Chapter 24: Friday Afternoon: Lunch

Kara stepped through the double doors and quickly scanned the room. Tony and Cosette seem to be here, but no one else. Did either of you have a chance to warn him about Emily?

Yeah, during gym. He wasn’t terribly happy about the idea at first, but he’ll be civil toward her at least. I’m more worried about how some of our other friends will react to her.

I can understand your concern Manny, but I think most of them are too new to really know the full story. Laura’s the only one who was there to see some of her attitude, and I think she’s the only one likely to raise any issues.

Not Cosette, Ally?

Kara waved at Cosette and Tony as she stepped on line to get her food. I don’t think so. She’ll probably focus on the fact that Emily passed up on Tony, and that’s why she got him instead. She quietly pointed at the options she was interested in, then grabbed the filled tray and sat across from Cosette. “I can see a question on your face. Go ahead and ask.”

“The boy you were with out in the hall ... you seemed pretty comfortable with him Big Sis. Do you know him?”

“That was my first interaction with him, actually. But Allison knows him; her recommendation was enough for me to trust him. And I’m glad I did.”

“He was good?”

“Well, yes ... but that’s not what stood out most to me. I admire his ability keep that, I suppose ‘persona’ is the best word for it, going so consistently.” Kara paused for a moment and took a bite of her burger. “Actually, ‘persona’ isn’t the best word. That attitude seems to be a part of his natural personality.” She closed her eyes and focused inwards for a few moments, then out again.

“Are you okay Big Sis?”

Kara looked carefully at Cosette. “Yeah. I’m just practicing a skill that Manny and Ally are already really good at.”

“Is it the one he used to know when those idiots were trying to ambush him last week?” Tony asked.

“Yes. But I can’t do it with my eyes open yet. On the other hand, I seem to get some of the details Pia can instead.”

“See anything interesting then?”

“I think it might be something to do with last night; there’s some green to Cosette’s light blue, and you have a little of that light blue. Oh, and I can see Vanessa attempting to sneak up on me.”

“No fair...” Vanessa pouted. “You didn’t use to be able to see like them.”

“It’s a new development, and you’re one of the few I can easily differentiate from everyone else without really focusing. Most people tend to blur into each other, and make kind of pretty colored blobs.”

“I’m not sure if I should feel honored or insulted.”

“I’d go with honored. The only other people I can differentiate like that are Ally and Manny. Why did you want to sneak up behind me anyway?”

“I ... sort of wanted to...”

“Go ahead.” Kara felt Vanessa’s hands rest on her shoulders, then begin to knead them softly. “Oh ... you can massage my back anytime you like.”

“Really?!”

“Yess ... oh, that feels wonderful.” Kara felt a part of her mind start to focus on the massage. Wait ... can either of you feel that?

Vanessa’s massage? She can do that to me anytime.

No, not that. There’s a warmth I didn’t expect from this. Beyond the warmth of her hands ... it’s almost...

I think you might be feeling her feelings for you Emanuel finished the thought.

Kara moaned softly as Vanessa’s left hand found that special spot on the small of her back. Thank you Manny.

“Are you ... am I doing this okay?”

Kara sighed happily and smiled at Vanessa. “So much better than okay. If you could have the stamina, I’d never want you to stop.”

“And the little moan?”

Kara’s smile turned into a big grin, as she watched Allison rest a hand on Vanessa’s shoulder. “You just found one of her ‘fun’ spots sweetie, that’s all. If you really want to drive her wild though, I can show you one of the most fun spots.” She grinned mischievously at Kara.

Kara returned the grin. “If you do that, then I’ll have no choice but to show Vanessa your spots too. Is that a risk you want to take?”

“Oh, I don’t know if I...” Allison started, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “If that’s the price I must pay, I’ll deal with the unfortunate consequences.”

Vanessa broke out into a huge grin. “So, where is this spot? I simply must know.”

Wait, did she just... Kara began, then felt the small wave of pleasure break as a small shriek left her mouth.

Kara turned to Vanessa and began to open her mouth as another low scream escaped it. “I’m ... I’m loving what you’re doing Vanessa, but if you continue I’m...”

