Chapter 13

Mom and I had dinner by ourselves that night since Erin and her friends ate with the Jordans. Susan wasn’t in the clubhouse, and I was feeling kind of guilty that I hadn’t gone back to her house. And I was feeling horny. Very horny. My afternoon with Gina had only made things worse in that regard.

It was still raining steadily after we finished dinner, and Mom decided to head back up to the cabin early. I stayed down in the clubhouse, playing ping-pong with Dwight. Well, Dwight was playing, I was just getting beaten. Badly. After a couple of games, I decided to let someone else chase after Dwight’s kill shots.

I milled around the clubhouse for a little while, but Manfred and Jenny were sitting together on one of the couches and Gina was playing games with her family, so I was mostly on my own. I decided to brave the rain and go up to our cabin.

I got soaked walking up the hill. The rain was coming down so hard that it wasn’t worth running. The wind wasn’t blowing as bad as the previous storm, but the heavens had opened up on South Carolina. When I got to the cabin, the porch light was the only light on, and the door was closed. I figured Mom must be over at Stan and Terri’s cabin, or maybe over with Dwight’s wife, Karen.

I climbed the steps to the porch and stood there dripping for a few seconds. It seemed that the rain had only increased once I was out of it; the sound of it hitting the roof was a constant, low roar. Mom had at least taken our towels out of the rain, but that meant that I’d have to drip across the cabin floor to the bathroom in order to get a dry one.

I decided that there was really no helping it, and reached for the screen door. I opened the cabin door, quickly stepping inside, then shut it and absently reached back for the light switch. I flipped the switch and stopped dead in my tracks, in shock.

Mom was on the bed, her legs thrown wide, her hand busily rubbing her pussy. I saw this in an eye-blink. As soon as the light snapped on, she sat up suddenly and looked at me. Then she burst into tears.

What had I done? I felt bad for catching her masturbating, and ashamed for being a little excited, but it had happened before, and she hadn’t started crying. Without even thinking that I was dripping water all across the floor, I rushed to the side of the bed.

She took one tearful look at me and rolled away, curling up in a ball and sobbing. I sat on the side of the bed, oblivious to the fact that I was getting it wet, and put my hand on her shoulder.

“What’s the matter, Mom?” I asked, becoming more concerned, and more fearful.

Sobs wracked her shoulders and she didn’t answer.

“What did I do?”

She didn’t answer for a second, and I felt my panic rising. I was desperately afraid that I’d done something worse than simply interrupting her.

“Mom?”

“It’s okay, honey. I’m okay,” she said through her tears.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing.”

Her tears were slowing, but she still shook with emotion, and my confusion only deepened.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She bit her lip and nodded, weakly. Tears were still streaming down her face, but the worst of the sobbing seemed to have passed. I rubbed her shoulder, trying to give her what comfort I could, and wondered what I’d done.

“Was it something I did?” I asked tentatively, plaintively.

She rolled toward me and looked up, eyes filled with unshed tears. My heart felt like it was going to burst; I had no idea what I could do for her to make her feel better. I had no idea why she was so upset.

She looked at my face, so filled with concern for her and my own panic, and her eyes softened.

“No, baby,” she said. “It’s not your fault.”

Seeing her like this, I felt my own emotions well up, and had to blink back tears myself. I was confused and becoming frantic, and my emotions were plainly graven upon my face.

I stood up, bitterly determined not to cry myself, and stepped toward the bathroom. I pulled the entire box of tissues from the back of the toilet and returned to the bed. Mom had sat up when I stood, and now sat with her legs tucked under her, shoulders slumped, silent sobs shaking her whole body.

I sat down next to her and extended the box of tissues. She pulled several and dabbed at her tear-streaked face. She blew her nose as well, but her sobs never abated.

“What’s the matter?” I asked again.

“I’m just so ... frustrated,” she said, balling her hand into a fist and squeezing the tissues.

Frustrated? At what? At me? “Do you want me to leave?”

