Chapter 11

Gina looked into my eyes. A shadow of doubt and confusion flashed across her expression. Her eyes suddenly brimmed with tears.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, her voice tremulous with suppressed emotion.

“No, everything’s fine.”

She swallowed hard. “You don’t want to... ?”

“I do. Very much.” My dick was still erect, and pressed against her stomach as we knelt on the blanket. “There’s nothing I want more, but ... I can’t.”

She sniffled and tried to hold back her tears. “Why not?”

“Because if I do...” I looked into her eyes and almost shut my mouth. But I knew I had to do the right thing, as hard as it seemed. I had to be true to myself. I hugged her to me and felt her trembling. My erection was bent uncomfortably between us, but somehow, that was fitting. “Because if I do,” I continued, “then you’ll hate me.”

“I won’t hate you,” she said hoarsely. “I love you. I always will.”

I pulled back and held her at arms length, looking deep into her dark eyes. “I know you do. And I love you. But there’s something I have to tell you.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and a pair of tears rolled down her cheeks. She bit the inside of her lip, took a deep breath, then looked at me again.

“Why don’t we sit down,” I suggested, although I knew I was only delaying the inevitable.

She nodded hesitantly and sat back, her knees tucked demurely under her. I tried to ignore my jutting erection as I joined her on the blanket.

“There’s a lot I have to tell you,” I said.

And so I talked.

In general details, I told her about Susan. I told her that I loved Susan, but I wasn’t in love with her. Gina nodded shakily, so I continued. When I started talking about Stacy—once again, in general terms—Gina looked a bit more disturbed. I guess it was because Stacy was closer to our age, and more of a threat. Needless to say, I didn’t mention my suspicions about Stacy being in love with me. Tears were running down Gina’s face as I continued. To my credit, I didn’t make excuses and I didn’t whine.

As I told her about Amy, her face hardened and the tears stopped. When I told her that I had had sex with Amy, her nostrils flared. Her lips went white, and I swallowed hard, but kept going. By the time was I finished, Gina looked more angry than distraught. Alas, that was exactly what I had expected.

“Is this Amy person your girlfriend?” Gina asked, her voice cold and hard.

“She was. We broke up.”

“Oh?” Her voice was full of contempt.

I tried not to cringe at her tone, and nodded solemnly. “Right before the end of school.”

She crossed her arms and stared at me defiantly.

“I kind of ruined our relationship,” I said. I left it at that.

Gina didn’t say anything.

“It was my own fault, though,” I said seriously. I paused for a moment and let the silence draw out. “I didn’t want to tell you all this. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

She snorted derisively.

I stared at her levelly and some of the contempt drained out of her. “I had to figure out what I wanted to do. But it didn’t take me long to realize that you’re the girl I want, you’re the girl I love.”

“Ha!”

“I knew I had to tell you about Amy,” I continued implacably. “I couldn’t keep this inside. If I did, it would poison our relationship.”

“So what makes you think you’re going to have a relationship with me?” she asked, her voice full of indignation and scorn.

“Nothing,” I said humbly.

It wasn’t the answer she expected, and it took a little of the fury out of her demeanor.

“Only that I love you, and I always will,” I said. “Nothing will change that.”

Her eyes softened for a moment, but then her jaw clenched and she glared at me.

“And I hope you still love me, but I’ll understand if you don’t ever want to speak to me again.” I stopped and licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “All I can say is I’m sorry, and I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. You’ve got to believe me when I tell you that. I’d die before I hurt you again.”

She didn’t say a word, and I tried not to fidget. Suddenly, she stood. I rose as well. Her eyes, flinty and dangerous, held mine. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw her pull the silver bracelet from her wrist. When it hit the ground, the dull thud echoed through my body like an explosion.

“You can keep the necklace,” she said bitterly.

With that, she turned and stormed off. Before she’d gone ten feet, I heard her burst into tears and start running. I longed to run after her, to comfort her, but I knew I was the last person she wanted to see. I sincerely hoped Kara was waiting for her.

I bent to pick up the bracelet, still warm from her body. I held it for a long time before I quietly lay down on the blanket. I don’t know how long I stayed there, staring up at the dark canopy of pine trees.

It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours.

