Chapter 2

“People keep telling me it’s bad for my health,
cause kicking back don’t make it.
Out of control, I play the ultimate role.
Don’t know how to fake it.”

-Ozzy Osbourne, “Hellraiser“

The pizza boy came to the door. It was his last delivery of the night. He knocked on it and waited for an answer. When the door opened, he stood staring at the gorgeous blonde wearing the sheer nightie who answered.

“Pizza, ma’am.” He said nervously.

The woman licked her lips slowly and deliberately. The pizza boy thought nothing of it. She was obviously hungry and had been waiting for some time.

“Oh, yes.” She answered breathily. “Won’t you come in? My purse is on the coffee table.”

It seemed safe enough, so he followed her in. The house looked quite familiar but he thought nothing of it.

“So, you’ve brought that extra thick sausage I ordered?” The woman asked him.

“Hot and ready for you, ma’am.” He replied eagerly. He thought he heard the sound of giggling from somewhere but ignored it.

The blonde reached into her purse as he slid the pizza out of the warmer and set it on the coffee table. She looked him up and down while she counted out the money.

“Oh dear!” She exclaimed as she stepped in closer. “It appears that I don’t have anything for a tip.”

“That’s all right, ma’am.” He replied, stepping in to take the money and look into her eyes. “Giving you what you need it is all the reward I require.”

This time, for a second, he thought he heard raucous laughter coming from one of the other couches in the room, but when he looked, there was nothing. He forgot about it.

“Nonsense,” she said. “You came all this way to deliver what I need. It’s only right that you should be properly thanked.”

The customer played with the buttons on his delivery jacket before suddenly yanking all the snaps open.

“Oh dear.” She gasped. “I’ve snapped open all the snaps on your jacket. You can’t leave now!”

“You’re right,” the Pizza Boy agreed. “I’d be out of uniform.”

He was almost certain he’d heard laughter at that but immediately dismissed it. She looked into his eyes with a predatory grin.

“It looks like you’re stuck here.” The Customer said to him. He felt her hand cup the bulge in his jeans. “I guess you’ll just have to stay and make sure the customer is satisfied.”

She slid to her knees and unzipped his pants.

“Well, ma’am.” He said as she took him in her mouth. “We are here to please.”

“This is fucking inspired.” Helen said to Susan as they watched and laughed on one of the couches. “Using The Thing to make them BELIEVE they’re porn characters. You have a LOT of good ideas, Susan!”

“It’s almost a defining characteristic.” Susan said, winking imperceptibly at no one present.

The two of them looked over at Brenda. She sat on the other end of the couch, watching the action. The evening was young, so thus far, she’d only been commanded to tease herself as she viewed. She moaned her approval of the scene.

“And,” Helen said with a smooch. “You’ve found a most receptive audience.”

“Audience for now.” Susan smooched before turning back to Troy & Julie’s scene. “We’re on next.”

Helen looked nervous about that.

“What are we going to do?”

“Well,” Susan answered. “This is Troy’s day. What do you think he’d want?”

She thought a moment, then had it.

Agent Troy Equals crept into the villain’s lair. The ninjas outside had been no problem and he hadn’t seen any internal guards yet, but that didn’t mean he was in the clear. He stopped at the edge of the dining room. His entrance had been too easy, and it was still looking too easy.

Equals surveyed the room beyond. To all appearances, an ordinary living room in an ordinary house in an ordinary neighborhood. He knew better, though. That he’d found the hidden sanctum of a deadly villain with a fiendish plot. It was then that he noticed the thin red beam of light at ankle level. Suddenly, the room was full of them. Carefully, he made his way through the lasers to reach the locked door. He took a piece of coat hanger out of his pocket and stealthily unlocked the internal door.

He padded carefully into the darkened bedroom. Darkened except for the sight of a woman strapped into the bed with handcuffs. He approached her and began to work on the cuffs. The gagged woman shook her head and tried to warn him.

“It’s going to be ok, Vagina Fantastico. I’m here to rescue you.”

A voice from the darkness made itself heard.

“And who is going to rescue you, Mr. Equals?”

He turned as the lamp switched on. He KNEW this had been too easy! He saw the woman with the lightly-singed hair to whom the voice belonged sitting nude on a chaise lounge.

“THUNDERPUSSY!” He exclaimed.

“Indeed, Mr. Equals. And may I say that you’ve stumbled into my trap beautifully. I trust you remember my henchwoman, Connie Lingus.”

With that, a karate chop struck him in the back of the neck, and he dropped to the floor. The last thing he saw before passing out was a third woman standing over him, another karate chop at the ready.

Troy came to on the bed. He was now the one handcuffed to it.

“Now, Mr. Equals,” Thunderpussy said, standing over him. “If you really want the shutdown code to stop my Doomsday Beam from sending the moon crashing down onto the planet, there’s only one way you’ll get it.”

Julie’s voice came from somewhere distant, as if she were speaking through a cardboard tube.

“Sixty minutes until Doomsday Beam activation.”

Thunderpussy looked down at him; Connie and Vagina crawling up on either side of her.

“The only way to get the code and save the world, Mr. Equals, is to satisfy the three of us in time.”

Troy swallowed as she mounted him and he prepared for the most dangerous assignment of his life.

At the end of the night, four of them sat on the couches in the living room. Brenda knelt in mindless bliss next to Helen. They then brought her out of it because although they liked fulfilling her fetish; in practice, it would have made for a creepy evening. Briefly checking the morning news confirmed that the slightly-singed look had caught on with the newscasters.

“I knew that was going to be fun.” Troy said with a drink. “But this is fun and amazing.”

“It didn’t all go to plan.” Susan said, sharing a cup of cocoa with Helen. “Maybe if I’d thought to buy a cop costume instead of going with cosplay stuff we had around.”

The scene had been a noisy cheerleader sleepover that would then be interrupted by a cop whom the girls would seduce. Unfortunately, the closest thing they had on hand was a Judge Dredd costume and interrupting the lesbian orgy with “I AM THE LAW” took everyone out of it.

“Speaking of plans, Master,” Julie asked. “What’s the plan for Monday?”