The grin fell from her face. “Are you trying to say that...” she lowered her voice enough so that only Kara could hear her “I’m ... not enough?”

Kara turned around, and pulled her into a close hug. “Far from it. I thought I was pretty satisfied after Sir Richard’s attentions, but you got my engine revving up to full again in a manner of moments. Only a handful of people can do that, especially from something as usually innocent as a massage. The only reason I need to ask you to stop is that...”

“I asked her to” Allison replied softly, kissing Vanessa softly on the cheek. “I want some time with Kara next period, and if you’d continued...”

“I’d be happy for a few periods. Besides, as much as I love that you can affect me this way, if we’re going to really get to know you better then I’d prefer to spend time getting to know all of you. Not just physically.”

“Really?”

“Yes. If you like Manny as much as we think, then you’re going to be a part of our lives for a long time to come. We have plenty of time to enjoy each other like this.”

“Even if I...”

“Only if you want it too.”

Kara watched Bonnie approach them. “I ... I don’t know any of you very well, but ... my mom has always said that if someone just wanted me for ... well, physical stuff, then they’d be more than happy to push for as much of that as they can get. But the one who wants me for all of me would be willing to wait on the ... physical stuff, and try to build an appropriate emotional relationship first. I’m not sure dad is that kind of person, but...” she lowered her voice “all three of them genuinely seem to be. You’re lucky.”

Vanessa glanced at her in surprise. “That’s what my mother says too, and that anyone worthy of my time will respect my boundaries. And...” she paused for a few moments “if I want to be worthy of their time, I should respect theirs too.”

“Did she say that too?” Bonnie asked.

“Not explicitly, but the golden rule is probably the most important rule at home.”

Bonnie’s face lit up as Kara noticed Laura and Shelley sit down at the table. “You’re Christian!”

“I don’t join my folks for church as often as I should, but yes.”

“Which church?”

“St. Anne’s on Main.” They all watched a look of mixed surprise and disgust temporarily cross Bonnie’s face. “I see. Your church is one of those denominations.”

“Yes, but ... I’m sorry, that was wrong of me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve heard people say that Catholics aren’t really Christian; and if so much else of what they’ve taught has been wrong, then that has to be wrong too. I need to stop thinking that way.”

“All is forgiven. The fact that you can seriously apologize is a good sign that you’re not like the rest of them.”

A sudden gasp from Cosette suddenly drew all of their attention. “What is she doing here?!” She turned to Tony. “And why aren’t you surprised?”

“Emanuel warned me she might join us, and I forgot because it doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Is she here to...”

“Cosette, stop. You know that...”

“But what if it...”

“Tessa...” he growled in a low voice that Kara barely heard “remember what we talked about yesterday.”

“Yes sir” she replied just as quietly as she quickly seemed to calm down. “You want me to...”

“You know the right thing to do now, and I trust that you will do it.”

Cosette took a few deep breaths and turned to Emily. “I’m ... I’m sorry. I let my jealousy get the better of me.” Emily smiled softly and nodded her head.

Allison shook slightly as that little wave crested and crashed through her. If the real thing is even a fraction of what my mind concocted ... yum!

Ally, I get the sense that if Manny needed to keep one of us from doing something really dumb by using ‘the voice’, it would not be cause for that kind of excitement. The disappointment would be really hard to bear. No, I think you want play where the relational stakes are much lower.

You’re right darling. I do think it could be a lot of fun to spend the better part of a day or more operating under such a dynamic though. We should hold this for the moment though; it looks like Emily is getting ready to say something in return.

“You don’t really need to ... I’m the one who owes both of you an apology. I was mean and insensitive toward Tony, and...” she turned to Tony “I hurt you for no real reason; I was blinded by my biases and refused to try and see past them.” She turned back to Cosette. “And I did think for the briefest of moments about trying to replace you; even though I said I wouldn’t.”

“To be fair” Laura interjected “thinking about doing something for a few moments is not the same is intending to do it.”

“That’s...” Emily started, then paused for a moment “not a way I would have thought to think about it.”