The next morning, I was still sore, so I skipped my workout again. At the clubhouse, breakfast was quiet. I guess my mood kind of infected the rest of my family. When Gina came into the building, her eyes were puffy and red, and she refused to even look at me. Kara hovered near her, and I absently noted that they were both wearing bikini bottoms. When Kara met my gaze, she shrugged minutely. I nodded to her dejectedly and returned to my french toast.

After breakfast, Dwight asked me if I wanted to help him with his barbecue sauce the next morning. I declined. Mom looked at me curiously, but didn’t say anything. Dad and Erin went down to the lake, but I wanted to be alone, so I went back up to our cabin.

For a long time, I simply lay on my bunk with my fingers laced behind my head. After a while, I heard voices approaching the cabin. I listened for a moment and recognized Mom and Susan. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but I could make a pretty good guess—me. I heard Susan give my mom a few words of encouragement and then take her leave.

I didn’t move when the screen door opened and Mom walked into the cabin. In silence, I listened to her move about the room, straightening up. She picked up her book from the dresser and sat on her bed.

“I thought I’d come up here where it’s cooler,” she said. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“No.”

She read while I brooded. I don’t know why, but I felt good just knowing she was there. She didn’t say anything and she didn’t ask questions, for which I was profoundly grateful.

When I finally opened my mouth to speak, I had to clear my throat. I don’t know how I could tell, but I knew Mom had just closed her book and was looking up expectantly.

“I told Gina about Amy,” I said.

“How’d it go?”

When I’d come home the night before, everyone was asleep (at least I’d thought they were all asleep). Because I really had nowhere else to put them, I had rolled up Gina’s blanket and tucked it and the bracelet next to my pillow.

I reached for the bundle and extracted the silver bracelet. I clutched it in my right hand and rolled toward the edge of the top bunk. As I held it up for Mom to see, I looked over the edge. She nodded gravely and then met my gaze. Without saying anything else, I rolled to my back, laid the bracelet on my chest, and laced my fingers behind my head.

She stood and walked over to my bunk. “It’ll be okay, honey,” she said softly. She put her hand on my arm and then kissed my out-thrust elbow.

“Thanks, Mom.”

She kissed my elbow again and laid her cheek against my arm. I don’t know why, but her quiet gesture was very soothing. I blinked back stinging tears and she went back to her book.

After that, we were silent for a long time.

I skipped lunch that afternoon, preferring to remain in the cabin. Mom asked if I wanted her to bring me a sandwich, but I wasn’t really hungry.

When I heard voices headed up the hill toward the Coulter’s cabin, I decided to return their blanket, and hopefully see Gina. I carried the bracelet with me as well. A gift is a gift, I thought, as I trudged up the hill.

I met Kara coming down and she stopped me. She looked so much like Gina that my breath caught in my throat. She didn’t look angry, but she didn’t look particularly sympathetic either. At her gesture, I followed her back to our cabin. We sat on the porch steps and she appraised me candidly.

“Okay,” she said at last. “Let’s hear your side of it.”

“Huh?”

“Gina told me what you said, but she was pretty upset at the time.”

I nodded.

“So I want to hear things from your perspective.”

I took a deep breath and recounted the previous night’s conversation.

“Do you still love her?” she asked when I finished.

I nodded quickly. “Of course I do.”

“Not Gina,” Kara said. “Amy. Do you still love her?”

“Do you ever fall out of love?” I asked sullenly.

Kara looked at me shrewdly. Her eyes glittered with a new found respect.

“Yeah,” I said. “I guess I do. I don’t think I want to have a relationship with her anymore, but I do still love her.”

“So, what do you want from Gina?”

“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. I considered her question for a moment. “I definitely want her to be happy.”

Kara’s eyebrows rose in approval and she nodded.

“I hope she can be happy with me. But I guess I’ll understand if she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. No matter what, I hope we can be friends again. I think that’s what I’m going to miss more than anything,” I said.

“What about Susan? And Stacy?”

I quickly swiveled my head and stared at Kara. “She told you about them?”

She gave me a look that said, Of course she did, dummy.

“Please don’t tell anyone about Susan and me,” I quickly pleaded.

She smiled mysteriously. “I won’t. But you still haven’t answered my question.”