She looked up at me. Her eyes were red-rimmed and still tear-filled, her nose was red, and her cheeks were blotchy. She was a mess. And my heart threatened to burst again when I thought she would ask me to leave. She saw my anxiety, my rising panic, and her expression softened.

“No, baby. You don’t have to leave.”

She leaned against me and I instinctively put my arm around her, not knowing what else to do. She sobbed silently against me and I just held her. After a few minutes, she calmed down somewhat and reached for the Kleenex again. I held the box out to her silently, and she pulled more tissues, quietly dabbing her face. She blew her nose again and I worked up the courage to ask the question that was burning in my mind.

“Are you mad at me for coming to the cabin?” I asked hesitantly.

She shook her head mutely and I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

“Then what’s the matter?” I asked, quietly confused.

“This morning there was Erin,” she said. “And then the hot water heater broke, and then your father called, and now you’re here.” It was like a dam had burst within her; she was pouring forth her emotions in one tremendous rush.

“You want me to leave?” I asked again, quietly, my eyes stinging.

“No,” she said softly. She could hear the hurt and the fear in my voice, and the confusion. She hugged me tightly, sniffling softly. “No. I’m glad you’re here.”

“You want to talk about what’s the matter?” I asked, repeating the words she’d said to me so many times before.

She nodded. Then she shook her head. Then she nodded again, reluctantly. She laughed ruefully at herself and sniffled. She looked up at me and smiled wanly. Then she lowered her head again and sat back. I let my arm fall from about her shoulders and she took a deep breath.

“This morning, Erin woke up right in the middle...”

I knew what she was trying not to say. I’d seen her slowly masturbating, and I knew she’d been interrupted when Erin had woken up. I nodded, but she was concentrating on the tissues in her hand, and didn’t see.

“And then I was going to take a long bath, and... , “ she looked at me and shrugged, smiling shyly. “But the water heater broke.” She focused on her hands, wringing the damp Kleenex in her grip. “And then when your dad called and said he wouldn’t be home tonight, I wanted to scream. So I came up here early so I could...”

I nodded again and she closed her eyes, shaking her head. She sniffled and smiled ruefully.

“Well, you know what I came up here for,” she said softly. “You saw.”

“I’m so sorry,” I breathed. “I didn’t know.”

“That’s okay, baby. I know you didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

She hugged me again. A mixture of embarrassment, shame, and excitement threatened to overwhelm me. I was embarrassed that I’d interrupted her, and ashamed that thinking about it was making me excited. I felt my penis suddenly spring erect and wanted to run.

Mom noticed and sat up. She smiled weakly and laughed, holding my eyes with her own. I blushed and she smiled again.

“I could...” I said, shifting and dropping my hand toward her lap.

Her expression got serious and she shook her head. “We can’t, baby. We can’t.”

Something within me snapped, and I decided not to take “no” for an answer. I continued the motion I’d started, and as my hand touched her damp pubic hair, I felt the heat of her pussy wash over me.

She shook her head again, putting her hand on my arm, as if to pull me back. My finger brushed against her clit and she stopped. I rubbed the hood over the engorged little nubbin and she closed her eyes, drawing a deep, shuddering breath. I boldly continued rubbing her and she moaned softly.

Her hand was still on my arm, her fingers light and warm on my skin, but I shifted and began rubbing her clit in small circles. She took another trembling breath and swallowed hard. I felt the heat and moisture of her pussy on my fingers, and began to spread her outer labia.

Emotions warred on her face, but I forged ahead. I parted her lips and slowly inserted a finger inside her. She was slippery and hot, and I relished the feeling against my skin. She shuddered again, and whimpered. She quivered as I caressed her inner lips, and with a moan, she finally removed her hand from my arm.

With my free right hand, I pushed her back down on the bed and shifted between her legs. She tried weakly to push me back, but I wiggled my finger against her clit and her resistance crumbled.