Shelley glance over at her. “Do you expect to be forgiven? To have whatever you’ve done forgotten about?” she asked, a hint of distrust and anger in her voice.

“That’s not the point of apologizing, Shelley” Bonnie started to reply, turning toward. “You apologize because it’s the right thing to do, even if the other person doesn’t forgive you; and forgiveness doesn’t mean the misdeed is forgotten.”

“Then what’s the point of forgiving people?”

Kara nodded at Bonnie. “I’ll answer that one. We forgive to say that those misdeeds or harms won’t be counted against the person anymore. It’s not a license for them to intentionally do it again; the person seeking it is saying that they’re going to try to change their ways.”

“Isn’t the other person expected to accept the apology?”

Bonnie shook her head. “Accepting the apology is not the same as forgiving the person, and no. If you know they don’t mean it, you don’t need to.”

Tony smiled gently at Shelley, then turned back to Emily. “I accept your apology, and forgive you.” He turned to Shelley who was opening her mouth again and nodded his head. “That night is in the past now; I’m happy with Cosette, so that doesn’t matter anymore.”

What he’s saying there, through the quick glance at Sarah is that he’s truly over Emily and focusing on the relationships he does have right now.

And if I’m not mistaken Manny, Emily picked up on that glance.

She sure did darling. Cosette seems unsure about what she should do though.

Kara watched Sarah whisper something in Cosette’s ear. Cosette nodded and looked at Emily. “Me too. Both things.”

Emily smiled for a moment, then breathed in deeply as she turned to Allison. “I really owe you an apology. You were one of the few people willing to be my friend without expecting me to be someone else. And you gave me several chances to stop making an ass of myself that night. Can you forgive me for refusing to listen to you and being stubborn, even though...” she paused for a few moments “even though I know you were right on some level?”

Allison smiled gently at her. “Of course. Can you forgive me for not also inviting you to my birthday party?”

Kara smiled at the gasps that came from most of the table, then gasped softly as she glanced over at Bonnie. She followed through with it!

Is that why she quietly took off her shirt when Emily started apologizing to me?

Yes.

Interesting...

“Wait, really? You don’t need to apologize to her about that. Who you invite to your birthday party is entirely your choice.”

“That’s true, Shelley, but that doesn’t take into account why I didn’t. It was partially for the same kind of reason that George wasn’t invited; I felt a bit betrayed by the events of that double date, and put her into the ‘not really a friend’ category.”

“You didn’t invite George either? I was ... kind of surprised to not see him here” Emily started. “You said partially; what other reasons di ... did you have?”

“Mom’s budget. We were able to get as large a group as we did because so many of us were either bare chested or naked.”

“Oh ... yeah, I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing that. I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I sought forgiveness but wouldn’t give it. Especially since ... you allowed me to be here now.” She paused for a moment ago, seemingly thinking. “What did George do, if I may ask?”

“He kept trying to ‘protect’ me from anything Program related even when I made it clear that to him that I didn’t want or need his ‘protection’. I’d found someone I could really depend on in Manny, and I think he couldn’t deal with his role in my life changing.”

Emily glanced Allison up and down quickly. “I suspect he couldn’t deal with the you that came out of it either.”

“Probably not. We sometimes catch him looking over here and shaking his head the way he would whenever something happened that challenged his way of thinking. If he ever wants to join us, he’s welcome to; but considering how many of us are choosing to ignore our shirts of our own accord probably means he never will.”

Emily laughed softly. “Yeah; he was even less comfortable with nakedness of any kind than we were.”

Allison’s smile turned somber for a moment. “On that note; please understand that the girl you see here is the me I tried so hard to hide from the world before. You’re welcome to stay here if you want, but I have no interest in going back to being the person you knew. I’ve learned and experienced too much to be able to.”

“Kara told me some of that earlier. I ... I suppose the important question is if this true you can like me enough to someday call a friend again...” she paused for a few moments, and lowered her voice “after this, I don’t have any friends anymore.”

Kara watched Bonnie step over to Emily. “Those people were never really your friends; trust me, I know from experience. It’s only in this group that I can really be myself.”

“You don’t miss them?”

