Frannie’s Job Interview - by Jamie and Lisa - 1682 words - humor - sexual topics - no overt sex

“Hi Franny, it’s really good to see you. Congratulations on your half-birthday.”

“Thank you. It’s kind o’ funny. Ever’body is congrat’lating me fer my eighteenth bir’day, six months af’er it ‘appened. But I really didn’ ‘ave anythin’ to do with that. Or with the fact our gov’ment says you’re an adult at eig’teen an’ a ‘alf. They really should be thankin’ them storks fer findin’ momma and daddy’s ‘ouse wi’out nav’gation’l aids.”

“Oh, you were always the kidder! How about congratulations on surviving to adulthood then?”

“You mean a livin’ through my uncle an’ daddy a teachin’ me to fly?”

“Yes ... No, I mean you making jokes just like that one.”

“It wadn’ so hard to get ‘ere. Mom and dad always made sure I learnt how to be ‘spectful and git along wi other people. Ev’n ones we didn’ like. They sent me to sc’ool to learn readin’ writin’ an’ ‘rithmetic. They taught me ‘ow to catch my own food er grow it, ‘ow to survive the rain, cold, ‘ot, or nat’ral ‘sasters. Pretty much ever’thing I needed to know--”

“Um, yes, ‘pretty much.’ Franny, that’s actually one of the things that we need to talk about here.”

“I need a talk ‘bout my ‘aving grown up wif the comp’ny ‘torney?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes, and ... Well, I’m also your mother and father’s personal attorney. Which can get just a little bit complicated because they are also principles of the airline.”

“Yeah, I always thou’t ‘at it was funny ‘at great-gran’ma and great-gran’pa named the b’iness after a state ‘n a c’un’ry they wuz exiled from.”

“Well, I suppose they missed it back in the United States.”

“I don’ kno’ why they would. This place is perfect.”

“Yes, yes, well no place is actually perfect. Here they made a major error many years back allowing those stateless bureaucrats to settle on the island. Even if they did organize stuff, what with their constant rulemaking and everything.”

“Yeah, I don’ like rules ver’ much.”

“Well, Frannie, nobody likes rules. Sometimes you have to have a few just to get along. Like what you were mentioning before about being polite to people you don’t particularly like. But it seems to me that a lot of times rules are just excuses for going around without making good judgments: People are just saying to themselves, “well that’s the rule, I guess it’s got to be that way.”

“Yeah, mom always says that ‘common sense is an uncommon virtue.’”

“Good quote, I think it was Franklin.”

“Good ol’ Benji...”

“So, Franny, what I’m doing here today is offering you a job in the company business, Air Arkansas, but there are a number of company rules that according to the consent decree the airline signed with them bureaucrats we couldn’t tell you until you were a legal adult.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Frannie, I’ll get to that in just a moment. But I’d like to do things in a kind of first-things-first way.”

“‘Kay.”

“Them bureaucrats a-ways-back decided that it would be best for everybody involved if grown-ups and those who weren’t quite grown up yet didn’t talk about sex with each other. So since nobody at your school and nobody at home ever discussed the subject with you, we are absolutely certain that you have no knowledge of the subject.”

“What subject is that?”

“Sex.”

“We learned about six in ‘rithmetic. Its one more than five.”

“Not six, sex.”

“What’s that?”

“Exactly my point, Frannie. Fortunately, them bureaucrats had a nice bureaucratic solution to this problem. They established an Agency of Adult Education in the Ministry of Education that created a Capital Colege which is running a for-credit college course on the subject through its Life Skills Outreach Program. One that I have taken the liberty of signing you up for. I’ve also ordered the relevant textbooks, which Shelia has, she will give them to you on your way out.

“I git to go t’ coll’ge?”

“Yes, Franny, you do.”

“An’ study ‘bout six?”

“Frannie, dear, that is pronounced ‘sex’. You wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself on your first day now.”

“No, ‘at wou’d definit’ly be a four paw.”

“Yes, well, Frannie your parents pretty much taught you everything that you needed to know in order to take a job in the family business. They made sure that you got all of your official paperwork from the Ministry of Statistics and Education and that all the training that you received was documented and sent to the Ministries of Education, Child Rearing, Employment, Aviation, and Commerce. You should be receiving your Employment, Pilot, and Business Licenses in the mail anytime now. I personally sent all the documents by certified mail to the National Administration building last month after discussing this with your parents.”