I pushed her legs apart with my shoulders and settled between them. I inhaled her scent and marveled as I took my first close look at a woman’s pussy. With a thrill, I realized that I wanted to lick her, to taste her. My emotions soared as I thought to myself that the first woman I wanted to go down on was my mom. My penis swelled further, trapped between my stomach and the sheets, and I studied her.

Her trimmed pubic hair was moist from her fluids and her labia were coated as well. I inhaled her again, relishing the musky scent of her arousal, and darted my tongue forward. I licked up her slit and she shuddered. The taste was like nothing I’d ever experienced. It was tangy, and sweet, with a metallic hint, and I decided that I liked it. I liked it very much. I wanted more.

I pressed my face against her damp curls and licked the length of her slit. My nose was pressed into her mons, her pubic hair tickling me, but I didn’t care. I was lost in the moment, my senses overloaded with her arousal.

I flicked my tongue up under the hood of her clit and caught the fleshy berry with the tip. She shivered and moaned again. I spread her thighs with my hands and pulled my mouth back. I thought back to what Stacy had taught me. It seemed like years ago, but was really the day before. I heard her voice in my head, and gently kissed the crease between Mom’s thigh and pussy.

She shuddered and gasped, arching her back and lifting her hips against me. I kissed all around her pussy, rubbing my cheeks against her, listening to her catch her breath as I brushed against her clit. I buried my face in her pussy again, darting my tongue inside the folds of her labia.

She moaned and I began to lick her in earnest. I slowly inserted one finger into her sheath and circled her hooded clit with my tongue. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I was enjoying myself. Stacy’s words echoed in my mind, and I tried to pay attention to every part of Mom’s pussy at once.

I caught myself starting to panic, thinking that she wouldn’t enjoy what I was doing, and I slowed down. I took a deep breath and went back to sucking on her clit. Her soft pubic hair brushed against my face as I moved my lips side to side, caressing her sensitive glans with my tongue.

I slipped my finger further inside her and felt her shudder as I lifted the tip. She began to lift her hips against me as I started slowly thrusting my finger in and out of her. She was getting close, I could tell, and I wanted to make her come. Her clit had appeared from under its protective hood and I was busily circling it with my tongue.

Slipping a second finger inside her, I felt her shudder as I spread her open further. I crooked my fingertips up and she bucked her hips against me. Her legs were pressing against my shoulders as she tensed, and I knew her orgasm was approaching quickly.

I flattened my tongue against her clit and started rolling it around, thrusting my fingers side to side in her pussy. She began to buck her hips in earnest, moaning and trying to hump my face. I kept up the rotating pressure on her clit and flicked my fingers against the roof of her pussy.

She tensed up under me and her pussy gushed around my fingers. They were gripped by her spasming muscles as I kept up my assault on her clit. She thrust her hips against me, hard, and let out a low, continuous moan.

Her moan rose to an almost-wail as she came, the sound of the rain outside drowning out the possibility of anyone hearing. Her clit abruptly disappeared under its hood and I stopped licking, instead merely kissing her slippery and spread lips.

She finally relaxed as the last throes of her orgasm subsided, and I heard her panting. I lifted my head and looked up at her, from between her flattened breasts. Her arms were flung wide and her chest rose and fell with her heavy breathing. Her hips still twitched as I slowly kissed her mons. I touched the base of her clit and she started, her breath catching as a tremor passed through her.

I lifted myself onto my haunches and scooted forward. My thighs pressed against hers and I looked down in wonder as she lay before me. I felt a rush of adrenaline as I realized that I had just made her come. She was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and her chest heaved, and she was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

I scooted forward a little more, and grasped my penis by the base. I rubbed the tip against her slick lips, taking care to avoid her sensitive clitoris. When the head of my cock was good and lubricated, I slipped it inside her. She moaned as my length sank into the depths of her pussy.

I luxuriated in the silken feel of the walls of her vagina, gripping me like a warm glove. I pulled out and slowly sank into her again. I had just started slowly thrusting against her when her eyes popped open and she looked at me.

“Paul!” she exclaimed, panic in her voice.

