Chapter 7 Lauren

I know precisely how Isiah feels. Memories flooding into me have been part of my life for several months. I can speak many languages and have a vivid recollection of cultures from around the world. I know what it’s like to die, over and over. Worse is seeing the love of my life killed for my sake. That’s the very worst part of it. I was helpless and too weak to help.

Like now, Isiah is so depressed and sad. I’m dying, and he is trying to stay strong, but inside, he is dying too. I very much doubt I will outlive him for long. Cancer isn’t an enemy he can fight.

Do you know what it’s like to come face to face with a person who doesn’t just say he loves you but can prove it? A verse in the Bible says, “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” I’m not even positive I’m quoting it correctly. I heard it once, and it resonated with me. Isiah hasn’t just laid his life down once on a whim because he loved me. He laid down his life repeatedly. He doesn’t remember it. His overriding instinct is to shield me from harm. For the life of me, I can’t even figure out why. Am I just a pretty face? Assuming we figure out our divinity, what do I offer him? I know he doesn’t care about my inheritance. I abused myself sleeping with so many people, and he hasn’t been with anyone. We are both paying the price for it. Only when he was James did he have sex when I was gone. Given his state of mind at the time, I doubt it was anything pleasant. It isn’t a lack of opportunity. I’m sure if he wanted to, it could have happened. I saw the nurses react to his presence in the hospital, and he was oblivious. Even one of the male nurses! Thomas sees it. Isiah would see it too if he were a little less grumpy and gruff toward their affection.

I admit it’s a bit of an ego boost to be his center of attention when everyone else tries so hard. What worries me is he would become TOO focused on me. I love he is strong and desired, but I don’t want to be the dominant person in our relationship. The word I need to use is assertive toward me. One thing is clear from all this, regardless. I NEED to be stronger and only physically but mentally and emotionally. My time in Greece long ago should have taught me that. I didn’t do badly in France but still have a long way to go. My father insisted I learn some self-defense, but it isn’t anywhere near the level it needs to be.

Thomas’s revelations about our heritage are shocking, to say the very least. Yet, deep in my bones, I can feel he is right. I remember what it’s like to heal out of sheer desperation or reach out and touch the souls of the living and nonliving around me. At the time, I didn’t know the origin, but it’s true. I know it even if Isiah has some doubts.

Abigail is a beautiful person to have around me right now. Speaking to her on the phone, I knew I would like her. Her family was originally from Athens, and her accent and manner were just so familiar. My memories of Greece are hazy but become clearer sometimes. It was a dramatic turning point in Isiah’s life and mine. A story for another day. Abigail tries to hide her beauty in a professional veneer. If my life weren’t on course for a big disaster, I would try to seduce her.

Oh, please don’t hate me. I love Isiah very much, but I’m fantasizing about the three of us in a yacht doing nothing but having crazy sex. I have some fine-tuned radar when it comes to the attraction of both sexes. My condition doesn’t exactly entice someone carnally, but she does respond to Isiah. Isiah is a little harder to figure out completely. Here is my guess.

His condition doesn’t lend itself to have sex and affects him emotionally. Sex is a big part of an intimate relationship. Therefore, he pushes women away even if he is attracted to her. If he is so attracted, she warrants an erection. The pain reminds him of letting his guard down. The more pain, the more irritable he becomes. Lately, when he realizes he is in pain because of an erection caused by someone other than me. He will get downright nasty, which he has done around Abigail. There is no mortal man anywhere who will look at Abby and think she is anything other than extremely attractive. Abby, for her part, is attracted to him also. She doesn’t flirt or do anything out of line, but I can see it subtly in her body language. She isn’t used to being treated that way, and I can see Abby is sometimes on the edge of retaliating. Then he does something incredibly tender toward me, and she lets it go with a sigh. She struggles to interact with him, and she doesn’t approach him if she can help it. Anyway, this isn’t about her, and if this all works out, we can find some middle ground if she decides to stick around.

Thomas can also be an odd mix of assumptions. That bromance I have no intention of ever stepping into the middle. His loyalty to Isiah is nearly fanatical. Isiah, in his way, returns the loyalty. I can only assume it has to do with them serving in combat together, but there is more to the story. Isiah said something like, “We were in the circus together” When I asked what he meant, he just changed the subject. Frustrating but amusing at the same time because imagining them as circus clowns makes me giggle.

I was musing on all this when Isiah came into the cabin. I sat upon a couch in our main living room overlooking the lake, and he sat next to me. Curling up to him, Isiah puts his big arm around me, and I couldn’t think of a better way to leave this world. I know he likes when I do this. It does cause him discomfort because I know being in contact with him gives him a painful erection. I have no idea what he looks like without pants on, but I can tell you it is enormous. Very Large with a big V and a big L. The size of my forearm, big. You would think after all this time that he would learn to wear loose-fitting shorts and pants to alleviate discomfort. He doesn’t probably because loose-fitting shorts would make his erection that much more prominent. At first, he was apologetic, and I could tell he was sensitive and insecure about the subject. With effort, I managed to get him to resist pushing me away when it happened. I don’t do anything to draw attention to it any longer. The first time I did, he didn’t respond very well. He is still a little ashamed his response was over the top.

He told me about his interaction with the Archangel. The story lasted quite a while, and when he finished, we were silent a long time. Nothing in all my memories gave even the slightest clue we were ever brother and sister. Yet, he believed it. Thomas and Isiah both are seeing angels, I realized.

I drifted off in Isiah’s arms just after Abby gave me some painkillers.

Distant Past

Glancing around, I was in a cave. We just barely escaped Cain and hid inside. Outside was a plush forest and unusually quiet. Cain had just finished raping our mother Eve when Seth burst into the room. Seth was a quiet and peaceful man, but at that moment, you wouldn’t have guessed it to be the case. He was in a rage, repeatedly slamming his sheppard staff down onto Cain’s back and head. “Run! Hide!” he screamed at Isiah and me. “Don’t come back.” He ordered.