That sounds like a fancy excuse that’s shorthand for I really enjoy sex and don’t want to give it up.”

Nissa laughed. “Think what you will. I do seek enlightenment through ultimate sexual pleasure, though.”

Rolduin was silent for a moment and thought about this concept. He was pretty new to sex himself, and he didn’t know if it held any keys to understanding the nature of the universe, or even humanity. He’d certainly never heard of anyone making sex an area of serious study.

“What started you on this particular path of study?”

“Oh, that is a bit of a story. How about you take off the overcloak and shirt and allow me to give you a shoulder massage while I tell the tale?”

“I don’t want to impose on your kindness.”

“I assure you it’s not an imposition at all, Rolduin. I would very much like to help you relax. Helping people is a big part of what I do, after all. It makes me feel better to know I’ve made someone else feel good.”

He shrugged. That seemed reasonable. If she received pleasure through generosity, he would not withhold that pleasure from her. “Okay then. I must admit a shoulder rub sounds quite nice after the kind of night this has been.”