I thrust forward and her eyes fluttered and closed.

“Oh, God,” she breathed as I slid into her.

I pulled out and buried myself in her again and she moaned, obviously enjoying the feeling of my cock filling her. I withdrew, poised to plunge into her again, and her eyes popped open again. She looked up at me, eyes filled with tears.

“Paul, baby. Please. Stop,” she said urgently. “We can’t.” She almost sobbed.

I looked at her, confused, and stayed my hips.

Her eyes softened and she blinked back tears. “We can’t have sex, honey. We can’t,” she said softly.

“But...” My eyes burned and I stared down at her in incomprehension.

She put her hand on my abdomen and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Paul. I’m so sorry.”

“But...”

“We can’t.”

Her eyes were pleading.

I’d seen her face when I was thrusting into her. I’d felt her respond against me. I knew that if I plunged into her again, she couldn’t resist me. She wouldn’t resist me. She enjoyed it as much as I did, and the only thing sustaining her resistance now was the fact that my cock was only barely inside her. All I had to do was sink my length into her pussy, and she wouldn’t say no.

One quick thrust of my hips, and I’d have everything I wanted. As I looked into her desperate eyes, wide with fear and apprehension, I knew that if I did, she would let me. And I knew that she would never forgive herself. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. It was a certainty inside me as solid and tangible as my own desire for her.

In all my life, I have never made a harder decision. I wanted her. I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything in my life. And I knew that if I took her, I would never be the same. I would lose that part of my mother that I loved the most.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose. Her hand quivered on my stomach, my cock still spreading her labia, the head just inside her. I could feel the heat and moisture of her pussy beckoning to me. It was a siren song that I didn’t want to resist.

I was suddenly conscious of the rain on the cabin roof and the feeling of the cool, humid air around me. I concentrated on the texture of the sheets beneath my knees, the smooth skin of her thighs, spread before me.

My mind returned to thoughts of her, and I savored the few thrusts during which I’d been buried within her. The feeling was palpable; it was so real that it hurt to think of giving it up. I drew another breath, my eyes still clamped shut.

I wanted her, regardless of the consequences.

With a sigh, I made my decision.

I moved my hips, and with an inaudible groan, I sat back, my cock slipping free of the steamy confines of her pussy.

As I sat back, her hand fell from my abdomen and she drew a deep, shuddering breath. I slumped forward, my head bowed, disappointed and, in some small way, proud of myself. I knew I’d made the right choice. But I didn’t have to like it. I closed my eyes and felt the cool air bathe my heated erection.

I heard her moving, a rustling of the sheets, but I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was reliving the feeling of being inside her, relishing every nuance as I recalled slipping into her pussy.

With a start, I felt her hands on my erection. I opened my eyes to find her sitting up and looking at me, her own eyes glittering with unshed tears. She gifted me with a smile full of gratitude and love. I smiled glumly in reply. I didn’t want to be happy. Even with her hands gently massaging my penis, I didn’t want to be happy. Especially with her hands massaging my penis.

“Paul?”

I looked up, reluctantly, and met her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said softly, her voice thick with emotion.

I smiled thinly and looked down. I wasn’t looking at anything in particular, I just didn’t want to look at her face, or her naked body. Her legs were still spread before me, and I let my eyes become unfocused, her body turned into a blur.

“Paul?”

I looked up again.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” she said slowly. “You know I love you.” Her face clearly showed how desperately she wanted me to believe her. “We just can’t have sex.”

I shrugged and nodded.

“If you want,” she said, holding my eyes with her own, “we can do anything else. Anything you want. I won’t say no to you. Not tonight.”

“Except...”

She nodded. “Except for that.”

I smiled bleakly.

“Would you like that?”

I could clearly tell that she was trying to make me happy, and I felt guilty for hurting her. For I saw what my unhappiness was doing to her, and I felt sick inside for doing it. Yet I was unable to stop myself. I pasted on my best “I’m happy” smile and nodded, empty inside.