We were lying on my bed after our date. I’d taken Lisa to dinner at her favorite restaurant and then a movie that she’d been enthusing about for weeks. We’d had a great time. She was vibrant and beautiful, always smiling and touching my arm or stroking my cheek. It had been an amazing date and it wasn’t our first. I’d been dating her for over a year and I counted myself the luckiest man in the world.

“Mmmm...” she sighed, sliding her pert, upturned nose along the side of mine. “You always kiss me so good, Jimmy.”

“You’re beautiful,” I whispered.

We were side by side and sharing the same pillow. I could feel her warm breath on my face and smell her perfume. My hand rubbed lightly over her slender hip and across her waist. I wanted to feel her tummy and Lisa giggled as I pushed my palm against her. We were clothed, of course, and she wore a modest skirt and pink cashmere sweater over a white blouse. I’d removed my jacket and loosened my tie, but that was all. I felt flushed and damp with sweat after making out with Lisa for half an hour already, and I thought I had an erection, but I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t want to rub myself in front of her to find out.

“I have to tell you something,” she said.

“What?” I smiled and touched her lips with mine. I only wanted to kiss this girl forever.

“It won’t be easy to hear and I don’t want to hurt you, but...”

She paused and a cloud had passed over her lovely face. She always seemed so fresh and open, so innocent with her bright blue eyes and generous smile. Her pale blonde hair fell in soft waves around her cheeks and I used my fingers to pull a silken strand away from the corner of her mouth. Lisa smiled at that, but only weakly, and I wondered what could possibly be wrong. This had been a perfect evening so far.

“But what?” I asked. “Tell me, what’s wrong, Lisa?”

“You’re an amazing guy, Jimmy,” she began, reaching up to touch my chest with her fingertips. I knew she could feel my heart beginning to pound with anxiety. My beautiful girlfriend was scaring me suddenly and I didn’t know why.

“I think you’re pretty amazing, too,” I said, hoping to coax another smile, but she only looked worried.

“You’re cute and smart, you make me laugh, and I just feel so good when I’m with you.”

“But?” I said, barely getting the word out. A blind man could see there was something coming and she was probably right, I wasn’t going to like it.

“But...” Lisa took a deep breath. “I just need something else. You give me so much, I know, you give me all you’ve got, but it isn’t enough.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “What else is there? I do everything for you. Am I missing something? Tell me what it is and I’ll do it! I love you, Lisa. You know that. I’ve loved you since the first day we met!”

“Shhh...” She kissed my lips and stroked my face. “You’re getting too excited. Take a deep breath, Jimmy. That’s it. Breathe with me. Nice and slow. You forgot your pill, didn’t you?”

“It’s not working!”

“It is working. Focus on me ... Just me ... I’m right here. I’m in your happy place ... Come to me, Jimmy.”

We embraced and it helped. Lisa wasn’t in my happy place, she was my happy place.

I suffered from panic attacks, but very rarely and it wasn’t a physical thing. I was just a little too high strung, as people used to say. Now they had big long words that nobody could remember, but it was all the same. I didn’t deal well with stress and usually my breathing exercises were enough to get me through an episode. I had pills to calm my nerves. I was supposed to take one every day, but I didn’t like them, especially on the days when I was going to be with Lisa. I always said that I’d forgotten my pill, but that wasn’t true. I just didn’t take them sometimes.

“Just a second,” she said, turning away and swinging her long legs off the bed. “Did you take your Celexa this morning?”

“Where are you going?” I asked, ready to melt down completely if Lisa walked out of my apartment. I needed her! She couldn’t go! “Lisa! Don’t leave me!”

“I’m going to get your pills,” she said. “I’m just going into the bathroom, see? I’m right here, Jimmy. I’m not going anywhere.”

I pushed myself upright on the bed, watching as she found my pills in the medicine cabinet. She filled a glass with water and brought it to me, placing the pill on the palm of my hand. I looked at it, knowing how much I needed the medication, but the side effects ... It didn’t seem very fair, I thought. Lisa waited patiently with my water, standing before me as I now sat red faced and breathless on the edge of the bed. I looked up to see her eyes fixed on mine and I quickly dropped my gaze. I didn’t want her to see me like that.

“Come on,” she urged. “Take your pill and then we’ll talk a little more.”

“Alright.” I put the pill in my mouth and she handed me the glass.

Ten minutes later I was feeling much more relaxed, and after thirty minutes of cuddling, I was back to my normal self. And it wasn’t just because of the pill. It was because I had Lisa there to keep me safe. She was so big and strong. I loved the way she cradled me in her arms and kissed my eyes when they got wet. I wasn’t really crying, it just happened sometimes when I got scared.

“Feeling better now?” Lisa asked, and I nodded. “I’ll bet you forgot your pill again, didn’t you? Every morning, Jimmy. You can’t forget.”

“Yeah. I’m okay now,” I replied. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, smiling. “You scared me a little bit there.”

“Oh, it happens.” I waved my hand, shooing the memory away. “I don’t even know why I was getting so scared. We’re just talking, right?”

“Yeah.” We were sitting together, leaning against the headboard. She held my hand and brought it to her lips, kissing my fingers. “We’re just talking, Jimmy.”

“You know I love you, right?” I leaned into her hair, soft as a cloud and smelling faintly of lilacs.

“I do know that,” she agreed. “I love you, too, but listen to me now. This might sound a little ... weird.”

“Weird? Coming from you?” I teased. “Naaah!”

“Yeah, I know, I know.” Lisa giggled. “But this is serious.”

She took a deep breath and looked at me, really looked at me for a good minute, at least. I had no idea what she was looking for as she sucked her lips, tilted her head and furrowed her brow. I’d seen that level of concentration out of Lisa before, but this was the first time I’d ever been under her mental microscope. She was trying to decide something, and I was just about to ask her... “What?”

“If we’re going to stay together, I want us to be married,” she finally said, and that was the very last thing I expected her to say.

“Okay.” I tried smiling, but Lisa wasn’t finished.

“And if we do get married, I want to cuckold you,” she said. “If you can’t agree to that, then there’s really no reason to stay together.”

“You want to break up with me?”

“No, I want more than anything to stay with you. That’s the whole point.”

“But there’s no way I’m going to let you ... do ... that.” I protested, unwilling to even say the word. I knew what it meant, if only on a rudimentary level.

“Cuckolding,” she said. “It’s called cuckolding, and I know it isn’t something that would interest you or any normal man. It isn’t something that would interest most women either, but...”

“So why...”

She held up a finger. “But ... I’m not a normal woman, at least not when it comes to the sort of relationship I want to have with my husband.”

“Why not?” I stared at her. If Lisa knew it wasn’t normal, then why was she so interested in it?

“How should I know?” she asked, laughing. “It’s my fetish. It’s my thing. It’s the finger that pulls my trigger, Jimmy. There’s no reason, it just is.”

“Oh.” What was I supposed to say to that?

“Everyone has that one thing, right?” she said, trying to explain. “I mean, what gets you off?”

“Huh?”

“Seriously,” Lisa said, smiling as she held me with her shining eyes. “What’s your favorite fantasy? What’s your fetish?”

“You know what it is,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

“Besides the Cats,” she sighed, but still pleased with me. They were all creatures of vanity. “There’s gotta be something else, so let’s have it.”

“You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Lisa said. “I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.”

“Uh...”

She let me stew for a couple minutes and I was trying to find a way out of this. Like, I was trying to think of a fetish that would be exciting and interesting, and definitely not offend my girlfriend. I wasn’t about to throw away whatever respect Lisa had for me, which I’d started to think couldn’t have been much at all if she wanted to cuckold me!