Chapter 23

Trudy wasn’t crying anymore. She wasn’t lying on the bed anymore, either. She was pacing. She whirled when her door opened and Chuck entered.

“What are you doing here?” she gasped.

“Would you please be quiet?” he asked, politely, as he walked toward her.

“What?”

“Just shut up,” he said, arriving at a point where only two or three inches separated them. He reached for her waist and pulled her toward him.

Then he kissed her.

She went rigid for a few seconds, and he was worried that he’d made a mistake, but then her body flowed against his and her hands went around his back. The passion she released was almost astonishing, and suddenly it felt like he was making out with a woman he’d been in a romantic relationship with for years.

He went with it, kissing her back. Somehow she had hijacked his attack, and she was the aggressive one, pushing him against a chest of drawers in the room. Just as suddenly, she pushed away from him and staggered back.

“You don’t get to do that!” she panted.

“I just did. You don’t get to deny me.”

“Of course I can deny you. You don’t own me.”

“Of course I don’t, but I really hope you don’t deny me, because that was a fantastic kiss. I could get used to kissing a woman like that. No, I could get used to kissing you like that.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Look. I like you. I like this. I like not knowing how you’re going to react, or what you’re going to say. I wouldn’t recommend you say what you said in front of anybody else, but I don’t care about it. I’m not going to tell you why I don’t care. You just have to believe me. I do not care if those babies are Bob’s. What I care about is that this exploration you and I are doing isn’t finished, yet, and I want it to go on. Okay. Your turn.”

“My turn?”

“Yes. You get to say what you’re thinking about, now.”

“I don’t know what to say!”

“Okay, that’s fine. Come kiss me again, and you can keep thinking.”

“I can’t think of anything when I kiss you,” she groaned.

“My nefarious plan is coming to fruition!” he crowed.

“Don’t joke like that,” she said. Suddenly her voice was in the normal ranges. He backed off immediately.

“Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t have a nefarious plan. I’m not a king. My father will probably cut me off when he finds out I’m not coming to work for him and I’ll be penniless. I have no claim on you. But please give me a chance, here. You have nothing to lose. You don’t have another boyfriend ... right?”

She shook her head, but it was a subliminal answer.

He waited.

When she said nothing, he said, “I called for a pizza. It’s probably here.”

“Why do you smell like you’ve been drinking?” she asked, suddenly.

“Bob and I had a celebratory drink,” he said.

“Celebratory?”

“Yes. I told him I didn’t care about him and Chastity and wasn’t going to tell anybody. So we had a drink.”

He turned, and left.

When Trudy appeared in the open doorway of the kitchen, it was tentatively. She peeked around the edge of the jamb, first, and saw what appeared to be a completely normal social setting: two men eating pizza.

Both men caused feelings to bloom in her. Bob was the one who got away, and the longer she lived there, the more she realized how stupid she’d been to throw him away. It was like having a Lamborghini and abandoning it because it had a flat tire. The tall black man sitting across from him and chewing industriously on a mouthful of quasi-Italian food produced a different reaction. He wanted her, and she’d always been weak when it came to men who wanted her. He was different from all the other men who had wanted her, though. He didn’t just throw her down on the bed and have his way with her. He actually listened to her. He seemed to genuinely care what she was feeling. Half of her wished he would just take her and use her. That was all she was really good for.

No. She stopped herself and intentionally went over the mantra she and her therapist had developed. She was not worthless. She was not a whore. Whatever she had been in the past, that was then. She was a new woman. She and Bob had a better relationship now than they’d ever had when they were married. Chastity and she were sharing things that normal mothers and daughters shared. Life was good.

But what to do about Chuck? Should she brush him off and avoid the mess he would cause in her life if she got to know him better? She knew she’d wish she hadn’t, if she did that. Should she take him to bed? That could go wrong and ruin the possibility that she could have a decent relationship with two men, instead of just Bob.

The scent of the pizza made her stomach growl and she stepped into the room. Bob had his back to her, but Chuck looked at her.

“We saved you some, but you should hurry,” he said. “It’s good, and I don’t know how much longer we can control the urge to polish it off.”

That was a perfect example of why Chuck made her belly tingle. The other men she’d been intimate with would have said, “Eat! I don’t want you thinking about your stomach when I fuck you!”

Or words to that effect.

Bob still hadn’t looked at her.

“Can I talk to you privately for a second?” she said, touching her ex-husband on the shoulder.

He looked up at her.

“Sure,” he said. “Where?”

“I can leave,” said Chuck.

“No,” she said. “You are a guest. We’ll go elsewhere.”

He shrugged, and took another bite of pizza.

Bob rose and followed her to her bedroom. Once inside, she paced.

“I’m so sorry. It was an accident. It happened because my mind is all fragmented. I don’t know what to do about him,” she moaned. “I know it’s awful for me to come to you and ask you for advice. I know that’s tacky and cruel. But you’re the only man I know who I can trust to tell me the truth. What should I do?”

“We kind of had this conversation already,” said Bob.

“I know, but things have happened since then.”

“Okay, that’s true. You gave him cookies and then stripped for him,” said Bob.

“So I am a slut,” she grunted.

He gripped her upper arms and pulled her so close she could smell the pizza on his breath.

