Chapter 22: Ψ Φ Θ

If you can’t beat them, join them. If they won’t accept you, won’t allow you in, ignore the fuckers and choose your own way forward.

Creating my own fraternity was forced upon me. None of the existing fraternities were even interested in considering me. I’m not the right TYPE.

Ψ Φ Θ was born out of necessity. Can you read Greek? Let me assist you. PSI PHI THETA. You have to use your imagination a little, but it represents a life time obsession with me. Science fiction.

PSI PHI THETA is pronounced Sci Fi Theater, fudging the last word a little.

I’m the president and only brother, but our sister sorority PSI PHI ETA PI is already a dozen members strong. My recruitment method is simple. You can easily do it too by following these instructions.

1. Buy a big old rundown house not too distant or too near campus. A side street is best, so you can park along the street.

2. Fix up the front a little. Slap a fresh coat of paint on everything that first meets the eye, seen from the street. Inside, renovate existing bathrooms and add three more. Or more.

3. Park a well groomed and highly polished classy car in the driveway. Nail the Greek letters, large, on front of the frat house.

4. You need a roofed over front porch. If you don’t have one, rig an awning, but you require a shady spot for the beer keg and at minimum, a pair of rocking chairs.

5. Dress casually in current fashion, famous label clothes. If it’s a literary society like mine, bring an appropriate book. Asimov worked for me.

6? Wait for college age passerbys to engage you in conversation. If they’re someone likable, invite them to pledge. If she’s cute and personable, invite her to begin or plege the sorority. Labeling the front of the house with both fraternity and sorority emblems, is a great ice breaker.

Registering the fraternity, sorority with the school? Why would you voluntarily give them that power of approval over you. Stand alone!

I and five sorority sisters live together in the house. I have a nice bedroom near the kitchen, with a small private bath. The rest of the house is theirs. No charge. I pay for the utilities and the beer. I’m only here three days a week. They’re always happy when I return bringing a big sack of CRABBY NOWs.

Richard Collins Doing Business As Ψ Φ Θ

FRAT BOY PARTY ANIMAL!

I’M REGISTERED WITH THE STATE AND CITY AS DBA. THE UNIVERSITY DEANS CAN GO SCREW!

They can’t argue with a valid legitimate business license. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

What’s the nature of business? Education. The ‘CRABBY NOW?’ future management seminary teaches how to fry softshell crabs and attractively dress a sandwich.