I shook my head and grinned ruefully. “Stacy is ... Stacy’s moving to Columbia at the end of the month,” I said. “She’s got a scholarship to Carolina.”

“Ahhh.”

“I like Stacy. A lot. But I’m not in love with her, although ... Well ... I’m not in love with her. Not like I am with Gina, at least. But I care about her. I mean ... well ... you know.”

Kara nodded.

“And with Susan ... It’s ... I dunno ... It’s hard to say, but it’s different.”

“I know what you mean,” she said. She smiled inexplicably. “And even though she doesn’t want to admit it, Gina knows, too.”

I looked at her quickly.

She shrugged. “I can’t tell you why.”

I stared at her, hoping to get more information, but she remained mute. “D’you think Gina’ll ever want to talk to me again?” I asked.

Kara nodded. “I think so. Once she settles down and starts thinking rationally. Besides, there are some things you don’t know about Gina. She knows a lot more about...”

I cocked my head to the side and looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“She still loves you very much.”

Did she just change the subject? “Huh? How—”

“She does.”

“You’re kidding, right? She still loves me?”

“More than you realize.” She paused for a moment, studying me. “Do you know what the opposite of love is?”

I blinked in confusion. “What?”

“Do you know what the opposite of love is?” she asked again, slowly.

“I dunno. Hate?”

She shook her head. “Indifference. You can’t hate someone you don’t care about. If you don’t love someone, you simply don’t care about them.”

“So ... I mean ... Huh?”

She turned her knees toward me and laid her hand on my thigh. She reminded me so much of Gina, I felt my heart skip a beat. “Gina’s really angry right now,” she said. “But if she didn’t love you, she couldn’t muster this kind of emotion.”

I thought about that tidbit for a moment.

“It’s true. She still loves you very much. But it may take her some time to remember that.”

I nodded morosely.

Kara patted my leg and looked at me reassuringly. “You did the right thing,” she said.

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. “You really think so?”

She nodded. “You two didn’t really have a well-defined relationship.”

“How do you know all this stuff?” I asked suddenly.

“About you and Gina? She tells me—”

“No. About ‘the opposite of love,’ and ‘well-defined relationships,’ and all this other stuff. How do you know all this?”

She laughed musically.

It was Gina’s laugh, but I tried not to think about her.

“Gina and I have the same genes,” she said. “That, and a couple of psych classes in college. You don’t think she’s the only one who wants to be a doctor, do you?”

I shook my head sheepishly.

“You’ll be all right, Paul. And so will Gina. Things will work out,” she said, with more confidence than I felt. “You’ll see.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I think I am. I know my sister.”

She got up to leave and I stood, suddenly remembering the blanket and the bracelet. “Kara?”

She turned. “Yes?”

“Here’s your family’s blanket. Gina kinda ... um ... well, she ran off before ... well, you know.”

She nodded.

“And would you give her this?” I held out the bracelet.

She looked from it to my eyes and then held my gaze.

“I gave it to her,” I said seriously. “And I want her to keep it. A gift is a gift.”

Kara reached out and took the bracelet. “I’ll hold on to it for her.”

“Thanks.”

The next day was the Fourth of July. I got up earlier than usual and decided to jump rope. I wasn’t very sore at all, but I didn’t want to push things; I only did a light workout. Afterward, I stripped off my shorts and went inside to take a shower. Since no one else was awake, I tried to be as quiet as possible. When I came out of the bathroom, Mom opened her eyes, smiled at me, then pulled the sheet up to her chin. I headed out the front door, taking care not to let the screen door slam shut behind me.

When I walked into the clubhouse, Dwight was the only person there. As soon as I saw him, I froze in my tracks. I turned, frantically trying to catch the screen door before it slammed, but I almost lost a finger in the process. The bang of the door echoed in my ears as I sheepishly turned toward Dwight.

He looked up and smiled broadly as soon as he saw me. He motioned me toward him, then bent down and said something too quiet for me to hear. I considered turning and leaving, but after my workout, I was ravenously hungry. I steeled myself and walked toward the counter.

Dwight beamed at me as I rounded the corner. Predictably, I noticed his prodigious erection jutting through the opening between two under-counter curtains. I turned to “our” refrigerator and took out the milk.

