Chapter 1: Making the Problem Worse

*** Sowing ***

You shall reap what you sow.

“I asked if we could have sex and you said, ‘Yes’!”

“Couldn’t you tell I didn’t really mean it?”

“No!”

“Well, pay more attention!”

“Did you ... Did you just come in my pussy?”

“Uh ... yes...”

“What? I didn’t say you could do that!”

“You said we could have sex ... I ate you out, you had a nice orgasm ... Then I asked if you were ready for me and you gave a big smile...”

“Yes, and?”

“You said you had contraception covered, and we figured we’re both clean.”

“I was ready for you to slide it in and fuck, but ... I never said you could come in there!”

“Well, that’s what happens when a guy fucks for a while, right?”

“That’s just patriarchal bullshit. That’s just part of dominating women. You have to ask for permission to ejaculate inside a vagina!”

“Well, all right!”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, in the first part. You’re really good with your tongue.”

“I try...”

“But, the second ... your penis ... whoever it was all those years ago was right ... sexual intercourse is an inherently violent act. Forcing your penis into my body ... violates my integrity...”

“But it felt good, right?”

“Maybe a little, but that’s just because I’ve been indoctrinated by the patriarchal culture. And you wanting to ... don’t you see how it means you want to dominate and control me?”

“Well, I’m trying to get enlightened, but an awful lot of guys want to do that.”

“Well, an awful lot of guys are sexist pigs. You’re better than them.”

“I’ll try. Do you have any ideas about my sexual pleasure? A blow job maybe?”

“No! Violating my mouth is no better than my vagina. And if you come in there ... yccch! That’s the ultimate in humiliation!”

“Well, what about a hand job?”

“Not quite so bad, but ... No! Those motions, up and down like that. It’s clearly a shadow of the violent act, with its in and out. Symbolically my hand would be like my vagina and you’d be violating my hand.”

“Geez! But if I lick you out that’s just fine?”

“Sure, if you want to. If you don’t want to, you shouldn’t.”

“You’re what ... three months along now?”

“Yes, that’s right, but ... we need to break up! This just isn’t working for me. I’m not becoming the best person I can ... and this pregnancy makes it worse. I didn’t realize I’d feel sick all the time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You raped me. That’s how I got pregnant ... you raped me.”

“What? You were begging for it! You wanted to make sure we did it often enough so we could start the baby!”

“It wasn’t real ... couldn’t you see through it? I wasn’t truly consenting. I was just caught in this delusion ... You’re the one who penetrated me. You’re the one who ejaculated inside me. It’s your fault!”