“Listen to me,” he growled. “Normal women all over the fucking planet have feelings of lust or sexual interest in a man. Nature made women that way. If I ever hear you call yourself a slut again, I’m going to be tempted to start slapping you around.”

“Okay, okay.” She winced and he let go and she rubbed her arms.

“I didn’t mean that,” he said. “I’ll never slap you around. But I might spank you if you don’t stop being self destructive,” he said. “If you like this guy, then give it a go. He obviously likes you, or he’d have left a long time ago. He’s a young stud, but that only means he could have his pick of the litter. If he’s picking you, then that means you’re more desirable to him than the young, hot babes we’d normally see him with. Stop questioning everything and see if it can last. Either it will, or it won’t. Wouldn’t actually knowing which it is be better than what you’re going through right now?”

She blinked, but then nodded. This is why she had decided to risk his derision and ask for his help. Bob was a good man, and even though she’d torn his heart out, he was still a good man.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice low. “You have my permission to slap some sense into me in the future.”

“Don’t do that, either,” he groaned. “You have worth, Trudy. The past is the past. Let it go and look to the future.”

“That’s what my therapist says, too.” She took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. “I’ll try.”

“Okay. I need to get back to the hospital. You’ll be fine. Just let it happen and see where it goes.”

“Okay. I will,” she said.

He left, leaving the door open. When she got back to the kitchen Bob was already putting on his jacket in preparation for leaving.

Chuck offered her a plate with a piece of pizza on it. The box lay there, empty and forlorn. All that remained of the delicious meal that had come in it were grease stains on the cardboard.

“I tried to control myself, but it was too good,” he said. “If one piece doesn’t fill you up, I’ll take you out for more.”

“I’m not thinking about my stomach at the moment,” she said.

“Okay. I probably shouldn’t skip all my classes today, but if you need me to, I’ll try to get back to help with the kids tonight.”

“I need you to stay just a little longer,” she said. “When is your next class?”

He looked at his watch.

“Environmental law is wrapping up right now. My next class is at three. I have plenty of time to get there.”

“Good. I need to do something before you go.”

“Sure,” he said. “What is it?”

She took a big bite of pizza and then pointed at her mouth as she chewed. Next she covered her mouth in the universal non-verbal language that meant, “I’m so sorry, I can’t talk right now because that would violate Emily Post’s rules.”

Somehow, she ate the whole piece of pizza that way, making it impossible to answer his question.

She thought about taking him to her bedroom, but she wanted this to be entirely spontaneous. He would react either well, or badly. Right now she almost didn’t care which. Bob was right. She needed to know. Even if he pushed her away, at least she’d know. She had to do something, so she was going to do something.

“Please stand up,” she said, after she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

He did and she knelt swiftly in front of him, reaching for his belt. She looked up at him.

“We had to rush off and see Chastity and Lance, and I said I’d make it up to you. Do you remember?”

He nodded, his eyes already wide.

“Will you let me?” she asked, her fingers now ready to lower his zipper. “Make it up to you?” she added.

“Uh huh,” he sighed. “Sure.”

“Thank you,” she said, and she slid his zipper down. She didn’t drag it out. Swiftly, she undid his belt and then she simply gripped the waistband of his pants and pulled his shorts and pants down together

What she faced was a penis that was in the process of becoming an erection. When she got on her knees and verbalized that she wanted to “make it up to him” his mind raced. His mind had no trouble forecasting that something happy might be about to go down. That, alone, started the process. There were two options that seemed reasonable at this point in time. Her hand or her mouth.

It didn’t matter. Either was fine. His cock stiffened further.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, reaching to cup his penis with one hand, and his heavy balls with the other.

“Thank you?” breathed Chuck. None of the girls he’d slept with had ever commented on his cock. Of course there had only been three, but still, her compliment sent a surge of blood into his corpora cavernosa and, almost instantly, he was rock hard. She leaned back and moved her hand to grip his rod. She skinned the foreskin back off the knob.

“I hope you don’t think badly of me for this,” she said. “I was having difficulty rationalizing wanting to do this, but Bob helped me resolve it,” she said.

“Remind me to thank him,” sighed Chuck.

“Excuse me,” she said. “I won’t be able to talk to you for a while.”

Then she leaned forward and took him into her mouth.

Trudy, thanks to her time in Africa, was an expert cocksucker. She’d performed fellatio on Bob a few times, but it wasn’t something either wanted to do often. Bob had preferred to have his penis in her vagina, as opposed to anywhere else. The men in Africa, however, had insisted she use her mouth on them. A quick blow job could be accomplished almost anywhere. It was the epitome of “Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am”. The men got their rocks off, and didn’t care if Trudy got taken care of or not. A lot assumed (correctly) that there would be an opportunity in the future to do more than oral sex. She could be serviced, then.

She had given probably two hundred blow jobs in Africa. Most of those men hadn’t fucked her. In many cases the hummer had been done in payment for some favor. Quite a few had been done to get some official to do what he should have been doing in the first place - to do his job.

What was different this time was that Trudy thought about what she was doing, and who she was doing it for. In Africa it had been easy to send her mind somewhere else and put her mouth on autopilot. That had been necessary to salvage both her dignity and her sanity. She had been degraded and she knew she was being degraded, but oral sex was a tool she used to get what she needed, or wanted badly. That was probably why she’d swallowed - no pun intended - M’butu’s story about being displaced royalty.

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