“You come to get your knob polished after all?” Dwight asked as I walked toward him.

I shook my head. My family’s food baskets were about eight feet from his, and I stopped in front of them. When I stuck my head under the counter to get a box of cereal, I looked to my right. Terri was happily sucking Dwight’s monster cock. When she saw me, she pulled him out of her mouth and smiled.

“Hi, Terri,” I said.

“Hi. Are you next?”

I shook my head. “Not this time. Thanks anyway.”

“You sure, boyo?” Dwight asked from above the counter. “She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.”

Terri squeezed his dick and he yelped apologetically.

“I don’t mind,” Terri said.

“No, thanks. I appreciate it, though.”

“Suit yourself,” she said.

With that, she resumed sucking his dick.

I came out from under the counter and looked at Dwight.

He was half-heartedly stirring a large bowl of barbecue sauce. He looked at me and grinned. “What’s the world coming to, when a healthy young man turns down a blowjob?”

He laughed heartily at his own joke, but after that, he shut his eyes and gripped the counter to steady himself. I knew Terri must have gone into high gear. As I watched him enjoy her attentions, I felt my resolve weakening. I decided not to stick around long enough to test my willpower. I simply put the cereal and milk back, waved to Dwight, and headed toward the door.

“D’you mind if I eat breakfast here?” I asked Susan.

She was sitting in her courtyard, reading the newspaper and nibbling a piece of toast. “Not at all,” she said, looking up. “What’s up?”

“Well, I ... um ... nothing ... I just wanted to eat breakfast with you.”

“Dwight and Terri are in the clubhouse?” she asked with a smirk.

“How’d you know?”

Her grin widened. “I know all sorts of things,” she said cryptically. She folded her newspaper and stood. “Besides, it’s an annual ritual of theirs. They’ve been doing it for years.”

“Oh.”

“C’mon in. What would you like to eat?”

“Anything. Everything. But cereal’s fine,” I said.

We stepped into the coolness of the kitchen and she looked at me speculatively. “Do you want a regular breakfast, or a special breakfast?”

Somehow, I knew we weren’t talking about food. “Maybe just a regular breakfast,” I said.

“One regular breakfast, coming right up!”

After I’d eaten, I didn’t really feel like doing anything. Susan obliged me by simply making small talk for a while. Finally, however, she looked at me and cocked her head to the side.

“You want to talk about what we’re not talking about?” she asked.

I grinned apologetically. “I guess I was talking about everything but what’s on my mind.”

She nodded.

“I told her,” I said.

“I know,” she said gently.

“Yeah, I guess it’s obvious.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Well, I guess it’s also obvious she didn’t take it as well as you thought she would,” I said.

“No,” Susan said patiently. “I said she wouldn’t be that upset about me, and probably not about Stacy.”

“But—”

“But you added Amy to the mix all by yourself,” she continued seriously.

“Yeah. I guess I did.” I paused for a moment to recollect the events of The Talk. “Come to think of it, she was mostly okay with things up to that point. I mean, she was upset, but when I told her about Amy, she seemed to get really angry.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“So, what should I do?” I asked, trying not to sound forlorn.

“Give her time.”

“Time? Are you sure? I mean, her family’s going home at the end of the month.”

She nodded. “I think she knows that as well as you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” she said patiently, “that she knows her ‘window of opportunity’ is getting shorter. When she came to camp this summer, she wanted more from your relationship. Am I right?”

I nodded.

“She wanted to have sex with you?”

I nodded again. “How do you know all this?”

She grinned enigmatically and shrugged. “Call it an educated guess.”

I shook my head in wonder.

“But you didn’t have sex with her, did you?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. She knew me too well to need to. “She may be angry with you right now, but she’s probably a little frustrated and horny, too.”

“You really think so?”

She nodded firmly. “I don’t know Gina as well as you do, but I do know her moth—” She paused and smirked at me. “Let’s just say I know a thing or two about Gina, and leave it at that.”

“Huh?”

She continued, as if I hadn’t spoken. “So I think her emotions and hormones will triumph over her anger.”

“I hope you’re right,” I said.

“I think I am,” she said, with more assurance than I felt. “Now,” she continued. “I was going to take a bath before I start fixing food for the picnic. And I need to shave. Would you care to join me?”