“A few of them maybe. Julie and Magda were the only ones who seemed to genuinely be nice to me; not just nice to me at church. Surely that was true with your former group too? Awful leader, and some girls who didn’t fully buy into her ... crap.” Kara smiled at the gasps that radiated from the group as the last word left Bonnie’s mouth.

“I don’t really think so. Kiki seemed the most understanding of them, but I’m sure that’s only because she was the new girl until I came along.”

“Is popularity really worth all of that? Making people feel like they’re second class citizens unless they behave and dress in exactly the right way?”

“That’s not why I ... I really just wanted to be accepted by someone, and...”

“And you thought you’d find that acceptance among them.”

Kara watched Cosette glance at them. “Neither of you can find that from your families?”

Bonnie shook her head. “Not just for being who I was made to be.”

“Your family isn’t extremely religious are they, Emily?” She nodded her head. “And they can’t accept you either?”

“I ... I’m not sure I want to...”

Allison smiled gently at her. “You don’t have to share why if you don’t want to, but if you do, one of us might be able to help. And getting stuff like that out in the open often robs it of a lot of its control over you.”

“Ye ... yeah; you might be right. To answer your question, Cosette, I’m too Japanese for my Aunt and not Japanese enough for my parents. Too traditional for one of them, and not traditional enough for the others. I can’t be the perfect daughter my mother wants, and abandoning my cultural heritage would mean losing too much that I find important. I can’t please anyone, and if I can’t do that, they won’t accept me and love me.”

“Are you sure about that last assumption? Maybe they can’t accept some kind of middle ground, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s ... it’s taken my parents years to come to terms with the fact that I’m only really interested in girls, but they never stopped loving me when I came out of the closet” Shelley replied with a soft, soothing smile.

Laura nodded her head. “I shocked my folks when I declared that I’m bi late last week, but I haven’t seen any real change in their affection for me. I know my dad isn’t comfortable with my decision, but he’s more concerned that I’m happy and healthy.”

“Isn’t that what all parents want?” Cosette asked.

Bonnie shook her head sadly. “Not all. I don’t think my dad really wants that for me. But my mom surprised me; She’s seriously considering doing one of the worst things a woman can do in our church so that I can have the chances to grow that she didn’t.” She turned to Emily. “You don’t know until you talk to them; they may surprise you.”

Emily nodded her head. “I hope so. If not...” she glanced around the table for a few moments; her eyes going wide for a moment. “I’m not sure why I didn’t notice this before, but ... even if some of your blood families did abandon in some way, you wouldn’t be without family who does accept you.”

Kara watched most of the table smile and nod. “I don’t understand what you’re suggesting” Cosette broke the silence, a look of confusion on her face.

“What she’s saying is that we’re not dependent on our blood families to provide that kind of acceptance and love; we’re forming a family all our own.”

Allison nodded her head in agreement. “The strongest kind of family; people joining together because they want to, not because blood relations say they need to.”

Emily smiled and nodded her head as well. “Yes” she paused, glancing around the table again as she sat down next to Pia, then laughed softly. “It’s kind of funny, actually. Pamela claimed that her group was the best ‘family’ anyone could hope to have; the most normal group possible. And she claimed that the worst group to attempt that kind of connection with was, in her words, ‘the freaks’. But she clearly had no idea what she was talking about; ‘the freaks’ have by far the best connections of all the larger groups.”

Bonnie glanced around and grinned. “Same thing for the Thumpers. For a group that makes grand claims about showing the love of God, there was an awful lot of judgment and no grace to go along with it. Our ‘bonds’ as brothers and sisters in Christ clearly don’t mean much to most of them.”

Kara rested her head on Allison’s shoulder and closed her eyes, then started to focus in her breathing. My loves? Am I reading the situation around us properly?

“Isn’t such PDA still illegal according to school rules?”

Pia laughed loudly. “Sure Emily, but do you really think they care about such antiquated rules?”

“Yeah” Vanessa started to reply “I mean, that rule makes no sense when you consider it in light of the Program. They allow all manner of sexual touches, but don’t allow us to explore the non-sexual side of physical intimacy? Really?”